I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

19

Jul

I am – Fergie’s Eyebrows of the Day

Fergie

Our token Gay Blogger and my personal friend (only because I’m still clinging to the hope he will come play for our team…I heard he has a big wang) has been kind enough to grace us with another post via email. Clubs! Cocaine! Drag Queens! Read on….

I went to this drag bar last night and I was in the bathroom doing lines with this one performer, Kitty Litter. The funny thing about her is that during rest of the week she is actually a teacher at rather conservative Catholic high school but one night a week she gets all decked out in sequins and lip-syncs to Donna Summer songs for a bunch of screaming queens. If that’s what the teacher is doing, god only knows what the principle of that school does on his Tuesday nights.

So anyways, she and I are in the bathroom and she’s re-applying her makeup, (and of course by re-applying, I mean putting on foundation by the pound and making sure that her glittery hot-pink lipstick hasn’t smeared while she was wiping her nose) and I come to the realization that drag queens have a really fucked up idea of what a woman is. Now, I’m not going to get all fourth wave feminist on you (or whatever the hell wave those dykes are on) but I realized that these queens really have no idea what a woman is.

I know, I know they are supposed to be portraying a parody of a woman but not even the trashiest, whorish, cracked-out slut of woman would be caught dead wearing what these drag queens were wearing. No woman with any shred of self-respect or dignity would ever in a million years look like these drag queens. She would have to be the absolute bottom of the barrel, the most meth addicted piece of shit to even remotely resemble Kitty Litter or any other female impersonator.

Kitty Litter has the same eyebrows as Fergie.

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:Fergie|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Fergie's Eyebrows of the Day

Fergie

Our token Gay Blogger and my personal friend (only because I’m still clinging to the hope he will come play for our team…I heard he has a big wang) has been kind enough to grace us with another post via email. Clubs! Cocaine! Drag Queens! Read on….

I went to this drag bar last night and I was in the bathroom doing lines with this one performer, Kitty Litter. The funny thing about her is that during rest of the week she is actually a teacher at rather conservative Catholic high school but one night a week she gets all decked out in sequins and lip-syncs to Donna Summer songs for a bunch of screaming queens. If that’s what the teacher is doing, god only knows what the principle of that school does on his Tuesday nights.

So anyways, she and I are in the bathroom and she’s re-applying her makeup, (and of course by re-applying, I mean putting on foundation by the pound and making sure that her glittery hot-pink lipstick hasn’t smeared while she was wiping her nose) and I come to the realization that drag queens have a really fucked up idea of what a woman is. Now, I’m not going to get all fourth wave feminist on you (or whatever the hell wave those dykes are on) but I realized that these queens really have no idea what a woman is.

I know, I know they are supposed to be portraying a parody of a woman but not even the trashiest, whorish, cracked-out slut of woman would be caught dead wearing what these drag queens were wearing. No woman with any shred of self-respect or dignity would ever in a million years look like these drag queens. She would have to be the absolute bottom of the barrel, the most meth addicted piece of shit to even remotely resemble Kitty Litter or any other female impersonator.

Kitty Litter has the same eyebrows as Fergie.

Smooch!

Julien


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I am – Fergie’s New Video Panty Scene of the Day
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Posted in:Fergie|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

19

Jul

I am – Britney Spears Being Classy of the Day

Britney Spears

These pictures look incredibly staged and I think this is all a publicity stunt, because this bitch just announced she will now be her own manager and publicist, which is kinda like when a 4 year old tells you he is going to build a rocket and you pat him on the head and laugh at him when he goes to the backyard to try and make one out of cardboard and tinfoil.

I went out with my cousin last night who was here from out of town. She’s the type of girl acts like a fucking prude majority of the time, and then you get a few beers in her and you find her the bathroom with no top on sucking on some dudes cock who bought her one of those shitty flowery shots that stupid girls like to drink. Which really is fine, I mean I’m all for dirty bathroom sex, trust me, but if you’re going to be a topless cocksucker you should just be comfortable with that not fucking use the excuse that you were drunk or whatever, because that’s such a cop out.

I wish she would just admit it, and have fun with it, but she’s the type of girl who doesn’t realize that being a whore (in the figurative sense) doesn’t mean you’re a dirt bag, it just means you like to fuck. And there’s nothing wrong with fucking. The sooner girls get comfortable with just fucking men, like men do women, then the sooner this god damn gap that is between the two sexes is going to close and that’s when the real fun is going to start. I’m comfortable with a fucking a few different guys and I’m comfortable with talking about it, and other girls should be too, because guys do it all the fucking time.

My cousin went home with the dude, after her bought her a few more drinks of course, and I’m sure today she will come in with some story about how she was “sooooo wasted� and she “never does that type of thing.�

That’s why I gotta hand it to Britney. For years she tried to play the good girl, telling us she was a virgin and like she was this real stand-up gal, but now she’s just kinda like fuck you, I’m gonna swim in my underwear, drive with my baby on my lap and change diapers on restaurant tables. She finally accepted she’s white trash and is just rolling with it. You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl….

