DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2017

04

Jan

Maria Sharapova is a Cheater in a Bikini of the Day

I’ve had three major traffic on this site, where I hit over 300,000 people in one day, the biggest day was when I was given the Farrah Abraham squirting clip promoting her first sex tape and Gawker linked it up…

The second was the first 6 weeks of doing the site when Maria Sharapova was on the beach in a yellow bikini – pulling sand out of her vagina…a post that went viral before viral was a thing…it was 2004…a post that ended up inspiring at least 2-3 people I know to become big players in the internet space….a post that made me feel the need to update this bullshit for the rest of my fucking life…because so many people don’t care about me – or my jokes but they care about people in bikinis…making a stupid fucking life for myself….and 12 years later…I’m still doing it…like a fool…for no money or reason….

So in a lot of ways, Maria Sharapova is my spirit animal…my soul sister…my partner…my enemy…the devil…but she’s still doing what she was doing then….and so am I…so maybe we’re on some path we gotta stick to….her in bikinis…now that she’s allowed to play tennis again…an me running the most irrelevant blog on the internet…both of us better 12 years ago…but still here…one more athletic than the other…both performance enhancement drug users!

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Maria Sharapova|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Bella Thorne is Still in Bahamas of the Day

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In this day and age – we are so obsessed with girls being naked, or half naked, you know stripping down and showing bikini or panties, or bare asshole spread so I can imagine tonguing it as she licks my ass while jerking me off….you know 69 the Asshole edition….and Bella Thorne knows it..

She knows she’s long and lean and has a rocking body. She knows that the world needs a hot redhead and she’s it. She knows that when you’re raised on porn, sex is different, outlook on sex is different, anal is first date behavior, so are gangbangs, orgies, rape fetishes…so half naked pics aren’t a big deal…that shit is G Rated…G Rated we can all jerk off to because bikinis are fucking wonderful..

I like what she’s bringing to the world…it’s easy, not complicated, basic, and perfect…

Here she is in her underwear….

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Ariel WInter’s Butt in a Bikini of the Day

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Ariel Winter posted a butt shot…and she’s laying on her stomach…because she doesn’t want to take away from her butt shot by ruining it with her big round belly….even though people only like her for her tits…and this posting the ass is just confusing what she’s known for, what she’s about..

I think she looks like a vile little troll, but I never watched the show and I never developed an emotional relationship with her tits that keep on growing….I didn’t cry when they were reduced and reshaped….and I didn’t celebrate when they grew back in from eating…

I just know that all 18 year olds are firm, tight, and even the fat ones are good enough to stare at – because they haven’t hit their mid 20s – early 30s slump all girls experience – where girls start to melt and turn sloppy because the best years are behind them…where their boyfriends jerk off to pics of them in high school because her body caught up with her big tits.. who cares

Posted in:Ariel Winter|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Iliza Shlesinger Nude Selfie of the Day

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Iliza Shlesinger is a Last Comic Standing winner….you’ve probably never heard of her because no one has ever watched Last Comic Standing…and she won in 2008 and it was probably because they were being criticized for not having enough female winners…

I hate female comedians…I mean I hate all comedians, but female ones more than males, they just aren’t funny….

It’s a series of “wish I was an actress, but I’m too ugly, so I’m going to use this angle”…that in this feminist world works….

The female audience is the market, leaving male comedians to be pussy nerds rather than misogynist assholes, and females to be as vulgar and I guess vulgar as they can…just to get noticed…which is in line with this girl’s approach to selfies…show them jewish tits..exist…good job.

Posted in:Iliza Shlesinger|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Rose Bertram is the Model in Dubai of the Day

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Rose Bertram is a Sports Illustrated model – in her bikini in Dubai…possibly getting shit on by very rich Arab men in the timeless joke about instagram models heading over to Dubai on the private jet to give these rich dudes a taste of America…because it actually happens…so much so that if I was a model…I wouldn’t tag Dubai…just to try to pretend I’m not a fucking hooker on a free trip…or on a “job”…for some rich dude’s fake bikini company that involves being shit on by him and his friends….because we know they have the money…we know models love money and we know Rose Bertram and her big tits isn’t making that money in the legitimate way and a girl’s got needs…

