DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2008

13

Nov

Olsen Twins Versus Peta Round 2 of the Day

I hate animal rights activists. You know instead of protesting people who are hating on fur, because they are jealous those people can afford fur, since the beginning of time, fur was considered to be a sign of status. You know, Kings would wear lion manes and other exotic animal furs brought to them as gifts from explorers and other kingdoms.

I met a king once, while not really a king, but a guy who would be trap mice, rats and squirrels, to skin and sew together into blankets and clothing, so he too could stay warm, like the royalty only a lot worse smelling. He was a homeless dude who used to hunt city animals in parks and suburban areas, because he didn’t want to be one of those 9 to 5 assholes who conformed to society, but instead chose to fend for himself and be self sufficient in the urban wilderness without needing much money. He invited me to his really disgusting shanty under the bridge once, and hanging from the walls were the furs of various animals drying, I’m talking shit he hunted or found, like rats, squirrels, cats, skunks and various animal meats being turned into some kind of jerky for him to eat during the cold winter months. Like an Indian (feather not dot), he’d use all their parts, the meat for food, the bones for arts and crafts and tools, the fur for warmth, and while feeling that I walked into a shitty horror movie, or a time of yesteryear, he took me over to the clothes he made, and it was fuckin disgusting patchy and dirty animals you would try not to get near because of rabies turned into disgusting pieces of clothing you wouldn’t want to go near because it was disgusting….but yeah, these Peta people seriously need something better to do, who cares what people are wearing, sure we all like animals, but it is survival of the fuckin’ fittest, and if you can afford good fur, you should be able to buy it, and if you can’t you should not take my homeless friends lead, because it was disgusting and probably unsanitary, but you should definitely not waste your time being jealous of people who can afford it because you looks like a total asshole…..

Posted in:Olsen Twins

2008

13

Nov

Paris Hilton Causes a Riot Outside Some Skin Care Spa of the Day

2 Comments »

I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes on the Kim Sommerville Clinic Paris Hilton was seen leaving, trying to figure out what she had done. I originally thought that it was an abortion clinic, or an Aids walk in center, but then I used google. After realizing that she wasn’t getting the herpes scraped off her cunt, or her tubes untied, and that this was a place of beauty, I started thinking that maybe she got some kind of skin peel, because like a common coke addicted whore, 10 years deep into being a coke addicted whore, your skin on your face starts to fall the fuck off. Then I thought maybe she got some hair removal, but figured she would have got that shit laser therapy earlier on in her coke addicted whore days, because when you are high and fucking all the guys you can find, you don’t have time to shave your legs or pussy. Then I thought maybe they were helping fix her lazy eye, you know with her wearing the sunglasses out of the place, and then I realized why the fuck am I trying to figure out why Paris Hilton was at a fucking day spa getting whatever treatment she got, because originally when I saw this video, I was wondering why the fuck people cared enough to riot outside the fucking place, but then got sucked into the fuckin’ hype that is her vagina. That’s kinda its trick.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Skin Care|Spa

2008

13

Nov

Kim Kardashian Gets a Pedicure of the Day

2 Comments »

Fat chicks love taking care of their feet. Every single fat chick I have met has had an extensive shoe collection, because no matter how fat you are, or how much weight you gain, you can always pull off a pair of shoes. They are the clothing article with a lot of give, because they don’t make you feel like shit when you try them on at Payless or wherever the fuck you buy your shoes you fat slob of a woman, and that’s why it is important to treat your feet like gold by getting pedicures….the other reason it’s important for fat chicks to take care of their shit by getting pedicures, is because they can’t bend over and do it themselves, their fat stomachs get in the way, so back up, or an army of Vietnamese woman are needed for back-up.

I was going to say that Kim Kardashian gets pedicures because the weight her feet have to endure has a pretty negative effect on the condition of her feet, like back when I first started dating my wife and she worked as a cashier at a department store, every night she’d take her stinky fuckin’ callused feet out of her discount shoes and soak them in our salad bowl before asking me to rub the shits, making it pretty much impossible for me to ever eat salad again, or think about, because I did used to rub them, I was more of a bitch back then and she had me by the fucking balls and I am ashamed to admit it, despite having to live with the horrible memories being punishment enough.

