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Jessel Pena is the Instagram Of The Day

Heather Graham’s Old Flat Ass in a Bikini of the Day

Em Rata Gets Called Out for Being a Titty Whore of the Day

Brie Larson in the Great Outdoors of the Day

Sloppy Katy Perry is Rehearsing her Awkward Dances of the Day

2008

Feb

Ashlee Simpson Pretending to be Britney Spears of the Day

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I guess Ashlee Simpson is trying to get some attention, you know living in her sister’s shadow all her life’s gotta give the ugly sister a little complex. A complex that bisexual Pete Wentz is all about because it draws more attention to him and his emotionally driven bisexual make-up wearing music.

In this video from his blog that someone emailed me, not that I found on my own, because I don’t really follow his career, dude and Ashlee joke about having a baby while Ashlee pretends to be Britney Spears eating her Cheetos and speaking with a Southern Accent, one that isn’t too far from her own accent.

I guess what it comes down to is that if Ashlee was actually a fraction of Britney Spears she’d be worth talking about, but instead she’s the Simpson table scraps who was just lucky enough to have a sister with money to afford the kind of exposure and lifestyle she lives with her bisexual boyfriend.

I guess the good news in all this is that they won’t be making any babies anytime soon, Pete Wentz is only into ass play, so Ashlee may not be a pop queen but she takes it up the ass and she may not be a Pop Queen but she is an Anal Queen and that’s important to me and should be to you too, because bitches who take it up the ass are hard to find.

To Watch the Lame Fucking Video
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Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Losers|Pete Wentz

2008

Feb

Linda Hogan Bikini Pictures of the Day

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In a poor trashy family, when the daughter turns 18 and decides to follow their mom’s footsteps into a lifelong career of stripping, she gets the mother’s implant hand me downs when the mom decides it’s time to upgrade because the only way she’ll land a lap dance is if she has cartoon like tits.

In a rich trashy family, they just get the daughter a set of implants for her 16th birthday because having a flat chested daughter would make people question how real her mom’s tits were, and no one wants to be outted as the middle aged woman with fake tits in the neighborhood, it’s better to keep people wondering….That is until you go out in a bikini and prove to the world that the only thing faker than these tits are your hair and maybe your divorce since it’s a good way to take attention away from your car racing son and his crippling driving skills.

I was always a fan of hand me downs when I was a kid and was forced to wear my foster sister’s jogging pants. I never really complained, sure the pink pants didn’t make me many friends, but I could still get off to the period stain she left behind and at the time that was better than jerking off to National Geographic or Three’s Company. I guess I’ve just always had a thing for fertility….a Fertility that Linda Hogan hasn’t seen in quite a few years, sure she may look good enough to fuck because washed up strippers turn me on, but I know that the steroids have left her barren and there’s nothing hot about pre-mature menopause, except for the whole not being able to get pregnant part and not getting sentenced to the bitch for life, or until the kid dies of a birth defect caused by my broken down sperm that’s seen it’s fair share of toxins and now is seeing the world in human form, makes for a good time.

Posted in:Bikini|Implants|Linda Hogan|Tits

2008

Feb

Paris Hilton is On Someone’s Facebook of the Day

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You know Paris Hilton is a huge star when I find pictures of her dancing at a club and hugging up on some chick like they are best fucking friends for life on Facebook. She’s like one of those accessible celebrities who hangs out with anyone who isn’t famous around her because they are the only people who are impressed by her and it’s good for her ego. They are the kind of people who feel like they are important just because they are in her slut presence and Paris needs that positive affirmation because everyone else in the world thinks she’s a fuckin’ joke. If it wasn’t for these select few ass lickers out there, there wouldn’t even be a Paris Hilton, the harsh reality of her sucking at life would have hit a long time ago and bitch would have jumped off twentieth floor balcony back then.

So as long as there are socialite wannabes and horny dudes willing to fuck some skinny coked up bitch with herpes, there will be a Paris Hilton because she’ll think she has a purpose and we’ll have the facebook uploads as memories of each and everyone one of these club night encounters and I hate all you fuckers for that.

You are the same guy who made this fat bitch I know think she’s all fuckin that, like god’s fucking gift to sucking cock who thinks she gives the best fucking blowjob the world and deserves presents and to be worshipped all because and asshole told her she was awesome. What she doesn’t know is that when getting a blowjob from a willing girl, it’s always the best fucking blowjob and we tell you that it’s the best fucking blowjob because we are trying to fuckin’ cum and if we were to focus on your fucking flaws at giving a blowjob we’d go fuckin’ limp and forced to jerk off like we always fucking do, making the whole blowjob a waste of our time. So don’t let this get to your head bitch, it’s just part of the fuckin’ process and we tell every girl who sucks are dick that she gives the best fucking blowjob and you don’t deserve presents or to be worshipped, because your blowjob was average at best, it was just the best blowjob we were getting at the time. Cuddles.

