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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

27

Jul

I am – Katherine Kelly Lang Bikini Pics of the Day

6 Comments »

Katherine Kelly Lang

Well, here’s a nice way to start off Friday morning. I don’t know who Katherine Kelly Lang is, but she is in St. Tropez, in a bikini, and when you get laid as little as you do, you should stop being picky and crying and take what you can get.

Speaking of crying, it seems we have a few cry baby readers out there who miss Jesus, and don’t like this or that about the site during his vacation. I dunno what to tell you guys honestly, and in the end, you should just take it up with Fatass when he gets home, cause while he’s on his cruise and cheating on my mother with hookers, I’m stuck in my hot sweaty bedroom on my summer vacation, writing this bullshit so all 7 of you have something to do at your desk instead of working. Trust me, there’s a lot better things I would like to be doing as well, but we’re all stuck here with each other, so let’s try and work together. It’s kinda like being stuck in a elevator with someone you hate and fucking them to make the most of the situation, you know?

In the end, judging by our traffic stats, we have still retained the same 7 readers that were here before he left, so I’m doing good so far I think and if you don’t like it, no one is forcing your virgin ass to read it either. If anything, that Homo comes back in a little over a week, so don’t get scared and until then just keep holding on to your teddy bear tightly and sucking your thumb.


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Posted in:Bikini|Katherine Kelly Lang|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

12 Comments »

stepLINK July 26/07

I went out with some of my guy friends last night to celebrate one of thier birthdays. One of them is also getting married so the night turned into the 3 of them complaining about getting older and loosing their freedom, while i went around slutting it up with various guys I met and drinking free shot after free shot.

I hate the idea of marriage to be honest and I have problems with guys I start to date because I can’t be with just one dude, I need variety. I’ve had more then on relationship end as a reult of this, and I know there will be many more.

My stepfather and mother hate each other and live with that every fucking day. Think about that for a second. They are there when you wake up, and they are there when you go to sleep. You know those assholes who say life is too short? Well, they are wrong, my friends, life is fucking LONG, and it wil be even longer if you have to spend every last fucking day of it with somebody you hate.

Here’s the links, click them and watch me go WILD!!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Come on down!! You’re the next contestant….
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Ew, Who farted?
GO

Yes!!1 It’s True!!! Now even YOU can get laid!!!
GO

Some Dude steals a tank and goes on a rampage
GO

Listen to the 911 call made the night of Lohan’s arrest
GO

Amy Winehouse is gorgeous!!
GO

Some chick I’ve never heard of topless on a beach
GO

FAKING IT!
GO

Ice-T rolls hard, yo!
GO

This kid is fucked up
GO

Love on the rocks…I mean rock
GO

Zahara and Pax are adoreable
GO

The impossible insertion
GO

video of Hillary Duffs Maxim shoot
GO

Heather Graham found a new (and fuckking geriatric) meal ticket
GO

Small dog pees on a big dogg
GO

Borat’s chick is pretty pregnant…
GO

Babes doing yoga
GO

Hillary Duff Hates little girl, makes her cry
GO

Paris Hilton buys another dog she will abandon in a week or two
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Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Golf, a simple game
GO

What if Paris went Lezzie in Jail?
GO

Zac Efron touches himself in public
GO

More speculation regarding Lohans alcohol monitoring anklet
GO

Denise Richard in a bikini
GO

Emily Parr in Nuts magazine
GO

Photobucket fun from Rogue Collector
GO She’s black and kinda proud of it
GO

Chicks take nudes of themselves
GO

Anna Nicole Smiths daughter is a cutie pie
GO

War is pretty shitty, man
GO

Miami Bikini Video
GO

Danielle Lloyd with no top on. Again.
GO

Lohan nearly broke?
GO

J.K Rowling has a huge rack
GO

Hillary Duff is sleeping with somebody new, that isn’t you
GO

World record weight loss, this is cool and disgusting all at the same time
GO

Britney fired her new assistant
GO

When Christina Applegate was funny and hott
GO

what a tease
GO

If you have a wedgie, just pick it
GO

More Photobucket fun from Rogue Collector
GO

The Paris Hilton Prison Blues
GO

Dina Lohan, would you please shut the fuck up?
GO

Two girls making out
GO

Some guy triend to black mail Tom Cruise
GO

Best condom advert ever
GO

VIP Hawaiian party
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Wow, this is pretty fucking racist
GO

