DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2021

19

Jan

Julianne Hough Interpretive Dance in Leggings of the Day

Dancing is only good when stripping is involved…otherwise shit is just dumb and there’s nothing to look forward to…and when you see people like Julianne Hough, the mormon on Rumspringa who has been fucked up the ass by Ryan Seacrest 100 percent, as Mormons gone Wild Do, you see someone who has made it as a professional dancer, which is good for her, but bad for the rest of us, because the number one stripper worth getting a dance from is the professionally trained one who had no choice but to strip because all the professional dancing jobs went to idiots like Julianne Hough…

So as people convulse and gyrate to music like they are having a seizure, simulating sex, being moved by the beat of the drum on some bullshit tribal level, all I am seeing is “when do the pants slide off seductively”…

I try to look at the dancing girl like I would at a club and visualize her fucking, you know moves like she’s fucking, knowing the better dancers have the strength, the fitness, the ability to grind your dick off you but without the bend at the waist panty peel, it’s pointless and just imaginary…

So you can look and Hough and her fat ass in leggings and think that it’s good, because you watched Dancing with the Stars with your mom, grandma or wife and that was the only good the show had to offer, knowing her and her brother fucked made it even more interesting….

But I find it pretty fucking embarrassing and weird..but the booty looks good and I guess that’s what it’s all about…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Julianne Hough

2021

19

Jan

Kaia Gerber Cleavage of the Day

No Comments »

Kaia Gerber’s got her cleavage out in a selfie, because when you’re a serious model thanks to her mom being a serious top model…paving the way to groom this girl into being a trending model of her own…whether social media existed or not, it was written in the stars for her, and there was no way she’d get to be a fat fuck nerd gamer chick, it was stage parented into high fashion because throwing your 15 year old amongst perverts and cocaine is a brilliant strategy, especially when she was raised rich in Malibu and thus already broken….we call that a recipe for premature death..

ANYWAY, since social media does exist, and all you need to do to get paid is some low level slutty content, without leaving your fucking house as brands throw money at you, this is the kind of titty we get…sponsored by some wool company….you know the way I’ve always wanted my small titty semi exposed to be presented to me…CORPORATE SPONSORS on the inner thigh during porn scenes is NEXT!

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Kaia Gerber

2021

19

Jan

Pia Mia Bikini of the Day

No Comments »

Pia Mia’s in her bikini, because I guess she’s taken some time away from being an Only Fans girl, video vixen, low level porn chick, to put up some bikini pics to show off her round as fuck fake tits, because when you’re Asian, sometimes you need to bold small basketballs to your chest to feel like you matter in this breast obsessed world…

The weird thing about Pia Mia is that she actually had some mainstream success when the family moved to American for her career from US Guam, a place where strippers make a shit ton of money off the soldiers stationed there…which I guess made them the most important people on the island, inspiring Pia to one day be a stripper of her own, but one with mainstream sensibility because she was once mainstream…a Disney kid in training but that’s not as fun as getting deep dicked or jacked off to….I mean if you have the money, why wouldn’t you just do the sugar baby, sex worker, naked on the internet thing…it requires 10 seconds to take a slutty selfie which means work doesn’t get in the way of living…

Either way, fake everything, making all them lady boys in Thailand Jealous…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Pia Mia|Pia Mia Perez

2021

19

Jan

Tight Pant Tuesday of the Day

No Comments »

If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that it is a great way for the rich to get richer and the poor to get poorer…I just saw amazon was building 5 distribution centers in my area alone thanks to all the mom and pop retail businesses that has shut the fuck down because it’s a new normal guys, where everything is done online…and soon the government will give us all free internet access to properly track what we do and shut off the things they don’t like….YAY….free internet that’s all you need to tell a motherfucker to get them to trade in their freedoms…not that the internet is free but you know when it becomes free there’s a fucking reason it’s free…

THAT SAID…AMAZON the new normal…but not all of the new normal is bad, plus AMAZON is pretty fucking convenient so how can you hate convenience…you can buy ANYTHING you want from pregnant sex dolls to 3 inch wide dildos…some cans of beans and other shit you don’t need that looks funny at 4 am when drunk…

But the other new normal is the activewear trend, so girls who were already wearing activewear on their days off, are now wearing it daily, and activewear is tight, so tight pussy hugging pants are fucking everywhere…which is enough to divert focus from the economic collapse we may experience when this is over….because lockdowns are for the rich…and now for the perverted cuz of the slutty tight pant selfies..sexy times….

(more…)

Posted in:Tight Pants

2021

19

Jan

Dakota Fanning Hard Nipple of the Day

No Comments »

Dakota Fanning always creeps me out because I remember when she was a child star exploited by her family, doing the late night talk shows and shit like that, all while being 7 years old acting like a 40 year old, and it was just weird…I never bothered getting over it…

So when I see her now, I just think of that weirdo child who was used to live out her parent’s hollywood dreams, selling her soul to the evil industry, and trading her childhood in for that fame…like a sacrifice for ELLE FANNING….

