DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

07

Mar

I am – Kirsten Dunst's Bikini and Shirt of the Day

Today is the day for celebrities in bikini bottoms and button up shirts because I guess that’s the trend for a busted up slag like Kirsten Dunst. I guess it could have to do with the fact that she is in her mid 20s but has tits of a 90 year old. It’s probably gotta do with her eating disorders.

I remember when I was banging this semi-fat chick who I would constantly call fat in hopes of her picking up a drug habit to be more like the person I wanted her to be at the time. There was something really dull about sober people and I wasn’t going to have any of that in my bedroom and by bedroom I mean $10 a night room at the Y. Anyway, every time she ate, I’d be like one of those cocksucker jocks trying to make my wife maintain her young, tight, high school physique. I wasn’t really that superficial or picky but it made sense at the time. After I dumped her for eating a whole bucket of fried chicken in one sitting, something I bought as my week’s worth of groceries at the time, she developed a bit of a complex. I saw her a few months later begging for change on the corner of a busy part of town weighing in at about 90 lbs, and I was a proud of my accomplishment in helping her fit into societies framework of what a woman should look like, unfortunately I can’t work my magic on my wife. This is a dull story, but we can’t all be comedians like you, Asshole….

I guess all this is to say that you don’t get a hot tan like this slut by not wearing a shirt when you swim. She’s more pale than the day I accidentally walked into the Cancer ward of the hospital when lookin for hot nurses to bag. I remember growing up all the fat chicks and kids with sun allergies used to rock this style. Kirsten is bringin’ it back like it was ’82, before sunscreen was invented. Respect.

I HAD TO REMOVE THESE PICTURES BECAUSE I WAS BEING THREATENED TO GET SUED

Posted in:Kirsten Dunst|Unsorted

2007

07

Mar

I am – Carmen Electra Hangs with Homeless People of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pics of Carmen Electra and a homeless lookin’ person that could be staged as a publicity stunt, only bitch looks more like she’s taking money from the motherfucker and not giving her money, but either way she poses with my kind of people. I remember the day I first realized that homeless people were cooler than corporate assholes on their way to work. They get fucking annoying with their bullshit excuses for why you should give them money, but the fact that they don’t work and generally have no identity just means early retirement to me. Sure they aren’t going on exciting golf holidays with their fellow retirees, but if they drink enough alcohol they lose their eyesight and when you can’t see you are pretty much anywhere you want to be without all the effort. They are the modern day lazy party slut without the budgets who realize the suburban dream is far less fun than the excitement of being on the street drunk for months or years upon months or years…. If I was that homeless person, I would have definitely tried to grab her ass or some shit, it’s like that Eminem song about having one chance to blow, and that homeless person just missed theirs….

Posted in:Carmen Electra|Unsorted

2007

06

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

2 Comments »

Today was not that eventful. I am in Canada and it is fucking cold. I went to the store for about 5 minutes to get something to eat and all I could afford was a 4 day old salad, I figured it wouldn’t kill me, I haven’t eaten it yet, but I will, and if it kills me, this will be the last post of mine you read. Too bad it won’t be that inspiring or funny.

My wife was on my ass to clean the shit hole of an apartment I called home, I told her I’d do it if she could do 20 situps. She couldn’t so I just sat. I was hoping to convince some girls to send me pictures of their box for a new art project I am planning called webcam pictures of box, but I realized that I will never be able to seduce a chick with this site….I don’t even get any draw your vagina entries anymore.

American Idol is on my one channel tonight so before I get too excited, I am going to post some motherfuckin’ steplinks for your mooching ass.

Here are the links for the day…and my server is supposed to be going down for an hour at some point tonight.

Asian Makeout Video
GO

Some Adriana Lima Look alike Sex Tape
GO

Naked Wakeboarding Video
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Wrestling Bitch Gets Her Towel Ripped Off
GO

Some dude sniffin some girls box…interesting and totallyNSFW
GO

Weird Jennifer Love Hewitt Outfit
GO

Old School Princess Leah See Thru Pics for You Virgin Star Wars Weirdos.
GO

Flexible GIrl Video
GO

Megan Hauserman from Beauty and the Geek 3 Posing Naked in Playboy
GO

Lucy Pinder Lingerie
GO

Naomi Campbell Nude in GQ
GO

Some Playboy Playmate Named Zdenka
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Sex Tip of the Day
GO

Eva Mendes Nude in Some Magazine
GO

A reader and her blunt
GO

Paris Hilton is a Merman
GO

Lookin’ Good Stretch Marks
GO

Some Christina Ricci Action at Some Event…
GO

Kirsten Dunsty Bikini Top With a Scientology Book and the Finger
GO

Jay Z Sells Rocca Wear and Beyonce is Still Fat
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Rachel McAdams in Elle
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Slutty Sayuki Video
GO

