I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

06

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

It turns out that I not only suck at life but I also suck at the internet, but the good news is that these links don’t suck, just the asshole who compiled them for your unappreciative asses does. I am not going to lie, I have been drinking and I feel like the inappropriate aunt who never got married who brings up her abortions, first anal sex experience and how her ex husband like to be pissed at the dinner table everytime she visits, we all know she’s fucking awesome, we just don’t want to introduce our girlfriend’s to them, not that you have a girlfriend. Did I mention I am drunk? It happens.

Click the links…


Homeless Football
GO

Candy Spelling’s Vagina Must Be Shaped Like a Four Leaf Clover
GO

Stephanie Ly is Wearing Purple and I Love It
GO

Nick Hogan is Still Suffering, but Not Suffering as Much as the Kid Who is Going to Be in the Hospital for the Rest of His Life and His Family Who Has to Watch Him Go Through That.
Here is the Cry Baby’s Jail Cell
GO

Petra Nemcova Panty UP-skirt
GO

The 10 Hottest Female Celebrities Who Need a Boob Job
GO

Flex and the City – The Gray One
GO

Natalise’s Music Crap, Bit She is Bangable and That Is All That Matters
GO

Montreal Slags Make Mom and Dad Proud
GO

Insane Chick Fight in Some House That’s Almost as Dirty As Mine Is
GO

I Keep Re-Watching This And Trying to Source the Shitting Sound at the
End of the Clip
GO

Star Trek – The Next Fornication
GO

Teen Girl Make Out Tape
GO

Find Girls to Fuck the Easy Way
GO

Hot Brunette Plays With Herself
GO

Some Webcam Sex For Goodtimes…
GO

Fun At The Mall
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Some Jessica Alba Gallery I Though You Would Enjoy Since She’s Decided to Ruin Her Body and Vagina
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Karate Match Goes Wrong
GO

Kimmy and Molly Give You a Two For One
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Ines Cudna’s DDs Are Au Natural
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OVER 24(!) Minutes of Girl on Girl Fun. You’re Welcome, Perv
GO

A Massive Reka Ebergenyi Gallery
GO

Get Help Getting Laid
GO

Charlize Theron Looks Good While Talking About How Marriage Sucks
GO

The Real Dried Up Old Hags of Orange County
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Jesus Christ, I Really Hope This Skank Isn’t Pregnant
GO

Striptease of the Day
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Christina Aguilera Defends Going out and Slutting it up in Night Clubs and Getting Trashed While Her Mexican Nanny Watches Her Baby
GO

Mya Luanna is Asian and I Love Her
GO

Taking a Shit At Wal Mart – Caught on Tape
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Let’s Learn About Anal Bleaching Together
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Shark Feeding
GO

Jessica Alba See Through Top Throwback
GO

More Porn Than Your Greedy Ass Could Ever Ask For
GO

Remember the Office Dude Who Freaked the Fuck Out??
Well Here It Is Again, This Time With Bonus Cell Phone Footage
GO

Construction Worker Payback
GO

Introducing Iga
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Throwback
GO

Drunk Russians Scare the Shit Out Of Me Unless They Are Also Prostitutes, Naked, and Not Russian
GO

I May Be Wrong, But I Think Tiffany Mulheron is Scottish For “Hey Go Get ME a BEer and Then Come Bang Me.”
GO

Awesome Pulp Fiction Spoof
GO

I’ll Take the Whore Combo, Please
GO

Naked Slut You Get to Watch. Its Easy Like That.
GO

Uniform Zone Makes Me Wanna Do the Nasty
GO

Dyke Strippers Caught On Tape
GO

Do the Stripper Work Out
GO

Look Who’s Sleeping With Your Wife
GO

Swingtown Looks Pretty Fucking Good – Now All I Need is a TV
GO

Her Name is Erika Medina and She’s an Uncoachable Slut
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Chick Flashes Her Ass Playing Strip Poker
GO

