I guess I should start posting, I figured everyone was on Christmas Vacation already and wasn’t going to bother, but that’s just because I am lazy and any excuse to stay in bed all day is a good one…
So while I was sitting in my ratty ass sheetless bed, Christina Aguilera was out celebrating her 28th birthday. Wow, 28. Where does the time go. It seems like just yesterday I was jerking off to her on the Mickey Mouse Club….Oh that’s right, I was jerking off to her on the Mickey Mouse Club yesterday, thanks Youtube.
To See The Rest of the Pictures of this Weathered Drunk at her Weird Clockwork Orange Themed Birthday, Follow THis Link….Because the Paparazzi Hate Me… GO
I got my first official death threat today, well it may not be a death threat, but it was definitely a threat to inflict bodily harm on me and the person even outlined where he was going to do it. The reason, because he thinks I am a racist motherfucker, even though I’ve gone over this a million times explaining that I am not a fucking racist, I like everyone equally, I just like making fun of racism and how stupid it is by making racial slurs, shit’s a fucking joke and even if it isn’t funny or gets lost in translation like it was a chubby Scarlett Johannson….it’s still just a fucking joke and nothing to get angry over…..
That said, a detective reads the site and I asked him how to deal with this kind of thing and it turns out there’s a way to see where the email was sent from and from there, they’ll get the person’s account info and ID them. Once that is done, the fucker can get arrested, charges can be pressed and I’ll have a guy who hates me hating me a hell of a lot more.
Now normally, I don’t bother ratting people out, I would never take it to the authorities, I take shit at face value and I assume that if you’re on the site, it’s cuz you get me, and if you’re sending that kind of shit my way, you’re just joking, but once the detective got the info, it was pretty much out of my hands because he takes this kind of shit seriously and I guess wants nothing to happen to me….
So the report is made, they know who is threatening me and he may get arrested in the next couple of days. Such a headache for absolutely nothing….It’s way easier just to click “X” on the browser and go on with your day than to bother breaking laws threatening people over this shit….like I always say, it’s just the fuckin’ internet….
Anyway, I met a Reggae artist last night who was selling his CD at the merch table, he was black and we hit it off. I was wasted and told him I’d help spread the word for a free cd, he agreed and I woke up this morning with his CD but no CD player to listen to him, but I gotta keep up my end of the deal and link up his Myspace because dude was passionate about what he does, and I like passionate people, that shit inspires me…
Watch This Old Man Die During an Interview Cuz It’s Funny GO
That’s One Big Dildo!! GO
BONUS VIDEO – Bow Wow Video Shoot Behind the Scenes because there’s a couple big assed chicks in a skimpy bikinis hidden in all this soft hip hop entourage ego trippin and talkin’ too much….see if you can find them……
her name is Pauley Perrett, she’s 39, she is on a show called NCIS that I’ve never seen but that sounds like a the bucket half filled with my wife’s red wine vomit from last week that is still next to my fucking bed after a week. I don’t know when they were taken, because 5 minutes ago, I didn’t know who this alternative model lookin’ slag was, but in my mind, titty pics are timeless and it just doesn’t matter because she’s topless and topless is always worth sharing…seriously girls…start sharing…no one’s sent me in titty pics in what feels like forever….
You know that this fat chick has spent many nights laying in bed, listening to her Enrique CD, curled up to a box of Oreos and a bag or 2 of chips, dreaming about the day a man will sweep her off her feet and show her that they really give a shit about her, and that dream became a reality last night. Sure it only lasted a minute and sure, Enrique does this every fucking show, to really solidify how much of a romantic and hearthrob he is and is using her as a prop and after that set is done, they will go their seperate paths, never to run into each other again, but I know for that minute, she felt like there was no one else in the world, it was just her and Enrique and it was real. The thousands of screaming fans just disappeared as their lips connected and when it all ended, so did the single best experience of her sad life, and she didn’t even get to go home and finish him off, and that probably left her with a serious case of blue balls, because that’s what cock teasing does to people, but not to worry, I am sure there will be plenty more disappointment to come in her life, but that’s just the story of any fat chick, probably starting with the boyfriend she managed to lasso seeing these pictures and dumping her cheating whore ass for kissing a hispanic famous dude in front of the fucking world….leaving her alone and forced to kill herself parked outside Enrique’s house for ruining her fucking life by making her fall in love with something she can’t have….or something…
This is one of the weirder clips I’ve seen on a late night show, and it pretty much is a joke around Ryan Seacrest giving back to the kids during the holiday season and the way he does it is by letting them be him for a day. So they go on to show the kid in the tanning bed, then another kid getting his chest waxed and the whole thing is a little fucking creepy. I guess my thinking Seacrest was a poofter was wrong, and dude’s just a Peter Ban boy lover. I am posting it because I hold everything Ryan Seacrest clost to my heart and following his career is my passion.
