SFW Archives - Page 919 of 1169 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2016

07

Apr

Cameron Diaz LOL of the Day

If you’re an old haggard cokehead who has had vats of cum on your face – over the years…while making a ridiculous amount of money being an average at best actress…because the stars aligned for the bitch….because you were hot in your younger years…

Do not pose next to your photoshopped cover of your magazine, on some outdated photo, or photoshopped photo…allowing us to do a comparison of “actual face”…and “phony lie hollywood face”….

I thought she was pregnant? Did she already have her lecherous kid with the cheesiest fucking dude in Hollywood, who you may remember from being one of the Good Charlotte mall brand punk….but I remember as the guy who used to rub herpes with Paris Hilton…before being a lottery winner with this haggard bitch…

I guess what I’m saying is this is pretty hilarious…

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Naomi Watts is 100 Years old in a Magazine of the Day

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Naomi Watts is about 100 years old…but this is what she wants you to think she looks like…

I find it a little hard to believe…partially because no 100 year old looks like this…especially not an Australian….because due to ozone layer sun damage…and hard living, hard drinking, party life….they generally look like weather crocodiles by 35…

I don’t know what Hollywood magic with lighting, after effect, photoshop, duct tape pounds of make-up, is going on here…I just know I know 20 year olds who don’t drink, do drugs, live the hollywood life, who drink lots of water and sleep well every night…who have more wrinkles than this..

Maybe this is shot in a wind tunnel….

Posted in:Naomi Watts|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Hannah Davis for Some Magazine for My Birthday of the Day

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Derek Jeter wife in training…Hannah Davis is pretty hot…but her vagina may tell a different story….thanks to being Derek Jeter the guy who has had sex with everyone, real random hookers like Vida Guerra…Bridget hall…to Cameron Diaz, Paris Hiltons, and a bunch of other herpes…Athletes…with all their money…and fitness just love that pussy…

What better way to get pussy as an Athlete than through Sports Illustrated and what better way to feel legitimate as a model than by fucking an Athlete…with lots of money…who will help her maintain her lifestyle that her rich dad gave her…because like the Hadids…Hannah Davis is a rich kid….a rich kid in Health Magazine, because this is the life of an Athlete wife…

Posted in:Hannah Davis|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Maia Mitchell Panty Flash for My Birthday of the Day

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22 year old Australian Maia Mitchell, who apparently an actress who has been in the industry since 2005 when she was 12, leading to a whole bag of issues that come with pushing your kid into working at a young age, motivating them by spoiling them and telling them they are the best, only to realize that they aren’t…makes for crazy…

That said, she’s outside a bar, flashing her panties, because she’s a big star on ABC Family you’ve never head of and all I know is that as an Australian, I’d expect her to be playing ping pong with her dick…or something equally outrageous, since Australians are so much fun…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Maia Mitchell|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Lindsay Lohan for My Birthday of the Day

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Lindsay Lohan is everything…I forget she exists most of the time, but it’s my birthday and I’ll never forget the magic that she has brought our lives…even though I generally forget Lindsay Lohan…because she’s totally uninteresting, she’s washed up, half dead, boring, and probably never going to have a comeback tour, even though all I want for her birthday is for her to star in the script I wrote based on her life….that involves her having sex with my face until I die….you know to help her win the Academy Award because I am just that talented, and that’s the line I would use to try to trick her when she’s officially hit rock bottom…and her crazy views me as the only hope she has…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Marloes Horst for Marie Claire of the Day

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Marloes Horst is lovely…

The kind of girl I would sing love songs to….with my penis…to her vagina….not that it would be that eventful because my penis is a horrible poet…has a terrible voice…and he can’t playing the piano…because he’s too busy hiding in the shell that is my fat gunt…thanks to low testosterone…

It’s my birthday, I am old, I can deal with it…because I have a mouth that I can use as a stand in…

Not that Marloes Horst would have any of that, she’s too fancy, in magaiznes like Marie Calire…but I still prefer her strip video….

Posted in:Marloes Horst|SFW

2016

07

Apr

Krysten Ritter in a Bikini from a Few Weeeks Ago for my Birthday of the Day

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I shouldn’t be working today – not that this is work…but I am still sitting at a computer on my birthday when I have adventures to pretend I’d got on…when really I’d just rather sit on my couch or nap….working hard for the nap….

So to honor that laziness, that entitled birthday bullshit people do, here are old pics of Krysten Ritter who I think is also old…but who was once a model that I never bothered noticing until watching her netflix show and thinking “I’d fuck that”…making her ass in a bathing suit, even a weird shaped bathing suit…juicy enough to stare at…

I figure if I haven’t seen the pics, even if they’re weeks old, they are still new to me..and her pregnancy bump, or gunt from too much vacation eating….is the real star of this shoot…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Krysten Ritter|SFW

2016

06

Apr

Fatty Titty Murderer Ariel Winter of the Day

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Ariel Winter is the fat chick by Hollywood Standards, I know Americans who are used to Obese think this is normal, but it’s not, just look at that neck….

She’s also the TITTY killer, because she had these huge saggers that she chopped off and repackaged into what are still pretty HUGE…along with everything – EVEN HER VAGINA CLIT…

She’s been celebrated HARD the last few months since turning 18, I don’t watch TV so didn’t realize she was the portly little roundness people were jerking off to when watching shitty sitcoms…I didn’t even know she existed…but since that birthday…these new tits have been out there, talked about by her and the media…and now she’s doing weirdo staged paparazzi style paparazzi pics – in the Bahamas…because there is no way these aren’t staged…posing, doing YOGA pose weirdness, but most importantly in a white bikini, because white bikins when wet are see through, making them the only bikini worth being friends with….

I guess I’m just confused how she’s got an OUTTY pussy, usually that’s reserved for skinny girls…fat chicks all just have slit…because their fat lips bury the inner unit…

FASCINATING POST – right? RIGHT!!!

I’m old, she’s young, chubby or not, I like it…that’s what happens when you get old….everyone looks good as long as they aren’t old…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Here she is in red bikini….

Here’s a bonus instagram tit pic..

Posted in:Ariel Winter|SFW

2016

06

Apr

Bella Thorne’s Nice Shirt of the Day

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Bella Thorne is everywhere, she’s got her slut on, and she’s done is so fucking well, that people don’t realize she’s a slut, but more importantly, they don’t realize she’s 40…sure a fit 40…but 40 none the less…

We live in a world where we are exposed to so much information and misinformation…but instead choose to just eat up what we are told because we are distracted and have lazy minds…

So when she says she’s 18, people say “who cares about Bella Thorne, let’s go with her being 18, I like her ass….oh shit…she’s got tits too…and doesn’t wear a bra…”…distractions…

I think it’s the reason why all this garbage VINE comedy is so big, bad jokes are easy to understand…and HAHA…why think…no need to think…just watch porn and smut that is all content produced by media…like moron consumers the government wants you to be.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Here’s a bonus snapchat…

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW

2016

06

Apr

Emma Stone’s On a Boat of the Day

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I hate that whenever you say that anyone is “on a boat”…some asshole who is overly influenced by social media, pop culture, viral videos, youtubers, the internet…will sing that Andy Samberg song…

It makes me hope for the apocalypse, which we are on the right track to hit in our lifetimes, and that in and of itself is kind of exciting…because we need a reset…and I guess so does EMMA STONE, because she’s gone sailing…you know to deal with her rough life being rich as fuck, famous as fuck…

Posted in:Emma Stone|SFW

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