Some Different Girls Playing Strip Poker
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Some Chick Posing Who Should Not Be Posing
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Some Dudes Collection
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

05

Jun

Penelope Cruz’s Ass Rockin’ Out in Shorts on Set of the Day

Penelope Cruz brought her nose onto the set of some movie where she walks around in shorts that show off her Spanish ass cheeks. It reminds me of a pair of shorts my wife used to wear around the house only no one would ever masturbate to that shit, they wouldn’t even have sex with it if I paid them and trust me I have tried because I am tired of having all the pressure of having to satisfy her because she is disgusting and I’d love to find a stand in cock to get her off my jock.

I have nothing to say about these pictures, but I am hungover and need fluids and food or I may die. Fuck you poverty for doing this to me.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

05

Jun

Brody Jenner’s Mom is in a Bikini of the Day

Brody Jenner has a mother and she’s got a fuckin’ tight body. I am not sure if it’s a side-effect of the valium popping and an addiction to cocaine like most classy chicks, but I like to think she’s just natural beauty with a rock solid face that cares about her health enough to schedule 4 hour workout sessions with her 20-something personal trainer who she’s fucking and by personal trainer, I mean plastic surgeon.

I kinda feel bad for Brody Jenner, because having a mom this solid is a fucking curse because your first masturbation fantasies take place with a pair of her dirty panties on your face and your recent memories of walking in on her in the shower and that’s gotta fuck with your head a bit, something I am sure you know a lot about since your mom’s tits are bother the first and last set of tits you’ve sucked.

BONUS – Some Pictures of his Girlfriend Cora Skinner in a Bikini, But Why Would You Want to See Her After You’ve Just Seen His Mom, That’s Like choosing cheese in a can to top your cracker instead of the caviar…..you ghetto fuck.

Posted in:Bikini|Brody Jenner|Cora Skinner|Mom

2008

05

Jun

Paris Hilton is Probably Pregnant of the Day

Paris Hilton seems to have be a little jealous of Nicole Richie because Paris Hilton is a catty little cunt who wants the spotlight on her. She’s gone onto date Nicole Richie’s baby daddy’s twin and now looks like she’s knocked up. I guess this is a miracle from God, not because you’d think all the abortions and STDs would leave her barren, but because it means that the Good Charlotte sister’s don’t actually have vaginas. I remember watching some kind of documentary as a kid about a kid born to a herpes ridden vagina and how it had the shit all over it’s head like some kind of monster and that makes me excited to see the baby pictures, provided she doesn’t get a third trimester abortion when the baby miscarries due to her drug habits, eating disorders and when it realizes who’s womb it’s inside and kills itself.

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Pregnant

2008

05

Jun

Heidi Montag’s Sister’s Facebook Pictures of the Day

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

I don’t normally rip off people’s facebook profiles because I am lazy and figure it could lead to lifetime friendships with specific people that would be cut short if I burnt the bridge. I don’t have any interest is getting to know Holly Montag, her sister or anyone they know, so figured there’s no damage done.

This is Holly Montag, Heidi’s sister’s facebook profile and despite the pictures being pretty boring and standard, you can tell the kind of drunken college spring breaker this bitch is. She likes to have a good time and make out with her friends and be the life of the party but most importantly has the level of fame Heidi should have and that is that she is only known at her local bar and by her sorority sisters and the guys who fuck them.

So she is cut from the same cloth, born in the same barn, made from the same cum, grown in the same womb and raised by the same unstable mother as one of the most useless horse faced, attention craving whores on TV and this is hopefully a glimpse into Heidi’s future, because I’d rather she be wreckin’ shit back home in Colorado than annoying me daily in California.

Either way, I leave you some inspirational words of wisdom courtesy of Holly Montag and her drunken clubslut depth.

Favorite Quotes:

“Choice, not chance, determines one’s destiny.”

“So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key.”
-The Eagles, “Already Gone”

“I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.:
-Shirley MacLaine

“And our dreams are who we are.”
-Barbara Sher

“The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into maturity.”
-Thomas Henry Huxley

UPDATE – Holly Montag Emailed Me To Take Down the Pictures:

Email 1:

Hey Drunken Stepfather!

What you wrote was pretty hilarious, but would you mind taking my pictures down please? They are my private photos that only my friends are supposed to be able see, and I think you know better…

Thank you,

Holly Montag

Email 2 :

Hello Mr. Martinez–

Well I must say that I’m shocked to find it was one of my own facebook friends that would say such things about me and my fam! First of all, I went through my messages on facebook and did not see one from you…and i have yet to delete one, so I’m not sure what happened there. Second of all, do you have any idea how many people send me messages on a daily basis asking me questions about or bashing my sister? It would literally take my entire day to respond to everyone. I used to allow everyone as my friend and try to respond to each person, but I had to stop and remove a bunch of people a couple of months ago because it became too overwhelming AND you were one of the ONLY people I didn’t know and trust very well that I didn’t remove (I did yesterday though) because for some reason i remembered you being cool. I’m sorry to offend, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t quid pro quo with the extreme you took it to. However, because I thought it to be slightly clever I won’t take offense…as long as you acknowledge that you KNOW I’m not the person you made me out to be…in fact, maybe you should make a sight in my honor to rectify the damage that’s been done. haha no jk, but I hope we’re cool.

Thanks for taking my photos down!

Email 3:

that’s great, very entertaining. i dont care about the bullshit either but i get this kinda of crap all the time when it has nothing to do with me. i dont really give a shit, excpet those are my private pics and you still haven’t taken them down. you know that you do not have my permission to use them and have not licensed them (not sure if you’re familiar with these laws…). i’ve tried to be nice about it, but if you don’t have the pics down in 24 hrs (6/20,10:30am) you’ll be hearing from my attorneys (i have 3 on my staff, please just take them down). no hard feelings. thanks! holly montag

So I decided to do it because the last thing I need is a Montag ruining my fucking life.

Posted in:Heidi Montag|Holly Montag

2008

05

Jun

Patricia Heaton’s Got a Pretty Shitty Cameltoe of the Day

Cameltoes are pretty much a given when you’re a mom and that’s just because you lose all control of your vagina and shit’s just loosely hanging making it next to impossible to keep your pants from making their way up in the crack. It’s like the thing’s got a mind of it’s own as each lip falls on either side of the pant seam and the only corrective measure one can take is duct tape.

Here’s Patricia Heaton’s vagina barely eating her pants, but it’s a taste of what’s to come because let’s face it, shit’s just not as tight enough to fight off tight pants anymore.

Posted in:Cameltoe|Patricia Heaton

2008

05

Jun

Jessica Alba’s Ripped Off Her Online Staring Contest of the Day

So someone sent in this video of Jessica Alba doing some kind of staring contest for some website that makes more money than me because I don’t think I’d every be able to afford Alba on webcam for the site, at least not for another 10 years when she slowly burns through her money and can’t land work because no one gives a fuck about her weathered mom body.

I guess that’s the double edged sword that comes with only having a career based on your looks and the fact that every dude wants to fuck you. Sure it’s great while you’re livin’ it and cashing in on something you had absolutely no control over since you were just fortunate enough to be born lookin’ a certain way, but the second you realize your worth is only in your looks and that beauty is fleeting and that you were just an “it” girl for a period of time and not a lifer, and you cut your window in half because you had to go out there and get knocked up, you’ll probably be willing to take any work you can get for reasonable discount prices.

Either way, she does this online staring contest, it’s at least a couple weeks old, but I am posting it just to let people know that the concept isn’t original. Some asian girl’s been staring at the camera on YouTube for a while now and each of her videos get about 2,000,000 views and this is just another example of the little guy getting ripped the fuck off and getting no compensation or recognition for it by the big evil corporate monster.

This is the Girl Alba is Ripping Off:

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Staring Contest

2008

05

Jun

Jodie Sweetin Interview With a Meth Addicted Mother of the Day

People seem to give a shit about Jodie Sweetin because she had a baby and used to be a meth addict. She even got the cover of People because of this publicity stunt. The only reason I am posting this is because I know so many fucking addicts and so many people who are parents and on drugs and just because they weren’t some child star on some shitty ABC show that you used to masturbate to, no one seems to care about them.

It’s like everyone sympathizes with these kids who are thrown into the spotlight and get paid for the shit when they come out of the shit with either drug and alcohol addiction or Jesus addiction because they were on TV and no one gives a shit about the real people out there who struggle with the exact same thing daily but don’t have the star power to land a magazine cover even though they could actually use the exposure in hopes of making more money to get more drugs instead of turning tricks in back alleys to make ends meet.

Jodie Sweetin is pretty much a nobody and I think her little accomplishment in kickin’ her habit that so many 20 year olds have, shouldn’t really be taken so seriously. She did meth, who gives a fuck. She doesn’t do meth now, who gives a fuck. She had unprotected sex with her husband, who gives a fuck. These are all pretty fucking standard things and her story isn’t much of a story and that’s why I hate Jodie Sweetin.

Posted in:Interview|Jodie Sweetin

2008

05

Jun

Tyra Banks Pretends to Get a Bikini Wax of the Day

I remember when I first found out about bikini waxing and found the job fascinating. I’ve always had a thing for knowing how girls maintain their bushes and I think it has something to do with girls never waxing in the mid-90s when I got the bulk of my action, then seeing this revolution happen before my very eyes where every girl and her mother were tending to their pussy hair on the same level as getting their haircut and saw it slowly trickle into the mainstream. That meant a lot to me because it meant these girls were either letting people see their shit and basically admitting they were little sluts who cared about what their pussies looked like.

I remember surfing the internet for years looking for some bikini wax videos because I knew I could never land that job being a drunk pervert who can’t be close to bare pussy for too long without licking or touching it and that doesn’t really get much love at the esthetician’s but for a period of time I’d walk into every store I saw that offered bikini waxes and ask for a gig, I was usually drunk and they usually told me they weren’t hiring.

Recently, my wife had a wedding to go to and we went to the nail place who happens to do bikini waxing. The place was ghetto because we are poor, but this really hot mom came in with her kid and as I waited for my wife she sat waiting for her wax right next to me. Knowing this how girl was about to get sprawled out on a table naked and on all fours for her brazilian was hot to begin with but when the little chinese lady approached her to see how she wanted her wax to look, and the woman started explaining her landing strip to her next to me, I got a boner and listening to her bush get ripped off of her through the cheap little bikini wax booth almost made me horny enough to bang my wife.

What doesn’t get me horny is Tyra Banks excited to talk about bikini waxes while on all fours on her show simulating a bikini wax with a contestant who is a bikini waxer and who spanks Tyra in a way I’d spank a girl I bikini wax if only these places would just give me a job.

BONUS – Tyra Does Some Stupid Cabaret Song and Dance on the Show

Posted in:Bikini Wax|Tyra Banks

2008

04

Jun

stepLINKS of the Day

My stepdaughter went to some therapist who told her that she needed to spend more time with a male figure to feel more secure with herself because she’s been out fucking random dudes for the last 3 years and hasn’t kept any of her unwanted pregnancies with random men because she didn’t know how to contact them because she never took the time to take their names or numbers. She’s fills the void with cock and in trying to stop has gone for some expert advice, now my fat wife is trying to get me to play dad despite having never impregnated a girl and despite having no fathering skills and has organized a dinner for us tonight that is fully paid and I am an hour late for. The goal is to convince her to take me out drinking and to meet her slutty friends and just pretend we did this sit down dinner to spend time together so tonight may be interesting, but not as interesting as all these fucking links.

Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan Buy Groceries Together
GO

JUMBO SLIP AND SLIDE!!
GO

Tyra Banks May Be Retarded Because Her Brain Are in Her TIts
GO

Sex With Britney Spears is Now Punishable By Death
GO

Madonna’s Geriatric Tits in a See Through Dress
GO

And Now, The Shortest Fight Ever
GO

Mischa Barton Gallery, In Case You Had Forgotten Who She Was Like I Had
GO

More Sluts That Think They Are Too Good For You
GO

Linda Hogans Relationship with that 19 Year Old Just Got a Whole Lot Creepier
GO

Susie and Marie Get it On
GO

How to Bag A Sex In The City Chick:
GO

The Top 10 Celebrity Hockey Girlfriends
GO

Irina Sheik Gallery
GO

Some Crazy Grandfather in Action
GO

Maury’s Home Paternity Test
GO

Office Worker Freaks the Fuck Out
GO

The Number 1 Butt Satisfier!!
GO

Redhead Dances Naked
GO

Why Not To Skate Naked Down a Hill
GO

John Mayer Seduces Desperate Jennifer Aniston With False Symbols of Commitment
GO

Jelly Wrestling
GO

Big Titted Blondie Strips Down
GO

Ashanti Looks Hot While Promoting Her New CD
GO

Kate Beckingsale is Women of the Year and Her Prize is That I Get to Bang Her
GO

Joanna Krupa and Shana Wall at The Bank Nightclub
GO

Ashley Tisdale Makes Songs That Suck Suck Even More
GO

To Catch a (Super) Predator
GO

Amazing Stop Motion Music Video
GO

Teen Babe Show Off Her Slutty Dress and More
GO

People Magazine’s Got a Funny Cover
GO

Get Laid Today
GO

Amateur Shot of Some Girl Who Looks 12, Because I Know You Have No Shame
GO

Rumer Willis Looks Kind of Hot and By Kind of Hot I mean Disgusting Like She Usually Does
GO

Divine is Just Divine
GO

Spring Breaks Finest
GO

Echo, The Horny Dolphin
GO

Use This to Get Sex, Because You’re a Loser and Need Help in that Area
GO

Now THATS What I Call a Game of Golf
GO

Some Funny Painful Moments Caught on Camera
GO

In Australia You Get Served Shots By a Topless Midget
GO

Some Exclusive Pics of Shannon Elizabeth Playing Poker Cuz She Has Nothing Better To Do With Her TIme
GO

PORN QUEEN JASMIN ST CLAIRE’S HOT PERSONAL WEBCAM PICS
GO

The 8 Best Marvel Characters – By Best I Really Mean Breast
GO

Sienna Miller and Snoop Portrayed as Religious Icons In Some Ad By the Catholic Church
GO

Sarah Roemer at the MTV Music Awards
GO

Busted on Film
GO

Johnny Rotten’s Teeth Are Rotten No More
GO

Dumb Hick Goes Boom
GO

A Now Retired Raven Riley Gallery Gets Soapy in the Tub
GO

Amy Smart Topless Throwback
GO

Dita Von Tease Gallery
GO

Who Knew Wine Was So Exciting?
GO

Alessia Ventura is the International Babe of the Day
GO

Rip a Phonebook in Half Like a Champ
GO

Getting Cyber Laid is Better Than Getting No Laid, Don’t You Think?
GO

Web Sluts in Abundance
GO

Sexual Abuse Ads Don’t Get Creepier Than This
GO

Some Porn Reviews:

Fetish Fun With Leg Sex
GO

Chubby Loving
GO

Butt Divers
GO

Dripping Creampies
GO

West Coast Gang Bangs
GO

Hippie Goddess
GO

Arab Street Hookers
GO

Pissing TV
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS