I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

29

Jan

Some Model Nipple of the Day

I’ve gone down a bit of a weird road the last few posts. I probably shouldn’t have gone down them, but sometimes it’s okay to post shit that I’d normally never post, especially when I am feeling lost and confused. The truth is sometimes you need to switch things up and take that road you were explicitly told not to take by your foster mother because the guy who lives at the end of the street is fucking creepy and a reported sex offender. You know try new things, even though she told you over and over again not to knock on his door to ask for money for the church charity you were running, but if I had listened I would have never made the 25 dollars and got the chance to sit on Santa’s pantless lap in the middle of July and tell him all the things I wanted before having him tell me all the things he wanted to do to me….if you know what I mean.

To get my focus back, here are some nipples from some Paris Week Fashion show, because nipples are awesome.

Posted in:Model|Nipples

2009

29

Jan

Seal is Smiling of the Day

If you’re wondering why Seal is smiling in these pictures and I know you are because you have a weird thing for Seal, you’ve been a fan since that Kissed by Rose song, because it really touched you in places you’ve never been touched, it’s because this motherfucker has won the game of life. Dude has kids with Heidi Klum, he’s got money and a career, and brother can sing, that’s why this motherfucker is smiling, and you can go back to looking at yourself in the mirror with a pen and paper writing the pros and cons of whether you should kill yourself or not. The checklist of champions, if you consider being a failure a competition.

Posted in:Seal|Smiling

2009

29

Jan

Ivana Trump’s Hot Coat of the Day

I hate you anti-fur, animal loving queers.

There is no fabric quite as luxurious as a rodent’s pelt. There is nothing that helps fight the elements and keep you warm like nature’s own, so that’s why I have set up traps around my neighborhood hoping to catch some coons, stray cats, rats and any other unwanted animal. I figure I’ll be doing a service to the community by getting rid of these headaches that piss and shit and eat their garbage and nest in their basements, while getting myself some warmth, style and class, like I was a native or a rich person. I just haven’t figured out how to kill the, clean them, skin them and sew them together, but I’ll be sure to videotape the whole process and sent it to the cunts at PETA.

Here’s some Ivana Trump keeping it classy while looking like a face-lifted monster. She’s a got a typical story, you know a bottom feeding ski instructor from some communist country who married rich Trump and is now set for fucking life after the divorce, making her the best paid mail order bride prostitute in history…..but by the looks of her, I have a feeling she’s the one paying for the sex these days…

Posted in:Fur|Ivana Trump

2009

29

Jan

Lily Allen Recreates Her “Miscarriage” With Her Mouth of the Day

These are some pictures of Lily Allen doing the best impression of what her vagina went through back when she had her miscarriage (abortion).

Let me walk you through what’s going on here, you know try to relive recreation with her, since we weren’t with her when it really went down, because she hates us:

In picture 1, she’s showin the fetus coming out of the vagina.

In picture 2, she’s sayin’ “woah, that wasn’t normal, what’s the smell, I feel a little lighter on my feet, there’s a little more hop to my step, get me another drink man, I think I’m losing my buzz”.

In picture 3, upon sobering up a little and realizing what the puddle on the ground was, finally grasping the concept of being free of all responsibility and decides to give the whole “Fuck you fetus parasite, you can’t stop me by gripping onto my uterine wall with your little maggot claws, I’ve got a vacuum cleaner on my side, you had no chance, now get me another fucking drink wanker…”

You liked how I threw in wanker didn’t you, it made it more British.

What didn’t rock, was probably the show she played after these pictures were taken, because no one cares about Lily Allen anymore except me.

Posted in:Lily Allen|Miscarriage|Silly

2009

29

Jan

Ashton Kutcher is a Little Bitch of the Day

Ashton Kutcher made and released this video taken at 7:30 in the morning complaining about his neighbor who is building a house right outside his house and who starts construction at 7 am everyday. So Ashton is doing what any real man would do and is making videos for his lawyer to build a case against the guy and teach him a real fuckin’ lesson about building a fucking house at 7 in the morning.

I find the whole thing funny. I mean first of all, it’s easier to break legs than to send lawyers letters. Second of all, you’re not drinking enough if can hear anything at 7 am, when I drink, I black the fuck out around 5 am and hear nothing until at least 11. I’m talking anything, houses have burned down next door, people have been shot, and I’ve slept through it like a baby. Lastly, we’d all be annoyed with 7 am construction, I am sure we’d want to kill our neighbors, but I doubt we’d make a little video and put it on the internet for the world to see how good we are at being little whiney bitches.

I thought this whole thing was funny.