I am kinda losing focus here, but here’s Kardashian getting her feet rubbed for the foot fetishists…

Posted in:Kim Kardashian|Pedicure

2008

13

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

3 Comments »

I got this email and I am drunk and don’t feel like writing my boring shit…so I decided to post it:

can you help me by showing these pics to everyone.im not trying to be famous or anything.hey man these bitches really fucked me over in life.the one with the white dress and the one bending over are the ones that did it.im now broke,and almost homeless.they stole all my money.at least i still have my hotdogs…….TOODLES!!!!!

By the looks of these girls, even a date to McDonald’s would leave any middle class man homeless and broke. They just like Big Mac’s that much. Leave them alone and dude, no offense or anything, but you seriously have some bad fucking taste. These are girls I wouldn’t let know my name if I ever got with them in my drunkest of states, and even in my drunkest of states, don’t think I’d bite the 12 inch sub that is her clit, so letting her ruin your life is way beyond me….these aren’t girls you date, so good luck with that….and in the meantime of getting your life back together, here are my links:

Paula Abdul’s Stalker Took Herself Out
GO

The One in a Million Wheel
GO

A Brazilian Fashion Show Make Will Any Bad Day Better
GO

I Wanna Take Kate Beckinsales Spandex Pants Off With My Teeth
GO

Tara Reid Doesn’t Look Half Bad When She Covers Up the Disgustingness That Is Her Body
GO

Nikki Coa Has Some Side Boob Action to Go With Her Trout Lips
GO

Miranda Kerr is Just Plain Sexy
GO

The 9 Hottest Iranian Women Ever
GO

Wank Fantasys from the Far East
GO

Tera Patrick is Worth It
GO

Take a Load Off and Fine the Porn That’s Right for You
GO

Naomi Watts is About to Bust
GO

Celebrity Phone Tap Fun
GO

More Proof of Why Women Shouldn’t Drive
GO

Because Everyone Needs a Slut in Their Life, Eespecially Virgins Like You
GO

Salma Hayek Can Breast Feed Me All She Wants
GO

Some People Will Do Anything on a Dare
GO

Belly Flops Make Me Smile
GO

How About a Lego Fashion Show
GO

Anna Would Make a Good Lover
GO

Gotta Love Some Blonde on Blonde
GO

Swedish Beastiality Ring Gets Busted…..Which Will Leave A Lot of Animals Lonely….
GO

Banana Deep Throat Goes Wrong.
GO

Too Bad The Person Who Drugges Lauren Conrad Didn’t Kill Her
GO

Find a Girl to Fuck and Stop Lying to Your Friends
GO

Alicia Keys, WTF Are You Wearing?
GO

Let’s Watch That Indian Tv Host Get Slapped Again, Just For Fun
GO

Sorry Adam Sandler, Your Kid Is Fucking Ugle
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

She Want’s It In Her Mouth
GO

We Love You Charlie Manson
GO

Asian Fetish Video
GO

Crazy in Japan
GO

Monica Cruz is All I Want in Life
GO

Get Sex The Only Way I Know You Can
GO

Luscious Laura Lee
GO

Kathy Likes The Great Outdoors
GO

Katie Couric Talks Sarah Palin
GO

Old Yeller Needs to Calm the Fuck Down
GO

Way to Go, Peter Pan!!
GO

FIRE FEET!!
GO

Make a Jelly Fish Shooter
GO

Don’t Ruin My Fuck Session, Bro!
GO

ENTER THE EAGLES OF DEATH METAL FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN TICKETS, BACKSTAGE PASSES AND TIME WITH THE BAND….
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS:

Some Black on Black Porn
GO

Fat Lesbian Goes Topless
GO

Some Chick in What Looks Like a Homemade Photoshoot…
GO

Some Girl Crawls Around Topless
GO

A Gilr and her Glass Dildo
GO

Some Guy’s Bondage Fetish
GO

Some Guys Foot Fetish
GO

Some Random Sluts
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

12

Nov

Obama Girl in Costume for Obama of the Day

14 Comments »

You know that in this Obama Bitch’s head she’s got some kind of delusion about her place in the world. You know she goes to parties and tells people that she’s actually had something to do with Obama winning the election because she got half naked in a Youtube video that was timed properly and millions of people saw her Kim Kardashian face in action.

