DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2018

20

Aug

Jordyn Jones in a Bikini of the Day

Jordyn Jones who may or may not be one of January Jone’s previous children – as she’s into single mom shit..

She’s also into posting bikini selfies for attention…it may be a family thing…you know her daughter she raised in the basement producing youtube videos before selling to the entertainment industry…

Jordyn Jones is a youtuber…and I think these selfies explain to you why….and that is because there’s a fucking bunch of perverts using youtube to jerk off…the world is a vast place and youtube is a massive website…meaning there’s a whole lot of fucking dudes jerking off to this girl who was sexualized at a young age for those Bieber dreams…

I don’t know what else she’s done, I just know she’s….posting slutty content since kids are slutty these days…they’ve all grown up on porn and they are all ego attention seeking weirdos that take it upon themselves to grow their audiences….doing slutty things…

Posted in:Jordyn Jones|SFW

2018

20

Aug

Cynda Mcelvana Nude Model of the Day

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Cynda Mcelvana who sounds ethnic and desperate for attention is now an LA model…

Despite her ethnic name, she’s not a sex worker from Eastern Erupe or wherever Mcelvana is from, probably Scotland….she’s actually straight from the farmlands of Arkansas…where her dad may be her brother, uncle and grandfather before she escaped the farm thanks to some vacuum salesman saving her after spending a night sleeping in her barn after his car broke down…

Well, she moved to LA because that’s what you do when you’re straight from Arkansas….with an eagerness to be the next big thing, the next big find, the next Disney Kid…..

She may be freshly out of high school or she may be old and finally getting naked because her dreams haven’t panned out for her…but whatever it is…she’s getting naked and that’s what matters…

I like this strategy of marketing and getting known…and hope it lands her a netflix series….because I can cross reference it against her bush…that looks like a blonde bush…which is a fetish to anyone into blondes…natural blondes…you know what I mean..and if you’re old enough you’ll remember that Brian De Palma’s Dressed to Kill scene I probably jacked off to 1000 times before access to porn.

All this to say, here’s our girl Cyndy with a Double Y showing her Double D’s, that are probably not actually Double Ds…being her own boss…

Posted in:Cynda Mcelvana

2018

20

Aug

Aubrey O’Day Knows her Angles of the Day

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Aubrey O’Day is a fucking legend…yes she’s that old, she’s been around that long, but after breaking up with her Jersey Shore idiot she was with, you know as she was heading back to white after going black and stopping with GUIDO along the way, the transitional period where she actually wanted to fuck a monkey….

Well, she saw all the whores getting attention being whores, and knows how easy it is to be a whore, so jumped on it…I mean social media has is a joke when you’ve made it pre-social media as a whore…

The interesting thing about her, is there was a time she was fat and horrible looking when on the Apprentice with Don Junior Trump….literally ON him….but that allowed me to learn that she understood marketing, and probably should have won that series…and this is the proof that she’ll take it upon herself to get this done….getting it done…the right way….

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Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|SFW

2018

20

Aug

Brooke Burke Erotica of the Day

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Brooke Burke has a ridiculous fan base…

I assume they remember her from when she was on Wild On, from back in an era where getting half naked and partying around the world was enough of a concept to sell a show, an era where I should have been selling TV shows, and I guess I kind of was, to random drunks at the bars I used to frequent, who weren’t Hollywood Execs…but who still would jerk off in the plants like Weinstein…

I did pitch two shows one was a Jackass of Picking Up girls called Pickin’ Up…I pitchd it to some exec at Comedy Central who didn’t buy it and made me give up on my dreams and focus on this site….that has raped my life and dreams and distracted me from opportunities that I should have put my time into.

That idea wouldn’t work now that that whole #metoo shit ruining all our fun, and the other one, i don’t remember…but none as simplistic as “Playboy bitch with bolt on tits in bikini at parties around the globe”…like they spent money producing this shit, flying people around, and you perverts fucking watched it.

That said…I was one of those perverts, she still looks awesome, 20 years and 20 kids later, recently divorced wanting you to jerk off to her old lady body cuz it doesn’t look as old as the menopause probably makes it smell…all dusty and shit…but you can cum in her and she won’t get knocked up…which I’d say is probably a first for her…but it isn’t…

I can think of someone who did these shots a lil bit better…

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Posted in:Anastasia Ashley|Brooke Burke|SFW

2018

20

Aug

Willow Shields in a Bikini of the Day

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Willow Shields is an 18 year old girl from Hunger Games where she wasn’t 18 years old…so this must be very exciting to those of you who had a crush on her and thought she was cute while masturbating to that series….

I have never seen the series, or heard of Willow Shields…

The only Willow I know is Willow the midget from the movie Willow….but the one, like that one,, looks like a midget too…one showing off her ass like the young people do…

And I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing like a midget with midget legs doing bikini porn for social media in a pair of fucking Birkenstocks, like some kind of lesbian hippie backpacker from the late 70s, on her way to gay marry in some remote village in Peru…

Posted in:SFW|Willow Shields

2018

20

Aug

Elsa Hosk – Pussy Shorts of the Day

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I used to call things “gayer than bicycle shorts”…it was one of my catch phrases, I’ve had a few that last a while until I forget about them…like how I do “of the day” on every article on the site, not that these are articles, but you know what I mean.

