Julien and I got into an argument last night because he was supposed to email me a post yesterday and didn’t. If you have ever heard a gay dude and an 18 year old girl fight, its gets pretty catty. There was lots of open-palm-loose-wrist-slapping and name calling. When I told him that there are plenty of other homos out there who would gladly be our Token Gay Blogger, he was all waving his finger in front of my face, doing that thing with his neck that gay dudes do when they are mad. Then a Cher song came on the radio, which calmed him down immediately, because like all homos, he’s got a soft spot for old hag. He sent me this today explaining where he was.

I was MIA yesterday because I too fucking wasted, okay? I went out on Sunday night and had a few drinks and a few bumps which brought me to this afterparty where I did some GHB and spent the night desperately trying to get laid. I spent most of the night talking to this guy who really wasn’t that attractive but he had an Irish accent so I kept on going. Even ugly guys are hot when they have an accent. I know that this is a HUGE cliche but it’s fucking true. Even if you are wearing socks and sandals, if you’ve got an accent (a HOT accent btw), you are going to get laid. This makes me wonder if the reverse is true. I mean if I get my skinny ass to Ireland are all the hot guys going to flirt with me because they find my North American accent “charming� If this is true, I’m going on Expedia ASAP and getting my ass to Ireland charm the briefs of the locals

So anyway I spent the night talking to this semi-ugly guy and when he
left with a girl at around 5am I stayed at the party and got more fucked up. I got back to my place at around 11am and slept. I spent the day wearing pretty much what Jessica Alba is wearing in these photos. She probably got fucked up the night before too. Which leads me to a double standard. When Jessica Alba is hungover and puts on her nastys to go grocery shopping, she shows a little nipple poke and she’s sexy. When I do it, I look like a piece of faggot gutter trash.

SMOOCH!

Julien

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One of our readers was complaining that we didn’t post pics of Jessica Alba when the news broke that dumped that loser Cash Warren. Mostly I didn’t post them because I leave the shit like that for actual news sites and I didn’t think any of you would give a fuck to be honest. If she had done it naked, for example, or while flashing her pooter to the camera, then I would have been all over that shit. I thought about it though and I guess despite the fact that will never, ever get to fuck her, ever, your odds to increase somewhat since she is now single. And I guess when you’re a loser virgin like yourself you will take hope wherever you can get it.

These pics were taken at Comic-Con in San Diego, which I think is hilarious because I’ve been to these conventions and seen the guys who go there, and when thinking of all of them bustin’ a nut to Alba at some press conference for Fantastic Four, it’s funny and creepy all at the same time.

I was really into comics when I was young, because I was a tomboy and wanted to do whatever the boys did. Plus I was always into drawing and writing stories and it interested me, even though all my friends were rich and we were poor and I couldn’t get the good comics like the rest of them. After going to a few conventions and seeing fags dressed up super hero costumes and grown men taking what is essentially a story book with words a 6 year old can read and some colourful pictures so seriously, I started to re-evaluate my interest in comics. Somewhere along the line I realized that people who get way to obsessed with comics are actually pretty freaky and need to get fucking lives. I think I traded my crappy collection to some loser kid for a pack of cigarettes he stole from his mom, and that was that. I stand by my decision.

Here’s some more pics of Alba. If you decide to jerk off to them, make sure you use a tissue and not your limited edition, specialty copy of Superman instead.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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I was just watching the news and some psychology slut started the fear mongering about how we should assume that more Cho’s are amongst us and that we should live our lives watching our neighbors to prevent this kind of thing from happening again. Why don’t they just tell everyone to hide in the fucking houses for the rest of their lives with a shotgun in hand waiting for the day an attacker comes for them.

Reality is one psycho doesn’t justify 300,000,000 people to go into lockdown. Maybe if the police shut down the campus after the first shooting, maybe if gun laws weren’t from the 1700s and outdated as shit a crazed Korean motherfucker wouldn’t have had time to make a bunch of videos, write a fucking essay and do a photoshoot then mail it off to NBC before going on his rampage….

Reality is that the system you pay for is what allowed for this to happen and I think you should re-focus your energy on happy things like – Jessica Alba’s ass then sitting their being scared to leave your house. Again, my heart goes out to the victims. This post is going to get me more hate mail but I will say this, Respect, because I am hip hop.

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Here are some pics of Alba making out with her dog, so I guess it’s pretty clear that Jessica Alba loves her dog more than she loves you. That’s not saying much, since she doesn’t know you and never will but that doesn’t change the fact that there’s not much more exciting than seeing a girl with her dog, mainly because you know that the dog has seen her in every compromising position possible. I am talking taking a shit, getting fucked, changing her tampons, pretty much everything you’d want to see this bitch do. The other hot thing is that this dog, if he is a smart dog has also eaten a pair of her dirty panties, made her clean up its shit and more importantly sniffed her crotch and maybe even raided the bathroom garbage for used maxi pads, not that Alba uses pads, but it’s a hot fantasy if you are me.

I like a girls relationship with her dog. They hug them, they kiss them, and if they are more experimental, they let them lick their peanut butter covered boxes. I got a girl on webcam last week who had a dog. She wanted to show me how big her dogs dick was, so she basically jerked him off for me. It was pretty fucking disgusting and funny at the same time, but when I saw the fucker cum all over the computer, I kinda lost my appetite.

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I just heard about the Virginia Tech shooting where 22 people were killed. I just want to say that despite how much I say I hate you fuckers, I seriously hope this didn’t directly affect any of you. My heart goes out to all the families and people involved. I hate this school shooting bullshit. I don’t understand why people are still able to get guns, why schools haven’t figured out safety measures to prevent this, why people like this aren’t locked up, why Bush is spending all of America’s money being a cowboy in the middle east, what until his administration blames terrorism to distract all you idiots from all the problems you have at home. You should be able to go to work, school, the movies, out to dinner, shopping, without having to dodge bullets….

Society is really fucked up and I’m going to keep spreading my word as well as posting pics of Alba leaving the gym all sweaty and showing the band of her underwear that she shouldn’t be wearing if she wants to impress me, because somethings in this life aren’t so bad.

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This is a video of Alba’s tits from 2003. I have a feeling it’s a body double, but who really gives a fuck either way, Alba has a pretty bangin’ body, and even if it isn’t her you can just pretend it is. You have been pretending that she’s your girlfriend for the last 5 years when jerking off anyway….and the chances that these are actually her tits are a lot higher than the chances of her ever getting her bang on with your fat ass….Loser…

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