For any of the women or gays reading out there
GO

Sucks to be you
GO

Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes are cheap
GO

Julia roberts isnt hott anymore
GO

Zed aint dead, he is a crackhead
GO

Bonus whores of the day
GO

Heidi Klum naked = Very nice
GO

That chick from My Girl turned out pretty hott
GO

And More Photobucket fun from Rogue Collector
GO

Cruise likes em starved
GO

Still a virgin? This will help
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Beautiful of the Day

2 Comments »

I’ve never fucked a fat guy, and not because I haven’t wanted to, it just like hasn’t happened yet, you know? i mean I’m a top anyways, so some guy not being abel to get on top of me fuck me isn’t really that much of an issue, and the longer it goes without happening the more I think about it.

This guy is kinda making me change my mind.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve

Posted in:stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Lucy Pinder in a Bikini of the Day

6 Comments »

Lucy Pinder

I wish I had something funny or memorable to write today, but I don’t. was hoping Mike Rowe from Dirty jobs would get back to me in regards to the post I made HERE and maybe even that bitch Heather who’s email I posted in the steplinks HERE but no such luck. That being said, I am bored and tired and don’t feel like writing right now, so here’s some pics of Lucy Pinder in a bikini. You still love me, right?

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Lucy Pinder|Tits|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Deelishes' Udders of the Day

No Comments »

Deelish

I am not excited about flying cross country to spend 5 days getting slammed by a former client’s old man meat for rent money, and writing for you twats while he recharges. I haven’t really been back to LA since I was a kid. We left when I was 12 because I had a depressive drunk birth-father (not the fun Step kind like Jesus) who needed a new start in a new timezone, which didn’t really work out.

I remember hating LA. We lived right on the border of the rich part, like literally, the neighborhood went from rich to poor in the middle of my street, beginning with my house. My dad said he was going to re-stucco the front, ripped it all off, then left the wood and cinder blocks and pipes exposed for 5 years and let the lawn turn into a weed forrest while he drank in the garage. There were some Filipinos further down the block with some chickens and a chihuahua that went missing. The kid next door claimed he beat the rat dog to death in a pillow case with a bat, but that dog was most likely the Filipinos’ dinner. There was a drug bust one night. A local skinhead would paint swastikas on the wall of the retarded kid’s house. The riots were kind of exciting.

This is Deelishes from Flava of Love’s teets. I don’t know whether she won or not, but she looks like the tranny that used to prance by my school yard every other day swinging a purse and a ponytail weave.

Once I saw Flava Flave in NYC heading west on 18th street at 5th ave. He had his big clock on and was yelling into is cell for attention. It was sad. But not as sad as Deelishes’ udders. Someone didn’t wear a bra for ten years. She should get a lift and you should start smacking your prick because you know it turns you on.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Deelish|Tits|Topless|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Deelishes’ Udders of the Day

No Comments »

Deelish

I am not excited about flying cross country to spend 5 days getting slammed by a former client’s old man meat for rent money, and writing for you twats while he recharges. I haven’t really been back to LA since I was a kid. We left when I was 12 because I had a depressive drunk birth-father (not the fun Step kind like Jesus) who needed a new start in a new timezone, which didn’t really work out.

I remember hating LA. We lived right on the border of the rich part, like literally, the neighborhood went from rich to poor in the middle of my street, beginning with my house. My dad said he was going to re-stucco the front, ripped it all off, then left the wood and cinder blocks and pipes exposed for 5 years and let the lawn turn into a weed forrest while he drank in the garage. There were some Filipinos further down the block with some chickens and a chihuahua that went missing. The kid next door claimed he beat the rat dog to death in a pillow case with a bat, but that dog was most likely the Filipinos’ dinner. There was a drug bust one night. A local skinhead would paint swastikas on the wall of the retarded kid’s house. The riots were kind of exciting.