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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2007

18

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

stepLINK July 18/07

Okay so I know yesterday after we had that video of the homeless dude and his dog and I was saying I felt bad cause I rag on homeless people a lot on here and shit, but I take it all back and whether I’m going to hell or not I really don’t give a shit because I hate most homeless people I decided today.

There’s been a lot of what I like to call “tourist bums� hanging out in my hood lately. Tourist bums are guys that aren’t from the neighborhood, but come to set up shop cause it’s a nice cushy spot to panhandle and our park benches are more comfortable then other places in the city, much like when a whore has a specific track she’ll walk in the city.

The thing about tourist bums is that they don’t know you, and that’s when the problem’s start. These guys will follow you down the street instead of just taking the hint. They don’t ask you to spare some change, they ask you to go buy them fuckking a beer from the store or a slice of pizza. I mean man, I’ll give people a hand out if I got it, I’m not that big of a bitch, but a fucking beer? What happened to asking for a quarter? They also have a better tan then I do, because they sit in the park all day, while I am inside on my computer writing for all 4 of you.

The bums in my neighborhood know that when I walk by them and don’t acknowledge them, it’s because A) I don’t have any money or B) I’m in a rush and don’t have time to stop. Either way, they know I will most probably throw them a nickel next time, so they leave me the fuck alone and move on to the next person. Tourist bums, take the hint. Even tho you are a bum….and don’t have internet….and therefore will not read this…Fuck.

You get your links early today, cause I have some family stuff to take care of.


Some idiot attempts 3 backflips
GO

Pete Doherty leaves rehab after one day.
GO

Britney Spears = Still Insane
GO

Japanese TV has done it again
GO

Finally! A cock smaller then yours is!
GO

Deep inside Nene Blue
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Some afternoon T&A
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Leeann Tweedan photoshoot
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Sadie Frost kind of see-through shirt but not really.
GO

Catherine Bell lookin’ sexy
GO

Sports dude are losers.
GO

Hilary Swank has amazing legs
GO

This guy does magic
GO

More crazy shit from Japan
GO

Rachel Ray is a fat, manly, slob
GO

For anyone interested in fashion
GO

Sweet thongs of summer
GO

Emily Booth topless
GO

Floors so clean you can eat your wife
GO

Dave Chapelle was in hospital for “exhaustion�
GO

Jordan gives her daughter a stripper name
GO

Beckham is a bench warmer
GO

Outhouse prank
GO

Tommy Lee is fucking Kimberly Stewart
GO

How to make an angry american
GO

News anchor laughing at model who fell
GO

Supermarket catfight
GO

Motorcycle wheelie gone wrong
GO

TMZ photographer beaten by CSI star
GO

How to steal a car
GO

Christopher Walken is homeless
GO

Nicole Richie = Whos the daddy
GO

Fake Spice Girls reunite. Wow, just, wow.
GO

Naomi Watts Preggers
GO

Russian Hobosex Part 2 (NSFW)
GO

More details on the Benoit Murders
GO

Spoof of the Wii Fit
GO

Dead bird cereal prank
GO

Hilary Duff pictorial
GO

Britney slaps her Mom
GO

Kelly Clarkson looks good when she is Photoshopped
GO

Large Breasts
GO

Kirstie Alley is fat again. I am shocked. SHOCKED!
GO

Pete Wentz is a wimp
GO

Hairspray comes out this Friday. Go see another shitty remake of a Hollywood classic.
GO

Tammy Faye Baker weighs 65pbs. Ew.
GO

Find sex is your hometown
GO

Get Laid
GO

Email links and loveletters to stepdaughter[at]drunkenstepfather.com

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – Folk Park Dancing of the Day

Normal people scare the shit out of me for the most part, simply because they’re lives are dull and boring, and on a daily basis I get into enough shit that would most of them have a fucking heart attack. Anyone who knows me knows that I know how to have fun. However, if this video ever becomes my version of fun, I will shoot myself in the fucking head.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – Pam Anderson Short Dress of the Day

Pam Anderson Walking

My friend is trying to look for a roommate in this big 3 bedroom apartment he has in a great area of the city. Only problem being that him and the other guy he lives with live in complete and utter filth and argue with each other about which one is responsible for it and talk behind each other back blaming the other one. It’s actually pretty fucking funny to listen to two people so in denial in regards to their own living habits.

I had to listen to one of them bitch last night about it, because apparently they are having trouble finding a roommate because of it, and I guess the thought never occurred to either of them tat maybe if they took out the garbage and got rid of the smell of cat piss, they may get some takers. Our house is a piece of shit, but for the most, it’s clean, you know?

I never understood and still don’t understand people that are fucking dirty and live in filth, and I don’t mean homeless people, I mean normal people with jobs, a place to live and functioning lives. The other day I was walking to get breakfast with my friend and we were walking behind this old dude and I had to stop and let him get about 20 feet ahead of us because the wind was blowing in our direction and all I could smell was fucking piss from the jeans or whatever the fuck he was wearing.

This all had a point and was somehow going to link back to Pam Anderson, but now I can’t stop thinking about that guy and feel like I’m going to yak, so photos is all you get. Hugs and Kisses.