So in reality, Obama made this bitch relevant to have pictures of her in some slutty outfit next to his cardboard cutout do the internet rounds, which wouldn’t be the first time a black man makes a girl dance and now this one trick pony has a fun future ahead of her, at least for the next 8 years, singing her Obama song to anyone willing to listen, because the truth is that she had no impact on the election, but the election will have a huge impact on her and be her biggest curse when she can’t live her useless role in it down….

My biggest curse, working on a computer I dropped, that was a piece of shit in the first place and trying to distract myself long enough to not walk away and drink, which I think I’ve lost to the battle to my urge because I am leaving now to go drink…..I’ll be back though, unless I die, which is always possible.

Here’s Her I Got a Crush on Obama Song…..

Posted in:Obama|Obama Girl

2008

12

Nov

Scarlett Johansson Does Wizard Magazine of the Day

5 Comments »

I never heard of Wizard magazine but I have a feeling that having a subscription to the shit is pretty much a passport to an underground realm in the kingdom of loser that assures you and everyone you know that you will never reproduce biologically, because you will remain a virgin, despite marrying your computer and an RPG character and all efforts you’ve made to redefine the word virginity in the Dictionary by writing strongly worded letters to the president of Myriam Webster about how you are technically not a virgin because you’ve had cybersex with a webcam girl you paid once and the whole thing was embarrassing because you prematurely ejaculated because you were so shy, and that will keep your socially awkward genetic lineage in your pants and not in the pants of a poor unsuspecting girl who you wish would think you’re a good enough guy even though you’re totally not the usual guy she goes after, you know you’re more complex, with your medieval swords in the basement and your own language you invented on weekend for you and your online friend in Istanbul to communicate in chat rooms without other people knowing what you’re saying…..but she doesn’t know you exist, because no one knows you exist and the people who do know you exist, pretend you didn’t exist because watching you is depressing…

Either way, Scarlett Johansson got involved and brought her tits to the magazine and I am sure there was a massive orgasm in basement apartments around the world the second they finished cutting out the picture of her in geek costume and stapling it to their pillow, the previously housed pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some Hentai bitch with huge tits….

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson

2008

12

Nov

Britney Spears Promo Picture of the Day

6 Comments »

Here’s a promo picture for Britney’s new album. It’s like the second coming of Christ for her fans, you know thinking she can pull her whole life back together and bring the happiness she once brought to their lives through song back, it’s really a pretty selfish hope for her to get better, but who really gives a shit, because like Christ, the idea of her having a comeback is a myth.

It’s something totally fabricated by a record label in hopes to make some motherfucking money, so that they can run the small towns across the world and molest little boys without being questioned, like they were Lou Perlman and sure, I may not be an optimist or a religious man, because I am too realistic, but Britney Spears fans, like a religious people believe in miracles that just aren’t possible.

Sure she’ll sell records and have some hits, but she’ll crack again and here is some photoshopped pictures to perpetuate the lie that you will all be sold when her new album drops that this comeback is the real deal and all those who aren’t on board will burn it hell, the same hell that houses whoever edited these pictures cuz shit doesn’t even look like her…..

Posted in:Britney Spears|Promo

2008

12

Nov

Kelly Ripa and Her Dance With the Knicks Dancers of the Day

3 Comments »

I won the lottery today. FUCK ALL OF YOU, I QUIT …..it’s a pretty fucking amazing day, considering I never win shit in my life and today I took my 1 dollar scratch and win to the store to get checked out and the bells rang on the machine. I dropped to the ground praising the real Jesus for putting me through this struggle, only as a test to live until this day, where I can take my money, throw my computer out the window and fly far away, change my name so my wife can’t find me and spend the rest of my short life sitting on a beach with local women massaging my feet while drunk, that’s when I came to and found out that I only won a dollar, so in reality, I only broke even and didn’t actually win shit, but it was a good start….because for the first time in my life I didn’t actually lose….