This is Deelishes from Flava of Love’s teets. I don’t know whether she won or not, but she looks like the tranny that used to prance by my school yard every other day swinging a purse and a ponytail weave.

Once I saw Flava Flave in NYC heading west on 18th street at 5th ave. He had his big clock on and was yelling into is cell for attention. It was sad. But not as sad as Deelishes’ udders. Someone didn’t wear a bra for ten years. She should get a lift and you should start smacking your prick because you know it turns you on.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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2007

26

Jul

I am – Jennifer Esposito's Almost Cleavage of the Day

3 Comments »

Jennifer Esposito

I was hanging out with Julien at the gay bar on the weekend, you know, me being Julien’s fag hag and all, and telling him how when I watch porn to masterbate to, I only like to watch girl-on-girl shit. He says its because I am, in fact gay, and I said its because porn guys are disgusting to anybody thats not a gay man. We had to agree to disagree on this one. The topic then moved solely onto masterbation, a portion of which I have included here.

PS: He still thinks I’m gay.

Girls are really fucked up about masturbation. I’m not talking on the whole Guys can talk about jerking off but girls aren’t allowed to, double standard thing (yeah yeah I know you have a vibrator, you’re so empowered, big whoop). No, girls are fucked up about masturbation because they have to many moral hang-ups about who to masturbate to.

I was talking to a few female friends about their fantasies and because they are all children of the 80’s, they all had a thing for Michael J. Fox, specifically in the Back to the Future movies. They all had these elaborate scenarios that they used, most involved the DeLorean, some involved Christopher Lloyd (ok that was a joke but I do think that would be kind of hot). Anyway, so I asked them if they still masturbate to young Michael J. Fox and they were all like No way! That’s sick! He has Parkinsons! So basically, the fact that he used to be hot and he now has a disease has stopped them from masturbating to him all together.

Now I don’t understand this at all. I jerk off to anyone I want to, I don’t give a fuck how they die. Some of my all time best fantasies are: River Phoenix, Christopher Reeves as Superman and Freddy Mercury. But my all time masturbation champ would have to be Jesus (Christ, not Martinez. Although if comes back from his trip all tanned and trim, he might work for him). Yeah man Jesus is fucking hot, I don’t care that he was crucified and is the son of God, he has a really tight body and could probably do all kinds of freaky shit in bed. Demigod sex is so where it’s at.

So my advice to everyone is to masturbate to whomever the fuck you want to. If you want to rev your vibrator up to the max and have multiple orgasms about Marty McFly, go right ahead, the fact that he is all shaky and shit now doesn;t cancel out that he used to be hot. But if you still have some weird hangup about it here are some almost cleavage shots of Jennifer Esposito. She used to be on Spin City with Mr. J. Fox. Maybe she can be the next best thing.

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:cleavage|Jennifer Esposito|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Jennifer Esposito’s Almost Cleavage of the Day

3 Comments »

Jennifer Esposito

I was hanging out with Julien at the gay bar on the weekend, you know, me being Julien’s fag hag and all, and telling him how when I watch porn to masterbate to, I only like to watch girl-on-girl shit. He says its because I am, in fact gay, and I said its because porn guys are disgusting to anybody thats not a gay man. We had to agree to disagree on this one. The topic then moved solely onto masterbation, a portion of which I have included here.

PS: He still thinks I’m gay.

Girls are really fucked up about masturbation. I’m not talking on the whole Guys can talk about jerking off but girls aren’t allowed to, double standard thing (yeah yeah I know you have a vibrator, you’re so empowered, big whoop). No, girls are fucked up about masturbation because they have to many moral hang-ups about who to masturbate to.

