DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

17

Dec

DrunkenSweatshop X Gordon Holdon Collab T-Shirt of the Day

“NUNS LOVE JESUS A LOT” is the name of this perfectly timed T-Shirt designed by artist Gordon Holden for DrunkenStepfather.com, because it is Jesus’ birthday in a week and what better way to celebrate it than to have a couple ladies who devoted their life to him, licking what could be an ice cream cone, or a candy cane, or really a Jesus statue…but you’d never know, since we censored it!

We had stepGIRL MACBUD model it on her recent vacation in MIAMI….

TO GET ONE OF THE MOST OFFENSIVE AND INSANE SHIRTS OF THE YEAR CLICK HERE

Posted in:DrunkenSweathshop|stepEXCLUSIVE

2013

17

Dec

Anna Beatriz Barros Does X-Mas of the Day

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Anna Beatriz Barros is an amazing 6 foot tall Brazilian model….who would probably be scary to be next to in person, but in pictures she’s fantastic…

She has been in Sports Illustrated a bunch of times and was at one point in time a Victoria’s Secret chick and who the fuck knows or really cares what she’s been up to the last couple of years, because all that matter is this campaign she did for some magazine for Christmas that really touches me at my core…because I feel like this is how my mind sees Christmas every year…lingerie clad models with creepy drunk santas and midgets having their way with her…

I am in love with this campaign.

Posted in:Anna Beatriz Barros

2013

17

Dec

Naomi Watts Does Bathing Suits of the Day

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These bathing suit pics of Naomi Watts would be far more interesting if she wasn’t 100 fucking years old…

I mean we can all celebrate her 100 year old mom body in a form fitting one piece like shit’s a fucking masterpiece…even when it’s not…

We can be like “OMG, for a mom of two Live Schreiber babies, she’s not all that bad”…but that’s like saying for a fat chick, she’s not that bad…or for an amputee, she’s not that bad…or for a serial killer, she’s not that bad…or for a herpes ridden aids infected hooker, she’s not that bad…

It’s always fucking bad…at least when comparing her now…to what was…

Sure it could be worse…but this that great…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Naomi Watts

2013

17

Dec

Jewish Mom vs Naked Trainer Christmas Video of the Day

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My friend Sam Jones has a fun web series that involves all kinds of wild and silly adventures.

I have been asking her for sex for the last two years and she constantly rejects me, in fact she deletes a lot of comments I leave on her Facebook referencing her NUMBER 9 asking how tight it is…and how I can have it smeared on my face like a Santa Beard…tis the fucking season….

But I can take the rejection, especially after seeing this video with the legendary Naked Trainer, who she hired for her hot Jewish mom’s Jewish Christmas gift…a mom I would like to have sex with, because despite being older, she’s seems like she’s got all the right moves…but more importantly..getting with her would mean I would be Sam Jones’ actual stepfather…and dreams would come true…

Posted in:Videos

2013

17

Dec

Sara Sampaio for Free People of the Day

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Sara Sampaio is a greasy Portuguese fish eating model who is modelling for Free People in bikinis…and shit is about as exciting as bikini catalog pictures go, which is not exciting at all.

They are all the same…

If anything, the random fame whore attention seeking sluts on Instagram are more interesting and have more compelling pictures than this…but because Sara Sampaio is a Victoria’s Secret model, I am going to pretend that them lending her out to other companies that they probably manufacture for, is more important than the amateur models looking for this kind of campaign…because..that’s what the media wants me to do…I blame the illuminati.

Posted in:Sara Sampaio

2013

17

Dec

Tricia Helfer in her Bikini for Instagram of the Day

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Tricia Helfer is some Canadian actress who nerds love because she was hired for some low budget Canadian show that for some reason nerds bought into…because she was the discount bargain basement actor that fit into their budget….

Which teaches us all a valuable lesson, that sometimes buying the bootleg version of what you want, you know the sale item, no name brand version isn’t always that bad an option, especially when it comes to women, because there’s the expensive ones that cost money and have attitude and the ones willing to do shit for a warm shower all eager and shit…and when it’s all said and done, in both cases you get the same outcome…aids….or an orgasm…or a wife you can’t get rid of…or in the case of Battlestar Gallatica, a girl you turned semi-famous.

Here are her bikini pics from vacation.

Posted in:Tricia Helfer

2013

17

Dec

Gisele is in a Bikini of the Day

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Gisele Bundchen is on the beach with her kid…and it would be far more magical if it happened in a time when she wasn’t a mom, but instead when she was rumored to be a tranny from Brazil that Victoria’s Secret kidnapped and held captive always threatening to let the world know her penis secret if she didn’t pose for free…not because I like tranny porn, if anything I find it weirder than incest porn, because trannies aren’t human…however the doubt in my mind, you know the not really officially knowing, like when you get blow jobs from random chicks in bars who may or may not have adam’s apples, makes things more exhilarating…

But she’s still fit in a bikini…and there is still hope that her Jock husband is gay from all the locker room masturbationg…and that maybe…just maybe her clit is a dick…just to make all those years of assuming she was a tranny matter.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Gisele Bundchen

2013

17

Dec

Daria Werbowy for L’Equipe of the Day

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Daria Werbowy is some 30 year old Polish born refugee who was taken in by Canada when she was 3, escaping rationed toilet paper and a life of working the traveling circus or sex trade, but rather chose a life of hockey, maple syrup, Avril Lavigne and Igloo building before being saved by the model industry for being tall and awesome…and now she’s the face of some boring company…that gets her in bathing suits that are hardly as exciting as when she was getting NAKED IN VOGUE 3 year ago…but as any 30 year old will tell you…a lot changes in those 3 years of being a girl…primarily starting with the loss of sex appeal…

All this to say, I’d still do Canadian activities with her…sitting on my face.

Posted in:Daria Werbowy

2013

17

Dec

Bar Refaeli in Her Lingerie of the Day

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Apparently this is a campaign for Bar Refaeli’s lingerie company that I am sure she has very little involvement in, but who knows maybe she’s the brains behind it, but logically, some company approached her and said “You’re 30, Victoria’s Secret doesn’t want you, you’re famous as a half named model, you’ve banged A-Listers, you have fans, let’s make some motherfuckin’ money”…what the fuck else is she going to do in her retirement, I mean seriously, it’s either lingerie, bikinis, or retiring on her fortune or I guess settling down with countless billionaires who would love Bar Refaeli as their wife, it’s a status thing…

Is she that great? Not really. This shit doesn’t excite me, but I don’t think any lingerie campaign really could excite me….I’ve seen it all…but we keep on going, because there’s not much else to do.

Posted in:Bar Refaeli

2013

17

Dec

Drunken Santa Brawl of the Day

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Nothing says Christmas quite like seeing a bunch of Santas participating in some Santa Event in a bar brawl…because Christmas is a week away, emotions are heightened, the weather is putting us into some Seasonal depression, and sometimes when you dress like the world’s most loved PEDO and mix it with Booze, you kinda lose yourself…

If you don’t like that – here’s the Russian Loch Ness Monster…

If you don’t like that here’s two homeless dudes losing their shit in Venice Beach…where failed actors with drug addiction go to die.

Posted in:Videos