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Archive for the Bikini Category

2009

10

Sep

Kristin Cavallari Fucks John Mayer Shorts and a Bikini Top for a Bra of the Day

2 Comments »

Wanna hear something you won’t give a fuck about, but I know because it was emailed to me by someone who either things I will give a fuck, or who is paid to spread the rumor around to raise this cunts public profile and that’s that she has been John Mayer’s fuck slut for over the last 2 years secretly, like that makes any fucking difference on my fucking life in any fucking way. If anything it makes me question humanity. Do normal people go to the water cooler and tell each other this incredible news like they are friends with either Kristin Cavallari or John Mayer? Do they call each other up and say shit like “OMG, Guess What? John Mayer banged Kristin Cavallari!! Isn’t that amazing!?!”…Who fucking cares, kill yourself, seriously. She’s a bitch from Laguna Beach….and now crawled her way onto the set of The Hills…aka a fucking nobody. Here she is showing off a bikini top.

Pics Via INF

Posted in:Bikini|Kristin Cavallari|Shorts

2009

08

Sep

Camila Alves in Some Pregnancy Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

Here name is Camila Alves and you know her as the immigrant model who Matthew McConaughey fucks and knocks up on the regular basis from another country but I like to think I know her as the hairy little troll I wanted to fuck before she got knocked up on the regular and gave up on her man-scaping, not that she’s built like a man, she’s just hairy like one and despite hairy bitches being disgusting, their testosterone levels are where you want them to be when it comes to sex drive, cuz those bitches high on estrogen just never wanna fuck, they are too busy crying about everything….where a testosterone bitch is too busy taking it from every angle….and in Camila Alves case, her chronically swollen uterus is the proof!!

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Bikini|Camila Alves|Pregnant

2009

04

Sep

Holly Montag in a Bikini Top of the Day

No Comments »

Here is my friend from Facebook named Holly Montag. She used to talk to me on the regular and then she ended up getting cast on The Hills and I guess she figured it was a better job than working in an office or some shit, that’s when she stopped talking to me, because I guess she’s busy living a scripted life or some shit and none of that really matters, what does matter is how unfortunate it must be for anyone to have to admit they are related to Heidi Montag, even if they know that she’s just fucking the media up the ass and cashing in, she’s still fucking Heidi Montag.

The fact that I know who these people are makes me want to end my life ….

Pics VIa FAME and PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Bikini|Holly Montag

2009

04

Sep

Stephanie Pratt in Her Bikini of the Day

1 Comment »

I am guess this girl is Spencer Pratt’s sister or someone they hired to play his sister and she’s in a bikini and I am not. She’s pretty much a fuckin’ nobody, but at least she’s not fat, because skinny nobodies are more interesting to see in bikinis than fat nobodies in bikinis, unless the fat nobody in a bikini happens to be playing /struggling through some kind of beach game, like volleyball, or paddle ball, or even trying to fuckin parasail but the boat doesn’t have enough power or some shit, because that’s just good entertainment, unlike The Hills, but in her defense she gets paid over 250k a year to get followed around by cameras and i’d probably sell my sout to MTV for a lot less. She’s ugly, she’s a joke and that’s all I have to say about that.

Pics VIa FAME and PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Bikini|Stephanie Pratt

2009

01

Sep

Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears in their Bikinis of the Day

3 Comments »

I started this post with these Britney pics that are shit quality and that we’ve all seen before, when really the only one triggering any of my fantasies (teenage pregnancy) is Jamie Lynn Spears. You know I have these theory about teenage mothers bouncing back after getting kocked up because they still have that youthful metabolism, despite their mature looking vaginas, and that kind of baggage makes them less picky when deciding who to fuck, if anything it makes them more eager to put out because they just want to lure a man who won’t leave them hanging like the last one, and the whole thing means no condoms and in Jamie Lynn’s case, that’s an okay thing because before her baby daddy, she only slept with a handful of execs and Disney and they were all smart enough to use a condom cuz they didn’t want to go to jail, and while other 18 year olds were ould whoring themselves, this bitch was at home breast feeding, so like everyone always says, don’t judge a book by the cover or in this case a vagina by how many fingers you can stick in the shit, cuz I have a feeling she’s not a slut, she’s just perfection…

