Hey, Guess What? I’m not dead. I am just lazy. I figure why get up in the morning to entertain your assholes, while I can fuck around and entertain myself. It’s more fun.
Speaking of tits, here’s Kellie Pickler performing a song that she wrote herself. I was surprised that it was just her name over and over because it’s the only thing she knows how to spell, but maybe her grandaddy taught her more than just how to give a solid blowjob and not tell anyone about it.
Either way, here’s the video, because shitty country is a good way to remind you that despite it being Friday, the day every 9 to 5er is hard for, you know, waiting all week in excitement for this day to roll around, whistling around the office asking everyone what their weekend plans are, you sit at your desk depressed because you have no plans, not friends, and nothing to do with yourself. It’s just going to be like every weekend, where you just sleep in, the sit on your couch with takeout and dvds, wallowing in your own filth, waiting for Monday to roll around so you can at least interact with other humans again…fuck you TGIF for ruining my life.
Whats a girl to do when escorting is getting boring and she still feels like she’s not getting fucked enough or like she ought to be… help please.
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This is Dear Abby, right?
I wrote back:
Incorporate animals. I hear horses have huge cocks and when they are done with you, you won’t be able to walk for a week, and sex will be the last thing you will be wanting or thinking about because of the shame you will feel from fucking a horse. If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll get the pony you always wanted as a kid….in your uterus…I don’t know what I am talking about, I am not Dear Abby, but get your pimp to slap some sense into you with his dick, that usually shuts whores up and stops the job complaints…and remember to video tape everything, my life is boring and I always wanted to live vicariously through a sexually frustrated prostitute….
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Here are my links….
Unicycle Skills That I’m Sure a Loser Like You Will Appreiciate GO
You know the story, some crazy Paula Abdul fan named Paula was found dead after taking prescription pills, in front of Paula Abdul’s house. I mean this story screams all kinds of crazy, considering Paula Abdul hasn’t had a fan in decades.
When I first heard the person had tried out to be on the show, I assumed it was William Hung, because the mockery they made out of him and his obvious virginity, coupled with Paula Abdul being the only woman who wasn’t his mother talking to him, could generate some unhealthy obsessions….I mean half of the 5 people who come to this site are socially awkward virgins, lookin’ for the celebrity slut they think they are married to…
Either way, it wasn’t William hung, it was some big titty girl and I think Paula Abdul killed her, after watching that video, her idol rejected her. That’s something that could seriously destroy a crazy person who has an unnatural obsession with the person rejecting her. It’s like this video was the day the dreams ended and for the rest of her time, she just though about those painful words out of Paula Abdul’s mouth….I mean not to mention the fact that she had to live with being obsessed over Paula Abdul, probably one of the most depressing “celebrities” to be obsessed over, if I couldn’t get Paula out of my mind, I’d find out where she lived too, and offed myself to give her nightmares as payback for the nightmare that was my obsession I couldn’t escape……
It’s all too bad, because Paula and her could have had some good times together, they could have been BFFs, they both like getting fucked up, they both can’t sing and they both look like clowns while making fools of themselves on TV…..you’ve probably seen this video, it’s old news, I know, 24 hours is a long time on the internet….
The real tragedy was that is was such waste of tits…
Victoria’s Secret is the number one company in the illegal human trafficking sex trade. They go to impoverished countries, find these desperate teenage girls before they get into porn or kidnapped and shipped off for traditional prostitution, and take them away under contract for legal prostitution. They work the fashion shows, catalogs, ad campaigns for years upon years, eventually being too old and replaced by younger girls from impoverished countries who have the same deal as they did, only to go onto other work, with other customers, always giving their pimp that made them who they were a little kickback, and always being willing to come to their pimp’s events when asked to, because they know what’s good for them and no whore likes upsetting their pimp…..
