DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

14

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie’s Sheer Maternity Top of the Day

Here are some pictures of a pregnant Nicole Richie wearing a sheer to to show off her new gut and to remind how much of a slut she was to get in this situation in the first place….I have mixed emotions about pregnant chicks dressing like sluts.

I remember a time when being pregnant meant wearing these big housecoat style dresses that looked more like aprons you’d see the housekeeping crew at a shitty charge by the hour motel than what you’d want your wife to wear. Even thought when your wife is carrying your child you don’t always want her on all fours rockin’ thongs that make you nervous about your future babies life, unless of course you got manipulated into this whole mess by a crazy girl with a sewing needle and your box of condoms, but I doubt that because no one would want to be locked to you for life. But that’s not the point.

The point is that the housecoat maternity wear is definitely not the hottest thing for a woman to wear, even though the immigrant housekeeping staff at a charge by the hour motel usually offers full service, but it is a little more conservative and respectable and allows the world to know that the girl has given up on the party life and is ready to strap the fuck down and be serious.

I guess Nicole Richie, being a rich girl who never had to have any real level of responsibility and who was loose enough in the motherfucking hips, or at least loose enough to not use a condom with some scumbag from some shitty band that would have been better off if their tour bus accidentally drove off of bridge leaving dudes writing hand mangled and his voicebox ripped out…proves that old habits die hard and in about 10 years she’ll be showing her baby girl the best way to smoke heroin.

I am not even going to bother mentioning Mischa Barton in all this, because she’s out of work, not pregnant and not hot enough to bother with today.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie May Be Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie Hiding Her Rat Face From The Camera
Nicole Richie Bikini Throwback

2007

14

Aug

I am – Nicole Richie's Sheer Maternity Top of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of a pregnant Nicole Richie wearing a sheer to to show off her new gut and to remind how much of a slut she was to get in this situation in the first place….I have mixed emotions about pregnant chicks dressing like sluts.

I remember a time when being pregnant meant wearing these big housecoat style dresses that looked more like aprons you’d see the housekeeping crew at a shitty charge by the hour motel than what you’d want your wife to wear. Even thought when your wife is carrying your child you don’t always want her on all fours rockin’ thongs that make you nervous about your future babies life, unless of course you got manipulated into this whole mess by a crazy girl with a sewing needle and your box of condoms, but I doubt that because no one would want to be locked to you for life. But that’s not the point.

The point is that the housecoat maternity wear is definitely not the hottest thing for a woman to wear, even though the immigrant housekeeping staff at a charge by the hour motel usually offers full service, but it is a little more conservative and respectable and allows the world to know that the girl has given up on the party life and is ready to strap the fuck down and be serious.

I guess Nicole Richie, being a rich girl who never had to have any real level of responsibility and who was loose enough in the motherfucking hips, or at least loose enough to not use a condom with some scumbag from some shitty band that would have been better off if their tour bus accidentally drove off of bridge leaving dudes writing hand mangled and his voicebox ripped out…proves that old habits die hard and in about 10 years she’ll be showing her baby girl the best way to smoke heroin.

I am not even going to bother mentioning Mischa Barton in all this, because she’s out of work, not pregnant and not hot enough to bother with today.

Related Posts:

Nicole Richie May Be Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie is Pregnant of the Day
Nicole Richie Hiding Her Rat Face From The Camera
Nicole Richie Bikini Throwback

2007

14

Aug

I am – Lohan is Named the Maxim 10th Anniversary Cover Girl for September Sneak Peak of the Day

7 Comments »

So it turns out that the people at Maxim are into the same kind of women as me. You know, barely legal, addicted to drugs, with panties that are filled with money, herpes, men’s cock and a vagina that is always ready to have a good time. She is a pornstar without showing penetration on video, although after watching every single one of her movies I’ve felt totally prison raped, she’s Lohan and when I was away, she was put away. So seeing her grace the pages of a magazine in picture and in interview is a nice welcome home to me.

I have realized that I will never get to hang out with Lohan by the pool drinking cocktails. She will probably either be dead or committed and even if she had maintained her life livin’ the dream, she’d never take the time out for me. I have been trying to stalk her for about 2 years, I thought I found her on facebook, myspace, AIM, Google Talk. I had her phone number and would call her and never get an answer, so I guess I am forced to accept defeat and move on. It is going to be hard, goodbyes are never easy, especially when you’re not leaving by choice. I guess what it comes down to is that Lohan is done to me, but her tits will always have a place on this site when no one else wants to let her in off the street for a shower and a warm meal….