Lookin’ Good Ben’s WHore
GO

Some More Paris Hilton Pictures at some Poker Tour
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Sexy Model named Angie Savage Naked
GO

Charlize Theron Bikini Pokies
GO

Some Cam Chick Lookin’ Amazing on a Bed With Her Crazy Ass
GO

Some Slag Named Isabel Figueira Lookin’ Like Some Slag Named Isabel Figueira
GO

Sassy Switch Blade:
GO

Lookin’ Good Cab Driver
GO

Flickr Sluts
GO

Some Joanna Krupa Picture Action
GO

Some Britney Skye Pictures
GO

Drunken Bowling Cellphone Video Worth Watching
GO

Shakin Cam Whore
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Penelope Cruz Eating Her Oscar
GO

College Mud Wrestling VIdeo
GO

You need to get sex – This Will Help
GO

Crazy Urban Sports Video That Will Make You Laugh Like You Were British…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

06

Mar

I am – Lohan at LAX Last Night

13 Comments »

Look Lohan is Partying at LAX with a bunch of useless fucking hipsters on drugs last night (sunday night). DJ AM is there, so it must be a pretty fucking amazing party, and by amazing I mean gay pride event because dude is gayer than bicycle shorts. I’d still stalk Lohan if the slut played along with it a bit, like call the cops on me or file for a restraining order or anything that gets me on Access Hollywood. That fucking Cunt…

For More Pictures from the Party Go

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

06

Mar

I am – Salma Hayek is Preggers of the Day

16 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Salma Hayek. I can only assume she’s pregnant cuz bitch looks like she’s a moving van. There are some girls, like my neighbor who get knocked up proper and walk around the building in yoga pants with an ass tighter than it was the day the random dude she let fuck her without a condom bust inside her, and other girls turn into fat sluts who look like my wife did in her prime. I am not sitting here like some asshole who hates fat chicks, I watched my wife down a pound of butter and box of cookies about 3 hours ago as a midnight snack. I still hang out with her. Salma is a fellow mexican, and even though I was taken out of my mexican world as a kid, I know what a mexican mother of 10 looks like and it’s usually a few tacos short of 250 lbs on a 5 ft 2 frame.

At least we know that Salma bangs, doesn’t believe in birth control and that her milk filled tits will only be bigger and better and have enough nutrients to feed her hometown, probably one of the better charity ideas that I’ve ever come up with.

Posted in:Salma Hayek|Unsorted

2007

06

Mar

I am – Eva Longoria Working Out of the Day

2 Comments »

I think there’s something sexy about a bitch working out. I used to work at the local YMCA doing janitorial work, before getting fired for sneaking into the women’s locker room. I already wrote about this, it was part of some kind of work program and if you don’t remember it, that’s ok, it’s probably because you didn’t read it. Anyway, before getting the idea to be a bit of a peeping tom, I used to make a habit of watching the aerobic classes. I had no fucking preferences, I took whatever I got when it came to scheduling, meaning some days it would be new moms with their babies, other days it would be old ladies in the geriatric classes, sometimes it would be hot college girls but everytime was ladies in compromising positions. I guess the fact that I was peeping in the window made me the creep, but every class had at least 2 or 3 fucking perverts in them lookin’ for a little piece of ass to stare at while innocently on all fours. They were the smart perverts because the girls all took a liking to them, thinking they were there to get healthy, while filed formal complaints about me. That’s pretty much my story and here are some Longoria working out pics…that bring back memories of the good old days….

I guess the joke in all these pics is the one of her lookin’ over the wall like her parents did before jumping it to make their escape from Mexico to the USA….it’s kinda like a Jew visiting the concentration camps or the blacks at a slave cemeteries. This shit is like a cultural experience.

Posted in:Eva Longoria|Unsorted

2007

06

Mar

I am – Shauna Sand’s See-Thru Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Shauna Sand is some kind of playboy playmate who was married to some h-list celebrity named Lorenzo Lamas. Here she is out in some see-thru dress showing off the huge fucking tits that got her where she is today. I don’t know if breast implants are as popular a they used to be. I don’t feel like a girl needs huge fake titties to get into Playboy or porn anymore, I think the general population isn’t all about tits like they used to be, but back when this slag got started, it was the only way to the top. I was out at the strip club with a group of guys from the park a couple of months ago, it was welfare check day which means all kinds of crazy. My friend Lou had never touched a set of fake tits ever, so I suggested we hit up the strip club. There was a time when every fucking stripper was packin’ heat, but this day we had to go to four different places to find a set. When I finally spotted fake tits I went up to the stripper and asked if her tits were real. She didn’t know how to answer for fear of losing the dance, when I made her feel comfortable about her tits and let her know that we were on this quest, she was more than happy to pull out her plastic tit, show us her scar and even do a titty dance routine with them. All this to say, there’s still fake tits out there, but they are so fuckin’ 1995. Makin’ Shauna Sand’s tits older than some of you.

