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Archive for the Hayden Panettiere Category

2009

13

May

Hayden Panettiere’s Got A Little Nipple of the Day

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I remember trying to convince a girl I was dating to get herself an IUD, or to get on the fuckin’ pill, because we don’t want to get her pregnant and I always cut holes in the comdoms so that they’d accidentally break, because she was the kind of girl who always insisted on using condoms, even after dating for 4 months monogamously, and I’d want that natural feeling. At first, I’d only do it on special occassions, like on my birthday, or on Saturday nights after drinking or getting high, knowing the sex would be awesome and she’d be in good enough spirits to no notice, but then I got hooked ont he skin on skin feeling, so was staging the broken condom shit every second day, until one day, I got sloppy and she walked in on my tampering with the fuckin’ goods, only to freak the fuck out for me “jeopardizing” her pussy, and she never spoke to me again, except for the time she called me threatening my life because she failed the papsmear and I’d given her HPV. The “these things happen” rationale didn’t really go over very well.

That story has nothing to do with Hayden Panettiere.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Nipple

2009

01

May

Star Trek Premiere Pussy of the Day

1 Comment »

Star Trek is coming and I’m sure that means that you are too, because Star Trek was the only friend you had growing up. It was the one thing you really connected with and when the internet hit it allowed you to find like minded loser virgins who you could interact with and meet at conventions to hang out with and is really the only reason you ever got married, so in a lot of ways Star Trek, the reason you were such a loser growing up, is the same reason you got pussy in the first place….

Here’s a little Heidi Klum throwin’ up her Virgin Gang Signs….I think that is like the hybrid shocker for girls with fatty assholes…but I am usually wrong about that shit…

Here’s some bad space jokes and others who were at the event….Which is funny because when you used to throw you Star Trek parties the only person who showed up was your stuffed animals and kid sister. I guess they got paid the fuck off, you know trying to take the acne faced, asthmatic, red headed pre-conceived notions of the shit…..


Amanda Bynes was there cuz her legs are out of this world…..


Kristin Cavallari was there because her career is as believable as science fiction….


Tori Spelling was there because her tits are fucking alien….


Hayden Panettiere because she all of her fans are fucking virgin Star Trek People. This is her fuckin’ scene

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Heidi Klum|Kristin Cavallari|Nicolette Sheridan|Star Trek

2009

01

Apr

Short and Thick Pussy Feeling Herself Up of the Day

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When I look at Hayden Panettiere, I just can’t help but imagine how strong her vagina is. Like can it carry bricks and help build a village for a small African tribe, or is all her muscle in her shoulder. Would fucking her result in getting your dick ripped the fuck off and used as a tampon, or would it be a magical experience you’d expect from getting with a dirty little elf. Would cumming on her chest be one of those things that emotionally scars you, you know leading to dreams of sex with 12 year old boys, because you can’t figure out if it was Hayden, or her boyish attributes that finished you off…..

Either way, here she is feeling herself up, because I guess guys know better than to get too close to her, because either way, she’s just a little too tough, like leather.

Posted in:Feel Up|Hayden Panettiere|Up-shirt

2009

24

Mar

Hayden Panettiere’s Shorts and Haircut of the Day

7 Comments »

Everyone is freaking out about Hayden Panettiere’s haircut, you know cuz it’s short and closer to the brush cut she had when she didn’t pretend to be a girl and embraced her penis…I just wanted to say that I am not one of those people.

Posted in:Haircut|Hayden Panettiere|Shorts

2009

04

Feb

Hayden Panettiere and Her Shitty Fucking Tits of the Day

8 Comments »

Hey guess what, Hayden Panettiere’s got shitty tits. I have more luscious cleavage you’d want to burry your head in, but then again I am clinically and legally obese, so I have bigger tits that most women.

The good news is that if she was to do porn she’d make more per scene because the companies love natural tits since most girls willing to do porn have already jacked their shit up. The bad news is that Hayden thinks she’s too good for porn and sticks to garbage TV shows no one watches, and by no one I mean everyone, you assholes are giving her this uncontrollable, undeserved ego.

Now, do it to me.

