DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2006

15

Feb

Gunther Von Hagens Car Accident

I was being driven to the science center to check out an exhibit called Bodies In Motion, not this Bodies in Motion, it is some Gunther Von Hagens exhibit. If you are interested in finding out more, click the related links….he does things with dead bodies and I find it cool.

We were driving through an intersection and some dude made a left hand turn into us. We all had our seatbelts on, we were all sober, but we hit hard. I am feeling mangled right now. My sternum (front of my chest) is fucking killin me from the seatbelt my 240 pound body destroyed. My back is killing me, I am in shock and I am having a hard time breathing. I am a pussy, I established that a long time ago. I don’t like pain and I don’t like dying.

Everyone else in the car is fine, drinking and laughing and I’m here, on the computer convinced that I have internal bleeding. I am going to try to update, but it hurts to sit on a computer.

This is all part of the fun of being neurotic and a hypochondriac, you always think you are dying and when something bad finally happens, you only assume the worse. The one good thing is we all walked away, there was no blood. So if any of you are driving tonight, be safe, cuz some crazy fool on a suicide mission, may do the same thing to you. And if this post is too serious for the site, I apologize, but I am not feeling all that funny. And if you all wanna say it’s karma, the reality is if it was karma I’d be a lot worse off.

Related Articles:

I am – Gunther Von Hagens
I am – Gunther Von Hagens Revisted

Posted in:car accident|gunther von hagens|Unsorted

2006

15

Feb

Lara Croft

6 Comments »

Lara Croft is some bitch in a videogame, I don’t play videogames. I find them fucking lame. Even if I did like videogames, which I don’t, I wouldn’t be able to afford one. I know you, my only reader, think videogames are cool, but you also lost your virginity to a home made vagina. Anyway, if you like big tits on a bitch with short shorts and a gun, or videogames, or Lara Croft, Click HERE

Also DoubleViking.com set up a radio station. Listen to it here, it ain’t that good.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

14

Feb

Will Sasso Doesn’t Need Another Sandwich

34 Comments »

I think Myspace is the future of the Internet, even though it’s been around for awhile, and seems like old news. It is only now that b-list celebrities everywhere are making the move to the internet, and figured out that it’s the best way for them to promote their useless projects that no one gives a fuck about. The reality is, just because lame 60 year old Jewish producers think you have talent, put you on a TV show and convince the population or the herd of sheep masses that you are the funniest guy on TV. We all know that doesn’t mean you’ve got it goin’ on. It’s a false sense of security for such an insecure group of people.

So I come across Will Sasso’s page and these are the messages that ensued:

—————– Original Message —————–
From: DrunkenStepfather.com
Date: Feb 14, 2006 1:19 PM

yeah so
my site is drunkenstepfather.com
and I will make you famous, bitch.

Love
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

This was his response:

—————– Original Message —————–
From: WILL SASSO
Date: Feb 14, 2006 1:24 PM

Thanks Jesus, but I’m already famous…

Can you make me a sandwich instead?

So I had to put motherfucker in his place.

—————– Original Message —————–
From: DrunkenStepfather.com
Date: Feb 14, 2006 1:33 PM

Being on a sitcom with two fat ladies and Andy Dick hardly makes your famous.

I don’t know how to make sandwiches, I am more of a drinker.

Love

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

I guess my concept of fame is a lot different than his. This is where I would promote his website or his myspace profile, but sending all you useless cunts to his site and knowing that you think he’s funnier than I am is something I won’t do. You dig homo-erotic humor/ piss & shit jokes. I get it, you aren’t too smart. Now, go fuck yourselves.

I know I normally post about tits, well the benefit of fat men is that we have tits too, that’s what makes us so popular with dykes.

Posted in:Fat|sandwich|Unsorted|will sasso

2006

14

Feb

Will Sasso Doesn't Need Another Sandwich

No Comments »

I think Myspace is the future of the Internet, even though it’s been around for awhile, and seems like old news. It is only now that b-list celebrities everywhere are making the move to the internet, and figured out that it’s the best way for them to promote their useless projects that no one gives a fuck about. The reality is, just because lame 60 year old Jewish producers think you have talent, put you on a TV show and convince the population or the herd of sheep masses that you are the funniest guy on TV. We all know that doesn’t mean you’ve got it goin’ on. It’s a false sense of security for such an insecure group of people.