Either way, they were at some Holiday promotion, slaving themselves to their big corporate owner and they weren’t wearing lingerie, but they were showing their faces, and sometimes lingerie model faces are more appealing than lingerie model bodies, if of course you are a gay make-up artist taking notes to improve your style and use on your middle-aged clients….because that has to be the only person who gives a fuck about what their faces look like, while every straight man is trying to pull up old pictures of them modeling to imagine these pictures under better circumstances, like less fucking clothes.
Lima
Kurkova
Miller and Ambrosio
Klum
Yes, I just called them all by their last names, it’s a step up from the barcode number Victoria’s Secret uses when GPS tracking them trotting the globe, so that they don’t fall off track and get seen buying non Victoria’s Secret products….because like a bra and panty set, these bitches are property of Victoria’s Secret.
Hayden Panettiere tucked her package in a pair of tights and went for what looks like a jog with her dog. Bitch is all sweaty and I figured you’d like that because you can imagine her lookin’ like this after giving her the best blow job of her life. That fantasy doesn’t make you gay, I mean it’s not like this shit will ever go down and become a reality and even if it did, you are not alone. I read somewhere that a huge percentage of straight dudes like chicks with dicks, so wanting to fuck football player lookin’ midget chicks with dicks isn’t that much of a stretch. I mean, if she’s got tits and an asshole and a female lookin’ face, she’s 75% woman and 75% is pretty much better than I’ve ever been at anything, so I guess it’s all ok, but then again, I’m not that good with numbers and I think the whole penis thing destroys my theory, but who really cares, just watch this graceful bull in action….
So here’s graceful bird-faced Amy Winehouse doing some shots to celebrate her 8 hours of sobriety, I mean if you can’t smoking rock 4 times instead of 5, being sober, but I guess it’s these kinds of baby steps that will eventually bring her back into the limelight singing her songs for her fans, unless she dies first, which she will. I mean I’ve seen crackheads and when they get to this level, it pretty much ends in a pool of blood on the street corner or in some dingy hotel room, but the difference between the crackheads I know and Winehouse, is that she’s got enough money to not do the things that usually end up killing the girls I know, like prostitution….
The truth is that Jewish people don’t die. They are like cockroaches who roam the earth lookin for ways to make money and fuck people over. I’m just kidding, so you can take your anti-semetic comments back, it’s just a joke, it’s not my fault you don’t have a sense of humor and can’t separate yourself from truth and really bad comedy.
Speaking of truth, I don’t find Winehouse all that bad. I mean if I go out to bars in this city, I always run into Jewish girls, just earlier today I was walking down the street to the bus stop and saw a jewish girl walk out of a hair salon, and I coulda sworn, if she didn’t shower for a month, let her hair grow out, and did some weird make-up, she’d be Amy Winehouse’s twin, and this happens all the fucking time to me. Sometimes I am tempted to videotape myself asking these randoms for autographs, but figure calling someone Amy Winehouse is considered an insult.
Maybe everyone makes a big deal about this slag killing herself and lookin’ like death, because people are superficial and she looks like their daughters (I’m talking to you Adam Sandler ) and the whole thing just hits a little too close to synagogue, when all Winehouse needs is a little hair and make-up and she’ll be back to the Sabbath in no time….
These pictures remind me of a dare I once made with a friend. Yes, we are 13 year olds mentally, and dare each other to do stupid shit sometimes. The dare was to pay his bar tab if he went outside and convinced a homeless street kid to do spring break body shots with him. So he comes back with this disgusting girl, I am talking ratty as fuck and stinking of stinky unwashed pussy, and next thing you know, she’s on the bar and whip cream’s on her dirty stomach, and motherfucker goes to town on her. After he’s done and we all are disgusted that he went through with it, he decides to keep her around and drink the night away with her, take her home and to this day, they have never spent a day apart. I like to think of myself as a modern day matchmaker, but my friend didn’t have many options and let’s face it, either did the street kid he picked up….and they lived happily ever after in trash, drugs and dirty bedsheets….
I don’t watch sports ever, but figured since your president is half black, it’d only be appropriate to show you because Steve Nash the white dude, comes in to take his aggression out on his fellow black players because he can’t deal with the US voting Obama or some shit and this is way to get involved. The only flaw in my theory is that this white boy can’t jump is Canadian, but until otherwise proved, I am calling this a race war that stems from the White House.
I went to meet this girl, who was supposed to model naked for the site for free, but didn’t end up getting there in time. I did however get to take the bus in the rain and it was fucking amazing. Made me really happy that I didn’t have a car, you know being smothered with all those nice wet people who smell just as bad as I do, really makes us closer as a species. I mean all you fuckers with your cars, staying disconnected and living in your own bubble, not having to interact with old balding ladies who ask you for your seat because they are old, pulling out a piece of a chocolate bar her crazy ass must have been saving the last 20 years for a rainy fucking day, that was today, because when she unwrapped her mangled tinfoil wrapping and pulled out a stale piece of chocolate and started chewing on it with her toothless face, moaning with delight. I wanted to fucking throw up. Bitch could have waited til she got back to whatever institution she was livin’ in to do that shit, but instead wanted to share her weird habits with the world. The good news is, there were school girls pretty much everywhere to balance out the fat man my dick was pressed into, making the whole thing a waste of fuckin’ time, but better than it coulda been.
I don’t know why I am posting this video, I just think today’s a fucking horrible day and I’m doing my part to keep it that way….
Bonus….Some racist vandalized 40 cars to get his racist message across, I am not going to jump to conclusions or anything, but they may want to check Steve Nash’s house for some evidence…
I just realized I am late for something – so I decided to throw up some pictures to tide you over….who cares what I have to say anyway…but I will say that Monica Cruz is the kind of girl who’s panties I want to eat….I will be back in a minute, I just told this bitch I’d meet her for lunch, and now she’s standing in the rain somewhere and I’m hungry for free lunch…..
Update: Monica Cruz is the hotter Cruz sister, I mean Tom is just totally out of control and doesn’t shut up about all that scientology shit, while Penelope’s got a nose that can sniff out drugs in luggage at the airport, the kind that hangs over her top lip and makes you think you’re dealing with a fucking muppet on Sesame Street, not to mention put your penis size to shame when it beats you out in a dick size contest or when she tries to suck you off, but can’t get passed the tip because her fuckin’ nose is slammin’ your pelvis…..
I just realized I am late for something – so I decided to throw up some pictures to tide you over….who cares what I have to say anyway…which is too bad because I could really rip into this Jodie Marsh slut, but I got responsibilities man…..
Update: She’s an attention craving whore who got famous for having tits and being a shitty glamor model in the UK, the only way to stay relevant was to take it up a notch, and since lesbianism is the new thing, it was only natural to go that route, unfortunately her lesbian lover, looks like a lesbian and like Katy Perry, ruins all fantasies that Jodie Marsh fans may have. This bitch seriously looks like a cowboy who opens beer bottles with her teeth while rippin off dicks and raisin them to the gods knowing she’s done her lesbian duty in hating cock….
I just realized I am late for something – so I decided to throw up some pictures to tide you over….who cares what I have to say anyway…because I am just going to tell fat chicks to take this girl’s lead, she’s defied all odds of being pregnant.
Update: At least 25 men have sent these pictures to their wives they married and started a family with, who look a solid 40 pounds heavier than they did on their wedding night, letting them know that they are onto them, and know that just because they got knocked the fuck up, doesn’t mean they have to eat a bag of chips or pint of ice cream, every fucking night of their lives, leading them to become the fucking mess that they are today, because if Ambrosio can snap right back with a little dedication, their lazy asses can to, so stop fucking slacking and making excuses you fat dirty whore who lied to me, tricked me, and ruined my life but who I still call my family….