Posted in:Bad|Hayden Panettiere|Tits

2009

28

Jan

Hayden Panettiere and Her Dainty Panties of the Day

3 Comments »

I would have expected Hayden Panettiere to be rockin’a pair of men’s underwear, you know to keep her in the zone when she hits the leg press at the gym. I figured the only time she’d rock something strappy would be when she steps into her strap on. I am surprised to see she’s got feminine lookin’ underwear because she’s got more testosterone in her than a highschool football team, but I guess when it comes to feeling sexy on the inside, you gotta do what you gotta do on the outside and at times, that that means getting ladylike in your intimate areas that may or may not otherwise be ladylike.

When you do you better show the fuckin’ world it’s being done because it’s not everyday you slip into something like this to fuck with the public.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Thong|Whale Tail

2008

15

Dec

Hayden Panettiere Does Christmas of the Day

3 Comments »

A few years ago I applied to be a mall Santa. I heard the pay was good, the work was seasonal, but I didn’t get the job because when they asked me why I wanted to do it. I didn’t go with the answer I had planned that involved me wanting to bring happiness to kids by being the embodiment of a myth that brings them joy and finding personal satisfaction in taking such an important roll in their life, but instead went with saying that I love asking anyone if they’ve been naughty while they are sitting on my lap telling me what they want, if you know what I mean, while winking at the dude doing the hiring. Instead of the job, I got reported to security to keep an eye out on me in the event they saw me near the Santa station. I guess they can’t take a joke…

But it turns out the people at this Hayden Panettiere event can, because they cast the ugliest Mrs Claus I’ve ever seen. She reminds me of the half retarded girl, who wasn’t quite retarded enough to be institutionalized, but was half retarded enough to have no friends in my highschool, except for my dick after I trained her how to make it cum on lunch hour. Merry Christmas.

Posted in:Christmas|Hayden Panettiere

2008

18

Nov

Hayden Panettiere Buys Whip Cream of the Day

6 Comments »

When I see Hayden Panettiere getting out of her car holding a can of Whip Cream, all kinds of ideas of what she’s going to do with that can of Whip Cream run through my head. Like is she going to smear it all over her dick and make some hired slut lick it off like an ice cream cone or is she just sad and in the mood to emotionally eat and watch romantic comedies, or maybe she’s working on a new act for the circus she’s auditioning for as a midget clown, that involves a little slapstick comedy, you know some cream pies (not those kinds of creampies) to the face like she’s one of the Three Stooges and the truth is, I really don’t give a fuck because I am scared of Midget clowns and all their silly stunts so I’ll just post the pictures and leave it to your imagination because I just don’t have the answers…..or picture proof you are looking for. It’s all part of being a waste of internet space and taking that role seriously.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Whip Cream

2008

13

Nov

Hayden Panettiere Sweating in Tights of the Day

6 Comments »

Hayden Panettiere tucked her package in a pair of tights and went for what looks like a jog with her dog. Bitch is all sweaty and I figured you’d like that because you can imagine her lookin’ like this after giving her the best blow job of her life. That fantasy doesn’t make you gay, I mean it’s not like this shit will ever go down and become a reality and even if it did, you are not alone. I read somewhere that a huge percentage of straight dudes like chicks with dicks, so wanting to fuck football player lookin’ midget chicks with dicks isn’t that much of a stretch. I mean, if she’s got tits and an asshole and a female lookin’ face, she’s 75% woman and 75% is pretty much better than I’ve ever been at anything, so I guess it’s all ok, but then again, I’m not that good with numbers and I think the whole penis thing destroys my theory, but who really cares, just watch this graceful bull in action….

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Sweating

2008

07

Nov

Hayden Panettiere in a Low Cut Shirt for Madonna of the Day

3 Comments »

I was sitting next to a late night pizza place after going out drinking last night and this girl walked by a group of older immigrant drunk men, alone. The guys ravaged her. They were pulling at her and asking her questions like if she liked to fuck. Then one of them asked her if she wanted to see their friend’s big purple cock, and the guy who was the owner of the big purple cock, said he didn’t want it getting back to his kids, but he assured her that his cock was big and purple and the girl ran off, choosing to not get pizza where old men with big purple cocks assault 18 year old college girls. I didn’t get a good look at he guy with the big purple cock, but I think it could have been Hayden Panettiere, despite being at the Madonna concert, because it’s a pre-requisite to keep her gay passport, like being in a Gay Pride Parade, dressing like a woman at least once, going to an Aids charity event, and knowing what at least 10 different cocks, look, feel and taste like….before and after they’ve been in your ass.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Madonna