This Nicola McLean bitch is the new spokesperson for Christmas or some shit. She is relatively a nobody, from the UK, on some reality shows and shit, but all of a sudden, the calendar hid december and next thing you know, new Christmas and winter themed pictures of her in her lingerie or showing off her tits at event start hitting the internet hard. I am not sure what’s going on in these pictures, but looks like Yahoo! goes a whole new marketing strategy to take over Google, because big titties seem to always work….
Speaking of big, I was at some point last night and my eye sight is fucking shit….I was pushing through this crowd of people and brushed into some tall, thin, long haired person. As I put my hands on her hips I softly said “excuse me for brushing up against you, I’m pretty big”, and that’s when the person turned around, smiled at me and was a fucking dude. True story.
I guess that’s got nothing to do with Nicola McLean or her tits, but since it was my company Christmas party for one, I figure my story ties in nicely…..and I guess that’s what matters.
The highlight of my week was talking to a girl about how she lets her boyfriend cum inside her, because she was 18 and 18 is awesome. The highlight of your week will be these pictures of Carmen Electra that I will be asked to take down in a couple of hours, so take it in motherfuckers, or get to your newstand and buy the issue, like that’ll ever fucking happen when you can find it on the internet for free…..I don’t really understand why magazines still exist, but I do understand why Carmen’s taking her 40 year old body back to Playboy and that’s because it looks pretty fucking alright.
Here are some pictures of Lily Allen in a homemade Coco Chanel shirt that I find kinda funny, because a bunch of years back, I did the same thing with a marker and a white t-shirt, only I didn’t do Coco Chanel, I went with Nike, because I wanted people to think I was into fitness and not trying to make some kind of commentary on designer clothes being a waste of money, despite Lily Allen’s closet probably consisting of more designer shit than anyone you know, leaving her in no position to get all ironic on our asses, if that’s even irony, because I am not a fucking English teacher and I don’t do definitions, but you know what I’m saying, it’s like a chick with implants stuffing her bra, or maybe it’s not like that at all, what do I fucking know, I’m hung over….
The good news is that her pantyhose to a good job keeping the fetus she’s been too emotional to flush and that she instead shoved back inside her in place. It’s like trapping the fucking thing in a net so it doesn’t run away like she’s on a fucking fishing trip, if you know what I mean….which you don’t because I don’t.
For the record, she may look like a dumpy short legged troll, but I’d still fuck her.
Part of what I do with my time is hang with homeless, drug addicted beggars on the street. I like to keep my shit real despite having a shitty apartment, wife and food in the fridge half the time. The truth is that I’ve always related to homeless people better than I have with corporate 9 to 5ers, maybe it’s because homeless people just don’t give a fuck about things like clothing, cars or showering, and just care about getting another fuckin’ drink.
Anyway, in my time for every 50 totally hopeless crazy motherfucker I’ve talked to, there’s always been one talented motherfucker, who just let whatever vice get the best of him, who needs a couple bucks to get some food or more crack or whatever and never really got to showcase their skills. There’s been artists, musicians and even an Academy Award winner, so when I saw this video of some homeless dude beatboxing, and I fucking hate beatboxing, but he’s sounding better than the shit I hear on the radio, better than Kanye West, I figured I’d post this shit cuz you never know, maybe it’ll help him get in touch with a record label or something and make his life better, and if it doesn’t at least you get to hear some weird shit you wouldn’t hear otherwise….I just made him famous.
In totally uninteresting news, Paris Hilton’s New Bff got slammed in the car following Paris Hilton around. Sure, it’s not the way you’d expect anything remotely close to Paris Hilton to get slammed….but it’s still funny to see her get her leg slammed by the car door and seeing her hurt, because you’d figure competing to be Paris Hilton’s best friend would be a painful enough experience and leave you hanging from the attic rafters once you realize what you just won, even if getting paid to hang out with Paris is probably better than her previous job, but I know that no money in the world would convince me to spend time with Paris Hilton, unless that time was spend hurting her. I’m crazy like that and lying, because if she paid me 1,000 dollars a week, I’d fuckin’ be by her side every fucking time she called on me, defending her honor, but that’s only cuz I prostitute my integrity for drinking money pretty much all the time….