Posted in:Rose Bertram|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Hilary Duff Peeing in the Pool of the Day

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In very important news, Hilary Duff’s flight out of Hawaii was delayed, so she got to spend another day to celebrate, and what better way than to soak her big juicy booty that I love…in what I assume is taking a pee in the pool but not taking a pee on my face…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Hilary Duff|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Heather Graham Bikini Romance of the Day

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Heather Graham only has 6000 followers on her instagram @ImHeatherGraham and that is fascinating to me…

At first I thought it was a joke, some mean spirited joke someone was playing on us, because Heather Graham is iconic to perverts who watched movies like Boogie Nights in the late 90s….how could some mall employee in Idaho be more relevant with her 40,000 followers than an actual celebrity…

Then I remembered, she’s old and must not be interesting to people, as old people are…and figured she probably doesn’t update her shit at all…I’ve seen accounts that are just named after a celeb that get tens of thousands of likes…but it turns out she made a post a day ago…so she’s active on it….

But more importantly, I remember the late 90s….were 20 fucking years ago..and she’s probably in her 50s…but 50 or not…she’s still got her tits…and that’s an achievement – especially in this breast cancer filled world…

These pics are pretty fucking boring…but what do you expect from a grandmother using social media.

Posted in:Heather Graham|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Aly Michalka’s Butt Shot of the Day

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I still don’t really know who Aly Michalka is, I know she has a sister, I know they were in a band, I know they had a Disney show and I know one of them had a lot of plastic surgery, yet I don’t know much more about who they are, what they do…what they are about…what inspires them and makes them thrive…

After re-reading that paragraph, I know an insane amount about these Michalkas, I mean more than I probably should…and it’s all thanks to having a pervert blog for pervert people who watch Disney Channel in 2004…and who still care…..12 years later…where the once jailbait is now…because you are romantic…and I guess so is Aly Michalka as she shows you her panty wearing ass for no reason…other than to remind you she still cares….not quite a Jon Benet of her generation, but kinda..thanks to her parents who instilled very important morals and values into her…

Posted in:Aly Michalka|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Joanna Krupa is Paddleboarding of the Day

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Poland’s own…Joanna Krupa may be a shameless self promoter…who was born in Poland but lived in the US all her life…but that doesn’t mean she can’t use it as a marketing hook…this bitch is all about the marketing hook and that’s ok because she’s got a hot body…and when a girl has a hot body…she has every right to be a shameless self promoter…especially when she’s in her 40s like Krupa…

It’s like know your role in the world…and call your paparazzi friends…take those pictures….because tabloids like content and will publish pics of her even at her level of barely famous….

She was a Glamour model who was lucky enough to book Dancing With the Stars, thanks to a good audition and a need for Dancing With the Stars to have hot pussy for the husbands to watch dance, turning her into a reality star…

She is currently out of work…but that doesn’t mean she can’t keep her name in the media cycle…all she needs to do is get into that bikini….

Who knows what is next for someone I’m amazed has even got this far, but when you look like this, good things happen, no matter how cheesy you are….you just have to recognize your talents…and build off that…and maintain that shit as long as you can…because there’s plenty of older rich guys who want something like this to bring to the country club that allows jews….it’s a status thing, a novelty, like showing off a new car your friends can’t afford….only with a vagina that has sex with you…pretty perfect to me…

TO SEE MORE KRUPA IN A BIKINI CLICK HERE

Posted in:Joanna Krupa|SFW

2017

04

Jan

Ryan Newman is Fun of the Day

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The other day I was calling all these young, exploited girls Jon Benet Ramsey of their generation – but not dead…

All shameless celebrities, like Ariel Winter, Bella Thorne, even Selena Gomez 10 years ago….before she had to go to rehab for being dumped by Beiber, like a coddled little twat who can’t deal with her emotions….thanks to parents who had a fucking dream…

And I realize that it is a wonderful thing, when parents teach their kids the importance of being half naked / in bikinis as often as they can…because it builds and audience, gets them more jobs and everyone’s ego can collectively circle jerk, squirt all over their faces in joy of winning the most basic tactic to get known…

And I think she looks great….

Posted in:Ryan Newman|SFW