Posted in:Bikini|Britney Spears|Jamie Lynn Spears

2009

01

Sep

Camila Alves’ Hairy Stomach is Pregnant and in a Bikini of the Day

13 Comments »

Pregnant with Matthew McConaughey’s second baby that he knows about, Brazilian Camila Alves showed off her hairy swollen uterus. Maybe it has to do with her hormones being all out of wack since she’s got something growing inside of her, but I’m pretty sure it’s got more to do with her latin roots cuz those bitches tend to be hairy as fuck, which always amazes me because I’ve got latin roots but for some reason have a patchy beard that reminds me of a 13 year old french kid. Maybe that means that I’m more woman than I like to admit, depsite being forced to admit it everytime I take a piss and realize I’m squirting out of nothing more than a pathetic little clit, but that’s not the point, the point is that I’d definitely fuck this bitch well into her third trimester without a condom, just because I know she can’t get pregnant with my kid if she’s already pregnant, it’s real simple biology.

Bonus – Matthew McConaughey’s mom was also sluttin’ out on the beach with her Texan granny ass….

Pics via INF

Posted in:Bikini|Camila Alves|Pregnant

2009

31

Aug

Geri Halliwell Mocking Christ’s Crucifixion of the Day

1 Comment »

I think these are pictures of Geri Halliwell showing little or no respect to Jesus for dying for her sins, but I could be wrong, but thing the Christian fundamentalist she’s go after her for being the antichrist, but maybe she’s just being a fuckin’ idiot, trying to get attention showing off her mom body that I would probably fuck, despite the fact that she got abs tattooed on by some artist who is a master of shading on her sloppy streteched out mom stomach, not that sloppy mom stomach’s ever stopped me in the past, if anything it’s always taken the front seat because it comes with a solid discount.

PICS VIA FAME

Posted in:Bikini|Geri Halliwell

2009

31

Aug

Kristin Cavallari in her Useless Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

I haven’t figured out what is worse, the fact that Kristin Cavallari’s got enough of a career to justify the paparazzi releasing pictures of her, even if she’s paying them to take the pics, or the fact that I am writing about her. I am going to go that me writing about her is worse, because I have control over that shit and if I was a little more creative, I’d find better ways to occupy my time, like playing tennis, or board games, despite how embarassing both those things are to me, they are better than me giving this girl anymore attention or credit she deserves, meaning I will not praise her useless cunt or make fun of it, she’s a nobody and like most nobodies, I’ll just look, expose myself and move the fuck along.

PICS VIA FAME

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Kristin Cavallari

2009

28

Aug

Ginger Spice Still in her Bikini when She Shouldn’t Be of the Day

8 Comments »

Ginger Spice is still living large in her bikini (literally). Here she is tyring to keep her body tight and young using some elastic bands with her trainer who she brings everywhere with her cuz it is just that important to her….

Maybe Ginger needs to take a Madonna’s lead and cover the fuck up when she swims. I get that she works out and tries to be that hot bodied mom, but you get to a certian age where you just gotta let it go……Madonna gets it but if she really got what the people wanted she’d keep her head underwater holding her breathe for a few hours


Posted in:Bikini|Geri Halliwell|Ginger Spice

2009

28

Aug

Roberto Cavalli and His Russian Model Mail Order of the Day

5 Comments »

When you’re one of the few fashion designers who is totally loaded to the fuckin’ tits from your fashion designing and you live the life of fuckin’ luxury who isn’t gay, despite what your bathing suit may imply, you pretty much have access to all the model pussy because they work for you and look up to you like you’re some kind of God and the whole thing gets pretty exciting because the fashion industry is about knee deep in fuckin’ pussy.
So here is Cavalli hangin with some Russian model who must have been really hard to seduce, you know by taking her so far away from her one bedroom, bathroom down the hall, communist apartment she once lived in, cuz hanging out on yachts in a bikini s a hell of a lot less that eating rationed bread and beets while plotting your escape from the hell that you live in….

Posted in:Bikini|Roberto Cavalli|Russian Model