Posted in:Facebook|Paris Hilton|Party

2008

Feb

Sofia Vergara’s Big Ol’ Mexican Tits Do the Oscars of the Day

5 Comments »

It turns out that Elton John has AIDS…..parties, and at those AIDS parties he makes sure things are perfect. Being an outrageous and rich gay dude means he can afford to do things you don’t see at your average birthday party in the McDonalds party room.

I remember going to some gay dude’s party once, thinking there would be hungry pussy for straight dick and when I got there all I saw was a pile of speed on the table, different colored lightbulbs in the lamps and condoms everywhere, not like anyone was going to use them. It was like we were in some kind of exotic bath house, and it turned out that we were, but I only realized it when I saw no pussy but lots of man on man blowjobs, which leads me to believe that you can never trust a gay dude, but they can always hook you up with speed.

Either way, I am sure Elton John goes all out in his parties because the cause is dear to him because he is Gay Married and AIDs is a Gay Disease, so he hires party planners and decorators and high class chefs with open bars and great entertainment with a star studded guestlist and he even makes the hired help dress up in hot dresses with their tits busting out of her dress and this one is named Sofia Vergara and she’s slowly making a name for herself…one day she’ll be out of the business of making beds in hotel rooms and into the business of making you horny on the big screen. We all have dreams.

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Posted in:cleavage|Sofia Vergara|Tits

2008

Feb

Lindsay Lohan is Wasted of the Day

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Here’s a video from the weekend of a drunk Lohan leaving the club every famous slut goes to now, called Villa. Now despite giving Villa free publicity on my site, I can guarantee that those cocksuckers still won’t let me in, because I look homeless and those kinds of places don’t like guys like me.

I accidentally followed one of my friends from the park to one of these chachi motherfucker clubs this past weekend, I guess me and Lohan and every single cheesy fucking person under 25 are connected at the soul or some shit.

Either way, we get to this club where there’s a line up of ethnic dudes with trendy mohawks and deliberately ripped jeans, speaking in “bro” and who start giving me dirty looks because I am wearing ripped jeans because I can’t afford un-ripped jeans and I have long ratty hair and I’m pushing 40.

My friend’s cousin turns out to be some bottle whore who is fucking the owner and invited him up to the VIP room, so we get escorted up to a space with about 15 lame dudes and 5 bottles to go with 5 sluts in low cut shirts. I end up drinking off the bottle for free because that’s all I can afford, despite knowing every sip is pissing these assholes off. I try chatting up one of the tits on one of the girls and eventually a fight breaks out between the dudes because with a 3 to 1 ratio, things can get heated with booze while nearing the end of the night. I know that if I spent 1000 dollars on bottles, I’d expect 4 girls on my dick at the end of the night, when these guys just had each other and were mad and ended up kicking their bro in the face while he was down on the ground in his white button up shirt….I’m talking 4 dudes kicking 1 dude then the 1 dude gets up, brushes himself off and goes back to drinking like nothing fuckin’ happened. I guess it’s the bro way….

I decided that after witnessing a bro-fight and all it’s gayness and despite drinking for free, it was my time to go but like Lohan I didn’t need help getting into the car, I just needed help getting my soul back….

Posted in:Drunk|Lindsay Lohan

2008

Feb

Paz Vega See Through Pics of the Day

1 Comment »

Nothing makes me feel more like a lame virgin than posting pictures of girls in see through dresses. The reality of it is that that I don’t give a fuck about these bitches, or their nipples but I do it for you. At times I totally wish I was still a virgin, but those times only come out every couple months when I have a herpes outbreak or when my fat wife convinces me to take a viagra to try to pleasure her, even though my useless dick doesn’t even touch the walls of her really ridiculously big vagina.

This weekend was one of those sex weekends my wife makes me have every once in a while. It’s kind of how I earn my keep around here. I can usually get away with not fuckin’ her for months before her fat disgusting naked body slips viagra in my drink and have no choice. I guess we all have needs and my need is a roof over my head and her needs are oreos and the occasional fuck.

Either way, I saw shit coming the last 2 weeks and was putting it off until this weekend because there’s only so many headaches I can pretend to have. Now the key to fucking my wife is getting as drunk as possible so that i don’t know what I am doing, then take the pill get a boner about 10% of the time because even when drunk and on boner meds she’s still fucking disgusting and makes my dick crawl back inside me like a reverse erection. So I did her and rode her like a Bouncy Castle I haven’t recovered emotionally yet.

So here’s some nipple of some slut you don’t know and be happy that you are a virgin, because sometimes sex is the devil and I saw the devil face to face this weekend. Cuddles.

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Paz Vega Gets Naked for Elle of the Day

Posted in:Nipples|Paz Vega|See Through|Tits

2008

Feb

Jenna Jameson See Through Pics of the Day

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Here’s something that makes no sense, pictures of Jenna Jameson is a see through dress that isn’t even see through. It is something that you’d see your Aunt wear to your sweet 16, trying to look sexy for you without realizing that you’re a fuckin’ homo because sweet 16’s are for girls.

When you’re a pornstar who everyone has seen get fucked, you’d think showing a little nipple wouldn’t even register as being a fuckin’ issue. The reality is that if bitch showed up with a dick in her ass, one in her mouth and 2 in her cunt, it’d still be deemed appropriate because this is Jenna Jameson. Unfortunately Jenna Jameson doesn’t realize that because I guess she’s going through some kind of spiritual transformation that is turning into a donkey lookin’ motherfucker and here she is covering up those tits that have seen more loads than you’ve jerked out of yourself in your entire lifetime and we both know that’s a lot. Yes, I’ve been watching you.

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Posted in:Jenna Jameson|See Through|Tits

2008

Feb

Jennifer Morrison Bikini Gut of the Day

1 Comment »

Her name is Jennifer Morrison and these are some pictures of her this last weekend in a bikini because I guess she wasn’t invited to any Oscar parties, because the industry doesn’t know who she is either. So instead of staying at home crying about it, she decided to show us all how she can afford a trip tot he beach with all the money she makes being on the show House. Unfortunately, instead of showing us up, she showed us how bad of a body she has. So unfortunately for her, I am not posting these pictures for you to jerk off to and to help her establish a new perverted fan base, I am posting them to inspire her to go on a fuckin’ diet and take up working out. My theory is that if you want to be on TV, you’ve gotta have the body for it, because if I wanted to see a bitch who looks 2 months pregnant, I’ll just stick to hanging outside the abortion clinic, because I know that those sluts are easy.

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Posted in:Ass|Belly|Bikini|Jennifer Morrison|Tits

2008

Feb

Elsa Pataky Bikini Like’s Big Nosed Oscar Winners of the Day

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You know when you see a hot fucking young piece of ass walking down the street with some old ugly motherfucker and you don’t understand what the hell they are doing with them until you see them both get into a convertible Porsche and drive off with smiles on their faces and the wind in their hair, then it all makes sense….The hot slut is a gold digging whore and can see past the dudes obvious deformities by convincing herself that they are charming or cute because they fuckin’ deformity comes with a platinum card.

Elsa Pataky is the pretty much the same story only instead of a convertible, dude’s got an academy award and instead of being old and ugly, dude looks a fuckin’ cartoon sketch you get drawn of you at the fair. I guess that academy award comes with a whole lot more perks than just Porsche, like star treatment internationally, or maybe vacation houses everywhere and lots of down time to fuck and that’s a pretty good trade off for this hot pussy.

So if you’re tired of being a piece of shit loser no one gives a fuck about, you should just go out there an win an academy award and all the pussy will just fall in your lap without anywork despite your ridiculously small penis.

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Elsa Pataky in a Bikini Lookn’ Hot

Posted in:Bikini|Elsa Pataky|Tits

2008

Feb

Brooke Hogan’s Bikini Pictures of the Day

3 Comments »

I was going to live blog the Academy Awards, then I realized that it would be more exciting to Live Blog a a fucking funeral because shit is equally depressing but at least at a funeral you can seduce a mourning new widow to get in your bed and suck your dick in her recent vulnerable state.

I tried to watch 5 minutes of the shit, but turned it off because I don’t have a TV and was forced to go to this queer 80 year old neighbor’s house, when dude pulled out his dick and started jerking off to Jane Russell or some other hot pussy from his day, I figured it was time to book.

To lighten the post Oscar depression, here are some pictures of Brooke Hogan acting a fool with her fake tits that she tries to pretend aren’t fake tits on the beach. Despite her amazing beach dance moves, she will never win an Oscar, but at least she’s already won our hearts. Right….

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Posted in:Bikini|Brooke Hogan|Implants|Tits