Shorts Archives - Page 9 of 10 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

26

Oct

I am – Shauna Sand Dressed Classy of the Day

I caught my wife cleaning the toilet with my toothbrush the other day, she’s creative like that and probably saw it on some soap opera or shit she watches on tv all day. I was actually really happy to see her cleaning for the first time in the last 5 years together. But then I realized that Paypal has all my money and I can’t buy a new one. I am not sure what I did to piss her off, it may have been coming home with a pair of panties from a girl I convinced to take off her panties in the club and bragging to my wife about how amazing of an experience it was by making her smell them to see that they weren’t clean, but none of that matters. What does matter is that my mouth tastes like I’ve been eating shit and yes, I know what shit tastes like, it’s a long story that I don’t want to relive.

Speakin’ of shit here are some pictures of Shauna Sand at some event dressed as classy as this whore can get with a Chanel bracelet on. She’s the kind of girl you could probably convince to let you shit on them because it would be taking your sex life to the next level, when in reality you just hate her for being such a whore and shitting on her is the only way to make yourself feel better about things.

Either way, the good news is that washed up ex-Playmates may be the only people dressed like this on the daily, but it’s Halloween, so get ready for everyday girls to be doin’ the Shauna Sand, even though they’ve probably never heard of her. All the madness starts in a few hours.

Related Posts:

Shauna Sand Nipple in a Dress
Shauna Sand’s Implant Nipple
Shauna Sand See Through Shirt

Shauna Sand Sex Tape Clips Exclusive

2007

26

Sep

I am – Kristin Cavallari Dressed Like a Slut of the Day

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Here are some Kirstin Cavallari pictures from the set of some movie she’s working on. Yeah, it’s hard to believe that she’s working on a movie but I can only assume it will be one of the shittiest movies ever made….

I went to a strip club recently and when I was there the girl was wearing a similar outfit to Cavallari’s. She was in cut off jean shorts and had a push up bikini top and she looked like she was pretty hot, until the clothes came off and I realized she was dumpy as fuck. I am not into discriminating bitches for being dumpy, because all pussy is worth at least lookin’ at, but when she got on stage she was a wreck of a performer. She kept tripping and falling all over herself. When she did her pole tricks she kept hitting her head on the ground and she almost kicked the dude I was with in the face. She got on all fours to do the booty bounce because it’s popular but couldn’t manage it and just looked like she was flexing her ass muscles and lookin at a flexed chick ass is one of the least sexy things out there. There was nothing hot about the performance and I laughed at least twice.

I like to think Kristin Cavallari is a lot like that stripper. She’s not that talented or good at what she does, but she doesn’t realize it and still gets on the screen for people to watch and laugh at, but when she’s sitting around in a push up bikini top and short cut off jean shorts, I got no problem lookin’ at her tits….

Related Posts:

Kristin Cavallari Bikini Pics
Kristin Cavallari Facebook Pics
Audrina Partridge From The Hills Bikini Pics
Lauren Conrad Bikini Pics

2007

21

Sep

I am – Jessica Simpson on Set of Some Movie in Shorts of the Day

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I always get hate mail for people for being a mean spirited asshole. I always tell those people that I rip into myself a lot harder than I rip into any celebrity and I am really only doing it for the sake of doing it. I don’t actually care if Jessica Simpson is an idiot or if she was fat but is now too skinny, I would take the bitch as is, no questions asked. I think what it comes down to is that I am just making fun of the media that makes fun of her and seriously reports her weight changes and her relationship status. Who gives a fuck about those things, I just want to see her tits. So here she is lookin’ fit as hell on the set of her movie. I assume she had a jogging scene because she’s in jogging gear and it’s too bad she’s rockin’ a sports bra, because sports bra’s ruin tits.

I remember I used to bang this really busty girl and she’d always be ashamed of having such big tits, so she’d wear a normal bra and 2 sports bras over it in hopes of squeezing the fuckers in. She didn’t like people knowing that she was packing that kind of heat and she wasn’t a fat chick so shit was way out of proportion. I remember that every time I would come over I would fight with her to take the stupid sports bra off because let’s face it, her tits were the only reason I was hanging out with her and as soon as she got drunk enough, she’d let me. Getting to her nipples was like getting to the center of a tootsie pop shit took forever, and there were so many layers. I felt like a prospector lookin’ for gold, but once I got through those fucking sports bras and into that special place where her titties lived, I had so much tit I didn’t know what to do with myself other than cum.

Here are those Jessica Simspon on set pics:

Related Posts:

Jessica Simspon’s Acting Drunk on Set Pictures
Jessica Simpson Showing Off Her Legs
Some Jessica Simpson’s Got Hard Nipples Pictures
Jessica Simpson’s Tit Busting Out of Her Dress

2007

14

Sep

I am – Nicky Hilton Shorts of the Day

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I find it weird that Nicky Hilton is from the same family as Paris. I am thinking that one of them is adopted or a product of the slutty mom slutting out with the pool boy or some shit and the dad didn’t want to draw negative attention to the family so he just took her on as his own because she wasn’t as fucking embarrassing as Paris was. You would think that since they are from the same vagina and the same home and had the same nannies raise them that they would both be public attention craving whores, but I’ve never seen Nicky Hilton fuck on camera and I feel like I should have by now and that makes me feel left out. Maybe it all stems from the fact that the parents gave her a normal name and didn’t name her after the dad’s favorite stripper….because anyone I’ve ever met named Paris has let me touch her tits for 10 dollars a song or less.