I was just outside and saw two girls thuggin’ it out. They were rehearsing some rap song while shopping for groceries with their mom. They were saying shit about a girl they had bagged who was five foot six and really knew how to suck some dick and I found the whole thing pretty awkward because the younger one’s dance move was simulating giving a blowjob. I blame them for my slow start to the day…and I blame the Disney Channel for giving them such shitty idols. Cuddles.

If You Want to see all the pictures and read the interview because I was too Lazy to Upload Them…
GO

2007

13

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

6 Comments »

I have been having stupid computer problems – which was expected because I am not good at this whole computer thing. I posted the same paragraph more than once in a post and I am feeling so embarrassed by my unprofessionalism.

I was looking at other sites today and realized they are all quite a bit nicer than mine. I guess I am not too upset about that because I have been dealing with seeing guys with hotter wives than me for way too many years, you get used to it when you stop giving a shit about things.

In an unrelated story, I guess the highlight of my day was seeing a 90 pound stripper I recognized from the strip club I got to with her tits busting out of her shirt and she pushed her baby’s stroller down the sidewalk….Look at me breaking stories like I was Perez Hilton. If people actually gave a fuck about this whore, I’d be a money makin’ sleuth like that fat Kelly Clarkson lookin’ homo….

That Said…Here are my links….

Movie Nerds Who Get Laid….
GO

Hot Lesbian Slut Wet and Wild On an Expensive Lesbian Boat
GO

Some Bitch Named Jane Alexander Showing Off Her Floppy Tits
GO

Who Would You Rather Do – High School Musical Edition
GO

A Little High School Musical Sluts in Workout Clothes…
GO

Charlize Theron Getting Hot and Bothered on the Set
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

The Melrose Place Picture Place that Creeps Me Out…
GO

Paris Hilton Floating in the Ocean Because the Salt Water is Good For Her Herpes…
GO

Some Weird New TV Show
GO

Naked Courtney Love for a Some Magazine
GO

Lars and the Real Girl Movie I Shoulda Written Because I’ve Been Joking About This Shit For Years
GO

People Having Sex at the Alamo – NSFW
GO

Pornstars Boxing
GO

Are Kelly Pickler’s Tits Real? The Video
GO

Some Crazy Bitch Who is Deathly Scared of Clowns – Confronting a Clown….
GO

Keira Knightley Strips for Chanel Ad
GO

Some Slut Plays With Her Big Tits…
GO

An Amazing Lookin’ Good Sweetheart from Photobucket that You Need to Experience….
GO

A Whole Lot of Amateur Girls Posing and Shit Naked….
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Here are a whole lot of dirty movies for you to love…
GO

Spike TV’s Sexiest Bartender
GO

Selma Blair’s Massive Tits in That John Waters Sex Addict Movie
GO

Some Girl Talking Dirty While Doing Household Chores…I Don’t Fully Get It…
GO

Some Amateur Chick Posing in Front of the Fan
GO

Hot Japanese Erotic Massage
GO

Reese Witherspoon Running In Her Stupid Tight Pants
GO

Some Whore Named Bree Olsen Naked
GO

These Guys Pick Up Chicks By Licking Them…
GO

Some Girl Shopping Topless
GO

Columbia Drug Trafficers Havin’ a Crazy Party That You Wish You Were Invited To….
GO

Mischa Barton Posing for a Photoshoot Video
GO

Some Dude Lands On His Face When Trying to Do a Backflip….
GO

Britney Almost Pussy Slip
GO

Four Handed Guitar Playing….
GO

Kristin Kreuk Pictures….
GO

Girl Opens a Bottle of Beer With Her Tits
GO

Did You See These Lohan Bikini and Angle Bracelet Pics?
GO

Some Hot Work Out Video Set to Gabber
GO

Some Leopard Goes Fuckin’ Nuts on a Dude in His Car…
GO

Kate Hudson bikini pictures
GO

Britney Spears is addicted to cancer medication
GO

Fergie may be ugly, but she’s got Seoul
GO

Charlize Theron cleavage pictures
GO

Matthew Perry checks out some old lady’s tits
GO

Amazing Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

David Lynch’s “Clean Up New York” PSA
GO

Use This To Get Yourself A Little Bit of Cunt because it will Make you a Better Person…
GO

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

13

Aug

I am – Hayden Panettiere in Some Short Skirt of the Day

7 Comments »

The other day I was walking down the street and saw 2 young girls walking with their mother. They were probably around 15 years old and one of them was wearing a low cut shirt with these massive genetically modified milk titties busting out of it while the other one was wearing the shortest fucking shorts I’ve seen on a girl in a longtime. Her full ass cheeks were hanging out of the bottom and I could tell that these were girls who lost their virginity at 10 and had their first abortion by 12. I am not going to say that I found them hot because I didn’t, I was just fascinated by the fact that their mother allowed this to go down and they weren’t from a trashy family, they looked like they were upper middle class and they were carrying shopping bags from relatively expensive stores and rockin’ expensive watches and shoes.

