I was surprised to see these pictures of Kristin Cavallari working, not because I really know who Kristin Cavallari is, but I am under the impression she came up from Laguna Beach, and refused to go on to do The Hills because she was an idiot and had an ego and false concept of her talent and ability based on the inflated success of Laguna Beach. Only to discover that work doesn’t come easy, when you’ve played an idiot on TV while playing yourself and that anything of quality would stay the fuck away from you because you are a liability, joke, and pretty much fucking suck.
But at least Cosmo invited her to hang out at some bikini party in Miami and you know she’s important cuz she got to wear a bikini in a different color than everyone else.
Guess what I was doing this weekend. Fucking nothing. So Kirstin Cavallari is still better than me even though she is useless, so I guess that says a lot about me…
This just in, Kristin Cavallari has no ass and it’s proven to be pretty disgusting every time she tries to take a shit. No seriously, I fucking hate girls with no asses, even if they are skinny as fucking Ethiopian starving kids before their stomachs get distended, they’ve got to have a nice round ass, small or not, but this flat flap of skin trying to form ass cheeks between her thigh and back is just fucking confusing to me and maybe someone should send her some bathing suit bottoms that aren’t designed for girls I want to fuck. get it together Cavallari, you irrelevant assless, whore.
Kim Kardashian is a fat chick who has no business being famous or landing work. The only thing she’s ever accomplished is the best damn Paris Hilton rip off out there. She talks exactly like her, she pulled off the sex tape shit like her and it got her work, like her….but that’s about all she’s done. I look at these pictures and see that even Kim knows she’s fat, otherwise that ass wouldn’t be covered up like the birth defect and result of laziness and bad eating habits that it is….but for some reason, people still think she’s some kind of natural beauty, despite not being neither beautiful or natural. Just because she denies getting work done, doesn’t mean she hasn’t had work done, this is a useless bitch we’re dealing with and as a useless bitch, everything that comes out of her mouth is fuckin’ useless…..
I guess she found a couple people who are more useless than her to hang with in their bikinis and despite hating them, I don’t hate bikinis and I am posting this shit despite them ruining this shit….
On a side note, if you’re wondering why Kirstin Cavallari is pretty much irrelevant, I think it’s gotta do with the fact that she’s got a shitty ass, a pot belly and the length of her head, is longer that the length of her torso and that’s some bobble head shit, I can’t really grasp…..oh and because she didn’t agree to do The spinoff of Laguna Beach that you may have heard of called The Hills…..because I guess she was delusional and thought she was too talented for that or some shit….
Kristin Cavallari was out getting stalked by the paparzzi despite not having anything going on in her career. She was the genius who didn’t agree to do The Hills after MTV decided to do a spinoff of the show she starred on called Laguna Beach. I am not sure why she decided against The Hills, maybe she wanted to get her life back, or maybe she thought she had talent that was worthy of getting actual acting roles, instead of playing herself in scripted reality show, but who really cares, especially considering no one really gives a shit about her, we’re too busy hating her “friends” while making them all get richer and richer despite hoping they cancel that smut they are in so Heidi can go back to suckin’ dick in dormrooms where she belongs….
Either way, the paparazzi as her about politics and she gets confused, blows them off and gets into the wrong fucking car, because the paparazzi have the same BMW as she does. Sure, Kristin Cavallari doesn’t fully deserve a BMW of her own, since she’s kinda a joke of a celebrity, but the paparazzi definitely don’t deserve a fucking BMW. That just goes to show you that the prices they try to get me to pay for pictures are way too fuckin’ high, when the immigrant asshole crawling through garbage to get the pics is driving a luxury german automobile.
The whole thing offends me, not because I can’t afford to drive a BMW, but because the paparazzi clearly make enough money as paparazzi to let my site slide for posting their images, because deeper pocket paying the bills for them, while I don’t make money doin’ this shit. It’s like charity work.
The truth is that I am happy not making money and driving my neighbor’s 80’s Hyundai when my wife needs to do errands or go to the doctor, but that’s just because seeing her squeeze into an Asian 4 speed hatchback piece of shit is fucking hysterical and seeing how long it takes her to get out, is one of the great joys in my life.
Kristin Cavallari is the hotter girl from Laguna Beach who wasn’t smart enough to continue onto the hills, where she would have probably been paid the highest, and instead chose to take her ego to do other things, without considering the simple fact that she’s got pretty much no talent, or at least had no significant talent before seeing these pictures of her in leggings doing some kind of new age kamasutra kick with her sex coach. So as her old friends and foes from her shitty staged reality show get more and more famous and make more and more money by selling their souls, she remains committed to taking a second shot, only this time, it will involve her fucking her way to the top, like it always was meant to be….only that she got side-tracked from doing…
Here’s The Rest of those Pictures Since I Can’t Post Them Because of the Paprazzi Wanting to Ruin My Life…. GO
People and by people I mean one person has been asking for more Kristin Cavallari, the bitch from Laguna Beach who opted out of the spin-off that unfortunately turned out to be the biggest fucking thing on TV unfortunately. I realize I said unfortunately twice because the one thing I can relate toKristin Cavallari on is that we both want to kill ourselves because of The Hills. Sure I want to kill myself because everytime I come across the lies and people talking about the lies and the ugly people perpetuating the lies of that show, it makes me hate society, while Kristin Cavallari is probably realizing she missed her meal ticket by being a cunt who thought she was bigger and better than a spin off show that would ruin her fictitious career she thought she was going to have after Laguna Beach cuz of ego, while it would have been the biggest payout of her career.
