DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2012

21

Aug

Bai Ling in a Bathing Suit of the Day

Bai Ling is 50 years old…but like all Asians, especially the ones who work at the convenience store by my house, are still totally worth fucking as they spend their family fortunes living lives of luxury in the Western world, but always willing to give a handjob for 50 dollars or less….it’s a cultural thing…..

I am not really interested in going deeper into this….Bai Ling’s been irrelevant since before I started blogging, I just figured why not help her remind the world she exists. I’m a hero like that…I should charge her for advertising…cuz you know what…I want a private fucking jet.

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Posted in:Bai Ling

2012

21

Aug

Lucy Pinder’s Awesome Tits in her Calendar Preview of the Day

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Lucy Pinder tweeted this preview picture of her 2013 Calendar shoot, and it is amazing…it has forced me to embrace these Glamour models more than I already have, because up until a month ago, I ignored they existed, cuz their not quite hot enough to be an actual model, not quite talented enough to be more than a Cashier, Stripper or Waitress, and not quite eager enough to do porn….really pissed me off…..but now…I like all girls who get topless in pictures…especially when they have something to prove….

So I am going to start writing them love letters instead of mocking them, cuz tits like this are just fucking outrageous….like an amusment park ride for my mouth, hands and dick that I never want to get off….ever after I get off…

If you know what I mean….

To See Lucy Pinder Huge Tits On the Red Carpet Last Night in an Unrelated Photoshoot
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Posted in:Lucy Pinder

2012

21

Aug

Mila Kunis Decent Booty Shot of the Day

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I don’t know when this Mila Kunis picture is from, I just know that her ass is in a pair of leggings, but more importantly, that this ass that is in leggings is getting fucked by Ashton Kutcher, despite the remnants of Culkin’s semen attached to the asshole like some kind of tattoo she can’t remove…scars really….that won’t be as offensive as the fetus growing in her womb that we all know is weeks away from being announced…cuz that’s what happens to girls at 30 who really feel connected to old friends from when they were 14 who they’ve grown up together in Hollywood with….something no one can take from them….

I know people love her and think she’s hotter than she is….so that’s why I’m posting it….

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Posted in:Mila Kunis

2012

21

Aug

Kelly Brook Shitty Upskirt of the Day

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This is hardly an upskirt when dealing with a cunt, literally, that we’ve already seen…you know in a photoshoot where She rock’s out her chicken mcnugget dick clit….pussy be sticking it’s tongue out at me like we are in elementary school and I’m being ostracized by all the girls as they point and laugh….leading to a lifetime of bullying girls…but I don’t like to think it is related…I like to think I am more into hating all people equally, no matter what the gender or ethnicity is….

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Posted in:Kelly Brook

2012

21

Aug

Olivia Wilde Boring on the Beach of the Day

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I can’t stand Olivia Wilde…partially cuz I don’t know who she is or what she has been in, but mainly because I hate stage names….I get it…her real last name is COCKBURN and that shit doesn’t really scream sexy, sex object I want to have unprotected sex with….if anything COCKBURN was probably responsible to a lot of ridicule and teasing when she was growing up…you know in the 80s when teasing was allowed and didn’t become lawsuits against the school, the bus company, all parties involved, etc….you know when teasing made people make moves…like changing their name before getting famous to something that isn’t COCKBURN…cuz the only time I like thinking about COCKBURN is after fucking the toaster, or when applying ointment to my wounds, and even then…I’m not really a fan…

She’s on the beach, she’s uninteresting, she should be in a bikini, but I’m posting it anyway…

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Posted in:Olivia Wilde

2012

21

Aug

Vanessa Hudgens Working a Pole in her Bra and Panties of the Day

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Vanessa Hudgens is re-inventing herself from the useless Disney Pawn who probably had to suck dick to get the job and more importantly who probably got paid 12 dollars a day at the job, cuz Disney’s currentcy is giving kids the chance at being famous, getting them fans, but once they hit a certain age, it is up to them to figure out the whore they need to take…whether it is posting nude pics of some 5 o’clock shadow pussy, or doing this hustle, working a half naked stripper she could have become if her parents didn’t decide to rob her of her childhood instead….and although she’s got a little pudge, seeing her working the pole feels like home….

The movie is called The Frozen Ground.

Here’s the trailer…

Posted in:Vanessa Hudgens

2012

21

Aug

Miley Cyrus See Through Bra for the Internet of the Day

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Miley Cyrus is the fucking best and I don’t fucking know why…she looks like a muppet with a below average face but the fact that she’s rich, skinny, and dresses like a teenage dream, totally overpowers all that is wrong about her, from her cunt behavior, to her crooked inbred eyes….I just hope she’s tricking teens everywhere to be more like her…cuz life without a new generation of sluts is a life I am not sure is worth living…

Posted in:Miley Cyrus

2012

21

Aug

Melissa Haro Nude for Fashion of the Day

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Melisa Haro is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, or at least was a Sports Illustrated model, cuz even at the age of 24, she’s been retired and hasn’t ben in the shit since 2009…..pretty hard dealing with peaking at 21, but I guess not everyone gets into SI Swimsuit and at least she can always tell her friends working the diner with her about her glory days, provided she’s the kind of model who has blown all her money and unable to get knocked up by millionaires financing her life, forcing her back to small town hell…but for some reasons…I think models like that only exit in my fantasies…

The good news is she hasn’t given up, and is still doing naked shoots for fashion, making noise, and that works for me

Posted in:Melisa Haro|NSFW

2012

21

Aug

Jessica Clark Naked in True Blood of the Day

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Jessica Clark is some True Blood actor who gets naked in the show because otherwise hey would have cast some other lesbian, cuz lets face it, True Blood is a big deal, I don’t watch the shit, but everyone seems to be into it, up on the Vampire, Twilight generation kick, while boring me, especially when knowing I am just 24-48 hours away from seeing the good parts on the internet, not that seeing a naked lesbian covered in blood is necessarily a good part, unless it is the product of some forced contact with a penis, but that’s usually what turns them lesbian and not what makes them lesbians…LOLZ.

Posted in:Jessica Clark|NSFW

2012

21

Aug

Heidi Klum Old Lady Bikini Pic for Instagram of the Day

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Heidi Klum may be old. Her vagina may be destroyed by building out an army of half breed babies. Her dignity may be violated thanks to Seal’s scarred face ravaging her cunt in some tribal way before taking her with his 12 inches of Africa….you know cuz her sex life was set up like some kind of African Tribe on White Tourist horror movie women everywhere masturbate to cuz they are perverts and secretly want to be taken and violated by a big man with an angelic voice too….but I will still look at her in her bikini….

Posted in:Heidi Klum