DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

13

Aug

I am – Britney Spears’ See-Through Nips of the Day

I went home with some British consultant on Saturday night after getting shot down by this other fella that works for an expensive car company. I spent most of my night working on “Car Co.” He bought me several drinks, but obviously didn’t understand the consequences of getting a girl drunk. Liquor + me = SlutFest 2007. I kept trying to kiss him, he kept pulling away. Either he was gay or had a girlfriend or was bad at business, like he invested money then didn’t follow through? This ex-hooker doesn’t get it.

I don’t remember him leaving, but I remember moving on to a British guy who was hot in a bulldog way, and I have a soft spot for UK accents. This Brit had a fancy place and a tiny penis. We fucked for what felt like an hour until he unleashed his ass fixation. Now I hate anal because it hurts like a bitch and unnecessary if you’re in to chicks, but I wanted to sleep in a room with AC and a comfortable bed. Judge me, I don’t give a fuck, I used to be a hooker.

Here is Britney Spears and her nipples looking like the kind of girl that would take it up the ass for a popsicle, and she’d probably buy the popsicle herself. I think it’s safe to say she probably has to purchase her lovers these days, you can see it in her sad dead eyes and sagging tits. So you can dump your internet girlfriend and quit your job at the 7/11 because your chances of nailing her and retiring early just went up.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Goes Out in a Bra
Britney Spears Swims Topless
Britney Spears Squatting in Public

2007

13

Aug

I am – Britney Spears' See-Through Nips of the Day

No Comments »

I went home with some British consultant on Saturday night after getting shot down by this other fella that works for an expensive car company. I spent most of my night working on “Car Co.” He bought me several drinks, but obviously didn’t understand the consequences of getting a girl drunk. Liquor + me = SlutFest 2007. I kept trying to kiss him, he kept pulling away. Either he was gay or had a girlfriend or was bad at business, like he invested money then didn’t follow through? This ex-hooker doesn’t get it.

I don’t remember him leaving, but I remember moving on to a British guy who was hot in a bulldog way, and I have a soft spot for UK accents. This Brit had a fancy place and a tiny penis. We fucked for what felt like an hour until he unleashed his ass fixation. Now I hate anal because it hurts like a bitch and unnecessary if you’re in to chicks, but I wanted to sleep in a room with AC and a comfortable bed. Judge me, I don’t give a fuck, I used to be a hooker.

Here is Britney Spears and her nipples looking like the kind of girl that would take it up the ass for a popsicle, and she’d probably buy the popsicle herself. I think it’s safe to say she probably has to purchase her lovers these days, you can see it in her sad dead eyes and sagging tits. So you can dump your internet girlfriend and quit your job at the 7/11 because your chances of nailing her and retiring early just went up.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Goes Out in a Bra
Britney Spears Swims Topless
Britney Spears Squatting in Public

2007

13

Aug

I am – Carmen Electra Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know how she does it, but she’s been tight bodied and worth fucking for pretty much all my life it seems. I think she hit in the mid-90s and has consistently brought her tits out with her since then and she’s still worth fucking and that’s some kind of miracle. Most of the hot chicks I knew in the 90s got married, let themselves go and are fat and boring with kids now. It’s like Carmen Electra has defied all the odds she had up against her and should be acknowledged for that shit because based on these pictures, she’s still got it going on and hardly looks 40 or however old she is. I guess all you ex-hot chicks who read this site and let themselves go after their first kid are trying to justify it by saying her tits are her job or the only way she makes her money or whatever and if she was at home taking care of her household she wouldn’t be as good as she is, but I think that’s just your jealousy speaking because I am convinced she is hotter than most 20 year old college coeds who let the football team gangbang them and that’s saying a lot.

I was bored last night because being back home means listening to my wife talk, so I locked myself in the bathroom with my computer and filled out the personality test on one of those online dating sites. I was going through the questions as honestly as possible and I was doing it partially out of curiosity and partially out of planning for my future after the wife has her massive heart attack for being too fat to put on her own shoes….Either way after answering all the questions, I looked for personality matches on their network of millions and I got no matches. Not one bitch on this site is even a partial match to me. I guess the site was either telling me to give up trying and that I will die alone or that I have a flawed personality, I guess the good news is that these pictures of Carmen Electra can’t say no to my flawed personality. Cuddles.

Related Posts:
Carmen Electra Doing Hot Stretches
Carmen Electra’s Nipples are Hard
Carmen Electra Helps the Homeless
Carmen Electra is Hot and Walking

2007

13

Aug

I am – Elisha Cuthbert’s Bikini Hides Behind the Camera Where She Belongs of the Day

10 Comments »

I knew a guy who used to bang Elisha Cuthbert before she was really famous. I am not trying to imply that she is good at what she does or that having what was pretty much a cameo appearance on 24 and 2 shitty movies no one saw under her belt makes her famous, but she is more famous than me.

Anyway, this dude knew her in her transition from a shitty Canadian kids show and her move to LA and I think they may have been still together when she was working her first job before she really made it. It was when she was insecure and had low self esteem. He told me that she used to suck his dick whenever he wanted, she would drag her teeth a little but always took his load on her face. She was constantly calling him and trying to see him, she was totally obsessed with him and he wore the pants and was the boss. When he didn’t want to see her, he wouldn’t answer, when he did want to see her, she’d drop everything she was doing to spend time with him, he pretty much owned her.

The second bitch moved to LA the tables turned. She got flooded with confidence. She was in her head better than all the kids she went to high school with. She was going to make it and leave her past behind. When she’d come visit, she’s be sure to drive by their houses in her luxury cars, wearing her designer clothes and obnoxiously wave but never give them the time of day, because she was over them….

Anyway, he’d call her and she wouldn’t answer. He went down to stay with her in the first month and she would come in late while he was there on her couch waiting, he became the bitch and when he went back to Canada, she never spoke to him again.

Who knows if the dude is telling the truth or not, I do know that I think Elisha Cuthbert is a waste of space, here she is at Paris Hilton’s party in Malibu wearing some stupid pants to cover her fat thighs and cellulite because it’s hard to get a job being the token hot chick when the world knows you’ve been eating too many donuts. Cunt.

Either way, I think bitch should start getting used to being behind the camera because at the rate things are going, it may end up being the only place she’ll be allowed on set….

Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert Leaves Tanning Salon Lookin’ Pale as Bird Shit
Elisha Cuthbert’s Cigarette is Luckier Than You
Elisha Cuthbert is Fat

Posted in:Bikini|Elisha Cuthbert|See Through Pants|Tits|Unsorted

2007

13

Aug

I am – Elisha Cuthbert's Bikini Hides Behind the Camera Where She Belongs of the Day

No Comments »

I knew a guy who used to bang Elisha Cuthbert before she was really famous. I am not trying to imply that she is good at what she does or that having what was pretty much a cameo appearance on 24 and 2 shitty movies no one saw under her belt makes her famous, but she is more famous than me.

Anyway, this dude knew her in her transition from a shitty Canadian kids show and her move to LA and I think they may have been still together when she was working her first job before she really made it. It was when she was insecure and had low self esteem. He told me that she used to suck his dick whenever he wanted, she would drag her teeth a little but always took his load on her face. She was constantly calling him and trying to see him, she was totally obsessed with him and he wore the pants and was the boss. When he didn’t want to see her, he wouldn’t answer, when he did want to see her, she’d drop everything she was doing to spend time with him, he pretty much owned her.

The second bitch moved to LA the tables turned. She got flooded with confidence. She was in her head better than all the kids she went to high school with. She was going to make it and leave her past behind. When she’d come visit, she’s be sure to drive by their houses in her luxury cars, wearing her designer clothes and obnoxiously wave but never give them the time of day, because she was over them….

Anyway, he’d call her and she wouldn’t answer. He went down to stay with her in the first month and she would come in late while he was there on her couch waiting, he became the bitch and when he went back to Canada, she never spoke to him again.