I am assuming that the mother was just one of those bored housewives who had lost her youth when she got married and is trying to reclaim that shit through her kids who she refuses to discipline because it would make her look uncool to them. She’s one of those best friend mothers who takes her daughter to get her first set of birth control pills, her first AIDS test, who scores her first bag of weed and smokes it with her, who demonstrates how to give a proper blowjob so all the boys like you kind of mom and I guess there’s nothing really wrong with that.

There is however, something wrong with Hayden Panettiere and I can’t put my finger on it. I am thinking it’s the fact that she looks like a stalky midget or some kind of weird bobble head you buy at the dollar store that was made in China and has a high lead count in it poisoning all of us to think she’s a cunt we’d like to slam. I wonder if it’s illegal to say that about someone under 18. I guess I’ll just leave it in and see if the Christian Groups come knocking, but I have a feeling they won’t considering they’ve been molesting pre-pubescents since around the time Jesus started the whole thing…..Cuddles.

Related Posts:
Hayden Panettiere Eating of the Day
Hayden Panettiere Picking Her Wedgie Then Lickin’ Her Hand of the Day
Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures of the Day
Hayden Panettiere Lickin’ Ass of the Day

2007

13

Aug

I am – Homeless Man Drinking a Diet Coke of the Day

5 Comments »

Money may not buy you happiness but it does buy you everything else. I am not really one who would know this first hand because I am pretty much a hurtbag who is living off the dream of making enough money to get me a car and maybe even a house and maybe even enough money to travel the world and being able to impress girls enough to make them want to shower for me while I sit in the corner and observe by buying them drinks or inviting them back to my pool or hot tub for naked hot tub parties but in the meantime I will sit here on my computer smelling my wife’s gas from the other room slowly work it’s way into this room realizing that although I can’t escape this hell I’ve been sentenced to, I am still going to do the best I can to be a decent person.

I saw 3 homeless dudes on the street today. One was a well dressed older man who was calmly asking for change, the other was a street punk who probably had some kind of addiction proven by his face tattoos, I see him around a lot and everyday he seems to be getting fatter so I can only assume that his business is doing well for him and the last dude I saw was a fat Jewish guy with what looked like a Rolex who constantly asks me for a quarter for a coffee.

I dug into my pockets for the old guy and gave him 2 dollars because he looked like he was going to spend the money on booze and I feel a connection to bums who drink. I don’t care for jeweled up jews who are too cheap to tap into their Bar Mitzvah money and I stay away from dudes with face tattoos because they scare me. Reality is that I am in no position to give any money away to anyone, but I do it anyway in hopes of giving him the means to get drunk because he probably needs it.

This homeless dude was caught drinking diet coke is a light weight, dude doesn’t even go for the caffeinated original one because he’s watching his weight or he’s a diabetic or something but whatever he is, he’s not getting drunk and that’s why I didn’t give him money, instead I gave him internet fame for being a Jewish Mother. I hope he doesn’t sleep in and miss his Yoga class. Motherfucker.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

13

Aug

I am – Britney Spears’ See-Through Nips of the Day

8 Comments »

I went home with some British consultant on Saturday night after getting shot down by this other fella that works for an expensive car company. I spent most of my night working on “Car Co.” He bought me several drinks, but obviously didn’t understand the consequences of getting a girl drunk. Liquor + me = SlutFest 2007. I kept trying to kiss him, he kept pulling away. Either he was gay or had a girlfriend or was bad at business, like he invested money then didn’t follow through? This ex-hooker doesn’t get it.

I don’t remember him leaving, but I remember moving on to a British guy who was hot in a bulldog way, and I have a soft spot for UK accents. This Brit had a fancy place and a tiny penis. We fucked for what felt like an hour until he unleashed his ass fixation. Now I hate anal because it hurts like a bitch and unnecessary if you’re in to chicks, but I wanted to sleep in a room with AC and a comfortable bed. Judge me, I don’t give a fuck, I used to be a hooker.

Here is Britney Spears and her nipples looking like the kind of girl that would take it up the ass for a popsicle, and she’d probably buy the popsicle herself. I think it’s safe to say she probably has to purchase her lovers these days, you can see it in her sad dead eyes and sagging tits. So you can dump your internet girlfriend and quit your job at the 7/11 because your chances of nailing her and retiring early just went up.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Goes Out in a Bra
Britney Spears Swims Topless
Britney Spears Squatting in Public

2007

13

Aug

I am – Britney Spears' See-Through Nips of the Day

No Comments »

I went home with some British consultant on Saturday night after getting shot down by this other fella that works for an expensive car company. I spent most of my night working on “Car Co.” He bought me several drinks, but obviously didn’t understand the consequences of getting a girl drunk. Liquor + me = SlutFest 2007. I kept trying to kiss him, he kept pulling away. Either he was gay or had a girlfriend or was bad at business, like he invested money then didn’t follow through? This ex-hooker doesn’t get it.

