DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2020

30

Apr

Charli XCX Bikini Bottoms of the Day

No one even knows who Charli XCX, the bootleg Rita Ora who is the bootleg Rihnna is …there’s been a handful of popstars come out since she was taking a stab at it who all saw huge success…while she’s still out here probably 15 years or more later…still trying to get attention by using her naked or half naked body…

Instead of just working on making good music for her pop career that still hasn’t taken off….after 15 years of trying to use her tits to get ahead….

I figure it can’t be that hard to make 1 hit song when you have a record deal already and access to people who make hit songs….I think if I spent a year doing nothing but writing one hit song instead of blogging this bullshit all day everyday…I can assure you I’d have a song bigger than any of CHARLI XCX songs…and I am not musical at all…I can’t even whistle…but that’s possibly due to some herpes scarring…fucking whores and their fucking dirty pussies…

Speaking of dirty pussies…I think she’s got balls.

Posted in:Charli XCX

2020

30

Apr

Crystal Reed in the Bath of the Day

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Crystal Reed is 35 and from Detroit.

I don’t know if she fucked EMINEM or Jenny Jones…or anything else out of Detroit…like GM…I don’t know if she’s drank Michael Moore’s FLINT Michigan water….I don’t know if she bought a house back home for 100 dollars after the last financial crisis….I don’t even know who she is…

But she’s taking a bath, that I do know…

UPON GOOGLING her…I have discovered that Her television roles as Allison Argent in Teen Wolf, Sofia Falcone in the fourth season of Gotham and Abby Arcane in the series Swamp Thing. Reed has also starred in the films Skyline, Crush and Ghostland… she was rumored to have hooked up with actor Joshua Jackson in June 2016 after cheating on her boyfriend at the time…but she is not the mom of his recent black baby…

I have never seen one of those things…..but when you want to be famous and you’re not all that hot, but you are 35 years old which is far too old for that acting job….you need to make sure people remember you by inviting them to piss on you in the bath….or in this case virtually piss on you in the bath…marketing…

Posted in:Crystal Reed

2020

30

Apr

Nina Dobrev Bikini Bottoms of the Day

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Nina Dobrev is trying to do her best BIKINI BRIDGE which is such a solid coincidence because I just did my second BIKINI BRIDGE post in the history of the site….that is 15 years of no bikini bridge and all of a sudden Nina Dobrev has a bikini bridge…we must be living in a simulation….or maybe Nina and I are connected at our Canadian Souls…but I’d rather go with it being a simulation…where ALL my thoughts are tracked…making that whole microchipping thing less terrifying because we already are…this is like my some mind reading shit…almost like all those targeted ads only the PUSSY version…

EXCITING times, I know…

Posted in:Nina Dobrev

2020

30

Apr

Hilary Duff’s Mom Ass in a Athleisure Squat of the DAy

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I only recently learned that mom bloggers refer to athletic gear that they wear for non athletic purposes are called “Athleisure”…..which if I still went to grocery stores would make staring at mom pussy cameltoed as it tries to escape the “Athleisure” pants more exciting because I would know how to identify what I was looking at….

Unfortunately, my “Athleisure” experience which I guess you could call a fetish because I was really get used to everyone and their mom choosing spandex comfort over regular pants the last few years..allowing me to basically see their clits….is now reserved for the internet…

Luckily, women of all walks of life are whores ready to sexualize themselves in sexual positioning as it becomes more and more normalized…I mean even Hilary Duff is doing it.

That’s not to say the mom of two with different dads is out of control….but I am sure her first DISNEY casting involved a lot less clothing…and a lot more slutty….because that’s how castings go….which makes her a professional at this shit…that’s why she gets paid the big bucks…

Posted in:Hilary Duff

2020

30

Apr

Chloe Sevigny Ready to Drop of the Day

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Despite not being able to get Chloe Sevigny’s dick out of my mind since I first saw it…

The trendsetting “It-Girl” who you remember from being Jenny in Kids, or sucking Vincent Gallos Dick being EDGY in mainstream movies….

Is apparently pregnant at 50 fucking years old….and she’s bringing the belly out to prove to you all that it’s not some prosthetic like other trannies who have faked having kids like Gisele Bundchen…..

This BITCH has a fucking UTERUS and it’s not dried up or dead yet…which may be exciting to you ready to drop porn fetishists….like you’re even reading this…you’re still jerking off to her dick.

I thought this was her in a wheelchair..

Holy shit she’s old…and battered…like running into old ravers from the 90s who were all high energy and cool in the 90s…but who are now fucking zombies…

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Chloe Sevigny

2020

30

Apr

Christa B Allen Lingerie of the Day

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I once wrote:

Christa B Allen posts topless pics on instagram, but unlike instagram models she has IMDB and WIKIPEDIA so she must be important…

Let’s take a journey into who Christa B. Allen and why her attention seeking hipster style instagram pictures are more than just thirsty instagram modeling but rather brand support to her career…

She started this celebrity thing in 13 Going on 30 in 2004….a movie you probably jerked off to…but she’s probably most proud of being cast “Teenage Girl” in Youth in Revolt in 2009….

TAKE THAT INSTAGRAM MODELS…this girl is legit….

