DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2022

20

Jul

Jessica Alba Bikini of the Day

Dot Com Direct to Consumer Billionaire who is in her mid-40s and a mom of a bunch of kids has really managed to take playing the overhyped hot girl in movies, who I guess couldn’t act, to the fucking bank at the right time in the internet, becoming the face of a brand called HONEST that you know wasn’t honest at all, but they pretended to be, and that’s all that really matters…..which inspired every other celeb to look to social media brands as the answer to make them even richer than they already are because they are either addicted to money and can never have enough of it….or it’s just so fucking easy to print money off the internet when you’re a celebrity with an audience….forcing brands to partner up with you where you call the shots because you hold the power because you drive the crazy level of sales because you’ve amassed a bunch of retards with credit cards who do what you say like lemming groupie puppets….

It’s basically the reason Bella Hadid exists as a top model….while being terrifying to look at…..

But for Alba, pretty impressive, only because otherwise she’d be running a MILF onlyfans, at least based on her acting career…and the stories I’ve heard about her being a massive slut who cheats on her husband like he’s a cuck…but those are just stories and stories aren’t always real…and either are instagram bikini pics thanks to the photoshop.

In hindsight, Alba was a lot of marketing hype, pretty average looking compared to what is out there now, but at the time she was massive and we only had access to what they told us was hot, so there’s a legacy in staring at her titties in bikini like they were those bent over bikini papaparazzi pics that went viral back in 2005….google em.

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Posted in:Jessica Alba

2022

20

Jul

Joey King Got The Tits On of the Day

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Joey King is on the fucking move….she’s a child star who has managed to carry that stardom into adulthood, she’s our promoting some movie called BULLET TRAIN, that I guess she’s in with Brad Pitt so it’s probably high budget, she’s been doing all kinds of press and media since she was nominated for a Golden Globe for her Gypsy Rose Blanchard production that she seduced her director who is now marrying her on, because fucking the payroll can sometimes lead to future payroll for both parties if you play your cards right…they made a hit together, so obviously they should fuck….

Anyway, Hollywood needs to keep their investments relevant and earning an too much money is in the creation of Joey King to ever let that go to waste, which isn’t a teerrible thing because she’s ended up being kinda hot…..and with big tits….which could be why I find her kinda hot….

In this picture, she’s trying on an outfit and has no pants on, which is some exclusive inside look into her luxury hotel room that you’d probably be jerking off to if you were on one of those luxurious, ornate, fancy, french revolution looking chairs with her, which would probably get you asked to leave, or cops would be called since they have no idea how you got in or why some weird fat guy is there jerking off, staining the seat with his greasy ass….

There’s no panty flash, no pussy, but I like pantsless, so I’m posting it.

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Posted in:Joey King

2022

20

Jul

Workout Wednesday of the Day

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I avoid social media, I just think it’s demonic, evil, trash that has ruined humanity, which we could argue was always ruined, but is worse now that we have to see every thirsty fuck trying to get ahead……

There is a whole trend, or there was a trend in celebrating fatness, because people were fat, so you have to show them other fat people, to make them feel good about being fat, so that they buy your products to try to be less miserable, not realizing they are miserable because they are fat….

Now they all edit themselves into being a hot version of themselves, because they know that ugly and average looking girls don’t actually belong in the mix, and this whole faking it is just faking it…because people like HOT things….not gross things that want to be treated like hot things because that’s the fair thing to do.

I choose to celebrate people who aren’t lazy, who work out, who take care of themselves, even if their starving themselves is killing them, because nothing tastes as good as skinny feels or whatever….

So I think ignoring the fatties, because we know they are lying and don’t believe they are hot, is the way to live a good life.

The other way, is to watch hot chicks doing fitness, showing off what fitness does to them, encouraging them to keep it up, because their quality of life, ability to ride a dick for longer periods of time, and overall health and wellness, mental health and wellness, is better cuz they are fat fucks slowly killing themselves.

SO choose fitnes, or fit girls, so fatties can get put back in their place, alone at home behind a pizza box watching ROM COMs hoping to one day try sex…..because they know, like we know, that they are vile.