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2007

18

Jul

I am – Bar Rafaeli in Wifebeater of the Day

Bar Rafaeli

Since I have been drinking pretty heavily (expensive) lately, my lunch break consists of walking around for 30 minutes and maybe stealing ketchup packets from a Deli. Yesterday I decided to bum a smoke off some suit outside Starbucks, and was enjoying the buzz when this borderline-obese dogwalker yells at me, “Disgusting!” Now I am rarely called disgusting in broad daylight (and mostly only the internet). Well, yeah I find smoking disgusting too, but I actually quit a year ago and I just felt like a drag today. So I said, “Excuse me?” And this old fat chick with 12 dogs says, “Your shirt, it’s disgusting.” I look down, and i was wearing my “Mary is my homegirl” virgin shirt. “What?” I say. Fat dogwalker goes, “No respect, you kids…” or something.

And that’s when I got pissed and said, “We have freedom of speech in this country, and I have the right to wear anything that celebrates my Catholicism,” which was total bullshit. I bought the shirt in 2003 and now realized it was douchey but hadn’t done laundry and I wasn’t about to let some old bitch point out my shirt was retarded, whatever her reasoning.

That’s when fat dogwalker starts apologizing over and over, saying she was sorry, then goes on for 5 minutes about Jesus (not the beloved drunkenStepfather) while her 12 dogs are pissing everywhere, and she won’t let me get away. I finally lost it and said, “Sorry, i have to go, I am late for my abortion.”

That dogwalker would never have harassed Bar Rafaeli, mostly because she is a rich model and wouldn’t wear stupid ratty shirts, and she is Israeli and everyone knows Israelis can kick the shit out of you (they are like all commandos, seriously). She dated Leonardo DeCaprio and looks exactly like Giselle, which makes sense. Here she is wearing shorts and a teet-friendly tank in NYC yesterday. It’s your party now.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Bar Rafaeli|Model|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – David Beckham Feels Up Posh of the Day

David Beckham Groping Posh

I leave the site for a week and next thing I know there are pictures of little kids up on this shit wishing them happy fucking birthdays. Last I checked that shit would have been deleted from my inbox, even though it would have been the only email I’ve ever got since leaving. The reason being that I don’t have patience for kids. I don’t post pictures of people under 18 on the site and because this site is for perverts and people who want to see Britney in a bikini and not see some slut’s kid. The reason I call her a slut is because she let someone drop load in her and not because she says her son is training to be a pimp for wearing a pair of sunglasses. If that little bastard was training to be a pimp, he’d be hustlin the playground getting the he female friends to pull down their diapers for a cookie, sunglasses would be a secondary though.

Speaking of kids, here are some pictures of David Beckham giving Posh a little diddle like he was her dad, or some pervert babysitting her, or her gym teacher, soccer coach, uncle or neighbor. I don’t think he’s doing it to make her feel good, he’s just going for the cunt to prove he’s not a faggot. I guess he could also be making her her dick is well hidden so the public don’t catch on to his little secret, or maybe she really is a robot and has a cunt like Barbie.

Either way, I figured I’d chime in to say I am still alive. Nothing too exciting has happened on the trip yet. I did give my stepdaughter creative control and shit like that post may not be what you’re lookin for when you come here, but she is doing a better job than I would have been doing from an internet connection that costs me 20 dollars for 20 minutes…now go fuck yourselves and stop bothering me while I am trying to decompress….asshole…

With Love
Jesus Martinez
drunkenstepfather.com
On Vacation….


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2007

18

Jul

I am – Rocio Diaz in Pronto Magazine of the Day

Rocia Diaz

I had to walk home through the park last Wednesday because I lost my week-long bus pass and my wallet said no to a new one, so fuck you bus. It had just rained and was hot as balls. The park was deserted, except for what i took at first to be a homeless guy lying on this big rock at the edge of the pond. This was an odd place for a nap, since he was basically in the water, which is covered in a 5 inch layer of green sludge that smells like mother nature’s moldy wadge, and even the homeless have standards. So then I am thinking maybe it’s a dead body, how exciting! I step in for a closer look, then realize its some sort of dirty hipster couple making out… making out in a huge puddle of rotting forrest and duck shit.

Here is Rocio Diaz in Pronto magazine, dressing as an 80s stripper. I have no idea who she is and I don’t read Spanish so well, but she looks like the kind of girl who would be down for some heavy-petting in a lake of sewage if you got her drunk enough. Your virgin loins are about to get dirty.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Ass|Lingerie|Unsorted

2007

18

Jul

I am – The Original Lohan Stalker of the Day

Lindsay Lohan

So there’s a site I link who got Lohan’s email and found out that there are some sleazy pics of her floating around. All of a sudden, shit gets picked up on every major media outlet and he’s famous overnight. I have Lohan’s number and call her, leave her messages and stalk the bitch for 2 fucking years and no one ever picks up my story, I never become famous overnight and my self-esteem that is already pretty non-existant goes even further into shit….

This kind of thing makes me question what I do, and here are some pictures of Lohan in an almost see through because that’s all you want from me. Asshole.

Internet is too expensive for this so that’s the end of me for now….

With Love
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
On Vacation….

ED. NOTE: She Looks fucking forty.


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