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Archive for the Hot Category

2008

08

Sep

Rihanna Lookin’ Hot When Performing at the VMAs of the Day

5 Comments »

I was at a club this past weekend drinking like I do. It was some open bar party that I managed to work my way into and when inside, I got to talking to some dude about smoking weed, and how the girls in this place were all drunk and wanted to get fucked. A Rihanna song came on, since she’s pretty much killin’ the music industry and is on the top of her game, despite not being a very good singer or a very hot bodied black chick, but I still think she deserves it because all her songs are catchy and hits that everyone can get down to.

Either way, this chick who looked and dressed like Rihanna jumped onto a table and started doing Rihanna choreographed dance moves that she obviously learned watching her music videos and as she danced away, people started watching the spectacle and formed a bit of an audience around her because from far away she looked just like Rihanna and we didn’t know if we were in a celebrity party or if this girl was just a fuckin’ rip off artist who was loving all the attention….

When the song ended and she got off her table and everyone clapped for her, which I thought was ridiculous, considering how creepy it is to pretend you are someone famous to feel better about yourself when people clap and grandmas ask for autographs so I decided to walk up to her and entertain her shit. She gave me pure fuckin’ attitude and when the guy I met who loved weed asked for a picture she said something like “I don’t do photos” and I laughed in her face, because that kind of attitude from someone who is just copying someone famous because she thinks she’s actually important and has some kind of ego like she’s a celebrity and not just some shitty stripper or whatever the fuck she does to pay her bills is funny….what isn’t funny is the fact that I still wanted to fuck her but knew I’d never see her naked, not even with promises of featuring her on this website because she was too caught up in thinking she was famous while the real Rihanna was at the VMAs and here are the pics….

Bonus Here She Is With T.I. in Tight Pants

Here She is Arriving to the Show

Posted in:Hot|Rihanna|VMA

2008

28

Aug

Miranda Kerr Isn’t That Hot of the Day

8 Comments »

I am already excited about going out and getting drunk in a couple of hours because I can’t seem to remember all the funny shit I saw yesterday and I need new material. Every couple of months, my brain just stops working on me and shit I tell myself to remember always just disappear, but I do know that it is Frosh week and despite how annoying it is seeing a bunch of young girls hanging out with a bunch of lame dudes that they just met when they moved to the city wasted, naive and pretty much acting as wild as they fuckin’ can, it’s better than sitting on my couch listening to my wife breathing in the other room.

That said, Miranda Kerr is supposed to be this prodigy model and everyone is freaking out about her and I just don’t get it. There’s really nothing special about her and to honor that, I wrote a post that is really nothing special. It happens.

Posted in:Hot|Miranda Kerr

2008

27

Aug

Kate Bowsworth Lookin’ Hot of the Day

7 Comments »

I had an argument with some chick who told me Kate Bowsworth was the hottest celebrity out there. I wasn’t sure who she was because she’s pretty much a no name and I kept using that as the basis of my argument that she in no way is the hottest celebrity because she’s not even a celebrity, before realizing this conversation was on the same level as giving girls in my eighth grade class a number rating with my group of loser friends who could never get up inside the girls we were givin’ 7s to and tried to divert the conversation to her vagina. You know ask her things about it that sound profound but are really my way to get details on what it looks like. It’s a philosophical approach that always tricks college girls. I ask if questions like “if your vagina was a country, what would it be” or “if your vagina was a hat what would it look like” then I bust out a porn mag and ask them to point out the vagina that looks most like theirs and it is always a fuckin’ dealbreaker.

The point of all this is to say, here’s the hottest Kate Bowsworth pic I’ve ever seen, maybe the chick I was talking to was right.