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Posted in:Workout

2022

20

Jul

Skylar Grey Thong of the Day

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Skyler Gray is some singer songwriter who clearly sees herself as some kind of high brow, high concept, deep and important artist, you can spot these people and their lame tattoos or shaved heads, or weirdness a mile away….but like I always say, the weirder the girl, the more she tries to be edgy or different, the better she is at fucking if she still fucks and hasn’t decided that goes against her master vision of celibacy while trying to bring down the patriarchy or whatever it is artists are trying to do….BUT ALSO…are totally into showing off their naked body, like they are hippies, or like they are fighting some fight to push femininity forward because they are high brow, high concept, but I am low brow low hanging fruit, only into staring at her old ass and wondering why she didn’t bother doing this without the panties on so we can see some cunt.

The cancer look, or the alien from the future with a shaved head look, is hardly a look I’m into, I like hair…..and bush…but I’ll still zoom into see if there’s an asshole behind the thong…..and you should too..

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Posted in:Skylar Grey

2022

20

Jul

Kourtney Kardashian Forced Menopause Tits of the Day

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I don’t think Kourtney Kardashian is a widow yet, but her husband looks pretty close to dead….

I do think Kourtney Kardashian is disgusting and I’m not even looking at her mom pussy but I feel that way about all the Kardashians and haven’t quite figured out what they did that compelled or excited the masses to buy into anything and everything they do, probably witchcraft, or someone pulling the puppet strings, since they all seem pretty vapid and half retarded..

I’ll look at her old, tired, weird, mom tits in her bikini for attention, because I’ll look at any desperate person crying for people to look at their tits…

If you were going through your normal day, maybe in a pre-internet time, or a pre-internet slut time, and your co-worker came up to you and said “can you check out my tits in this bikini”…..no matter how old, fat, disgusting she is, you’d say FUCK YES, so this is just the internet version.

What I find weird is that they don’t realize they are boring, their act is dull, their ugly and old, but that’s probably because they truly think they are geniuses who gamed the system, not right place right time, whore out the most viral one with a porno like her friend Paris….and in their delusion feel this is what the people want

You’d think when you are as rich as the Kardashians, they’d find other things to do to entertain themselves, but instead they just keep whatever it is they do alive, no matter how bad we want them all dead.

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Posted in:Kourtney Kardashian

2022

20

Jul

Vanessa Hudgens in a Red Bikini of the Day

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I don’t know how edited to shit Vanessa Hudgens is in her social media pics, she does work out, but there’s no doubt in my mind that like all other girls she re-shapes herself in an attempt to be a hot chick….EVEN though that’s frowned upon…

You know, the people of the world were so mad at hot models used in marketing for being hot, that they basically cancelled any brand or company or magazine that used hot models, forcing them to hire fat pigs and try to lie to us and make us believe that fat pigs are hot anytime outside of 4 am when drunk….

The brands, in their woke pandering, would pretend that untouched, or un-retouched fat girl with all her pock marks, stretch marks, cellulite was a great look for a brand trying to be REAL….

Meanwhile, every bitch jumped on this body positive shit, show me how products look on my dumpy ass body, because hot chicks who are photoshopped make me mad…..before editing their own photos before uploading them…..in an “it’s ok for ugly chicks to photoshop themselves hot”….kind of hypocrisy.

I do know that Vanessa Hudgens in her bikini, even with her gay homie who probably taught her how to take it up the ass right, assuming he was a Disney Exec when she got cast on High School Musical….GET IT….is worth looking at, even if she’s lying to people like every other muppet out there….

Posted in:Vanessa Hudgens

2022

20

Jul

Pussy Wedgie Wednesday of the Day

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I just called my life coach and I told him “I have writers block because I have to write something about Pussy Wedgies for the 150th or more time in my life as a perverted website host”….and his advice was “I think you have the wrong number, this is a hair salon”…..to which I said “are any bitches in there wearing tight pants you can see the pussy through while getting their hair done”….to which he hung up…..because I don’t have a life coach, or writers block, I’ll just write meaningless words about pussy wedgies, to celebrate my favorite kind of wedgie, even tough their are only a couple options in wedgies….

