DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2020

09

Dec

Waterslide Dreams of the Day

Here are some silly clown tits on a waterslide set to dramatic music as they should because look at these things, they are the peak of the storyline in this romantic comedy I call “Slip and Slide”…

These tits are either a liability, like they’ll sink a bitch if she tries to swim with them, seeing as they would weigh her down or at least get in the way when trying to tread water, unless they float…which could mean they are the missing lifeboat the Titanic could of used….all hands on deck, we’ve got our most ridiculous inflatable…that we wish cropped her terrifying face out of the video to make it less terrifying, but maybe that’s the whole point…terrifying..

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Posted in:Feature

2020

09

Dec

Workout Wednesday of the Day

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I guess with GYMS closed across the world, the girls who workout and get horny from working out because they got that SWOLE on….testosterone raging through their veins with the need to release all over the dumbbell set, or the workout mat, or the pilates table is so overwhelming they need to film it….which was the intended purpose of this WORKOUT post….but it evolved to girls who workout and I guess who think they look fit getting naked which is a different vibe. but still girls getting naked so check out WORKOUT Wednesday without the WORKOUTS….

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Posted in:Workout

2020

09

Dec

Kira Kosarin Boobs of the Day

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Kira Kosarin is some young idiot doing the instagram thing with her tits….

In this titty video she is demonstrating her “natural” talent singing some bullshit song as an excuse to show her other talents that are potentially natural…and yes, I hate shitty PUNs, but I was referring to the fact that all these young starlet girls released music because computers can make them sound good and apparently because music pays out the most, so everyone needs at least one single under their “I am a celebrity” tits.

But like all girls they know the tits get hits so if you want to bribe people to listen to your GARBAGE, it’s garbage, I accidentally had my volume on and I hated every fucking second of it….but the tits were alright, they always are…I mean until they get cancer or become trans and get amputated.

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Posted in:Kira Korsarin

2020

09

Dec

Weed Wednesday of the Day

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Weed is hardly a drug, if you smoke weed, you get high for 10 minutes and then you’re sober, yet the government decided it was bad for you because they couldn’t regulate it, it was cheap to produce and anyone could grow it…and we can’t have a society where we like having a good time…or there’s the angle that black people were smoking weed and being a racist society it was a way to ENSLAVE the black people after SLAVERY was abolished…I don’t know, I just know it’s idiotic…and anyone out there anti-weed just doesn’t realize shit is relaxing…but more importantly is not doing COVID quarantines right…you gotta be high through all this to enjoy it or experience it best…

Like any “subculture” there are a group of die hards and where there are die hard nerds there are chicks trying to get those die hard nerds to follow them for monetization purposes…so people get all ceremonial with their weed, produce content around weed, instead of just smoking it and moving on….and I’m into anything that gets girls naked…so here’s WEED girls on Wednesday….some look like they smoke too much weed….others look good…it’s a mix…like life….a mix.

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Posted in:Weed

2020

09

Dec

Blind Item of the Day

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LOOK MY FIRST BLIND ITEM.

I guess that makes me an official celebrity gossip site.

That doesn’t mean I’ve never had exclusives before, it just means I expose the motherfuckers in those exclusives…so we don’t do things blind like this girl does blind…tits out.

Posted in:Blind Item

2020

09

Dec

Eiza Gonzalez Risking COVID on the Subway of the Day

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I know what you’re thinking, is this the position Eiza was in when Josh Duhamel went back to heterosexual sex after breaking it off with his man Fergie…?

Or maybe you’re wondering why the Mexican actress who rebuilt her face, it’s all angular, as she strives to be the next Mexican actress to infiltrate American cinema because she was rich enough to buy her work visa, so she didn’t have to dig a tunnel to Weinstein’s house.

I don’t know if she’s that accomplished yet, but people do confuse her for being hot, forgetting she’s the kind of hot that ends up making ugly babies after it gets knocked up because what you see is not what you get..Think “Demi Moore’s Kids”…that bitch spent 10 million dollars on surgery to look how she does but that didn’t save her kids or their jawlines…

Maybe you’re thinking “how brave she is to be on a Subway in these trying times, unprecedented times, stay safe Eiza”….because people still take public transportation daily in cities around the world and no one is dying of covid…

Or maybe you’re mad she’s not in a MASK, because wearing masks has been REAL effective in stopping the spread….but is she even on an actual subway or on some Hollywood set to make it look like a SUBWAY…we will never know…but we can see her insane heels she wears to offset her midget legs…that’s always fun…midgets not heels.

Good thing it’s a 99.99% survival rate….that leads me to believe we’ll all be OK, so go lick some door knobs and get on with your life before you have to walk around with a COVID VACCINE pass…fucking morons.

