DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Lindsay Lohan in Burkini with a Hermaphrodite of the Day

Britney Spears Keeps Dancing of the Day

Salma Hayek’s Strong Jaw in a Bikini of the Day

Sydney Sweeney Does Make-Up on the Lake of the Day

RFK Jr’s Wife in a Slutty Dress of the Day

2009

Aug

Clare Grant’s Legs the Robot Chicken Skate Party.

10 Comments »

Her name is Clare Grant. She’s one of those big Hollywood stars who has a Model Mayhem profile. I knew she was a nobody when I saw these pictures of Seth Green grabbing at her ass, something I know he only gets to do when it comes down to meeting a bitch who works for him, or meeting a real hungry aspiring actress who doesn’t have any integrity left and he’s the only opportunity /biggest name she’s met to date and may just be the answer to get her out of the hell she is living and into the fame she feels she deserves because back home in Memphis everyone thought she was the fuckin’ prettiest the local highschool of 500 students had to fuckin’ offer.

Either way, she’s a voice on his Robot Chicken show, and here she is getting violated by his little man hands…

Posted in:Clare Grant|Legs

2009

Aug

Miranda Kerr in Her Bikini Like It’s Her Job of the Day

3 Comments »

I am almost tired of uploading pictures of bitches in bikinis, but figured the last bikini post of the day might as well go to a fucking professional, expecially one as amazing as Miranda Kerr is amazing. When she first hit the scene I found her shit tired and boring and overrated, but whoever it was who found her and brought her into my life, by making her a model deserves a promotion or some shit, he’s a fucking hero. She and her young tight body that dreams are made of…at least someone’s dreams…not my dreams…cuz I am realistic about shit…I more into having dreams about more attainable chicks…like ones who don’t live on the other side of the world and who are desperate for money and willing to do anything for 20 dollars cuz their life depends on it…those girls are EASY….these supermodel bitches are totally high maintenance and expect you to shower…unless they are Kate Moss…in which case they expect you to have STDs…which is part of the reason why she’s awesome…but just as much the reason why she’s disgusting…while Miranda Kerr is just lovely. Here are the pics. I am going to pass the fuck out now…too much third grade level writing for one man in one day.

Posted in:Bikini|Miranda Kerr|Model

2009

Aug

Nicolette Sheridan in Her Bikini of the Day

2 Comments »

This one’s for Michael Bolton because I am a huge fan and like providing him with pictures of the pussy he was with for so long in her bikini, because I know that the slutty pics you took of her get boring after jerking off to them long enough and new material makes for a fresh love affair with your ex, even if it’s not so pornographic as the shot of you sucking off the man you hired to fuck her while you watched because eveyrone knows you’re a ‘mo. The only problem with my plan is that you don’t know this site exists…but thankfully I know you exist…I have everyone of your albums….one would say I am your biggest fan….maybe we can do lunch one day or something…or right you don’t know I exist and I’m just day dreaming about your luxurious hair here….don’t I feel stupid…..

I have no idea what that was all about, but here are pics of Nicolette Sheridan and her pretty hot old lady body cuz she was smart enough to not have kids with Michael Bolton cuz he was too busy saving his cum for men….

Posted in:Bikini|Nicolette Sheridan

2009

Aug

Annalynne McCord is in Her Bikini Again of the Day

5 Comments »

I hate this fucking monkey lookin’ piece of shit and I don’t like how she sports her bikini all the fucking time because she’s desperate for cheap publicity….I am just shocked that garbage like this actually exists, I figure she’d be more the kind of urban legend your friends tell you about at the bar, you know the friend of a friend who aspired to be an actress and managed to trick someone into giving her ugly face work, after not being able to trick anyone in the class to date her, but did trick the football team into fuckin’ her because she was so eager for dick and only gay dudes turn down pussy, and now all she does is play around in a bikini in Hollywood and the paparazzi actually mistake her for someone people care about, and you all get a couple of laughs out of the memories he’s sharing with you about her , knowing that despite how lame she once was and still obviously is, she’s done a better job tricking the world and would probably not have to borrow 20 dollars off her friend to pay for her round of beer….because the loser in all this isn’t her, but us….because we fuckin’ care about her and her decent body that I can only appreciate when her face is covered the fuck up…On a side note, I think we’ve waited long enough to see her vagina.