I still agree with that. I have nothing to add. I wouldn’t say it’s the perfect post that took me 15 years to craft but I will say Christa B Allen and her shitty selfies isn’t worth my damn time to write original comedy everytime she posts a picture. I mean unless she was paying me…he should be paying me….my goal in all this is to get paid to post girls trying to be celebs…it’d be a waste of their money, but I’d spend it on alochol wisely.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Christa B Allen

2020

30

Apr

LV Angel is Back and Nude of the Day

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Universal Angel or LV Plastic is hilarious.

I don’t know if you remember her but she was one of the original international sugar babies of TUMBLR / INSTAGRAM.

She would travel to all these amazing places with rich dudes and document her adventures, rarely exposing the sugar daddies taking her on the trip, but she was hilarious throughout those years.

Everyone I knew followed her and we’d all share her insane misadventures, from getting a nose job in Turkey where she lost her fucking mind and cried about poor people or some other shit, it’s asking a lot of me to remember a Snapchat story from 5 fucking years ago.

Then there was another story where she shit on either the bed or on the dishes of some asshole AIRBNB owner and documented the whole thing…it was great times, entertaining times…simpler times.

The rumor is that she got banned from America for being a sex worker, she’s in Vancouver with a new boyfriend and not Sugar Babying….

She consistently disappears, but this last disappearance was a long one…but she’s back with a nude, with some nip, looking pretty much the same because not much has changed

Never forget LV Plastic / Universal Angel a true original…before EVERY girl became like this.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:ANgel

2020

30

Apr

Kristen Bell Panty Mask of the DAy

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Ellen is a fucking pervert. Could you imagine the backlash I’d get if I tried to make girl sniff their dirty panties as a face mask for the sake of my weird brand of comedy? Or if any dude went down that road, unless they were Joe Biden, the world would FLIP OUT, cancel them…but for some reason I can’t explain or understand…certain people are inappropriate and no one cares…like Ryan Seacrest. I know girls who he has made check their cell phones upon entering his home that he proceeded to do drugs with and fuck up the ass….probably not in a rape way, but still a creep…yet when #MeToo happened not one girl he was an inapproriate dick to came forward…SCAMS MAN…SCAMS…LIES…

Since it’s Ellen, the American scammer of the century…I don’t believe she’s the illuminati like the conspiracies do, but I do think she is the devil. She basically was bitter for years after her hit show was cancelled and realized when she had the chance to replace the other Lesbian on TV, because clearly the world accepted lesbian daytime talk show hosts, I’m talking ROSIE not OPRAH or Sally Jesse….it was her WINDOW…of “I’ll interview people, be a dancing monkey, charm the world like a psychopath and win because the world are a bunch of morons”.

Every time I have seen her intereviews I find her mocking, condescending, perveted and disugsting….I don’t find her funny and when her sign off is “Be Kind to Each Other” knowing she’s evil…it’s the standard bait and switch used car salesman saying “Trust me, this is the best car ever, Honestly”…PROGRAMMING THE MINDS OF THE AUDIENCE THROUGH PROVEN TACTICS…

So instead of flagging her pervert lesbian content like sniffing panties as the porn that it is, she’s praised and checks are signed…

Then there’s the whole “but she gives so much back to the people” idiots, who don’t realize the prizes she gives are advertising deals and she’s making 10 times what the price money is….

Cancel this bitch oh and I hate Kristen Bell too. I don’t know why but she sucks…fuck em all I say…fuck em all.

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

Posted in:Kristen Bell

2020

30

Apr

Costco Flasher of the Day

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I have been wanting to do a compilation of all the girls out there still flashing in retail stores because retail stores are the forbidden fruit in these COVID lockdown times…especially the independent retail stores that were locked down for 7-8 weeks, despite the big box retail stores remaining open, because some snot faced pimply kid who works in a big box store has more pride to keep things safe from the “old person” disease than someone who’s life is invested in their retail sore…so as you can go to Home Depot, Walmart and Costco…the evil companies that killed local business, local community…and buy all the bullshit you need that aren’t essential…you know like condoms…because ESSENTIAL BUSINESS narrative was a fucking lie to make ya’ll go broke..

Anyway…Retail the forbidden fruit….with a young Asian Flasher in a face mask for COVID….and don’t be all racist on her, it’s not her fault the US Government created a virus to CONTROL you…she’s just here bringing the entertainment.

Posted in:Videos

2020

30

Apr

Britney Spears Workout of the Day

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There’s a story trending about how Britney Spears burnt down her gym with “candles’ she left out in an attempt to kill herself, or escape, or maybe it was really just an accident because she’s so heavily medicated.

Who knows…but she’s down to two pieces of equipment because that insurance money hasn’t come in, even though any fitness brand would send her any products her and her trainer boyfriend want for free…so to celebrate she decided to do a jittery, crackhead on drugs, maybe a schizo on schizo drugs with all those body shake side effects they have…to tell the world she needs help..or to say at 39 she’s still fun to watch move…even though she’s 39 and that makes no logical sense.

I still think a Britney in Captivity is worth watching hump the air like the nutjob she is…the rich version of the toothless homeless crackhead offering a blowjob for a warm cup of soup.

Posted in:Britney Spears|SFW