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2024

14

May

Sports Illustrated Swim Rookie Penny Lane of the Day

I don’t know who Penny Lane is but did ya see the tits?

Aren’t you excited that things are starting to get hot again, where a giant set of tits can be stripped down and fetishized in a bikini swimsuit magazine the way nature intended…

It’s one of those things are everything cyclical, where the fat woke shit is dying down because everyone is bored of it and knows it was a bullshit anti-bullying lie…so that they are now being drawn to hot tits even harder than ever…

The hey day of hot chicks is upon us…and they’re sluttier than ever…

Exciting times, maybe time for a rebrand but I never gave up on the hotties and I always called out the bullshit…it just take time for people to catch up…

Posted in:Penny Lane

2024

14

May

Sports Illustrated Swim Delivers the Inclusivity and Body Positivity to Appease the Fatties So they Can Post Hotties of the Day

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Read the title of this post….and visit SI SWIM for all their content….that involves hotties that aren’t just clickbait or virtue signalling fatties for the fat fetishists….

In other weird strategy they did a shoot and gave the cover to GAYLE KING, Oprah’s rumored lover, who I am sure is actually Oprah’s lover because Oprah was molested as a child and even got pregnant through incest which is naturally the backstory of all billionaire talk show hosts…or the backstory of many lesbians…becasue statistically molested at that level means no more cock.

Since Oprah is the power player in the media, having her girl posing sexy in swimsuits seems like something a power player would do for their jerk off material….plus Oprah probably owns the magazine.

Posted in:Sports Illustrated|Sports Illustrated Swimsuit

2024

14

May

Kate Upton is Back of the Day

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Sports Illustrated dropped 2024 issue and Kate Upton is back….

I was probably pretty mean to Kate Upton and her hot sloppy tits when she first hit the scene of Bikini Model…because that’s just the kind of guy I am…a hater…

With age comes wisdom, not that I wasn’t old then, but I am older now and in being older now, I am just happy to see a set of sloppy tits that come across as more premium than all the self producing content creators showing off their tits.

Back when she happened, social media wasn’t as big as it is now and the world still relied on girls being cast for these sorts of things, so we could collectively hate on the casting team for making these models happen….

Since social media has become as big as it is, we’ve now got all these nasty bitches who think they are Kate Upton and that just elevates all that Kate Upton represented….

So with lower standards and a hatred for the self starting creator and an appreciation for the nostalgia of a model that came to us through castings…and a set of big tits on a wide weird frame that people loved….it’s nice to see the come back…

The sloppy tits, now mom tits are fun tits…Ozempic, who cares!

: SWIMSUIT 2024: Cancun II 12-10-2023 Tsai X164469 TK1_Kate_Upton

: SWIMSUIT 2024: Cancun II 12-10-2023 Tsai X164469 TK1_Kate_Upton

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Posted in:Kate Upton

2024

14

May

Nina Agdal Channels Jake Paul in Nude Shoot of the Day

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Nina Agdal is 7 months pregnant with Logan Paul’s baby that we assume she turkey basted herself to make happen because he’s more into cumming in asses.

He’s a billionaire and when you’ve got the billionaire in your grip, you don’t let them run off and use their sperm for man ass, you get out there and suck it off the walls and the floor at the gay orgy and make it fucking count. It’s a retirement plan and Agdal’s been cycled through the rich guy circuit for a long time.

Anyway, her nude shoot is going viral because she was a big model 20 years ago, and she did nude shoots in trying to find her place in the world, and one of those shoots includes a little boxing, which coincidentally lines up with her brother-in-law Jake’s whole viral scheme….bringing the whole thing full circle.

The shoot involves some tits in action while skipping, some boxing sparring with some dude who was probably happy to be there, some towel fucking to wipe off all the injuries she’s had in being a professional model with a drippy cunt from all the fun it has had…drying it off and prepping it for the next fight….she’s the Mike Tyson of beat up, ear eating pussy….or wishes she was….because now she’s just old….

Old pics are fun though.