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Bikini

2009

Aug

Ivana Trump’s Bikini Pictures of the Day

7 Comments »

There comes an age when you decide that it’s time to retire the bikini and put on a fuckin’ loose fitting one piece, because revealing your whethered senior body is offensive at the aquarobics class at the fucking YMCA. I guess Ivana’s just a little delusional, because she’s constantly fuckin’ young, 20 something boy toys, who you can assume are not doin’ it because they find her hot, and they aren’t doing it for Ivanka who is too busy converting to be jew for her future really rich husband, but they are doing it because they are getting fucking paid enough to close their eyes and pretend they actually feel something tightness in her loose, dry, weathered vagina or pretend they aren’t kneading a doughy bread, everytime they grab her tits, or feel like they are playing on a bouncy castle, or drowning in a sea of slop while fucking her missionary, because otherwise, there’d be no way any human could stay hard while up in this.

Here’s her bikini…a offensive to some…heaven to those on her payroll…

Posted in:Bikini|Ivana Trump

2009

Aug

Jessica Alba Inspires New Mothers With This Body of the Day

5 Comments »

It’s taken a while, but it looks like Jessica Alba’s gone and got her body back. I guess we can all stop hating on Cash Warren and calling him a muderer for killin’ her body and we can go back to sympathizing with him knowing that this bitch trapped the motherfucker for life, but at least she’s lookin good now while doin’ it.

Let’s just hope for everyone’s sake, the next time she lets a dude cum inside her that she has the decency to herself and the rest of us to get fuckin’ Plan B morning after pill, or better yet a fuckin’ abortion, because abortions are like porn to me, they are also a total relief and if I could, I’d devote my life to abortion, but unfortunately it takes years of schooling to be an abortionist, that you can work your way around if you want to get arrested. I’ve looked into it.

Here’s her body in her bikini for her big reveal you’ve all already masturbated to..

Posted in:Bikini|Body|Jessica Alba

2009

Aug

Jennifer Love Hewitt and Her Dumpy Bikini Body of the Day

4 Comments »

Jennifer Love proves my theory that the big titty girl from high school always grows up to be the fat assed girl at the office Christmas party ten years later….so she’s not the high school sweetheart you want to knock up or marry because that’ll just speed up the fuckin’ process, and I have no idea how all this happened to Jennifer Love, I can only blame depression or self-sabotaging because anyone who wants to a success in Hollywood has a responsibility to not get fat, no matter how tired they are of starving themselves, they have can’t let girls everywhere think it’s okay to let themselves go.

On the positive side of things, she’s lookin’ better than she did this time last year, and I like to think that has something to do with her new boyfriend, Jamie Kennedy, a man who once fucked a friend of mine.

He is subtley trying to trick her into burning some calories, like a good boyfriend who wants his bitch skinny, but still wants to get laid during the time it takes her to get there, he staged an innocent game of basketball, followed by a walk, swim, bike ride, sit ups and dinner at his favorite salad spot, which is more effective than my strategy to get my wife to lose weight by calling her worthless and a piece of shit while throwing baked goods at her forcing her to eat as much as possible it hopes she gets sick and never touches the shit again, which has proven to only make things fuckin’ worse…

Pics via FAME

Posted in:Bikini|Dumpy|Jennifer Love Hewitt

2009

Aug

Carolina Baldini’s Hot Ass and Manly Body of the Day

5 Comments »

With a name like Baldini, you have a serious amount of pressure to make sure that pussy is waxed, because that shit is pretty much your life responsibility to stay true to your fuckin’ name. A name that is advertising that she’s got no hair down there, and upon introducing herself, that is pretty much a signed fucking contract that any dude she gets with is going to get what he expects when her pants come off, but based on this bitches body from the front, that’s probably a huge the least of her concerns, because abs that ripped mean only one thing and that’s that there’s a dude living inside her.