I was talking to a few female friends about their fantasies and because they are all children of the 80’s, they all had a thing for Michael J. Fox, specifically in the Back to the Future movies. They all had these elaborate scenarios that they used, most involved the DeLorean, some involved Christopher Lloyd (ok that was a joke but I do think that would be kind of hot). Anyway, so I asked them if they still masturbate to young Michael J. Fox and they were all like No way! That’s sick! He has Parkinsons! So basically, the fact that he used to be hot and he now has a disease has stopped them from masturbating to him all together.

Now I don’t understand this at all. I jerk off to anyone I want to, I don’t give a fuck how they die. Some of my all time best fantasies are: River Phoenix, Christopher Reeves as Superman and Freddy Mercury. But my all time masturbation champ would have to be Jesus (Christ, not Martinez. Although if comes back from his trip all tanned and trim, he might work for him). Yeah man Jesus is fucking hot, I don’t care that he was crucified and is the son of God, he has a really tight body and could probably do all kinds of freaky shit in bed. Demigod sex is so where it’s at.

So my advice to everyone is to masturbate to whomever the fuck you want to. If you want to rev your vibrator up to the max and have multiple orgasms about Marty McFly, go right ahead, the fact that he is all shaky and shit now doesn;t cancel out that he used to be hot. But if you still have some weird hangup about it here are some almost cleavage shots of Jennifer Esposito. She used to be on Spin City with Mr. J. Fox. Maybe she can be the next best thing.

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:cleavage|Jennifer Esposito|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Catherine Zeta Jones Is A Winner of the Day

1 Comment »

Catherine Zeta-Jones

By the time your read this post, I will be in the middle of a strip search at the airport. Apparently, bull-dyke security guards think white girls in tank tops and yoga pants make excellent terrorists. I am flying to LA today to meet up with an old client, we’ll call him WR. He’s turning 50 on friday, and offered to fly me out to help him ‘celebrate.’ WR was one of my biggest spenders who let me sleep over at his townhouse and paid me extra for it, which i would have done for free (my pimp kept me in shitholes). He has this bending a girl over some sort of rail fetish and fucking her from behind. I am talking the wooden rails on his staircase landings, the stone wall of his ‘front’ balcony, and the fire-scape in the back. I didn’t like the fire-escape: it was too low and metal, and I am not into pelvic bruising , and a few times he pounded me so hard i nearly went over.

WR moved to LA just before I quit the biz of being a true-blue whore. We kept in touch, and I became his sort of confidante. Why is it that when someone shoves coins up your cunt for a while they feel like they have an intimate bond with you? Maybe it’s because you’re their dirty little secret, so they can unburden their own on you without being judged. Or let’s face it, they are fucking lonely.

Now I know I swore off penetration-for-pay a few years back, but there is a loophole. WR’s cock snuggly fills this loophole: my rent is due and LA is my first hometown. Also, WR is twice my age, has insane cholesterol issues, and I am thinking about his will.

If you are gonna judge me for a free vacation and crazy sex for cash, then judge Catherine Zeta Jones also. She married an old man for a contract and popped out as many kids as his decaying sperm could deliver. Here she is with her ample tits and bod at Letterman yesterday. Pretend you are Michael Douglas and you own it. Although I am not impressed with her ass… it’s a little flat.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Ass|Catherine Zeta-Jones|cleavage|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Claire Danes is Boring and So Is Her Nipple of the Day

3 Comments »

Claire Danes

Claire Danes is about as boring as it gets for celebrities and and to me, so is her nipple. Granted she’s an alright looking gal, but when it comes down to it, she is just not interesting, and neither are her movies. I though she was gone for good, cause she disappeared for awhile, but I guess she has a new movie out for something, because I see her everywhere, trying to get us all to like her again.

There’s a girl like Claire Danes in every highschool. People like her and say they say hi to her etc. No one has anything against her, she just is not fun all. No one invites her to parties either, because while the rest of the girls are getting naked in the pool and making out with each other, Claire just sits in the corning and talks to a few people quietly and leave after she feels awkward.

So here’s Claire Danes and her boring nipple. If her nipple could talk I bet it would be on a fun celebrities tit and not Claires. That nipple has something to prove. It’s trying to break free, I’m telling you. Which celebrity nipple would YOU like you like to be for a day?


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