I don’t remember him leaving, but I remember moving on to a British guy who was hot in a bulldog way, and I have a soft spot for UK accents. This Brit had a fancy place and a tiny penis. We fucked for what felt like an hour until he unleashed his ass fixation. Now I hate anal because it hurts like a bitch and unnecessary if you’re in to chicks, but I wanted to sleep in a room with AC and a comfortable bed. Judge me, I don’t give a fuck, I used to be a hooker.

Here is Britney Spears and her nipples looking like the kind of girl that would take it up the ass for a popsicle, and she’d probably buy the popsicle herself. I think it’s safe to say she probably has to purchase her lovers these days, you can see it in her sad dead eyes and sagging tits. So you can dump your internet girlfriend and quit your job at the 7/11 because your chances of nailing her and retiring early just went up.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Goes Out in a Bra
Britney Spears Swims Topless
Britney Spears Squatting in Public

2007

13

Aug

I am – Carmen Electra Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know how she does it, but she’s been tight bodied and worth fucking for pretty much all my life it seems. I think she hit in the mid-90s and has consistently brought her tits out with her since then and she’s still worth fucking and that’s some kind of miracle. Most of the hot chicks I knew in the 90s got married, let themselves go and are fat and boring with kids now. It’s like Carmen Electra has defied all the odds she had up against her and should be acknowledged for that shit because based on these pictures, she’s still got it going on and hardly looks 40 or however old she is. I guess all you ex-hot chicks who read this site and let themselves go after their first kid are trying to justify it by saying her tits are her job or the only way she makes her money or whatever and if she was at home taking care of her household she wouldn’t be as good as she is, but I think that’s just your jealousy speaking because I am convinced she is hotter than most 20 year old college coeds who let the football team gangbang them and that’s saying a lot.

I was bored last night because being back home means listening to my wife talk, so I locked myself in the bathroom with my computer and filled out the personality test on one of those online dating sites. I was going through the questions as honestly as possible and I was doing it partially out of curiosity and partially out of planning for my future after the wife has her massive heart attack for being too fat to put on her own shoes….Either way after answering all the questions, I looked for personality matches on their network of millions and I got no matches. Not one bitch on this site is even a partial match to me. I guess the site was either telling me to give up trying and that I will die alone or that I have a flawed personality, I guess the good news is that these pictures of Carmen Electra can’t say no to my flawed personality. Cuddles.

Related Posts:
Carmen Electra Doing Hot Stretches
Carmen Electra’s Nipples are Hard
Carmen Electra Helps the Homeless
Carmen Electra is Hot and Walking

2007

13

Aug

I am – Elisha Cuthbert’s Bikini Hides Behind the Camera Where She Belongs of the Day

10 Comments »

I knew a guy who used to bang Elisha Cuthbert before she was really famous. I am not trying to imply that she is good at what she does or that having what was pretty much a cameo appearance on 24 and 2 shitty movies no one saw under her belt makes her famous, but she is more famous than me.

Anyway, this dude knew her in her transition from a shitty Canadian kids show and her move to LA and I think they may have been still together when she was working her first job before she really made it. It was when she was insecure and had low self esteem. He told me that she used to suck his dick whenever he wanted, she would drag her teeth a little but always took his load on her face. She was constantly calling him and trying to see him, she was totally obsessed with him and he wore the pants and was the boss. When he didn’t want to see her, he wouldn’t answer, when he did want to see her, she’d drop everything she was doing to spend time with him, he pretty much owned her.

The second bitch moved to LA the tables turned. She got flooded with confidence. She was in her head better than all the kids she went to high school with. She was going to make it and leave her past behind. When she’d come visit, she’s be sure to drive by their houses in her luxury cars, wearing her designer clothes and obnoxiously wave but never give them the time of day, because she was over them….

Anyway, he’d call her and she wouldn’t answer. He went down to stay with her in the first month and she would come in late while he was there on her couch waiting, he became the bitch and when he went back to Canada, she never spoke to him again.

Who knows if the dude is telling the truth or not, I do know that I think Elisha Cuthbert is a waste of space, here she is at Paris Hilton’s party in Malibu wearing some stupid pants to cover her fat thighs and cellulite because it’s hard to get a job being the token hot chick when the world knows you’ve been eating too many donuts. Cunt.

Either way, I think bitch should start getting used to being behind the camera because at the rate things are going, it may end up being the only place she’ll be allowed on set….