DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2021

19

Jan

Allegra Cole Loves Pugs of the Day

Allegra Cole is some ridiculous tits from Social Media, I’ve done a post on her before, back when I didn’t know her name, but knew I saw a star, the post was called WATERSLIDE DREAMS ….I don’t read anything I write after I click publish, but I am sure I wrote nothing but nice things about her riduclous clown tits, because I am of the school of thought that if you get your tits done, you gotta get them done on that extreme of a level, because why else would you even fucking bother…

Well, Allegra has worked her way into my heart today, because she is doing some titty content with a PUG, and for those of you who read the site, know I have a glorious black pug who is now an old man pug, but has been my best friend, colleague, companion, soul mate, life saving creator that endlessly brings me joy….and through my platonic relationship, I don’t do that peanut butter shit weird single women do, I am unable to love another dog breed quite as much….

So to see a pug puppy, one of my favorite things, in monster tits, one of my other favorite things, is basically perfection..

This is officially, after 16 years of doing the site, the holy grail I’ve been seeking….

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Big Boobs|Pug

2021

19

Jan

Jordyn Jones Lingerie of the Day

No Comments »

Jordyn Jones is some white trash reality TV star bullshit that came out of Kalamazoo Michigan where her father died drunk, which is the best way to die, whether you’re white trash or not, it’s one of those things we should all aspire to hafve happen to us…and not just because it gives our little white trash baby the daddy issues the world needs as she tries to fill the void of not having a daddy with male attention from the internet…

Anyway, when she was a kid, her mom brought her to a child dance show, where as a child Jordyn did provocative dances for TV and the Internet in something that should be BANNED…and not because I think everyone in the world is a predator…I actually think society made us not trust our peers and neighbors on purpose to kill any sense of family, community, neighborhood…but that’s a whole other can of bullshit that we don’t need to go into….the fact is that NOT everyone is into kids dancing on TV, besides the weirdos who produce the show, the networks that air the show, and the people who should be flagged watching the clips on YOUTUBE…it’s weird but her mom had a dream and figured anything to get them out of KALAMAZOO…

She now has a ton of followers, is no longer a kid, and makes extra money selling access to her “FOR FRIENDS” Instagram story, whcih is basically not for friends, but a premium service to monetize exclusive content on instagram…and I guess part of what she does for friends is posing in lingerie…

Take it in, she’s got that youth and dance body on her side, but she’s still trash from Kalamazoo Michigan and will end up looking like a typical walmart shoper soon enough…I mean assuming she doesn’t dive fully into sex work…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Jordyn Jones

2021

19

Jan

Miley Cyrus Hard Nipples in a Dirty Shirt of the Day

No Comments »

Miley Cyrus Posted a Dirty Shirt to Match her Dirty Mind, which is what I would call a “we get it Miley, you like to fuck”…it’s so ridiculous when these people try to advertise just how down to fuck or open minded they are when it comes to sex…I mean everyone is…it’s not that impressive….we are coded to be horny fucks who want to fuck each other…and when fucking each other we put our mouths and fingers wherever the fuck we can…so trying to put a NEON sign out there to let us all know you’re “dirty” is a get the fuck out of here you child star trash, we know you fuck, can fuck, have fucked, both men and women and it’s NOT that big of a deal…99 percent of people have fucked….even if the READERS of drunkenstepfather haven’t….

Anyway, her nipples are hard in her beater, she’s looking like the kind of lesbian who plays board games, knits, cross country skis, works as a plasterer…

She’s not looking as hot as she has but she’s done her part in making the mainstream more perverted, more exhibitionists, like Paris Hilton and Kim before her and Bella Throne after her, a critical tool in the slutty-fying of America and I appreciate that contribution, cuz I like sluts…

Just not so much when they look like they were pulled out of a gay bar bathroom after an 8 day bender on meth or poppers or whatever these people do…

All this to say, we’ve seen her tits, now lets see her nipples in a tank top.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2021

19

Jan

Tiny Tits Tuesday of the Day

No Comments »

As much as I hate empowerment bullshit, because for the most part the people crying for empowerment are the fat and the ugly, the skin condition or the retardation, the birth defect or the obese as fuck…..the tranny, the intersex, the lesbian…you know everything is some bullshit about everyone being worthy or deserving of being celebrated even if they don’t fit social norms…then all those people photoshop the shit out of themselves to make a cartoon and filtered version of themselves basically forgetting all the bullshit they just spewed…

ANYWAY…sometimes I appreciate it…so long as the bitch is hot….which happens sometimes…but I am all for championing, empowering, celebrating, not shaming the small tit community….

I love small tits as much as I love big tits because they are tits…and sure some small tits are ugly tits and some big tits are ugly tits but they are still tits…

What I don’t love is when girls feel the need to cut their tits open and implant a plastic sac full of poison into their chest, only for it to pollute their fucking body for the same of rounder fake tits….

It’s not an accomplishment to cut you tit open for 5k to get a set of bigger tits, that’s the lazy man’s approach to tits…what is an accomplishment is thinking your hot tight body and you hot small tits should be photographed for the internet…

So I am the ITTY TITTY ambassador, I want to be the king of their Parade like I was John Goodman at New Orleans Halloween Parade back in 2010….if you know what I mean…AND YOU DO.