So I come across Will Sasso’s page and these are the messages that ensued:

—————– Original Message —————–
From: DrunkenStepfather.com
Date: Feb 14, 2006 1:19 PM

yeah so
my site is drunkenstepfather.com
and I will make you famous, bitch.

Love
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

This was his response:

—————– Original Message —————–
From: WILL SASSO
Date: Feb 14, 2006 1:24 PM

Thanks Jesus, but I’m already famous…

Can you make me a sandwich instead?

So I had to put motherfucker in his place.

—————– Original Message —————–
From: DrunkenStepfather.com
Date: Feb 14, 2006 1:33 PM

Being on a sitcom with two fat ladies and Andy Dick hardly makes your famous.

I don’t know how to make sandwiches, I am more of a drinker.

Love

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

I guess my concept of fame is a lot different than his. This is where I would promote his website or his myspace profile, but sending all you useless cunts to his site and knowing that you think he’s funnier than I am is something I won’t do. You dig homo-erotic humor/ piss & shit jokes. I get it, you aren’t too smart. Now, go fuck yourselves.

I know I normally post about tits, well the benefit of fat men is that we have tits too, that’s what makes us so popular with dykes.

Posted in:Fat|sandwich|Unsorted|will sasso

2006

10

Feb

Post-Pregnancy: Britney Tit

1 Comment »

I have said it before, I like to repeat myself, because I never remember who I said it to. It could have been on this site, but my archives got fucked in the move, unlike me, I never get fucked, and when I do, it’s by something you wouldn’t want to get fucked by and it’s really not by choice, but that’s no the point of this story. Pregnancy is the worse STD a bitch can get, I know all you anti-abortion jesus lovers are thinking “pregnancy is beautiful, it’s what keeps our religion alive”. But I come from a different school of thought and that is that kids follow you around for life, they mooch off you and cost you money, you have no control as to whether they are going to be cute or not, they never respect you and most importantly, they destroy your body, there’s no full recovery. I’m talking nothing ever fully whips back into shape, not the assaulted cooter, not the milk-bag feeding sack titties, not the belly or the ass…it may look like it does sometimes, but that’s just smoke and mirrors. Now, look at Britney’s nipple, the fucker is bigger than my head. You can’t tell me this shit’s sexy, in two years from now, she’ll write a memoir and in it, it will say “I wish K-Fed only gave me herpes, not herpes and a baby, ya’ll”. That’s my fucking story.

Posted in:Boob|Britney Spears|Pregnancy|Sex|Unsorted

2006

10

Feb

Tori Spelling’s Large Nipple

15 Comments »

Isn’t this bitch pregnant or something, oh that’s right, no one really cares about her and no one ever did. Everyone gave her slack for being the daughter of “Dallas” or whatever fuckin’ show made Aaron Spelling the biggest TV producer in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. It’s not that I give a fuck about spoiled bitches, I actually like how they let their angst dominate their lives, and think it’s the center of the whole universe. I also like the fact that they always turn to drugs, mainly cocaine, sometime heroin or scprits. I like that they are always the victims, meanwhile they had everything they want growing up. I can just imagine how much of a cunt Tori was to her latina maid/nanny. I can also imagine how much of a cunt she was when she demanded to be on daddy’s show. And it’s really turning me on. Unlike her tit, that she’s busted, the nipple’s too big for the tit, and I always thought she had implants, if bitch had implants, nothin’ would be aimin to the ground. Stop focusing on the tits, you useless fuck, and let’s try to have a meaningful conversation.

Posted in:Boob|Nipple|Tori Spelling|Unsorted

2006

10

Feb

Tori Spelling's Large Nipple

No Comments »

Isn’t this bitch pregnant or something, oh that’s right, no one really cares about her and no one ever did. Everyone gave her slack for being the daughter of “Dallas” or whatever fuckin’ show made Aaron Spelling the biggest TV producer in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. It’s not that I give a fuck about spoiled bitches, I actually like how they let their angst dominate their lives, and think it’s the center of the whole universe. I also like the fact that they always turn to drugs, mainly cocaine, sometime heroin or scprits. I like that they are always the victims, meanwhile they had everything they want growing up. I can just imagine how much of a cunt Tori was to her latina maid/nanny. I can also imagine how much of a cunt she was when she demanded to be on daddy’s show. And it’s really turning me on. Unlike her tit, that she’s busted, the nipple’s too big for the tit, and I always thought she had implants, if bitch had implants, nothin’ would be aimin to the ground. Stop focusing on the tits, you useless fuck, and let’s try to have a meaningful conversation.

Posted in:Boob|Nipple|Tori Spelling|Unsorted

2006

09

Feb

Madonna at the Grammys: Leotard

20 Comments »

I watched the Grammys, I had no choice. I have 2 channels and I live with 3 girls. I guess it wasn’t so bad because I had a bottle of Vodka by my side. I don’t really remember much about the actual awards, my wife’s fat breathing muffled the sound of the TV. I do remember watching Madonna open up the show in a body suit/leotard thing. Now I don’t know why, but for the last 7 months, this kind of outfit is the biggest turn on for me. They sell them at american apparel and hipster bitches everywhere rock them, and they are the new booty short for me. They remind me of my 20s when bodysuits were the biggest shirt product of 1993, They remind me of my flashdance and aerobic fetish. I think it’s because I get to watch the vagina in all it’s glory, like watching a girl in her underwear, only the underwear’s got suspenders ensuring snugness, and people say I am a pervert. Either way, I am glad hipsters and little Jewish girls wear these now, cuz motherfucker, this is one thing that may bring me out of my bout with impotence, if that is possible, I am not a doctor. Madonna didn’t get me hard, and all I could thing about was that babies have filtered through that cooter, which surprisingly remained pretty well contained. Here’s to bitches in leotards…that dance…for me… when I am drunk.

Watch Madonna’s Performance Here

American Apparel Leotard (turns me on)

Posted in:Grammy's|Leotard|Madonna|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Heather Graham’s Stretch Mark and Nip

1 Comment »

Ever since I was little, I knew I would have a huge impact on society. I knew that I would find an audience and make a difference. If you are wondering what difference I have made in your life, it’s simple, nothin of substance or importance, nothing that will get you laid. I have just brought you my useless stories that you probably can’t draw much insight from, because there’s not a whole lot of insight there to begin with. But it doesn’t matter, some nice guy gave me photoshop and I cropped a pic of Heather Graham’s tits so that you can see Nipple and Stretch Marks. I am all for imperfections and nipple slips, that’s why I love Heather Graham and used to jerk off to her in Boogy Nights when my dick still worked. Yes, I feel like a loser for sitting here learning photoshop to produce these images, but I guess no one can really feel like a loser when they are in your company. You’re one of those ppl the losers hang out with to look cool….either way I know this was lame, but isn’t most of what I do??

Posted in:Boob|Heather Graham|Nipple|stretch mark|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Heather Graham's Stretch Mark and Nip

1 Comment »

Ever since I was little, I knew I would have a huge impact on society. I knew that I would find an audience and make a difference. If you are wondering what difference I have made in your life, it’s simple, nothin of substance or importance, nothing that will get you laid. I have just brought you my useless stories that you probably can’t draw much insight from, because there’s not a whole lot of insight there to begin with. But it doesn’t matter, some nice guy gave me photoshop and I cropped a pic of Heather Graham’s tits so that you can see Nipple and Stretch Marks. I am all for imperfections and nipple slips, that’s why I love Heather Graham and used to jerk off to her in Boogy Nights when my dick still worked. Yes, I feel like a loser for sitting here learning photoshop to produce these images, but I guess no one can really feel like a loser when they are in your company. You’re one of those ppl the losers hang out with to look cool….either way I know this was lame, but isn’t most of what I do??

Posted in:Boob|Heather Graham|Nipple|stretch mark|Unsorted