Posted in:Hot|Kate Bowsworth

2008

26

Aug

Camila Alves is a Pretty Hot Hairy Mom of the Day

5 Comments »

I was in an Indian run grocery store yesterday buying my wife some supplies to get her through the night, like cheap ice cream and a bag of chips. I was there with my stepdaughter who wanted to come along for the ride, even though it was more of a walk down the street. I started playing around in front of the hairy brown clerk by taking her obscure product line of native Indian food and rubbed it on my stepdaughter’s face, saying things like “you’re going to get an Indian disease” and “now you have Malaria” and “you’re going to turn the color of your mother’s shit she stained the toilet with earlier today” and “now you smell like curry” and after about 5 minutes of laughing at the crap this chick was selling, she pulled out a hammer and said to get the fuck out of her store before she attacked in her thick accent I couldn’t really take serious leading to me laughing more, until she got out from behind the counter and started to muscle me out. It turns out that she didn’t find laughing at her culture as funny as I did.

Now although Camila Alves is no Indian or Sri Lankan, she’s got the same sideburns as the lady who assaulted me last night and despite that hair little rat face, I find her hot enough to get pregnant, good job Matthew Mcconaughey, this bitch bounced back proper.

Posted in:Camila Alves|cleavage|Hot

2008

21

Aug

Daveigh Chase Then and Now of the Day

7 Comments »

If you’re wondering what happened to the Voice of Lilo from Lilo and Stitch that you used to jerk off to when you were going through that whole Disney Cartoons are Like Porn to me phase, here’s your answer. Her name is Daveigh Chase, she’s 18, I’ve never heard of her but she is some child star who is still in the industry because she’s pretty much still a child, but a legal child, the kind you can fuck without fear of prison…

Speaking of 18 year olds, I just ran into some 50 year old woman who thought she was 18. From behind he had a really fucking tight body, like nothing about that body looked like it was anything older than 18. She was wearing trendy clothes and had big hair and I just assumed she was product of some rich guy, well I was partially right, because she was obviously married to a rich guy who invested some serious money into her because when she turned around it was like I was looking at the fucking devil, with some haggard lookin’ plastic surgery raped face and those perky tits where obvious implants, but that body was so tight, she must really send a lot of time fuckin’ her personal trainer. That has nothing to do with Daveigh Chase, on her hot skinny body, but I wanted to remember that story for future masturbation, and since this is my personal blog, I’m allowed.

Posted in:Daveigh Chase|Hot

2008

14

Aug

Helena Christensen Rocks a Bikini of the Day

4 Comments »

Here’s another old hot model I want to fuck who is set for life and spending the day in her bikini and you should be jealous of her because she has the money to do all the things you wish you could do because of all the money she made because she was born hot and someone figured they could make money off her. The truth is that I have spoke to local models, who aren’t really anything special, but think they are and they have dreams of international modeling stardom and always talk about how hard their work is and how much talent shit takes and it’s all fucking bullshit.

I was featured in Maxim and Complex magazine, I’m not bragging, cuz it’s not a big deal, but I am just saying, that the photoshoots consisted of sitting on your ass on a couch next to a table of catered breakfast food, drinks and coffee that is better than anything I get here, until the motherfucker was ready to take your picture, in a room with 4 set designers, 1 art director, 1 photographer and 1 photograher’s assistant, where you sit on your ass in the set they have set u and he takes your picture for about an hour, joke around between shots and then the caterer brings in lunch that is bettert than anything I can afford here and everyone takes an hour break and sits around talking about bullshit, until dude takes more pictures or you and wrapping things up mid afternoon, ending the day of work that was more like sitting at home all day with pretentious art fags with camera equiment. I figured real models do pretty much the same thing only on a bigger scale and if they do shit is a fuckin’ joke, doesn’t take talent and pays too fucking much, proven with these pictures of Helena Christensen in her bikini.

Posted in:Bikini|Helena Christensen|Hot

2008

10

Jul

Celine Dion is Hot in a Bikini of the Day

12 Comments »

Celine Dion is a hero where I live, shes the French Canadian who made it into the big leagues, a local talent who doesn’t live at home or do much for home, because she peaced the first chance she got, but knowing she is from the same shitty poverty low class roots as them keeps them going as they drive their compact 20 year old car to the local chicken restaurant they work at.