Either way, the one thing they do seem to have in common is a fucking ego as Nicky rocks a belt with the letter H on it for Hilton. That’s almost the same thing as me getting a tattoo that says “DrunkenStepfather.com” on it, only way different because my site isn’t as luxurious as a moderately priced hotel chain.

Either way, here are some pics of Nicky as slutty as she gets, showin a little bra strap in shorts…

Related Posts:

Nicky Hilton’s Ass in Spandex Pictures
Nicky Hilton’s Dumpy Ass Pictures
The Hilton Sisters Shopping Together Pictures
Nicky Hilton Bikini Pictures

Posted in:Bra|Legs|Nicky Hilton|Shorts|Unsorted

2007

07

Sep

I am – Kelly Rowland Bikini Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

I’ve decided to post these pictures of Kelly Rowland in a bikini top because you like girls in bikini tops even if the pictures are shit and the person in the pictures is some washed up nobody who happened to be in Beyonce’s band as a back-up dancer who got way more respect than most back-up dancers ever do because they let her sing along to Beyonce’s songs and because Beyonce’s dad was molesting her or someshit and this was the only way to shut her up.

They should have named the band Beyonce’s Child because that’s pretty much how the other girls must feel having been back burnered and left out to dry up and fade away like the numerous abortions Beyonce may or may not have had.

In all reality, I feel bad for the chick and that’s the reason I am posting this. I am surprised someone cared enough to even take this pictures, I can only assume they weren’t taken by paparazzi but by her mom and released to the internet like she was Vanessa Hudgens in hopes of having some kind of comeback or second wind, but the only wind she’s got is the wind on her back that is keeping her walking down the beach away from any fame she once had and if you’re wondering where she’s pointing, it’s at God for spiting her by giving her the taste of glory then taking that shit away like some practical joke.

Related Posts:

Beyonce Tit Flash on Stage Video
Beyonce’s Bathing Suit Ass Pictures
Beyonce on the Cover of SI Swimsuit Edition
Beyonce’s See Through Shirt With Nipples Pictures

2007

31

Aug

I am – Cameron Diaz Legs of the Day

2 Comments »

It turns out that I can’t sell an ad deal for this site because the site is basically a genital wart or AIDS lesion on the internet. I never get anything out of anyone, I get rejected for events, I get rejected for interviews, I get rejected for promo CDs, it’s just constant rejection because I guess people just think I am an asshole…or a Joke or both an asshole and I joke. I need to become well liked. I am tired of people hating me and telling other people how creepy I am just because I am a master of internet rape. So I decided that I am going to start touring old folks home and put on shows for them. I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I am pretty shitty in public but I am going to come up with something good. I’ll have a camera crew following me, and by crew I mean some asshole with a cellphone video camera, but it’s going to definitely earn me some serious points in the world…When the old folks tour is over, then I hit up the retard homes, then I am going to schools to talk about safe sex, aids and not doing drugs and then I’ll hit up the prison’s to refine those cocksuckin’ lawbreakers…I will make the world a better place and you’re all going to love me, like the song they all sing on American Idol….

In the meantime….look at Cameron Diaz’s Legs because I’d still do her pre-menopausal ass.

Related Posts:

Cameron Diaz’s Ass and Legs Pictures
Cameron Diaz in a Bikini
Cameron Diaz Old Topless and Upskirt Pictures
Cameron Diaz Hot Legs Pictures

2007

23

Aug

I am – Anna Faris’ Short Shorts of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Anna Faris showing off the apples of her bottom. This is one of my favorite trends in the last few years, because short shorts not only expose vagina definition, but because seeing ass cheeks reminds me of the 70s and those were the good years. The funny thing is that girls of all ages are rockin’ this and the other day I saw a mother daughter short short duo and shit was better than any porn I have seen.

Either way, this bitch has a long list of D-List credits, so I don’t really know who she is. The reality of the entertainment industry is that D-List celebs have it fucking made. They aren’t the center of attention so they can live semi-normal lives with more money than the average asshole in the world and they don’t have to take themselves too seriously because the movies they are in are shit no one will watch expecting an academy award nomination. If some of these girls weren’t D-Listed they’d be strippers.

The funny thing about strippers is that they think they are celebrities. They walk around the club like they are important and like I should be too scared to ask them for a lap dance even though we pay them to get naked and I see them as my employee since I am paying her and last I checked when you paid someone for their time, they were working for you. The funnier thing about strippers is that they actually think they are professional dancers because I know dance and I know that shit wouldn’t fly at my contemporary dance class….I mean, I like tits.

I am not in a contemporary dance class asshole, I was just at a bar the other day and 5 strippers were stripper dancing in the corner like they were Britney Spears and this was her big comeback performance, but they looked like assholes because they were in clothes and there was no pole, but you couldn’t tell them that they were disasters because they insisted dancing was their job…I corrected them by saying getting naked was their job, then 4 big muscle dudes asked me to back off. Motherfuckers.