(more…)

Posted in:TINY TITS

2021

19

Jan

Julianne Hough Interpretive Dance in Leggings of the Day

No Comments »

Dancing is only good when stripping is involved…otherwise shit is just dumb and there’s nothing to look forward to…and when you see people like Julianne Hough, the mormon on Rumspringa who has been fucked up the ass by Ryan Seacrest 100 percent, as Mormons gone Wild Do, you see someone who has made it as a professional dancer, which is good for her, but bad for the rest of us, because the number one stripper worth getting a dance from is the professionally trained one who had no choice but to strip because all the professional dancing jobs went to idiots like Julianne Hough…

So as people convulse and gyrate to music like they are having a seizure, simulating sex, being moved by the beat of the drum on some bullshit tribal level, all I am seeing is “when do the pants slide off seductively”…

I try to look at the dancing girl like I would at a club and visualize her fucking, you know moves like she’s fucking, knowing the better dancers have the strength, the fitness, the ability to grind your dick off you but without the bend at the waist panty peel, it’s pointless and just imaginary…

So you can look and Hough and her fat ass in leggings and think that it’s good, because you watched Dancing with the Stars with your mom, grandma or wife and that was the only good the show had to offer, knowing her and her brother fucked made it even more interesting….

But I find it pretty fucking embarrassing and weird..but the booty looks good and I guess that’s what it’s all about…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Julianne Hough

2021

19

Jan

Kaia Gerber Cleavage of the Day

No Comments »

Kaia Gerber’s got her cleavage out in a selfie, because when you’re a serious model thanks to her mom being a serious top model…paving the way to groom this girl into being a trending model of her own…whether social media existed or not, it was written in the stars for her, and there was no way she’d get to be a fat fuck nerd gamer chick, it was stage parented into high fashion because throwing your 15 year old amongst perverts and cocaine is a brilliant strategy, especially when she was raised rich in Malibu and thus already broken….we call that a recipe for premature death..

ANYWAY, since social media does exist, and all you need to do to get paid is some low level slutty content, without leaving your fucking house as brands throw money at you, this is the kind of titty we get…sponsored by some wool company….you know the way I’ve always wanted my small titty semi exposed to be presented to me…CORPORATE SPONSORS on the inner thigh during porn scenes is NEXT!

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Kaia Gerber

2021

19

Jan

Pia Mia Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

Pia Mia’s in her bikini, because I guess she’s taken some time away from being an Only Fans girl, video vixen, low level porn chick, to put up some bikini pics to show off her round as fuck fake tits, because when you’re Asian, sometimes you need to bold small basketballs to your chest to feel like you matter in this breast obsessed world…

The weird thing about Pia Mia is that she actually had some mainstream success when the family moved to American for her career from US Guam, a place where strippers make a shit ton of money off the soldiers stationed there…which I guess made them the most important people on the island, inspiring Pia to one day be a stripper of her own, but one with mainstream sensibility because she was once mainstream…a Disney kid in training but that’s not as fun as getting deep dicked or jacked off to….I mean if you have the money, why wouldn’t you just do the sugar baby, sex worker, naked on the internet thing…it requires 10 seconds to take a slutty selfie which means work doesn’t get in the way of living…

Either way, fake everything, making all them lady boys in Thailand Jealous…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Pia Mia|Pia Mia Perez

2021

19

Jan

Tight Pant Tuesday of the Day

No Comments »

If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that it is a great way for the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer…I just saw amazon was building 5 distribution centers in my area alone thanks to all the mom and pop retail businesses that has shut the fuck down because it’s a new normal guys, where everything is done online…and soon the government will give us all free internet access to properly track what we do and shut off the things they don’t like….YAY….free internet that’s all you need to tell a motherfucker to get them to trade in their freedoms…not that the internet is free but you know when it becomes free there’s a fucking reason it’s free…

THAT SAID…AMAZON the new normal…but not all of the new normal is bad, plus AMAZON is pretty fucking convenient so how can you hate convenience…you can buy ANYTHING you want from pregnant sex dolls to 3 inch wide dildos…some cans of beans and other shit you don’t need that looks funny at 4 am when drunk…

But the other new normal is the activewear trend, so girls who were already wearing activewear on their days off, are now wearing it daily, and activewear is tight, so tight pussy hugging pants are fucking everywhere…which is enough to divert focus from the economic collapse we may experience when this is over….because lockdowns are for the rich…and now for the perverted cuz of the slutty tight pant selfies..sexy times….

(more…)

Posted in:Tight Pants

2021

19

Jan

Dakota Fanning Hard Nipple of the Day

No Comments »

Dakota Fanning always creeps me out because I remember when she was a child star exploited by her family, doing the late night talk shows and shit like that, all while being 7 years old acting like a 40 year old, and it was just weird…I never bothered getting over it…

So when I see her now, I just think of that weirdo child who was used to live out her parent’s hollywood dreams, selling her soul to the evil industry, and trading her childhood in for that fame…like a sacrifice for ELLE FANNING….

That said, when she’s posting pics of her hard nipples in a white tank top thing, I don’t mind her as much, because the fact is, she’s not that kid anymore…she’s the grown up version with a pile of baggage, and not just because she’s a celebrity and they don’t travel light, but because of all that went on as a kid, and those girls with all that trauma are typically the best in bed, before they lose to that trauma and die prematurely…but she’s not dead yet…just hard nippled…which is the way to be…even when you’re dead..because hard nipples are fun to stare at.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Dakota Fanning

2021

19

Jan

Anya Kastenka is Amazing of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know if there’s any real debate that Russians are the superior beings in this world. I know there’s a lot of Russian haters because their whole communism thing was seen as anti-American, I get it, but when you take your emotions out of the equation, and look at what the Russians have accomplished, from SPAM BOTS, to some of the most amazing women to grace social media, who get nude, because the uglies all got killed off in Communism and that American dream that was unattainable during communism but thanks to corruption has made a hell of a lot of billionaires, and more importantly, money hungry girls…who know that a doctor’s salary in Russia is far less than what you can make getting naked on the internet like the uglier, less athletic, less trained American girls…

SO I bring you ANYA KASTENKA who clearly does her angles right!

You can follow her HERE

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Russian Girl