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2013

13

May

Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge Model Bikinis of the Day

You know what….Victoria’s Secret models have pretty good bodies.

You should print this up, tape it to your fridge, and tell your wife how you expect her to look like this in the next 3 to 8 months, and everytime you see her snacking, show her what girls are supposed to look like….the subtle approach will either land you a hotter wife, or better, she’ll leave you for reasons of emotional abuse, take half of everything you have, and leave you free to masturbate to girls like this, cuz we all know there’s no way any of these girls are fucking you….

All this to say, I’m a fan of staring at them…

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Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|Lily Aldridge

2013

13

May

Heidi Klum Twitter Bikini Pic of the Day

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Heidi Klum doesn’t turn me on because she’s an ex-model, all old and shit. She turns me on because I know the kind of sexual deviant she must be and not just because she’s german and likely into scat, but because she has kids with multiple men, meaning she likes the cum up in her, but one of those men, was a big black guy who had a cock the size of a woman’s forearm, pretty much fisting her everytime they fucked, destroying her tall model pussy, one thrust at a time, and for some reason I can’t explain, that is exciting to me. It’s like watching a girl shove a wine bottle in her ass, it’s just so hardcore that the fact that she does it is amazing….

So old or not, I’ll still stare at her bikini pics…she’s got great tits….that dirty German…

Posted in:Heidi Klum

2013

13

May

Hilary Duff in her Bikini of the Day

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Hilary Duff celebrated mother’s day by showing off her mom body in a bikini and I don’t think it was anything really worth celebrating…but that the same time…I love bikinis, and shit wasn’t so bad.

I mean I don’t understand why the blogs are celebrating her sex appeal, as far as I’m concerned she’s got none…and this stuff by Hilary Duff is what you’d find at a thrift shop, all used and abused, far more tired, all for sale at a discount, rather than the prestine stuff by Hilary Duff available at Sears back when she mattered….

But I am sure her virgin loser fans are still into this, even if her arms are bigger, her ass bigger, her gut bigger, her vagina bigger….because bigger might not be better, but if you ask that dude who fucked that fat chick Saturday night cuz she was the last one standing in the bar and the only one willing to go home with him, bigger is better than nothing.

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Posted in:Hilary Duff

2013

13

May

Isabeli Fontana Modeling Half Naked of the Day

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Isabeli Fontana may be pushing 30. She may be a mom of two. But as far as I’m concerned, she will always be the 16 year old who made Victoria’s Secret look like a bunch of sex offending perverts because they put her in lingerie and took pictures of her in what would get a normal person arrested for the shit…but that got Victoria’s Secret a slap on the wrist…thanks to the billion dollar legal team….that has since advised them to not shoot pics of girls under 18 in their lingerie…something, you’d think they would have known before shooting this Isabeli Fontana….

Despite the 14 years, the babies, the 3 marriages, she’s still got it going on. I’m a fan.

Posted in:Isabeli Fontana

2013

13

May

Heather Graham in Maxim of the DAy

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There was a time, around 10-15 years ago, when Heather Graham was not 45 fucking years old….

You know, when she was Rollergirl, all heavy set tits and nice thick 70s bush for her breakout role as a pornstar in Boogie Nights…….

Now sure, at 43, she’s still got it going on, but I don’t understand why she’d be out doing photoshoots, when she could just re-release her old shit. It’s like we don’t need a new Heather Graham set of pics, she had her time, she did what she had to do, she’s got enough money to retire and fade away gracefully.

We have archive footage of her at her prime and I don’t see the point in documenting her aging or demise, even if she’s better than most 43 year olds…because at 43 in Hollywood, even if you still look good in a bikini, you might as well be 100 fucking years old.

But I guess Maxim is struggling and has nothing else going on, so they gotta do what they gotta do to stay afloat, kinda like Heather Graham, reliving the glory days of 1998.

Menopause is never hot….