So whether shit is in the form of balls and shaft with no pussy but a whole lot of tucking or just hormonal imbalances that jack up her testosterone and body hair level, there’s definitely some weirdness going on, but not as much weirdness as when dudes are forced to deal with their sexuality after dealing with the conflict that when you’re faced with her ass you want to do nothing but eat out that asshole and fuck it, but when you see her from the front, you kind wanna just go tag team chicks and drink beers with him. This is on some Twilight Zone shit.

Here is a video of her shaking her ass on some dancing show in Argentina

Posted in:Ass|Carolina Baldini|Hard Body

2009

Aug

Model DJ Duo Kellie Acreman and Lauren Pope in Bikinis of the Day

2 Comments »

This is one of those two ugly sluts are better than one ugly slut, but don’t quite equal one good lookin’ slut. It’s what threesome rationale is made of. You know when you’re out getting drunk and you have the option to call your regular jump off, or go home with these two busted chicks who are willing to give you a double blowjob, that you take for the experience, and because the fact that there is two of them outweighs the fact that they are dumpy. It is the same reason these two dumpy girls at the stripclub I frequent try to sell lesbian shows, because no one books their solo dances, and this lesbian fantasy gets them paid.

Their names are Kellie Acreman and Lauren Pope, I have no idea who they are, but they claim to be DJs , DJs I assume play horrible music, who can’t mix and who pretty much suck, but who the Ed Hardy crowd think are awesome because they have tits and because they Ed Hardy crowd has no idea what the fucks up.

Posted in:Bikinis|DJs|Kellie Acreman|Lauren Pope|Miami

2009

Aug

Katy Perry and Her Pink Bikini of the Day

6 Comments »

I hate Katy Perry, but clearly not as much as I hate myself. I just spent 40 minutes uploading all these fucking pictures of the twat and I can’t fuckin’ stand her and it just reminds me that I need to find better things to do with my time than punish myself like this day in a day fuckin’ out for no fuckin’ reason.

Seriously, why the fuck do I bother doing this, do people actually give a fuck about this cunt, because I don’t. I don’t even like celebrity bitches, I can’t even spot them if they are standing in front of me. I am so detached from TV, Movies and even doing this shit, because they are totally fucking irrelevant to me.

If it wasn’t for her constant polluting my life as some kind of forced onto me soundtrack to my fuckin’ day every time I leave the fuckin’ house, I probably wouldn’t know who the fuck she was and I probably wouldn’t bother hating her and her dumpy body, but since her record company has raped me, I make an effort remembering the rapist and source of the violation and somewhere along the way, my life becamecropping and posting pictures of this cunt who I don’t find the least bit interesting, inspiring or even attractive.

I am much more into doin the raping, you know to bitches I meet in my everyday life, who look better, who get drunk and who trust the spiked drink I give them enough to get enough roofie in them for me to do a little pussy or tit grab….it is much more rewarding than doing a garbage post about them….

Here is the asshole hiding behind a Donut pillow….because she identifies with fat, useless, greasy pieces of shit that are only good for a couple of minutes before the excitement dies cuz they make you want to die on the fuckin’ inside.

Here are her tits performing (badly and embarrassingly) at some Pool Party…big tits don’t excite me the same way they did when I was 12 but maybe you’re easier to impress than me….cuz I am all about finding the perfect designer pussy….the mother pussy all other pussy aspires to be…I haven’t found it yet….but then again girls aren’t too eager to impress me with pictures of their cunts….so I’m forced to reference the trash vagina I come across in life….which is more like dollar store pussy and not high end fashion house pussy…..

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Katy Perry