Related Posts:

Anna Farris in Her Underwear on Set
Mila Kunis Wears Shorts
Carrie Underwood Wears Shorts

2007

23

Aug

I am – Anna Faris' Short Shorts of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Anna Faris showing off the apples of her bottom. This is one of my favorite trends in the last few years, because short shorts not only expose vagina definition, but because seeing ass cheeks reminds me of the 70s and those were the good years. The funny thing is that girls of all ages are rockin’ this and the other day I saw a mother daughter short short duo and shit was better than any porn I have seen.

Either way, this bitch has a long list of D-List credits, so I don’t really know who she is. The reality of the entertainment industry is that D-List celebs have it fucking made. They aren’t the center of attention so they can live semi-normal lives with more money than the average asshole in the world and they don’t have to take themselves too seriously because the movies they are in are shit no one will watch expecting an academy award nomination. If some of these girls weren’t D-Listed they’d be strippers.

The funny thing about strippers is that they think they are celebrities. They walk around the club like they are important and like I should be too scared to ask them for a lap dance even though we pay them to get naked and I see them as my employee since I am paying her and last I checked when you paid someone for their time, they were working for you. The funnier thing about strippers is that they actually think they are professional dancers because I know dance and I know that shit wouldn’t fly at my contemporary dance class….I mean, I like tits.

I am not in a contemporary dance class asshole, I was just at a bar the other day and 5 strippers were stripper dancing in the corner like they were Britney Spears and this was her big comeback performance, but they looked like assholes because they were in clothes and there was no pole, but you couldn’t tell them that they were disasters because they insisted dancing was their job…I corrected them by saying getting naked was their job, then 4 big muscle dudes asked me to back off. Motherfuckers.

Related Posts:

Anna Farris in Her Underwear on Set
Mila Kunis Wears Shorts
Carrie Underwood Wears Shorts

2007

13

Aug

I am – Hayden Panettiere in Some Short Skirt of the Day

7 Comments »

The other day I was walking down the street and saw 2 young girls walking with their mother. They were probably around 15 years old and one of them was wearing a low cut shirt with these massive genetically modified milk titties busting out of it while the other one was wearing the shortest fucking shorts I’ve seen on a girl in a longtime. Her full ass cheeks were hanging out of the bottom and I could tell that these were girls who lost their virginity at 10 and had their first abortion by 12. I am not going to say that I found them hot because I didn’t, I was just fascinated by the fact that their mother allowed this to go down and they weren’t from a trashy family, they looked like they were upper middle class and they were carrying shopping bags from relatively expensive stores and rockin’ expensive watches and shoes.

I am assuming that the mother was just one of those bored housewives who had lost her youth when she got married and is trying to reclaim that shit through her kids who she refuses to discipline because it would make her look uncool to them. She’s one of those best friend mothers who takes her daughter to get her first set of birth control pills, her first AIDS test, who scores her first bag of weed and smokes it with her, who demonstrates how to give a proper blowjob so all the boys like you kind of mom and I guess there’s nothing really wrong with that.

There is however, something wrong with Hayden Panettiere and I can’t put my finger on it. I am thinking it’s the fact that she looks like a stalky midget or some kind of weird bobble head you buy at the dollar store that was made in China and has a high lead count in it poisoning all of us to think she’s a cunt we’d like to slam. I wonder if it’s illegal to say that about someone under 18. I guess I’ll just leave it in and see if the Christian Groups come knocking, but I have a feeling they won’t considering they’ve been molesting pre-pubescents since around the time Jesus started the whole thing…..Cuddles.

Related Posts:
Hayden Panettiere Eating of the Day
Hayden Panettiere Picking Her Wedgie Then Lickin’ Her Hand of the Day
Hayden Panettiere Bikini Pictures of the Day
Hayden Panettiere Lickin’ Ass of the Day

2007

13

Jun

I am – Anna Kournikova Bikini Top Pictures of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Anna Kournikova in a bikini top and little shorts for you to look at while you sit at your computer thinking about how much you’d rather be at the beach looking a girls tanning but are too scared to leave your house….I guess you could also dream about how you always wanted to be Enrique because of his angelic voice and ability to be gayer that fucking bicycle shorts while still leading the public to believe he is slamming this Russian slag. I can only assume that any real man would never let the world know he sings the way Enrique sings for fear of being called a fag, I can also only assume that this motherfucker only sells records to the middle aged women and gay men because middle aged women like gay men and gay men like gay men. I can also assume that being born and named Enrique kinda type casts you as the cabana boy who is light on his feet and doesn’t really like wearing much more than spandex euro trash booty shorts speedos for everyone to see your package.

That doesn’t change the fact that everyone has had a thing for this Anna Kournikova whore for at least 10 years. I can only assume it is because of her athletic ability, at least that’s why Enrique is with her, I hear she’s in tight with all the pro tennis playing dudes like Serena Williams and hot chicks always attract men leading him to live out his homosexuality disguised as Male-Male-Female threesomes….

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