DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

08

May

Rihanna Works a Phallus of the Day

I am going to guess it was Rihanna’s birthday, I am an investigative journalist like that, you know balloons and cake can mean anything, but I’m sticking with birthday….

Bitches love cake, especially when shaped like a giant penis, all black and red tipped dude to over-use, herpes, pretty much what she’s used to…and like an animal, she can’t contain herself, all dripping like a baboon ready to be penetrated, because she’s an island girl and her biological clock started tickin’ at 15, back when she child prostituted her way to fame.

All this to say, I think she’s hot.

TO SEE SOME PICS LOOKIN’ DOWN HER SHIRT
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Rihanna

2013

08

May

Kym Graham Rockin’ Some Big Tits of the Day

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I don’t know who this Kym Graham bitch is, but I can assume she’s got the same story as all the other titty models, I generalize like that, it makes life easier.

She’s young, she’s got big tits, she’s from the UK and doesn’t look like a fucking troll with broken down stained teeth and grey skin, and she’s making moves to get to a place she needs to be…topless….because that’s where her talents lie

Whether he uncle taught her how to pee when she was 15 or not doesn’t matter….the fact is that she’s broken enough to live it up like this and I like it.

Posted in:Kym Graham|NSFW

2013

08

May

Britney Spears Shitty Photoshopped Bikini Pics for Shape of the Day

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It’s probably a very good thing that these pics of Britney Spears in her bikini for Shape are such shit quality, because despite the lie that is photoshop, a lie I’d like to thank for existing, because let’s face it, I don’t ever hang with the real Britney Spears and I prefer a more refined version of her, you know leave her thick single mom, cellulite ridden, legs and average at best looks, that her bank account, celebrity make a little more tolerable to K-Fed, at Walmart, and give me the Hit Me Baby One More Time bitch we all grew to love as she fell apart at the seams.

I mean the only shape Britney is actually in is mom of 2, in the deep south who shops at Walmart and loves chips….

But I’ll let Shape magazine keep the dream alive, lie to me media, it feels so good.

Posted in:Britney Spears

2013

08

May

Adriana Cernanova is a Babe on the Beach for Elle Czech of the Day

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Adriana Cernanova is some Wonderbra model, a company I assume still exists, despite being eaten up and spat out by Victoria’s Secret, you know beat at their own bra game, cuz in the 80s, we were jerking off to Wonderbra pages of the Sears Catalog, an era before underwear catalogs of their own existed, a simpler time…..

Well, she’s taken her lingerie body, put it in a bikini, and is rockin’ some Elle Czech beach photoshoot, all hot bodied and shit.

You know, the kind of girl who doesn’t need a Wonderbra to get your attention and disappoint you when you undress her back at home…

Assuming, that ever happens to you, you know a girl tryng to get your attention via lying bras, willing to go home with you….but this is the internet, lets pretend.

Not to mention, the only thing that I think is real is this babe….

Adriana Cernanova, I am going to write love songs about you and until then, I’m just going to rape myself staring at your pics, I got nothing else to do.

Posted in:Adriana Cernanova

2013

08

May

New Face Megan Fox Hot Enough for a Mom on Set of the Day

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Looks like she’s doing the Cher…all new mom, full face of botox, wrecked while doing a little fitness….It’s Megan Fox people, she doesn’t matter anymore, you know now that she barely gets work, and more importantly now that she’s in her 30s and has brought the spawn of David from 90210 to existence, like some bitch who has been held captive in Ohio, that no one bothered saving cuz she was too much of a cunt.

But I’ll still look on and judge her form…I’m forgiving like that….or maybe I’m just a pervert.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS
FOLLOW THIS LINK

Posted in:Megan Fox

2013

08

May

Candice Swanepoel’s Cowgirl Pic of the Day

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Candice Swanepoel gave Utah a shout out, because either she shot this pic there, or she feels as though Utah is just a Cowboy filled land of polygamous relationships, that I would like to hope she is planning on retiring to, because it feels like South Africa, but more importantly, because it feels good to have multiple dick on call….not that she’s a man in a mormom home, but she’s Candice Swanepoel, fit and hot enough to make anything she want happen…like turn me on dressed like a cowgirl leading to impure thoughts of her in the barn, covered in manure, getting fucked up the ass with a rake while sucking me off….not that that is something she wants to have happen, but this is the internet, let’s pretend.

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel

2013

08

May

Dree Hemingway’s Real Sex Scene in Starlet of the Day

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I have been a huge advocate of real sex in mainstream movies, because I figure playing make belief sex is just gay as fuck, you know all wearing their little flesh toned underwear pretending to get fucked, while getting paid millions to be there….make the movie real life people…..

So I am a huge fan of seeing real sex in movies, especially when the person getting slammed is a descendant of Ernest Hemingway, who paved a way for her to never have to fuck on camera to get ahead in life with all his American Literature classics.

Which makes the whole thing so much more amazing to watch….

I mean at this point, is Dree Hemingway a pornstar, is this a TEEN MOM FARRAH situation? Staged sex for money and career. One a broken rich girl the other a broken girl who was probably banged as a tween by a relative…both fucking on camera…who cares, just be glad it happened.

I mean she’s fingered, eaten out, sucks dick and is penetrated, in front of a bunch of dudes, unless it is a body double….which I guess makes this post obsolete….but until proven otherwise, I’m gonna say it’s her….

Damn….it’s a body double named Zoe Voss. What a bummer.

Posted in:Dree Hemingway|NSFW

2013

08

May

Carey Mulligan Creeps Me the Fuck Out for Flaunt of the Day

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Carey Mulligan creeps me the fuck out regardless of being in photoshoots for Flaunt Magazine designed to creep me out.

She’s just got a robot, possessed, demon of a vibe to her….you know with constant empty stares and average at best looks..

Sure she’s a big star in a big movie, but that doesn’t mean I am into her cold dead eyes….even if girls with no soul are usually my type….

Either way, here’s the freak…

Posted in:Carey Mulligan

2013

08

May

Anna Ewers for Nasty Gal Bathing Suits of the Day

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Anna Ewers, not to be confused with Hannah Sewers, a bitch I once fucked who had a pussy that smelled like raw sewage, I made that story up, but this Anna Ewers who rhymes with Sewers, is a model in a bathing suit and whoever she is, and whatever she does, she’s the kind of vagina I’d like to know he smells of….you know from it being smeared up on my face, even if it smells like raw sewage…because apparently girls on a cocaine and diet coke model diet have rank twat….I wouldn’t really know…my girls are more of the meth and crack and obese variety…

All this to say, I’d love to be her sewer….

Posted in:Anna Ewers

2013

08

May

Abbey Lee Kershaw Gets Political the Right Way of the Day

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Here is a pic of Abbey Lee Kershaw at the Met Art Gala the other day, getting nice a political for their punk rock themed event, by writing political messages on her, like “Gun Control”….lifting her skirt, flashing her panties, grabbing her tits, to get that message across..

It is kinda like that time I wrote “SUCK IT” on my dick, that looked more like “S” thanks to lack of canvas, and pulled it out in public, unfortunately the police didn’t think it was a political statement, but just a pervert exposing himself….whatever…

Posted in:Abbey Lee Kershaw