As much as a hype the pussy wedgie up, because I am a pussy kind of guy….not a tit man, not an ass man, just a biological pussy man…I did see a pussy wedgie, or heard a pussy wedgie this weekend, during the heat wave because CLIMATE IS AN EMERGENCY….LOL…..and I looked over from hearing the slap to see a 300 pounder with her hands up inside her pulling out what I’ll assume was either pants, or underwear too tight.

NOT ALL PUSSY WEDGIES ARE CREATED EQUALLY, but I’ll sniff them all out if I can, even the gross ones like it is my job…..despite not having a job…

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Posted in:Pussy Wedgie

2022

20

Jul

Maya Hawke Topless for Who the Fuck Knows Why of the Day

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Maya Hawke is a very serious actress who was raised in the industry by her very serious acting parents, I think they call themselves THESPIANS, not LESBIANS, even though Ethan Hawke is a little bit of a lady and Uma’s a lot of a man, meaning they could in fact be secret lesbians tricking us with their genders…switching it up with modern gender issues stemming from evil brain washing places like Hollywood where they’d turn a dude into Uma and a chick into Ethan, to live out their celebrity marriage like a straight couple, while being a straight couple with an added step of gender swapping…

ANYWAY, Maya Hawke, making moves, getting work, thanks to who her parents are, making her Hollywood royalty people assume have talent because you inherit that shit, when acting doesn’t require talent at all, you just have to be a narcissistic asshole……

GET THAT MONEY….WITH THOSE TITTIES….LIKE A STRIPPER…..BUT FAR MORE SERIOUS….

Posted in:maya hawke

2022

20

Jul

Rita Ora’s Fitness Tits of the Day

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Rita Ora’s a pretty unimpressive celebrity, at least based on her accomplishments, since she’s been trying to be super famous for over a decade, and she’s become more a “famous for being famous” type, than an actual famous for creating amazing life changing art that people respect her for, because when you have tits and moderate talent, you don’t need that many hits….and really you don’t need any hits….I am a firm believer in the one hit wonder business model…set from life from one Achy Breaky Gangnam Style I’m the One who Wants to Be with You Short Dick Man….you get what I am saying here, why bother trying, when you can just show up to all the events with your tits out, tricking people into thinking you are important, so they give you jobs as a spokesmodel or host…

Anyway, she’s doing fitness in her tight slutty fitness gear and that’s always exciting, when you imagine that she’s pulling herself into cock, not the “We are in the Shadows” fake vampire reality show Tatiki Watiki’s cock, which is the actual cock she’s eating, but rather some more anonymous cock, maybe even your cock, depending how much you like / hate your penis for always being there for you, or wronging you based on size alone….

Posted in:Rita Ora

2022

20

Jul

Weed Wednesday of the Day

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WAKE AND BAKE….

I am a firm believer that the lawmakers should not get in the way of whatever plant I want to ingest and I find it weird that they decided to take it upon themselves to decide what I can and can’t ingest according to them…especially when they are poisoning me with all kinds of other shit they let me ingest…from fast food to snack foods to all that industrial waste they dump into our water supplies….to our water supplies…so whether I smoke weed or not…I support the girls who do…because it’s barely a fucking drug, it’s like smoking a Tomato Plant…

Weed is legal in Canada, so my bitching is directed at the rest of the world who obviously don’t want people smoking weed instead of doing other things like ANTI DEPRESSANTS…..because weed you can grow on a pile of shit in your basement because it is a weed…will bit into profits..

I don’t know if these girls are activists, or know that dudes who are into girls who smoke weed pay out more, maybe they are trying to become big in a niche market anticipating it’s legalization, so that when it happens, all the brands will pay them like they are the EM RATA or KIM K of weed….

I do know that if you’ve brought girls home after the club to smoke weed and fuck, only to end up giving up all your weed and not getting fucked because weed is the least effective date rape drug around….doesn’t mean you didn’t try or have fond memories of the glory days….does it.

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Posted in:Weed