Like all French girls I know, other than my wife, who obviously has some kind of genetic disorder that I didn’t know about when I married her, she looks worth fucking in her bikini. For some reason, French chicks don’t really get fat no matter how badly they eat, they just always have these slim bodies that eventually start hanging off their bones in some kind of slim-fat aging mess, but when dressed shit looks pretty tight. I guess my idea of french girls is a little biased, since the only ones I know are career strippers who rock the pole, chain smoke and eat french fries and gravy, french toast, french salad dressing and drink excessively while jacked on coke.

The only exciting thing I know about French girls is their passion and love for getting fucked anally on the first date, they are pretty open to sex and laid back about the shit, meaning you don’t have to promise to take them to a subtitled movie so you can both enjoy it. They are low maintenance, and don’t expect flowers or jewelry, you just have to bring her a chocolate bar and promise to pay for the aborition if you knock her up and bitch is naked.

It’s also socially acceptable to fuck at 14 and legal for 50 year olds to fuck 14 year olds, it’s a cultural thing you’d probably appreciate, but that’s just because the young girls won’t judge your small penis because compared to the 14 year cock they’ve been getting, yours is average sized.

I heard that Celine Dion’s husband was her married neighbor when she was growing up and who slammed her when she was 14 and his wife was at church, before dude mortgaged his house to record her first album and make them all rich and making her father not run dude over with his snowplow.

BONUS – SOME MORE OF HER IN A ONE-PIECE

Posted in:Celine Dion|Hot

2008

18

Jun

Jessica Biel’s Got a Hot Lesbian Girlfriend of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know why everyone is all up on the Lohan/ Ronson lesbian scandal while people like Jessica Biel are openly out and by out I mean totally showing off their lesbianism with some old fat chick. I feel like that kind of sexual dysfunction is almost worth talking about but then again, Biel is pretty useless so I’ll just leave it at that.

Posted in:Hot|Jessica Biel|Lesbian

2008

20

May

Jenny McCarthy is a Hot Man of the Day

10 Comments »

Jenny McCarthy has never been hot in my world, but then again, my world is a scary place and girls who were in Playboy don’t exist in it, but when I look at her now, I feel like she’d fit in nicely amongst the trannies I roll by and want to befriend because I am fascinated in their big hair, bad make-up, fake tits and penis, not in a sexual way, I am not creepy like that, despite knowing that tranny porn is watched mostly by straight dudes who think it’s less gay to watch a chick with a dick bang a chick than watch a dude bang a chick, because at least the dick’s got a hot set of fake tits, but I find it a little too unnatural to be down with. I do know that someone who has done that to themselves is probably a lot of fun to hang with because they obviously don’t give a fuck about what other people think about them.

The point of all that was to say that Jenny McCarthy may have big tits, she may live a life as a girl but until I see a spread out pussy, I am calling dude on this shit. Her freaky face is just too much like one of my homeboys than one that comes stock with a vagina.

Posted in:Hot|Jenny McCarthy|Man|Tits

2008

09

May

Tori Spelling’s Got Some Hot Mom Tits of the Day

9 Comments »

One of the stranger things that I remember from TV in the nineties was trying to make sense of Tori Spelling’s breast dent after her dad bought her a set of tits on 90210. I think it had to do with her being pigeon chested like this dude I know who was born pre-mature to a drug and alcohol addicted mother and grew up to have the weirdest shaped borderline crippled body that lead to him wearing numerous braces and harnesses so that he wouldn’t fall apart when he banged his wife. She told me it was like fucking a cyborg…a very frail asthmatic cyborg.

One of the stranger things that I remember since the nineties is that some meal ticket motherfucker actually got it on with Tori Spelling to the point of knockin’ her up twice. That’s about the level of knocking up, where using the “I was drunk” excuse doesn’t fly.

I’d still bang her and her saturated womb, but that’s cuz she’ll always be the virgin on 90210 for me and I kinda have a crush on virgins. The truth is that I don’t actually like virgins because they are either too young or too socially awkward but I pretend I do for the sake of posts, that’s just how versatile I am.

Posted in:Hot|Tits|Tori Spelling