Who knows if the dude is telling the truth or not, I do know that I think Elisha Cuthbert is a waste of space, here she is at Paris Hilton’s party in Malibu wearing some stupid pants to cover her fat thighs and cellulite because it’s hard to get a job being the token hot chick when the world knows you’ve been eating too many donuts. Cunt.

Either way, I think bitch should start getting used to being behind the camera because at the rate things are going, it may end up being the only place she’ll be allowed on set….

Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert Leaves Tanning Salon Lookin’ Pale as Bird Shit
Elisha Cuthbert’s Cigarette is Luckier Than You
Elisha Cuthbert is Fat

Posted in:Bikini|Elisha Cuthbert|See Through Pants|Tits|Unsorted

2007

12

Aug

I am – The American Influence on China of the Day

7 Comments »

So China is this fucked up place right now that will end up being the biggest power in the World in the next 20 years because there are a lot of people, their cities are modern and convenient and they focus on being the biggest and best and not on whether abortion should be legalized. When someone fucks up in their government, they kill them, they don’t spend millions on lawsuits and I guess there are so many more advantages with the way they work compared to the USA but this isn’t a political blog.

The problem with China is that in it’s quest to be a modern and convenient place, they are copying a lot of American ways, one of those is Fast Food. There are something like 5000 McDonalds in the country with hopes of having 300,000, there are more KFC’s and Pizza Hut is considered Fine Dinning.

Now what happens when McDonalds enters a place where they are accustomed to eating weird shit but more healthy shit…the skinny people turn fat. So when China becomes the biggest power in the world, all their people will be fat and lazy, just like you.

Because let’s face it, some people are Lovin’ it a little too much and by it I mean Big Macs. Cuddles.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

11

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

9 Comments »

I got hacked. Some dude hacked into my site, threw up a pop-up ad and changed the font to be big, which isn’t that big of a deal I guess, since this is probably one of the ugliest websites out there and his unintentional design changes were a bit of an improvement. I guess throwing up the banner was also a pretty good thing too because it’s nice to see someone finally making some money off this shit because I know I am not.

It’s not the first time that I’ve been hacked, a year ago someone hacked into my GMAIL because I called Josie Maran a slut for being pregnant. He never gave the email account back to me and that was a bit of a pain in the ass because it had all kinds of shit I had written over the years that I would just email to myself to save. About a month later someone hacked into this site and it took me a while to get it back up, forcing me to change server companies and shit because it never got quite right. Those people were just assholes trying to fuck with me.

I have a feeling that this guy is just a pro who knows how to make money by doing this shit. I have barely written anything in the last month, so there’s no way he’s out to get me, it was just a random attack.

It seems like things are back to normal for now, or until the hacker reads this and decides to step up his game. I would really rather he didn’t bother because there are much bigger sites that would have a bigger impact if hacked. My site’s like a mom and pop shop being robbed of our little retirement money when Wal Mart’s right around the corner and motherfuckers have more money in each cash register than we’ve got in our safe, if you know what I mean.

Please don’t hack me and if you are just doing it cuz you’re bored, click these links to distract you.

The 50 Best Sex Scenes in Mainstream Movies
GO

Paris Hilton May Be on UK Celebrity Big Brother…
GO

Girl Shows off Her Underwear in the Least Sexy Way Possible
GO

A Balls in Peril Slideshow for You To Laugh At
GO

Bruce Willis is a Pimp With a Young Bitch in a Bikini
GO

Which Celebrity Mom is Hotter?
GO

Shot by Kern Video of an Asian Chick With a Bush Nude Modeling for the Photographer Richard Kern
GO

Mary Kate Olsen in Rags on the Set of Her New Movie
GO

Michelle Branch See Through Shirt…
GO

Jennifer Ellison Music Video
GO

Dude Gets His Chest Hairs Burnt Off VIdeo
GO

Kelly Osborne Show’s Off Her Fat Calves
GO

Amanda Bynes in a Short Skirt For You
GO

Ben Savage Reads Dlisted…No One Reads DrunkenStepfather
GO

Hayden Panettiere Showing Off Her Broad Shoulders and Thick Legs in a Mini Skirt
GO

Jessica Biel Flashing Her Panties – Could Be Old News But I am Still Surprised She Doesn’t have a Dick
GO

In Honor of my Last Hacker….Josie Maran is a Fucking Slut.
GO

So is Amy Alexander from UK Big Brother…
GO

Some Paris Hilton Cleavage to Remind Us Of The Days She Used to Suck Cock and Take Loads on Them in Video
GO

Olivia Munn’s Hot Beef Injection – I Was in Asia So This Could Be Old.
GO

Billy Fucks His Aunt Video – NSFW – But Hysterical
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweethearts
GO

Idiots Blow Up A Canister of Propane…
GO

Hot Chick Named Alena Seredova Topless and Slutty on the Beach
GO

Dude Beats Up an Old Lady
GO

Leonardo Has a New Movie on the Environment. I Believe This Shit is a Good Cause. Watch the Trailer….
GO

Leonardo has an Online Community for His New Movie on the Environment. This is a Good Cause. Join It….
GO

Some Photobucket Chick’s Naked Pics
GO

Some Guys Photobucket Collection of Sluts…
GO

An Amazing Lookin’ Good Sweetheart – Thanks for the Pics
GO

Hot Tits on Video
GO

Deaf Guy Has a Shitty Day
GO

Andy Roddick Grabbing Him Some Mandy Moore…
GO

Charlize Theron Lookin’ Good in Green
GO

Guess The Breasts Game….
GO

Drunk Russian Sex – NSFW
GO

More Drunk Sex – NSFW
GO

Lohan Cleans the Toilet in Rehab
GO

Britney Caught on Tape in a Fender Bender
GO

Debra Messing’s Fat Cellulite Ridden Legs
GO

Huge Fight at a Russian Wedding
GO

Some Dude Talks About Fucking Britney
GO

Tennis Player Kills a Pigeon
GO

Pussy Waxing Video
GO

50 Cent Says “Fuck You” to MTV in this Interview
GO

The Easiest Way To Earn Cash
GO

Use this to get pussy because you need pussy more than you need 20 dollars….
GO

Bonus:

Spiderman, Venon, Batman, Superman and Robin Go to an Abandoned Building for a Photoshoot….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

10

Aug

I am – Bianca Gascoigne Pantyless Upskirt of the Day

2 Comments »

I don’t know who Bianca Gascoigne is but I went into wikipedia to find out that she is the stepdaughter of some famous Footballer and outed him for abusing her mother forcing him to disown her even though his sperm didn’t make her. She was on some reality TV show in the UK and admitted she has breast implants and was scared that her drunken outburst ruined her chances at a career after the show. She is 20 and based on these pictures of her using the shampoo bottle to simulate a cock she’s suckin’ while wearing no panties and showing off some of her blond pubes obviously not too concerned with ruining any career and possibly even considering one in porn. See, I do bring quality information sometimes….

I like drunk girls because drunk girls usually do this kind of thing and finding a sober girl to simulate sex with inanimate objects or to flash her pubic hair is usually a fucking challenge. The other night I was talking to a drunk girl about having sex with vegetables, she told me that she was a pervert and ended up using a cucumber in ways I’ll never know but she did tell me that she ended up waking up in a pool of her own urine….later that night when I tried to convince her to use my beer bottle to simulate that situation for me to witness, she told me that she wasn’t drunk enough. Unfortunately, I don’t have the kind of budget needed to make these kinds of miracles happen, but the internet has a way of letting me witness it for free and that’s why I am here passing this on to you. That’s all I have to say about that.

Related Posts:

I am – Bianca Gasgoigne Lingerie Pics of the Day
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I am – Jade Jagger’s Upskirt of the Day
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I am – Big Brother Vagina Slip of the Day
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2007

10

Aug

I am – Tara Reid as a Bikini Gypsy of the Day

5 Comments »

My community college friend “Shanna” flaked out on me and our friend “StripTease,” who i call StripTease because she will flash you her rack within five minutes of meeting her. Basically Shana’s phone went directly to voice mail which means she was too drunk to charge her cell, dropped it down a toilet, and was choking on her own vomit somewhere. She is in deep shit either way.