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Posted in:Nina Agdal

2024

14

May

Kate Beckinsale is Dying In Shorts of the Day

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Kate Beckinsale potentially spent a few months in the hospital dying of whatever diseases she may have accumulated in having anal sex with Pete Davidson back when they were dating.

It is possible that the vampire who doesn’t age too aggressively was getting an overhaul at the hospital, where they are replacing her old engine with new parts to help her continue to be worthy of jerking off.

Terminal illness, which I’ll assume she has since she’s old hasn’t been this jerk-off-able since the time I was working at the old folks trying to get into the wills of the dying grannies in exchange for sex.

Cool short shorts, she’s dressed like a college kid, while being the mom of the college kid, who is probably already graduated from college or at least old enough to be, since Beckinsale is old…

I guess what I am saying is that like a romance movie, I am drawn to terminal illness pussy because it requires lest commitment and you come out of it the sad victim which lures in other pussy that thinks you are broken, sad and in need of love.

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Posted in:Kate Beckinsale

2024

14

May

Did you know Jessica Alba Posted a Bikini Picture of the Day

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Jessica Alba retired from her CEO job that we all assume was just a vanity title to push the brand from a marketing perspective, but stranger people have run billion dollar companies and whether Alba was the brains or just a figurehead is pretty irrelevant since she basically made a billion dollars off the shit and as an hyped for being hot actress, that’s a pretty big deal.

In being retired, I assume she’s heading back to the acting thing she abandoned for the more lucrative internet business that sells direct to consumer….and in doing that she’s got to produce that social media content we can all jerk off to because that’s her whole angle as a celebrity…

As a brand owner she was a fake holistic / healthy product pushing, as an actor, she’s about being jerked off to and I assume she likes it.

Now that she doesn’t have to appease the shareholders, the tits can come out as they were meant to and we can go back to remembering Alba being the hot celeb, just 20 years later….

I’m still into it, because I’m old.

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Posted in:Jessica Alba

2024

14

May

Maria Menounos’ Ball Pussy of the Day

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Maria Menounos is not dead, but the TV host turned Podcast Network owner worth tons of fucking money has had a bunch of cancers, which is never a good time….especially when it’s Pancreatic cancer, which I was always told is terminal, but I guess she was able to beat it because she’s rich.

The entertainment host men would jerk off to when their wives made them watch bullshit entertainment news shows has clearly gone YOLO since the cancer, because she’s decided to masturbate on the international INTERNET broadcasting platform….

They all turn perverted eventually, and this one is exceptionally perverted as she tries to insert a giant ball in her pussy….she’s a greek, so we know that she can get that in her ass with ease, but the pussy will be a challenge.

I know what you’re thinking, she is a recent mom, so the pussy should be about to suck up that ball she’s trying to reverse egg-lay, but the truth is…she used a surrogate…too much cancer to breed her old ass I guess….

Anyway, everyone’s just masturbating all the fucking time like a bunch of retards…and I enjoy it.

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Posted in:Jessica Alba

2024

14

May

Madisyn Shipman’s Lingerie Marketing of the Day

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You probably never heard of Madisyn Shipman because I had never heard of Madisyn Shipman and since I am you and you are me…we have collectively never heard of Madisyn Shipman…

This whole blogging thing is pretty schizo, lots of me talking to myself…

So she was on some Nickelodeon shit, totally ignored and not noticed because she was nerdy and quirky looking….but thanks to the social media whore generation of selling your nudes, she realized she could reinvent herself as an internet whore who strips down in her lingerie to really get noticed…so she does…

She dyed the hair blonde, took the glasses off, and like a teen comedy in the 90s, this girl now matters…or barely matters…but when competing for attention and views all day…this is how you give it your best shot..

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Posted in:Madisyn Shipman

2024

14

May

Tight Pant Tuesday of the Day

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Tuesday is for Tight Pants, but the reality is that every day is for tight pants because all these women base everything on their asses and the tight pants hold that shit together and round it out in ways that other pants don’t…

So Tight pants every single day, but we just do a gallery of tight pants on Tuesdays…because I don’t have the resources to do it everyday…I don’t have the resources to do it any day really…but we try and by we I mean me…SCHIZO.