That said, when she’s posting pics of her hard nipples in a white tank top thing, I don’t mind her as much, because the fact is, she’s not that kid anymore…she’s the grown up version with a pile of baggage, and not just because she’s a celebrity and they don’t travel light, but because of all that went on as a kid, and those girls with all that trauma are typically the best in bed, before they lose to that trauma and die prematurely…but she’s not dead yet…just hard nippled…which is the way to be…even when you’re dead..because hard nipples are fun to stare at.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Dakota Fanning

2021

19

Jan

Anya Kastenka is Amazing of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know if there’s any real debate that Russians are the superior beings in this world. I know there’s a lot of Russian haters because their whole communism thing was seen as anti-American, I get it, but when you take your emotions out of the equation, and look at what the Russians have accomplished, from SPAM BOTS, to some of the most amazing women to grace social media, who get nude, because the uglies all got killed off in Communism and that American dream that was unattainable during communism but thanks to corruption has made a hell of a lot of billionaires, and more importantly, money hungry girls…who know that a doctor’s salary in Russia is far less than what you can make getting naked on the internet like the uglier, less athletic, less trained American girls…

SO I bring you ANYA KASTENKA who clearly does her angles right!

You can follow her HERE

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Russian Girl

2021

19

Jan

Brittany Snow Fitness Erotica of the Day

No Comments »

I remember my High School locker came stock with a sticker that read “Snow White Turns Yellow”….I still have no idea what that means, but assume it has to do with pissing in the snow…and for whatever reasons…despite having blocked out everything that’s happened in my life before this moment right now…I got triggered by Brittany Snow’s name….I guess this is what CHRONIC POST TRAUMATIC STRESS SYNDROME all the young idiots are crying about because of their victim mentality are talking about…you can’t run from your traumatic experiences, but unlike a victim of abuse in the 1940s, you can’t hop a Greyhound and end up in LA to live out a dream of Hollywood Glamour before dying prematurely of a drug overdose, instead you just cry on social media and die of your drug overdose there….you medicated retards…

THAT SAID, Brittany SNOW…is a Pitch Perfect chick who started as a teen in Soap Operas…which is basically porn for old ladies and people on disability…

She is probably not of interest to anyone here and her doing Yoga Poses is not the kind of aerobic hotness I can jerk off to…it’s more the hot YOGA fart you end up with after deciding to hit the YOGA studio to stare at pussy in YOGA pants…a better idea on paper and for jerk off purposes than in reality…

Trash…yes.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Brittany Snow

2021

19

Jan

The Ratio Tuesday of the Day

No Comments »

I don’t know if these RATIOS are all legit RATIOS or if these girls are pulling in their waists to have a RATIO, you know to put it out there that they have a ratio, because if the world believes it, then maybe they’ll start believing it, and their RATIO dreams will come true…

I remember I once took a class called ART AND THE COMPUTER which was entry level photoshop, illustrator weirdness in the 90s. I wasn’t very good at it because art is for queers especially when it was 90s computer art….but that has turned into what every girl does with her own selfies…it’s a cartoon motherfuckers…it just looks semi real…real enough…while being a lie…

All these girls selling themselves off like it’s really them, when clearly…it’s a caricature of them thanks to photoshop, filters…like what are we even looking at….an avatar?

Then those same people preach body positivity, inclusivity, all while not even loving themselves enough to post a legit selfie, get the fuck out of here..

But yeah, I don’t know if these RATIOS are real or not, I just know that RATIOS or the right ratio which is 0.7 is scientifically proven to be the hottest ratio…so get the fuck out of here you boxy bitches…this is ABOUT RATIOS…or fake ratios you are pretending are real…you know…Art and the Computer shit.

(more…)

Posted in:The Ratio

2021

19

Jan

Rita Ora’s Mom Brings the Heat of the Day

No Comments »

Her name is VERA and she’s a Psychiatrist, Life Coach Consultant, her email is vsahatciu(@)hotmail.com, but most importantly she’s Rita Ora’s mom…who recently celebrated a birthday and got a shout out on Rita Ora’s feed…where Vanessa Hudgens chimed in to ask if it was a pic of Stella Hudgens…because I guess the Chechnyans or are they Bosnian….where the fuck is Albania again? Look half Filipino…

Anyway, I only bothered to look through her pics because Rita Ora posted the birthday wish, I am not a Rita Ora stalker who tracks her family, but for the record, she’s got a sister who I guess works with Rita on their Tequila company, and that sister pulls her tits out in bikini, because she’s got those Yugoslavian tits too….but this is not a post about the sister, it’s about the mom, and as someone who doesn’t find moms hot, if anything the whole having kids ruins a woman on many levels for me, but not as bad as they ruin themselves…you know that pussy blown out like it’s been part of some sort of war, which in this case it has….the gunt hanging over the shorts that you can’t really get rid off after three kids, unless you’re a top model and you make millions off your body giving you the motivation to get back to where you were…and despite being a stepfather, it’s just not my thing, hence the drinking…

BUT I love Rita Ora’s mom, she’s just some accomplished in her own right, I mean you don’t just become a psychiatrist, that shit takes education, but now gets to ride off her daughter’s fame and fortune, living that celebrity life, all while being an immigrant to the UK….and when she’s living the perks of a celebrity daughter…she posts more bikini and swimsuit pics than her daughter, who is only as famous as she is because of her awesome tits, meaning she posts that kind of shit often, just not as often as her middle aged mom….

The whole thing is so weird, but interesting…but weird….it’s like some refugee gone wild shit, even if they were rich to begin with, which they probably were…

So, I typically don’t like moms, unless they are Rita Ora’s mom who I guess taught her the importance of being half naked on camera.