Posted in:Ashton Kutcher|Baby

2009

29

Jan

Shia LaBeouf Defends His Mom of the Day

So now that Shia LeBeouf’s lost his license, he does what any man would do, and gets his mom to drive him around like he’s a little school girl with overbearing parents who fear of her getting abducted.

I love that he gets protective of his troll mother and says something like:

Hey Don’t Mess Around, My Mom’s Got a Bad Knee, Dog.

I wonder if that knee accident happened from sucking off whoever gave this little asshole his break.

At least his career hasn’t got to their head as they drive away in her Scion, the poor man’s Range Rover. Maybe dude should spent the money he budgeted for his mom’s new car on lawyers so he had to get her a car that looks like it belongs as part of a circus act, which makes sense now that I’ve seen what she looks like.

I know, who cares about this piece of shit and why the hell am I posting it. I’ve really got no excuse, I’m just gonna run with it anyway though.

Posted in:Mom|Shia LeBeouf

2009

29

Jan

Jessica Simpson is Fat and Everybody Cares of the Day

Jessica Simpson is fat and everybody cares for some reason. You can’t argue that she’s not fat no matter how hard your little activist fingers type. All I know is that I wish I got that kind of attention when I started on this path to heart disease, high blood pressure and premature death. I am pretty jealous of the love all these really famous people like her sister and obese Kim Kardashian coming out to root for her. Jessica Simpson hasn’t got this much attention since she cleared out the desert tray at the all you can eat buffet, oh no, that was my wife, but you get the idea, I’m sure Jessica Simpson got her fair share of fat habits, like talking about what she’s going to eat the next day while lying in bed at night, or eating rolls of cookie dough while crying about how her younger sister had a kid before she did and her younger sister’s a fucking lesbian married to a woman or whatever else us fat people do. I just don’t get why no one’s announced that she’s pregnant yet. You know a little hole in the condom, missed birth control pill pregnancy planning to get what she feels she deserves, a baby of her own. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the shotgun wedding for that one, because that is God’s way and good ol’ Christian girls take God’s way pretty fuckin serious.

Here are some pics of her reveling in the excitement of the new found publicity.

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson

2009

29

Jan

Mary Cary And Her Tits of the Day

I shouldn’t bother giving this bitch more attention than her daddy issues have made her crave enough to go into porn, to run for governor and to get fake tits to make it all possible because with a face like that, it was really the only option, not that guys really care about what porn chicks look like, they pretty much fall for how dirty the bitch gets and the fact that she’s naked and willing, looks are pretty much a secondary issue, so instead of writing about her, I’ll just post this NSFW link of Mary Cary At Various Work Related Events… , if you know what I mean.

Posted in:Mary Cary|Tits

2009

29

Jan

Lady Gaga is So Fucking Ugly She Can’t Be Human of the Day

I guess we shouldn’t hate Lady Gaga, considering the reason Lady Gaga wears sunglasses is because she’s heinous (H’anus) and she knows it.

She’s on this cover this dodgy mutant weird lookin’face as much as she fucking can because she knows that only serious horny perverts and horror movie make-up artists can really get inspired by it. Even her parents try to convince her to cover her mug up, and give each other high fives when she turns down attending family functions, because it makes the people around them judge them, wondering what the hell they did wrong, and they rather keep things out of sight and out of mind.

So I don’t hate the fact that she looks like she’s trying to be glamorous in these pics, even though I normally really hate chicks in sunglasses at night or inside, with some obnoxious front, because I approve that this time the bitch is doing it because it’s saving us from having to look at her disgusting face in its entirety, next time around she should try a ski mask…or maybe she should try to stay home, or even suicide, I think it’ll be a good look for her…one I could really get used to.

The only fame she really ever deserved was winning first prize as pig of the year at the county fair, or maybe as a prize winner at some genetic disorder clinic’s nation wide search for stories that inspire for beating all odds by living a normal life without letting her face disability get in the way. Or even getting some press on afternoon talk shows for being a product of incest, or as someone in a news segment who lived next to a toxic waste dumpsite for a couple of decades, drinking and showering in the radioactive water never really getting why parts of her body were falling off, or even as the spokesperson for safety in the workplace after surviving a mutilating farm equipment accident that we’d all get to see on some commercials. She does not deserve what she’s got and I hope it ends.

Posted in:Lady Gaga|Ugly

2009

29

Jan

Paris Hilton and her Hard Nipples of the Day

Sure Paris Hilton having hard nipples isn’t hot, because she’s a cold bitch who is dead to me. But these girls talking about the cause of their hard nipples is porn to me.

That’s all I have to say about this, but I guess you could write your STD jokes in the comments because that’s never been done before….

Posted in:Nipples|Paris Hilton