I guess that’s kinda how the people who watched Live with Regis and Kathy Lee the Kelly Ripa Edition this morning feel, they got to see her trying to live up to her 12 year old girl body and hip hop dance with the Knicks dancers, to some pop music, with some skimpy outfit on, showing off her really skinny body, making the Knicks dancers look fat, but since her tenth kid, has gone through some hormonal change leaving her pretty much titless, making the whole thing a beak even situation….not too good and not too bad…just nice and balanced….enjoy….if you can see past the shitty quality of the weird Ripa fan’s video….

Here’s another part of her training…

Posted in:Dance|Kelly Ripa

2008

12

Nov

Gay People Beat Up Old Ladies of the Day

5 Comments »

I was just sent this video at some Prop 8 gay marriage conference where some old lady showed up with a cross protesting against the protest and the gays stomped the yard out her cross. They are such a violent people, to think all these years I thought gay people were hair dressers and actors who were in touch with their emotions, cried a lot, threw its when they didn’t get what they want, and most importantly have all night anal sex orgies with other men, when in reality they are just a group of thugs who attack crazy ucking ladies. I heard that they weren’t mad at her antics, cross or protest, but couldn’t believe she wore that shirt with that skirt…..

Speaking of Gay marriage, I was talking to a couple friends the other day about incest and we were wondering if with this new prop 8 law, that isn’t going to be passed, but provided it was passed, will men from the same family be allowed to gay marry each other, since they can’t make flipper babies, like incest marriages of the past. I guess it doesn’t matter now that that fight is over, but it’s just something to think about….

Another thing I don’t get is why the fuck a homo would want to marry his partner and have the princess fairy tale wedding he always dreamed of as a little girl, when being gay was all about not being married. Guys never want to get married, gay or straight, we only o it because we are pressured to and the whole history of gay, involved married dudes would tell their wives they were going bowling with the boys back in the 50s, when they were really playing with other balls, so the whole gay marriage thing makes no sense to me.

It’s an old story….but here’s the video of the stomping going down…I hear they are already working on the musical version of this.

Posted in:Gay People

2008

12

Nov

Lindsay Lohan’s Gone to London With Her Lesbian Penis of the Day

2 Comments »

Since Lohan is out of work and got rejected from Dancing With the Stars, a show that helped revive the careers of her idol Tatum O’Neal, she’s decided to optimize her free time and piggyback on her lover’s career and by getting booked to host parties in the same cities Ronson is DJing at. According to Ronson’s myspace, she’s hitting up London the next 2 days, then moving onto Dubai and India over the next week. I am sure the Arabs and Hindus will approve of this union. I hear they already have a crotchless burka made for Lohan and a traditional male costume for Ronson, because like California, those Arabs aren’t down with queers.

I am just shocked at the uprising they cause when leaving their house, heading to the store to by treats for Lohan to suck on during the flight to keep her from screaming, and hitting up the airport. The chaos that is their life is so unbalanced with how boring these girls actually are, but I am posting the video because I like the way their handler yells at the paparazzi to move….

Here is the event invite:

The Directors of Dolce london cordially invite you to the party of the week.

Lindsay Lohan Exclusive London Party

American actress, Model and Pop Singer, Lindsay Dee Lohan hosts party at Celebrity Haunt Dolce London for her British friends. The â€œMean Girlsâ€? actress and the sister of super producer Mark Ronson , Samantha Ronson fly into London for a brief visit. The alleged couple hit the headlines this summer when it was rumored that Lindsay Lohan requested her pal Samantha Ronson to play Katy Perryâ€™s hit song I Kissed A Girl during a DJ slot in Los Angeles. The choice of song, which features the lyrics â€œI kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstickâ€?, drove the onlookers wild.

Music from DJ Sam Young and Tommy Crane

If anyone is in London tonight, I want you to get into this event and egg this bitch for me and by egg I mean murder, but I’m not allowed to say that, otherwise the police will come knockin’ and we don’t want that, not to mention, she’s done enough murdering her own career, that if anything, me and Lohan are fighting this Lohan fight together….

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|London