I used to also do “I am-” before every article on the site, not that these are articles, but some SEO dude trying to help me get the site back on track and loved by the masses, which never happened, told me to remove the “I am -” before every title, because it made no sense, so I tried selling out, and you’ll be glad to know, I failed at the clickbaiting…

I used to also say “that’s the story I heard”…or I’d say “looking good sweetheart” to fucking ugly bitches who didn’t look good…

I’ve been writing a side for 14 fucking years, daily updating, 10 or more posts a day, about nonsense…there’s often times a lot of crossover….

That said…”gayer than bicycle shorts”…because bike shorts are fucking gay, and when you see the weekend warriors out there on their road bikes dressed like they are doing Tour De France despite being 40 pound overweight doctors and lawyers on the bike bath…in their spandex outfits…is pretty fucking gay.

In the 80s, before I really embraced alcoholism when Mountain Bikini was starting up, I took a liking to it, but I’d never put on those queer outfits…and always asked the people I met in the woods on their bikes if they were there for a gay meet up..cuz I could see their fucking balls in their gay shorts…

What I am getting at is that Bicycle Shorts have always been gay, but thanks to instagram and women being into fitness and whores who show off their asses and cameltoes….it’s a trend….and these girls wear them out…and they aren’t that gay to look at…cuz you see full cunt.

I am into any outfit that shows off full cunt.

So while Bike Shorts are still gay…they aren’t when hot models wear them.

That’s all I have to say about that!

TO SEE THE REST OF THE REST OF ThE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Elsa Hosk|SFW

2018

20

Aug

Maitland Ward Degenerate Nude Erotica of the Day

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This is what happens when you start a Patreon and realize that the weirdo fans that you’ve generated by riding Boy Meets World fame and using your tits people who remember you wanted to see back then, now…at over 40 years old…..realizing that they are heavy nerds, because who the fuck remembers Boy Meets World besides weirdos….and that those nerds will pay to fuck you, or at least look at your nude content…

So it’s been a process of an attention seeking ex actress who never quite made it…realizing she’s a sex worker…and all it took was getting a patreon to 50k a month in revenue…that’s a ton of fucking money and all she has to do is weird erotica that isn’t even properly produced or executed and that looks like it is shot on a fucking potato…of a potato.

I can’t hate a women showing her pussy like this…and getting paid…it’s empowering and amazing what the internet can do for people.

I have not made even close to that money doing this for 14 years so good for her.

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Posted in:Maitland Ward

2018

20

Aug

Scout Willis Bikini of the Day

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I used to make fun of the Willis sisters. I don’t know why I decided it was my duty or task to point at laugh at rich as fuck, spoiled as fuck, trust fund kids who are basically on summer vacation every day of their life, with no responsibilities thanks to their parents, allowing them to focus on doing things they like to actually do, whether that is art, which I don’t think exists but is a lie, or music, or whatever the fuck it is that they do in their spare time being hipsters….

When really, the Willis Sisters, despite not being that hot…are a good time…

They do nude shoots, they do weird incest content, they are often times half naked, and posting for attention on the social media feeds…but are rich and don’t need it.

So there’s really nothing to hate about them…what they do is good enough for a pervert like me.

I believe in them…their strength, their youth, their money, there’s time for them to still do something worth doing…like showing their spread assholes…I’ve seen the bush, but have I seen the asshole?

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Posted in:Scout Willis|SFW

2018

20

Aug

Shay Mitchell Tits Out for Fashion of the Day

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Shay Mitchell is a bratty rich kid from Canada who has made it in America.

She’s half Indian, dot not feather, because we allow that in Canada…

She was on a huge the instagram because she was on a very successful show where Ashley Benson ate all the Craft Services, allowing her to do the logical thing, and rather than get cast in Oscar winning movies….she has decided to turn to Youtube, doing that YOUTUBE thing, where she plays a fashion and lifestyle blogger…with some travel content…because she knows to leverage the fuck out of whatever she’s done, diversify, don’t put all your eggs in one basket, this social media thing is pretty fucking easy to pull off as a sideline gig…just document what the fuck you are doing and get richer than you already are or than her parents are….that allowed her to have this life as an “actor”….influencer…personality with fans..

The world…is crazy.

Shay Mitchell made this video of her tits in various settings

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Posted in:SFW|Shay Mitchell

2018

20

Aug

Elizabeth Hurley Pussy Print of the Day

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I guess this is a situation that isn’t that bad…Liz Hurley’s continuous posting of her old lady tits.

I like to make fun of it, point and laugh if you will, but there’s nothing funny about an old lady who still looks this good.

If anything, it should be celebrated, for other old ladies to feel like shit about themselves, to possibly buy her bathing suit company bathing suits to hope to look as good as this…who knows, maybe it motivates those old women to work out, to get face injections, to do whatever it takes to get where they need to go…

Or maybe Liz Hurley has no fucking influence, no impact, and the only people who care are pervert fans, who are also old as fuck, and rememebr her in the 90s…

I think the only amazing thing about Liz Hurley is that she’s British, and British women are normally toothless, grey skinned and fat by 35…so it’s just a whole lot of confusing..but I get pretty confused looking at tits in general…pretty fucking stroked out.

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Posted in:Uncategorized