DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2013

04

Feb

Ashley Tisdale Skinny Legs of the Day

The good news about Ashley Tisdale is that when you crop out her wonky fuckin face with her botched nose job….and focus on what she actually has going for her….she can be pretty fucking hot…you see cuz fit, skinny and in short shorts can go a long way when you’re not distracted by what otherwise should be masked…..not that she’s that bad….but in terms of hollywood she is and that’s the benchmark we put her up against…and that is the reason she’s doing Scary Movie 13 while the rest of her friends are making history in Harmony Korine’s Springbreakers…it’s always sad to be left out and ignored…especially when your body can support you…if your face wasn’t bringing you down….

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Posted in:Ashley Tisdale

2013

04

Feb

Rachel Bilson Looks Different in Cosmo Australia of the Day

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The cute girl from The O.C. is starting to look like a Real Housewife of wherever the fuck she’s a housewife…I’m thinking it’s in Canada on some farm somewhere, because that’s what someone I know who fucked her husband’s sister told me…which makes sense since the Husband hasn’t got work since the last Star Wars…and has to make sure his woman doesn’t get tempted by actors who can actually call themselves actors…rather than dudes who have just acted…if you know what I mean…..not that her kidnapper is really that interesting or worth talking about….when she’s in shorts in cover on a magazine….like this was still 1999….when her botox face tells us it totally is not….good times.

Posted in:Rachel Bilson

2013

04

Feb

Erin Heatherton Modeling Half Naked of the Day

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I used to hate on Erin Heatherton….calling her weird looking…saying she was nothing more than overhyped Victoria’s Secret PR bullshit…but looking at her toned stomach…I’ve changed my mind…and this she’s fantastic enough for me to write love songs…or at least love poems to….I’m talking romantic throwing a message in a bottle and dropping it in the river hoping to washes ashore at one of her St Barts shoot at the Victoria’s Secret compound….beause after looking at her half today…I believe in love…and humanity…and making her my Valentine…til the end of time…..that or I’ll try to get a boner to these pics…whichever comes first…

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Posted in:Erin Heatherton

2013

04

Feb

Sara Sampaio in Some Lingerie Catalog Shots of the Day

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This Sara Sampaio is obviously the replacement for Adriana Lima reminding us that we are all replaceable…even when your ego doesn’t want to admit that there are people who can do your useless standing around half naked job as good, if not better than you, even though you have 10 years experience standing around half naked, because you don’t like admitting that what you get paid millions for is a joke, requires no talent, and isn’t a real job even if you never have to work again….

She’s from Portugual, she’s likely a fisherman’s daughter, she’s got great lips and I am a fan….even in shitty Catalog shots…

Posted in:Sara Sampaio

2013

04

Feb

Brittany Mason for Esquire Me In My Place of the Day

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Brittany Mason is some nobody, Miss Indiana 2008, that manaaged to get shot in her place in her underwear for Esquire…in what looks like an amateur softcore porn shoot….supported by mainstream advertising…those sleazy fucks….

In doing this shoot she also decided to show off her great ass and more importantly her vagina definition…making her worth staring at….

She’s been in Sports Illustrated, some other shit, she’s American and a B-Cup and if you look at these pics, you’ll know exactly what her twat looks like…and that’s something you all need in your life….cuz I figure every girl should introduce herself to the world like that…

Posted in:Brittany Mason

2013

04

Feb

Morena Baccarin for March GQ UK of the Day

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Morena Baccarin is some socially awkward nerd icon…from being in some socially awkward nerd show called Firefly to being in some socially awkward movie called Serenity….to being in a movie called Stargate….and then V and now Homeland…it’s like so much sperm has been spilled for this babe….and now she’s in GQ UK…wearing her bra…like some kind of harlot….and you know you like it….cuz Brazilian girls, even their trannies, do it better….even when they are married….

Here are the pics.

Posted in:Morena Baccarin

2013

04

Feb

Mackayla Maroney Gymnast Bikini of the Day

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It makes me uncomfortable that all the gossip blogs and men’s sites post Mackayla Maroney bikini pics…she’s only 17…and when watching her KEEK video…it’s safe to say that’s way fucking younger than it may seem….she might as well be 12 in this shit….maybe because of her OLYMPIC GYMNAST HORMONE THERAPY…..or maybe 17 is just fucking young….so for those of you who are into her bikini pics…cuz you figure if she’s old enough to represent your country at war…in the Olympics than she’s old enough to stare at….and you know she knows the creeps are following her…and you know she loves the attention…cuz all pro athletes or olympic athletes…from the swim team to the track team….get nasty while on the road…seriously pregnancy scares all day….everyday

Here’s the pic…that I feel uncomfortable posting but I am posting anyway.

Posted in:Mackayla Maroney

2013

04

Feb

Victoria’s Secret Valentines Day Campaign of the Day

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Barbara Palvin, Lily Aldridge, and Behati Prinsloo are doing the Victoria’s Secret Hustle….this time they are half naked for Valentine’s Day…because it is the second biggest time of the year for them in terms of sales..so they need to bring out the big guns….you know cuz what else do you buy the woman you fuck or want to fuck on the most romantic man made day of the year….but some bra and panties to put em in so you can imagine they look like this when really they don’t….in a “you sure don’t make those panties look like they did in the store when I bought them, if anything you look like an overstuffed sausage, but today is the day of love and I’ll do my best to pretend you aren’t a pig of a woman I married….but instead a bikini model I’m having an illicit affair with”….you know how it is…..here are the aspirational pics…not that you actually have anyone to fuck on Valentines Day you lonely loser…but if you’re smart you’ll hit the bars cuz every girl who is alone on Valentines Day will throw down with their expectations and standards totally dropped….making for a holiday…although created to stimulate the economy….something I can endorse…

Posted in:Victoria's Secret

2013

04

Feb

Miley Cyrus is Fun on Social Media of the Day

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Miley Cyrus may live a ridiculous sheltered existence where she can’t really leave her house or do normal things….like go to the movies, bike rides, dance parties…but she has all this money that allows her to bring the party to her….as she locks herself away in her castle…and gives us a glimpse into her wild and crazy life that remind us why all these celebs turn to drugs…cuz not being able to leave your house…unless you’re an anti social like me….seems fucking boring…

And as long as she’s wearing low cut shirts and high waisted leggings in her boredom…putting her ass out there out of boredom…it is fun for me cuz I think Miley’s a total babe.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2013

04

Feb

Emily Didonato & Lily Aldridge in Harper’s Bazaar of the Day

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I don’t know if this is some model war shit…you know where they are pinned up against each other dressed in some lingerie under some sophisticated outfits they are being classic sexy in….in efforts to show off who is more sexy and who is the better one for the public’s affection….but I do know it is shot by Terry Richardson and is starring Emily Didonato a model I don’t think I’ve ever heard of and Lily Aldridge the Victoria’s Secret angel who used to do Tampax ads….but more importantly…I know they are battling…even if it is unofficial…and I know they are both lookin at these pics…trying to figure out who looks better….cuz girls are catty and competitive…and I guess that’s a good thing…cuz it makes them try harder…and as far as I’m concerned…they both look good to me.

Posted in:Emily DiDonato|Lily Aldridge