[PICS REMOVED BY MAXIM]

Posted in:Heather Graham

2013

13

May

Rihanna Modeling Bullshit for Instagram of the Day

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Rihanna is a bit of an Exhibitionist…the kind of girl who if she never made it as a pop star billion dollar brand….she’d probably be a cam girl…or a hooker…but more likely a cam girl…the kind who masturbates in the library for her fans….because that’s just the kind of pervert she is…getting thrills by putting her pussy on blast…something I can endorse..

You see cuz even now, as this big celebrity, she gets her nipples, tits, whatever she can out there as often as possible, and that’s with a management team watching her every move so that she doesn’t offend anyone or ruin what they’ve already built up for her….so you can just imagine how hardcore she’d go without people controlling her every move and that to me is far hotter than looking at her side tit while she’s promoting her sweatshop made discount gutter clothing line…but the side tit is still good to me…

Posted in:Rihanna

2013

13

May

Ariana Grande Reading DrunkenStepfather.com of the Day

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I don’t know who Ariana Grande is, I just know she’s laying on her bed, sprawled out, reading DrunkenStepfather.com….so I guess I have to promote her young, tight, fit, revealing pink outfit….

Sure, she may not even be on DrunkenStepfather.com, but you know you’re dick isn’t the one being sucked in all that POV porn you jerk off to.

Let me have my fantasies, even if they are so far from reality, and involve me thinking my site matters so much, some Nickelodeon star reads the shit like it’s the scripture. I mean it’d be nice if she did, it’d increase my chances of K-Fed-ing her….a plan I’ve had in my back pocket since starting the site….

Come on Ariana, let your vagina save me from this hell I live…

It’s not creepy cuz she’s 19….

Posted in:Ariana Grande

2013

13

May

Amanda Seyfried Tries to Seduce in a Givenchy Commercial of the Day

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Amanda Seyfried is all intense for this commercial for high fashion brand Givenchy Youy know all dressed in black like some kind of spy in an old Hollywood movie, only to strip down and seduce us with her awesome face that I am a fan of, even if she bores me in every fucking thing she does…except maybe when she takes on “real” acting jobs, rather than her disney shit….where she DYKES OUT WITH HER ROCKIN’ TITS WITH JULIANNE MOORE ….that shit was kinda exciting…at least more exciting than this add…90 percent of her acting work and all her paparazzi pics that involve her in her period clothing…

Posted in:Amanda Seyfried

2013

13

May

Kendall Jenner’s Erotic Bikini Bottom Pic of the Day

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Jesus. If she wasn’t 17, I’d think she was trying to seduce us with her half naked body and long legs. You know this crotch shot designed to make perverts everywhere sexualize her in efforts to keep the family on the map by giving people hope that the have some hotness and sex appeal left in them…now that the rest of the world has realized that Kim Kardashian, their star pig, is a fucking cow and not the sex icon her marketing team made all you idiots believe via shitty sex tapes…

Ultimately, the family is the worst..and even at 17…it’s safe to say the stage mom Kris Kardashian is behind this and trying to get as much press as possible…and the only thing wholesome about a 17 year old posting crotch shots to the internet….is that you can’t legally masturbate to it….making it all ok….but we all know what’s going on here, we’re onto you…and I’m not complaining…18 is right around the corner…and that’s when they’ll drop the big guns…

Posted in:Kendall Jenner

2013

13

May

Victoria Lee is Hot for Elle France of the Day

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Victoria Lee is an Australian model, who reminds me that I really like Australian models….

They grew up on the beach and aren’t fat….they look good half naked….they are probably a lot of fun cuz they get paid to do really low stress, low effort, not very time consuming things….giving them the lifestyle of someone on a permanent vacation…and Australian chicks, at least the ones I’ve met are just fucking cool and like to throw down, drink hard, and rage….

Makes me wonder why I live in a frozen tundra hell…oh right…because I’m held hostage by my wife and no one out there answers my cries of help….