On a side note, you know you have my kind of woman when her shoes are made of plastic. Some of the best cheap strippers I’ve fallen in love with wore a pair of these….

Shauna Sand Sex Tape Clips Exclusive

Posted in:Pornstars|Shauna Sand|Uncategorized

2007

06

Mar

I am – Shauna Sand's See-Thru Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Shauna Sand is some kind of playboy playmate who was married to some h-list celebrity named Lorenzo Lamas. Here she is out in some see-thru dress showing off the huge fucking tits that got her where she is today. I don’t know if breast implants are as popular a they used to be. I don’t feel like a girl needs huge fake titties to get into Playboy or porn anymore, I think the general population isn’t all about tits like they used to be, but back when this slag got started, it was the only way to the top. I was out at the strip club with a group of guys from the park a couple of months ago, it was welfare check day which means all kinds of crazy. My friend Lou had never touched a set of fake tits ever, so I suggested we hit up the strip club. There was a time when every fucking stripper was packin’ heat, but this day we had to go to four different places to find a set. When I finally spotted fake tits I went up to the stripper and asked if her tits were real. She didn’t know how to answer for fear of losing the dance, when I made her feel comfortable about her tits and let her know that we were on this quest, she was more than happy to pull out her plastic tit, show us her scar and even do a titty dance routine with them. All this to say, there’s still fake tits out there, but they are so fuckin’ 1995. Makin’ Shauna Sand’s tits older than some of you.

On a side note, you know you have my kind of woman when her shoes are made of plastic. Some of the best cheap strippers I’ve fallen in love with wore a pair of these….

Shauna Sand Sex Tape Clips Exclusive

Posted in:Pornstars|Shauna Sand|Uncategorized

2007

06

Mar

I am – Sharon Stone is Mad of the Day

5 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Sharon Stone looking pretty fucking mad. At first I thought it was because she realized she was a washed up has-been who has no more sex appeal and the closest thing that she gets to turning people on is when they rent the Basic Instinct DVD and pause on her cunt and zoom in, but the only people doing that now are people you probably wouldn’t want jerking off to you anyway. I am talking weird people who collect comic books and action figures. Yes, I am talking about you. Then I realized that she was just mad at the paparazzi who are probably all up in her face like they care what she’s up to. Instead of being so fucking high-strung about the attention, she should embrace all the fucking attention she’s getting because her busted old ragged catcher mitt of a face, won’t be getting it much longer. If he hates the paparazzi so fucking much, she probably should have re-thought her career when she was just a blonde with big tits and few other options, her life today would be substantially poorer, so she should try to turn that anger into a hug.

Posted in:Sharon Stone|Unsorted

2007

05

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

15 Comments »

t’s Monday and things are moving fucking slow…I really haven’t got anything interesting to say, but then again, I never really do. I was thinking about writing about the girl who made me lunch and her new found born again virginity or her co-worker who was talking about how she wants to film herself banging her boyfriend but doesn’t want to see herself in compromising positions, but figured that wasn’t an amazing story. It is pretty much the only excursion I have gone on all day and the rest of the time was spent here on the couch….

I do think that my wave of success has tsunamied a village, meaning it’s done and it’s gone. I always get emotionally attached to getting lots of traffic, emails, interest from other sites, but it usually comes in waves and ends abruptly. Today, I am no longer being linked around the internet and my dreams of fame are washed away, but at least I have you….

In efforts to keep you happy, because I really care about what you think, I bring you my links…

Shitty Video of the Day
GO

The Bi-Apple Porno Premiere Party I Didn’t Go To
GO

Hot Adriana Lima Getting Painted Pics
GO

This Girl Can’t Stop Laughing, Which Means She’s Not Watching Any stepTV
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Lohan the DJ Sucking Some Aoki Dick To Get Booked….This is Her Leaving LAX Last Night
GO

Celebrate the Photographer With Funny Pictures of Sluts with Cameras
GO

Hipster Freaks Speaking Their Own Language Called Too Much Drugs
GO

Antonella Barba At the Fountain Lookin Slutty Pics
GO

Girl Shows You How To Deep Throat
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Meliscious Thinks She’s Delicious
GO

Tara Connor Contest
GO

Kate Beckinsale’s Ass
GO

British Girls Show Their Tits at a Party – VIdeo
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Antonella Barba Pictures in Slideshow:
GO

Some Girl Posing in Lingerie
GO

Lily Allen Nip Slip
GO

Boner Alarm Video
GO

Abi Titmuss Bikini Action
GO

Some Hot Sports Illustrated Girl
GO

Nicolette Sheridan Sexy Time Video
GO

Fight Video Fedor vs. Fujita:
GO

Ivana is a Cam Girl and You Like Cam Girls…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Sienne Miller is Hot
GO

Some Jennifer Hawkins
GO

A little Amy Winehouse Action for You
GO

Avril Lavigne in Arena
GO

Flexible Girl Pics
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted