DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Celine Farach is the Instagram Of The Day

Sydney Sweeney Life Jacket Suffocated Tits of the Day

Delilah Belle Hamlin’s Bikini. Taking Over Canada of the Day

Michal Idan is the Instagram Of The Day

Old Lady Heidi Klum Tries and Delivers but is Still Boring of the Day

2011

Oct

Rihanna Sexiest Woman Alive 2011 Naked in Esquire of the Day

6 Comments »

Esquire chose Rihanna as their Sexiest Woman ALive 2011…..what? I know…

I have a pretty good feeling this sexiest woman alive shit is paid for…I mean I can think of at least a dozen bitches sexier than Rihanna…what brings her thickness to the top of the list…there is no way that this was objectively chosen….maybe she used her teen prostitute talents a Bajan guy told me he knows for a fact that she has…or maybe everyone else was busy…and seriously I get Rihanna, I see the way she gyrates on stage and I’m victim to her spell too….but I’d leave it at “one of the woman I’d like to fuck in 2011″….because we don’t need to be inflating egos here unnescessarily….cuz it’s obviously not fact and merely just a way to sell records and magazines…but still…I can’t figure out the basis for this at all…instead I’ll just look at the pics…and pretend she’s the hottest bitch…even though I know she should be working porn in America, not topping charts…some vooddoo shit happened and I will figure it out one day….it’s my life goal..

Here are the rest of her nude for Esquire’s fake award pics….

The sexiest woman alive, whoever you are, was robbed.

Posted in:Rihanna

2011

Oct

Selena Gomez Sex Offender Legs of the Day

6 Comments »

Years ago I was watching some daytime talk show about registered sex offenders…and one of the stories stood out as insane….one of the dudes was 19, his girlfriend 17, her dad caught them fucking, he called the police, dude got arrested, the dad pressed charges, he’s a registered sex offender for life….meanwhile Selena Gomez is doing the same shit, but because she’s the girl, it’s ok. She doesn’t go to jail or get put on an embarrassing list that will force her to live in private sex offender communities in Florida, because non sex offenders don’t want her kind in their towns….cuz being a sex offender makes a motherfucker think the sex offender fucks little kids…and I think this story would end in a great way if the legal system was actually fair and didn’t favor celebs…assuming she fucks Beiber, because the chances are pretty good that the real sex offender in all this is Usher Raymod, or as I like to call him, Beiber’s Baby Daddy….and I don’t even know why I bother, 16 is legal in Canada. 14 was legal up until a few years ago….so it doesn’t affect me…I guess I’m an asshole who likes making examples out of people…including myself…since I’m a great example of how not to live your life or run your internet business if you ever want to make any money….

I’m gonna go kill myself with breakfast whiskey….it helps a lot.

Posted in:Selena Gomez

2011

Oct

Anja Rubik & Sasha Pivovarova Titties for Vogue Paris of the Day

2 Comments »

If you read the site you will know that I love models. Not the tacky UK topless models you see in those shitty “Lad Mags”…I’m talking high profile fashion models who are in bot SI or Victoria’s Secret but also who are in the high fashion magazines…..

Maybe it has to do with them being skinny, maybe it has to do with them being made up to be beautiful, maybe it is the whole glamourous life, or maybe it’s the whole party life that comes with being overpaid to sit around all day and let some pervert take pics of them….but I think it has to do with their willingness to get naked in photoshoots like little whores…cuz when it is for fashion and fashion is gay so it doesn’t feel pornographic…even though a lot of the time it is….but fashion has the best PR and know how to spin shit…and that’s why they get all the advertising dollars and hot women….

So here are some Anja Rubik and Sasha Pivovarova … two hot internation/immigrant girls we’ve all seen naked before, just getting naked again, this time for Vogue Paris or as I like to call it Vogue less uptight that US media….all to make millions and live that good life…and I love it…

Posted in:Anja Rubik|Sasha Pivovarova

2011

Oct

Elsa Pataky Nipples in a Slutty Robe of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s Elsa Pataky, some bitch I’m not really familiar with because even bitches I am familiar with I forget. She’s wearing some classy stripper between sets outfit that I doubt any stripper actually wears, you know since strippers are tacky, trash who like being half naked, except when they leave work and squeeze into some ill fiting velour sweat suit like African drug dealers….so maybe this is more brothel wares….shit you’d expect a geisha to wear between sessions.. not that it matters…..who cares about the robe…just be happy her nipples are hard in it..cuz that’s the whole point of silk on braless tits…not that there is enough nipple in these pics….obviously…but it is the best I can do with the resources I have….possibly contributing to the demise of this site… THAT’S WHY I’M STARTING A CAREER IN SMUT

Posted in:Elsa Pataky

2011

Oct

Ashley Tisdale Skinny Legs of the Day

2 Comments »

Ashley “The Face” Tisdale works out all the fucking time. She’s an inspiration to fat chicks everywhere. I rip into her everywhere for her ugly face, but shit, I’d take a hot body and an ugly, awkward looking face by Hollywood standards over a fat chick anyday, but then again I’d take anything with anything that remotely looks like a vagina….

I know she’s used to relate to other ugly girls and make them confident people, with integrity and self worth and a belief that they too can achieve anything they set their mind to, instead of down and out like ugly girls of yesteryear, who were willing to slut out with pretty much anyone, including me, to feel some level of acceptance and appreciation while letting me cum on their faces…and that’s annoying…but at least she’s also telling them they can’t do it fat…cuz fat is more disgusting that cross eyed or crooked noses…

Here are her calves in tight pants that aren’t tight enough to hug her vagina – what a let down.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale

2011

Oct

Leighton Meester Picks Up Dog Shit of the Day

2 Comments »

Here’s a thicker looking Leighton Meester picking up dog shit in what I assume is some girls picking up dog shit porn….when I was much more of a fan when she starred in foot fetish porn back when she was coming up and blossoming into a good daughter of a criminal born in a halfway house….but you know, this level of human behavior helps the common man relate, not that I’d ever pick up dog shit, I save that for the immigrant janitor of my building, not that I’m not an immigrant or any better than a groundskeeper, but the only shit I’m into is from hookers on my chest…but I have to be in the mood. I keep my sex life multicultural, occasionally German, mainly American Obese…who cares.

Here’s Leighton…

Posted in:Leighton Meester

2011

Oct

Pippa Middleton Slut Watch Continues of the Day

2 Comments »

The Pippa Middleton Slut Watch continues. Sure she’s not doing anything slutty yet, but it is just a matter of time, maybe when the whole feelings of being a second rate version of her sister in the eyes of everyone actually sets in, you know after a few years and the baby/future King is born and all attention heads there way forcing her to snap in some hopefully long – drawn out – slutty episode that involves me seeing her naked in picture/video or in some weird turn of events on my face….only time will tell and if I don’t die before her dignity, pride, shame, then I’ll be here to expose it. That’s a promise.

Posted in:Pippa Middleton

2011

Oct

Michelle Williams Showing Some Tit with a Dude for Heath Ledger of the Day

No Comments »

I feel very close to Michelle Williams because I once made a Heath Ledger joke to Jake Gyllenhaal at a bar a few years ago and motherfucker went nuts, pushing the girl I was with and getting me kicked out of the bar…and as far as I’m concerned, he was Heath Ledger’s real wife and this bitch was just a result of one drunken night and some movie marketing that ended up with child. So as much as I like to mock broken widows when they are with new men, even if their husbands weren’t even with them when they died, it’s just one of those guilt ridden soft spots, but I have a feeling that this situation, if Ledger was still alive, he’d be the one running the bath and putting the condoms on with his mouth…if you know what I mean….But it’s all speculation…and either way, she’s showing off some tit…

Posted in:Michelle Williams

2011

Oct

Anna Kournikova Women’s Health Erotica of the Day

3 Comments »

I feel like I should do some more public service with the site, you know use my internet celebrity of one reader by giving you guys some step by step directions to get abs even if these exercises dont have a chance against your fat ass, but at least they can double as jerk off material…pretty much the basis of all exercise DVDs, shows, programs in schools, cuz if you can’t join them, you might as well jerk off to their spandex…..

Anna Kournikova, for some reason I don’t think Enrique has anything to do with, is still considered some seriosuly hot pussy with a huge fan baseand since she was the first big post on this site, wearing a yellow bikini, back in 2005, I figure we should celebrate her athlete pussy with these pictures….

Here’s the workout squat and twist feel it burn erotica…while you sit on your fat ass and wonder why you can’t get fit pussy…loser…

Posted in:Anna Kournikova

2011

Oct

Nicole Richie’s Possible Implants of the Day

No Comments »

I am not into Nicole Richie in any fucking way. I actually think she’s a total waste of space and I really make an effort to not put her pictures on the site. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the one night I was forced into hanging out with her, back in the DJ AM days, she was a snobby little cunt who wouldn’t talk to people who were talking to her because she couldn’t be bothered, luckily being saved by the free booze that distracted me from wanting to spit in her face, I’m A-D-D like that…but I think it’s got more to do with her being adopted. I figure anyone who have parents who don’t want them, you know their actual parents don’t want them, then how could anyone else….kinda thing that leads these adopted kids into addiction…

That said, she coulda saved DJ AM but instead here she is mom of 2, boring and dressed like Michael Jackson, her godfather, riding her fake dad’s trust fund he set up for her and possibly showing off some fake tits…and who fucking cares….I guess I do enough to post it…that depresses me.

Posted in:Nicole Richie