So while Heidi is out there making millions and Kristin is a talentless thing of the past, who just didn’t know her worth as a piece of shit fake reality star, and she’s drinking her sorrows away to deal with it, but the truth is, it is probably a better life than being Heidi Montag….but then again being a retarded castrated deaf, blind, mute with a terminal illness and a skin disorder that makes you itch and burn all the time with no control over your bladder ever since the accident that left you a quadruple amputee and you still are lucky to not be Heidi Montag. She is that bad.
Here’s some ghetto ad campaign for a ghetto bathing suit line that sells at Wal Mart and it’s starring a whole lot of useless people, like Rumer WIllis, Josie Maran, Kristin Cavallari, Christina Milian and some other assholes. They probably would have been better off hiring a whole group of no names who were actually worth lookin’ at in bikinis, not a group of ugly bitches and has-beens, but I guess there’s a reason why I am not a corporate marketing executive and instead spend my days on my couch.
I guess it’s nice to see Rumer Willis is still capable of smiling despite how fucking ugly her face is. I guess she’s got enough positive attention over the years that she doesn’t realize just how broken down she is. Maybe she’s just overjoyed at the fact that she landed some work or that someone actually asked her to get half naked and she’s up on this for free just for the chance to show the world that she’s good enough to fuck from behind. That’s assuming the company actually paid her, which I highly fuckin’ doubt and would make sense considering Wal Mart brands don’t have much budget. It’s like her big break because the last time anyone asked her to take off her clothes was her doctor and he was just checking to see if she had all her lady parts because her jaw threw him off and I guess there was that time that a kid in her class tried to fuck her in hopes of selling the sex tape to her parents to prevent public embarrassment when the world saw her penis shaped clit.
It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that Ashlee Simpson’s wife didn’t feel up to getting out in a bikini, I guess the whole marriage thing has lead her to let herself go a little.
Either way, here are the pictures of the stupid campaign.
Not only is Kristin Cavallari useless, but so is her ass, and here it is in a pair of jeans. One of entertainment’s big mysteries is that people actually watch The Hills. I have been forced to watch a few clips of the shit and seeing the scripted bullshit and horrible acting, confuses me. I just don’t understand the appeal. I also don’t understand how shit got on the air in the first place, let alone becoming a success. It’s one of those shows that makes me want to kill myself because it’s popularity makes me realize just how doomed our world is. I know that may sound a little dramatic like I’m some kind of Liza Minnelli dancing around on stage, making a big deal out of nothing, but the truth is that making celebrities out of people who are shit and pimping out shows that are shit and seeing it work despite being shit makes me think the majority of the world is shit and there’s no hope for me despite also being shit by on a different level of shit that can’t relate to this shit.
Yesterday I got an email saying that Kristin Cavallari was suckin’ dick at 13 and today I got one that said:
Dear Jesus,
I read that post on Kristin Cavallari and her dick sucking in camp, I just wanted to let you know that I was one of the guys she sucked off at 13….that’s right…one of the guys. We used to all use her mouth as our own fucking masturbation tool, fuck using a hand when you have a willing girl with her mouth wide open. It made circle jerks so much fuckin’ better, because instead of cumming on the cracker, we’d just all cum in her mouth and the loser would have to snowball the bitch.
There was this one time I had her back of the head in my hand and I was just fuckin’ the shit out of her face and she slid her finger in my ass. At first I thought it was one of my camp buddies getting a little too close for comfort but then I realized it was Cavallari….now at 13 getting your ass fingered is some next level shit that only someone who had been molested would know how to do…so my theory is that she was molested but it was all worth it because she was phenomenal. The best I’ve ever had…oh and she’s a total squirter.
Take it easy man.
J.
That was kinda disturbing and I am going to assume that it’s not true……
funny little fact- kristin cavallari taught me to give head on a flashlight at Camp Edwards in 2001 ( she went to my highschool, barrington high school, but then she got kicked out because she brought weed to school).
funnier fact- i’m drunk as fuck but fact number 1 is still true. i’ll send pics.
p.s. she’s actually a nice lil girl.. except for the fact that she was givin head at age 13
Firstly, I don’t trust any of my readers to have ever known anyone famous, let alone gone to the same camp as someone famous, but since Kristin Cavallari isn’t famous, I call this message FACT. There’s nothing wrong with a 13 year old giving head, unless it’s on you, you dirty old fuckin’ pervert. And there’s nothing wrong with her teaching her friends how to do it proper in camp, it’s kind of the rich girl way, along with developing an eating disorder, cocaine addiction and Paris Hilton attitude by the time they are 16….
It’s a whole new generation out there, I’ve heard about this young girl fucking shit on Oprah and I am jealous because when I was 13, the only head I was getting was the head on my root beer float….actually I was too poor for root beer floats, I just couldn’t figure out a joke for this. I am not very good at this blogging shit.