Posted in:Eiza Gonzalez

2020

09

Dec

Bella Hadid’s Unbuttoned Shirt of the Day

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Bella Hadid is doing this slutty shit for Marc Jacobs and in the comments on her instagram Marc Jacobs wrote something. like “I Love You”…and I thought, damn, these people just suck each other’s dicks as they rise to the top of relevance together….all while being vapid self serving cunts….Marc Jacobs only loves Bella Hadid because she’s the top model and he’s paying her a ton to be in his campaign instead of casting some unknown actual hot girl…because he knows if he uses an “AVON LADY” sales agent model who has influence…he can basically buy cred and at least make money back on the campaign….where an unknown hot model wouldn’t drive sales so why bother…it’s a CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME….CAPITALIZE CAPITALIZE CAPITALIZE era of disgusting ….where nothing good is being created, no substance, no elevation of the species…just pure shit for everyone….because money grubbing cunts run the show.

It’s too bad, but I guess Marc Jacobs is just happy he isn’t dying of AIDS…or that AIDS isn’t a death sentence….because it allows him to live longer and spend more money on useless shit like Bella Hadid cuz she’s trending..

The conversations amongst these people is “I love you, No I love you, No I love you, no I’ve always been a fan, no you’re a legend, you’re a legend, let’s have more champagne”…

Vapid fucking trash…gross fucking people but Bella Hadid is legit gross…look at her face and remember this is after all the surgeries and procedures she’s had do to try to be hot…because being hot is that important to her because she grew up ugly.. Fucking loser can’t be hot organically, needs financial backing to be hot, fucking loser…

Posted in:Bella Hadid

2020

09

Dec

Lily Rose Depp’s Potential Hard Nipple of the Day

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In very weak news, Lily Rose Depp may have a hard nipple, because that’s what happens when you are a girl with girl nipples, as oppose to someone who calls themselves a girl, despite being born a dude, with dude nipples….

I am into Lily Rose Depp and her cankles that she’s decided to not include in this very important selfie for CHANEL….who I am sure have her on payroll…because she’s more an icon in France than anywhere else as she’s one of them French people….who is more important than French people because her mom was famous in france and let Johnny Depp cum in her….some breeder fetish creampie shit…

I am into Lily Depp because she’s got a great face as she navigates being an entitled rich cunt from a super famous set of balls, doing the whole instagram / fashion thing, braless and hard nippled because girls don’t do that whole bra thing, and despite this selfie sucking…I still like it…it’s classy hard nipple because it is rich hard nipple and it’s better than staring at my own hard nipple.

I actually don’t even know if that’s a hard nipple, but I’m running with it….very slowly, I’m obese.

Posted in:Lily Rose Depp

2020

09

Dec

Kristin Cavallari’s Bikini Butt Shot of the Day

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Kristin Cavallari posted this picture of her ass behind a thong in a bikini while laying out by the pool on some clickbait vacation to either prove she’s still hot despite having 12 kids, I mean the fact her bikini bottoms even cover that blown out mom pussy is impressive, which is more than we can say about Kristin Cavallari…

She’s a recently divorced, found new dick, getting dick in Mexico when the kids were left at home…ego who thought she was too good to be in THE HILLS because she let her LAGUNA BEACH fame get to her head, thinking it would lead to legit acting work and it didn’t, so she decided to be a cum rag to athletes…where some of the cum got stuck up inside her to guarantee high monthly child support payments….

She’s trying to have a second life, but not in the gamer way, in REAL life….and is likely on The New Hills that I am sure no one watches…and this is all marketing hype cuz she’s into the way her ass looks now that she’s getting fucked and feeling herself…

It’s a few days old, but who gives a fuck.

Posted in:Kristin Cavallari|SFW

2020

09

Dec

Wetspot Wednesday of the Day

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Allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is Wet Spot Wednesday, the worst fucking day of the week.

This is my protest to those who say “HAPPY HUMP DAY” on wednesdays, I fucking hate you cunts…you’re trash…

In that Wednesday like other days don’t need to be given cute middle of the week names….and they don’t need to be prefaced with “HAPPY”….it’s a fucking day in the week, go fuck yourself…

Wet Spot Wednesday is also my protest to all the multi million dollar sites with their daily #hashtag content that sucks…because I am making fun of those by producing those..they call it satire or parody…I don’t fucking know.

I just know Wet Spots out of context look like something you’d find on the floor of a gynecological clinic and not in a “let me taste what this bitch left behind” kind of way…but in a put a fucking SOLO cup over that globular substance and evacuate the building kind of way…..you know the BAT SOUP in the WET MARKET where COVID was invented, but the vagina version…

So here’s some WET SPOTS….TOO MANY WET SPOTS.

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Posted in:WetSpot