David Hasselhoff Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2011

22

Apr

David Hasselhoff’s Girlfriend of the Day

Her name is Hayley Roberts. She’s David Hasselhoff’s girlfriend. I wonder what he promised her…maybe he didn’t promise her anything…maybe he didn’t have to show her pics of Pam Anderson and say “THIS COULD BE YOU IF YOU STICK WITH ME”….maybe he didn’t have to make her watch his drunk video that his kid leaked to the internet….maybe he didn’t have to put her on payroll….maybe some girls are just groupie whore who are willing to fuck even the most insignificant, played out, was once on TV people…I’m talking even the guy in the local furniture ad from 10 years ago still gets pussy for that ad….cuz to these whore bitches, it’s better than fucking the short order cook or pizza delivery man cuz it makes them feel special…and who knows, maybe it’ll get them the exposure and his contacts will land you that gig to make you famous like you always wanted…You know how it is…and it’s not even a big deal…cuz look how happy this motherfucker is… he knows he won cuz he’s using her right back…like a pig slut that he knows she is…amazing…

Posted in:David Hasselhoff

2011

03

Jan

David Hasselhoff Promotes Ice Cream with Bitches of the Day

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It’s not officially a New Year without checking in with David Hasselhoff to see what kind of smut he’s peddling now that he’s irrelevant. At least, that’s what I’ve decided today after seeing pictures of him promoting some free sample ice cream on Bondi Beach in Australia, with a bunch of girls dressed like they are on Baywatch, like he was the ex-convict at Costco, or the retired grandma at WalMart, trying to get you to try free samples of the latest processed meat product they are hustling.

This is some desperation that either comes from needing money in a seriously major way, you know to buy his booze and pay for his fat kids to eat, or maybe he just likes the attention he’s getting from a handful of young promo bitches in their one pieces, like he is some college star who never made it visiting his college town telling stories of his glory days…you know what I am getting at….

Whatever the movtivation is, I’m down with this lack of shame hustle, it’s inspiring. Dude’s loving every seconf of it, despite how bottome feeding it seems to be. We all need to be a little more like David Hasselhoff this 2011, sucking his popsicle with pride….

Posted in:David Hasselhoff

2010

02

Aug

Baywatch Bitches Old at the David Hasselhoff Roast of the Day

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Apparently they roasted David Hasselhoff this past weekend because his life wasn’t enough of a fucking joke and they figured they had to drive the point home….and all his Baywatch pussy made an appearance….and since I was one of the many dudes who jerked off to this shit cuz we didn’t have internet at the time and it was enough to get us off…back before all the desensitization that lead to throat rape being the only way to our orgasm….and I thought it’d be nice to post this as a where are they now, throwback to pussy that once made us cum, and maybe if you’re really into it, pussy that can make you come again, cuz like a fine wine, shit gets better with age, but I doubt that’s the case….cuz masturbation isn’t like marriage and we don’t have to stay locked down to one whore…but I’ve been wrong before…

So here’s Traci Bingham, Pam Anderson, Angelica Bridges, Nicole Eggert, Gena Lee Nolin all old, botoxed and some even fat, but their fake stupid shoulda been pornstar tits haven’t aged a bit….

Pics via Bauer

2009

09

Dec

David Hasselhoff the Drunk Does Incest of the Day

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Like all drunks, David Hasselhoff has taken a real liking to his daughter. Not only is his judgement clouded and the idea of what is right and wrong has been replaced with doing what makes him feel good without really caring about how this is going to fuck up his daughter 10 years down the road when she realizes that fucking her broken daddy won’t fix her broken daddy and if anything it’s really disturbed and will just catch up with her after he dies of alcoholism and she gets married and has kids and when her husband asks for anal, all those dirty memories will come rushing back, making her drink to forge, ruining her marriage and talking about it 2 years after rehab when she tries to get her life together on whatever the fuck replaces Oprah’s show…..

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Daughter|David Hasselhoff|Incest

2009

09

Jul

David Hasselhoff’s Young Pussy of the Day

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Girls are so fucked. I don’t know what the deal is with them but you’d rarely see a dude dating a 60 year old woman just because she was on TV 10 years ago, but for some reason it’s some innate shit in a chick’s brain that makes them need to jump on any guy they’ve seen on TV and it doesn’t matter if he’s good looking, if he smells, if he was on a local commercial or if he is an actual star, the fact that they were in front of a camera is enough to make their panties wet enough that they have to take the shit off and jump on a fuckin’ dick.

I don’t know if it’s groupie behavior or some wanting what they assume everyone else wants and The Hoff is like her trophy or some shit, but I know it happens all the fuckin time, even with good lookin girls and the shit just confuses me.

Posted in:David Hasselhoff|Groupie

2009

21

May

David Hasselhoff’s Abortion Clinic Survivors of the Day

9 Comments »

The reason I never had kids was this fear that they’d be ugly. I know every once in a while ugly people have good lookin’ babies, in some sort of Karma for always feeling like shit about yourself, and allowing you to feel proud of something, by having the prettiest girl in the school, but Karma’s never been too good to me, leading me to believe I’d end up with some kind of legless mutand that I’d be forced to drag around down, so that everyone would look at me and laugh, since they don’t do that enough already. It

Based on these pictures, maybe David Hasselhoff shoulda had the same intuition as I did, because damn, these girls belong back in the abortion clinic dumpster, the home they never got to visit because some asshole decided to let his wife keep them and take them away from a much better fate.

I like that dis, I’m gonna shape the delivery on it a little better and use it daily. Amazing that I’ve still got it in me….

Posted in:Daughter|David Hasselhoff

2008

28

Nov

David Hasselhoff Gets Young Pussy of the Day

4 Comments »

Either this is David Hasselhoff and his daughter, or David Hasselhoff is proving to the world that no matter how much of a joke you are, as long as you’re on TV, there will be a willing pussy to fuck you, because everyone wants to be famous, and sometimes the only way to do that is to associate yourself with someone who is, even moderately famous, like the guy who stars in the local mattress commercial who I always see out drinking bottles of vodka with a group of stripper lookin’ chicks, because they think he’s important cuz he’s on TV, even though, he’s only on TV because he’s a fucking joke.

Posted in:David Hasselhoff|Fame Fucker

2007

03

May

I am -David Hasselhoff Exclusive Drunk Video

1 Comment »

I know Entertainment Tonight is on in about 30 mins where I live because I only have one channel and it is usually on in the background while my fat wife eats her chips, but this video is of David Hasselhoff wasted being filmed by his daughter and it is pretty fucking funny. I just spent the day at the casino because all my friends got their welfare checks and thought they would win big so that they wouldn’t have to be on welfare anymore. I guss their investment and money making ways is the reason they are on welfare to begin with, but I never turn down a good time. I only had 15 dollars and I lost it in about 5 minutes but it was still nice to see where all of society’s retired trash end up on a thursday afternoon. It was like a fucking old folks home field trip and I tried to seduce a couple of them into giving me some money to play with in exchange for oral sex, but they weren’t having it. In the end I got kicked out for stealing an old man who was asleep at his slot machine’s bucket of quarters, but I didn’t get arrested.

Either way, watch Hasslehoff in drunken action with his daughter, at least he isn’t touching her inappropriately like you would be. Sicko.

Posted in:David Hasselhoff|Drunk|Unsorted|Video