StripTease and I gave up and got stoned in her Brooklyn apartment that is directly above a funeral parlor. I swore off weed 3 years ago, but i wanted to be somewhere else without having to drink my way there, and I’ll take what’s given to me. StripTease bought a Chanel purse for 20 bucks off a cokehead who was selling her shit for more coke. StripTease was excited about her new boyfriend’s big dick, but pretty pissed about having to bail her little sister out of jail for shoplifting lip-gloss from a pharmacy. I told her that if her sister wants to rebel properly, she should just start giving $10 blow-jobs off the West Side highway, and the rest will work itself out.

So this is a pretty boring post because i got fucked up instead of fucked last night. But on the train back into the city, a button-nosed little banker passed out and his head landed in my lap. I let the little fucker nuzzle up in my groin because that was about as much play as I had coming. I considered taking his laptop with me at my stop, but I prefer stealing from fat tourists.

Here is Tara Reid being a tourist in Italy, and rolling with a crew of gypsies. I would like to have been a gypsy back in their hey-day like 300 years ago. Riding around in a caravan from place to place, stealing shit, camping out, and drinking. In a way that’s what I did as a hooker, except I road on cocks instead of in Caravans. Have fun busting one to Tara Reid looking more like a Gypsy whore than a botched lypo experiment.

obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hookler, friend of Jesus)

Related Posts

I am – Tara Reid’s Old Man Ass of the Day
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I am – Tara Reid Almost Showing her Disgusting Vagina of the Day
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I am – Tara Reid in a Bikini of the Day
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I am – Tara Reid See Through of the Day
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Posted in:Bikini|Swimming|Tara Reid|Trash|Unsorted

2007

10

Aug

I am – Not Helping Grandma Cross the Street of the Day

4 Comments »

I decided to treat myself to McDonald’s today, because I slept so much, missed dinner, was in Asia and ate the weirdest food of my life and missed the chemical charged anti-vomit fake egg burrito that doesn’t remind me of Mexico as much as it reminds me of eating a bowl of dog shit like I did in High School while trying to impress some chick and later ending up hospitalized from some kind of ecoli infection that almost killed me, but I still like to relive that feeling every once in a while, it makes me feel alive and reminds me how fragile life is. If eating a bowl of shit can kill you, than I am pretty sure a lot of other things can too. But I survived like the cockroach that I am.

While at McDonald’s, some dyke with a Rolex was screaming at the staff about how this is supposed to be fast food and how it’s taking too long and how they should be paying her to eat there and shit, pretty much ruining my fucking glorious day back home after 15 hours of sleep. I was tempted to speak up, tell her to shut the fuck up and threaten to rip her fucking throat out because I realized on my trip that threats of violence get you places when threats of “shut up bitch” just lead to heated arguments that no one has patience for, the goal is to make them think you’re fucking insane, while knowing on the inside that you really aren’t, in efforts to make your day more pleasant.

I don’t think Canada is ready for my Asian “Rip Your Fucking Throat Out” approach and I didn’t want to get arrested again before settling back in here so I just listened to her throw a tantrum for 10 minutes, before my new Black Best Friend told her to shut the fuck up, she turned her broad lesbian shoulders around sized him up and told him that he may think he’s a big man but he’s got a little dick and she ran out of the place to go on with her miserable fucking day. After she left he went on about how she needs to get laid and I told him that she’s just a closet lesbian who is probably married and has kids and can’t handle the pressure of her husband’s dick because ever since her dad or uncle or schoolteacher made her take it up the ass when she was a kid, dick never looked very friendly. I think that threw him off a bit but I am kinda cracked out and felt like I was still dreaming and now I regret not speaking my mind, defending my fellow McDonald’s workers and being the hero of the morning.

I guess that’s how you should feel about not helping this old lady cross the street, because it’s a fucking Miracle she’s alive and the best thing to do to celebrate that miracle is to give her a helping hand, even if you are too self absorbed to even notice her as you walk to work to make your money to buy your expensive things and live the suburban life your parent’s want you to live. Enjoy.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted