DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sara Sampaio Shows Off her Pussy in Tight Pants Under the Guise that it is a Fitness Video of the Day

Industry Flesh Puppet Jessica Alba Propagandizes for the Machine of the Day

Sydney Sweeney is Glamour’s Woman of the Year of the Day

Paige Spiranac Feeling Herself Up of the Day

Margaret Qualley is Hot for an Ugly Chick of the Day

2008

Feb

Britney Spears Has a Crazy Panty Upskirt of the Day

3 Comments »

So people think Britney is crazy enough to be committed, but not crazy enough to keep committed and I am okay with that because I don’t really care either way. I am selfish like that. I do know that if she dies I will miss her flashing me but that’s just because my life is pretty boring and looking at celebrity underwear and nipples passes the time, especially when the celebrity is someone I wanted to fuck when she was wholesome and 18, not that I wouldn’t fuck her today, but every time I see her flashing, I think she’s doing it for me and that God answered my prayers, it just took him 10 years to get it done, but he got it done nonetheless and I guess I have no choice to admit that Britney’s demise has made me found Jesus. The real one.

Either way, here is Britney in a luxury car with a pack of smokes and showing off her underwear, some of my favorite things so if that is crazy, then everything I want in life is crazy and maybe I should be the one committed. I guess the fact that I pull out my dick in public while screaming obscenities about being rape before falling to the ground speaking in tongues while convulsing in busy intersections helps my case.

Related Posts:

Britney Spears in a See Through Halter Top
Britney Spears Isn’t Crazy She’s Just Embarrassed of Her Poor Dad
Britney Spears is Wearing a Bra
Britney Spears Nipples in a See Through Shirt

Posted in:Unsorted

2008

Feb

Victoria’s Secret Models Promote Valentine’s Day of the Day

2 Comments »

< Valentine's Day is my favorite time of year....to dump whoever I am dating at the time. Not that that is a real issue right now because I am married and bitch pays my rent and shit so I can't really walk away otherwise I would end up back on the street because working isn't for me...so I have to suck it up and make a card out of construction paper like I did back in grade school and I have to write out shitty poetry professing my love that I don't really feel but the lie helps me get through another year while remembering a time whenever Valentine's Day rolled around I'd end whatever I had going one with whoever I had it going on with, even if it was just with a regular hooker, just because I thought it was a funny thing to do and funny makes life more fun.... So girls get all worked up wanting gifts and love and dinners and perfumes and lingerie and chocolate to make them feel beautiful and appreciated for the day...to make them feel appreciated for giving you the honor to enter their sacred pussies, a pussy so sacred that they'd let any random dude they meet at the bar up in it for the night to feel wanted and all that fucker has to deal with is buying her a couple drinks and maybe cleaning up her puke after he'd done and doesn't have to put up with all the day to day shit that you do.... Either way, Victoria's Secret knows that they are designed around the perfect Valentine's Day gifts and here they are with their models Selita Ebanks, Izabel Goulart and Karolina Kurkove trying to milk it more than they already have since it's pretty much the foundation of what they do...I don't know if that made sense, but it did to me and I guess that's all that really matters since writing this site is pretty much the same thing as talking to myself and that's because no one reads this shit and I don't really blame them. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Selita Ebanks in a See Through Beater
Karolina Kurkova’s Ass in a Thong
Karolina Kurkova in a See Through Dress
Karolina Kurkova Riding a Bike

Posted in:Bras|Izabel Goulart|Selita Ebanks|Unsorted|Valentine's Day

2008

Feb

Olivia Munn for Complex in a Bikini of the Day

9 Comments »

I know that I pick up Complex for the articles (about me) but it turns out they’ve gone out and done a photoshoot with Olivia Munn so maybe you should pick it up for the pictures.

This is an ego post because I was mentioned on Olivia Munn’s show “Attack of the Show” and I was mentioned in Complex Magazine as the one of the Men of Next Year . Now neither have made me any fucking money or landed me more traffic but I figured that Olivia Munn are being brought together by destiny.

The funny thing about destiny is that it doesn’t exist, it is just a good tool to trick girls into thinking you are a romantic and they’ll either accept a date with you or call the police and issue a restraining order. The good news is that girls are romantics so they usually accept the date after you claim that you are connected at the soul and were lovers in a past life and tell her how good it is so good to finally come together again, even though that shit would creep me the fuck out if the tables were turned….

So once you are in the same room as a bitch you need to get her pregnant by association. That means throwing cum at her and hoping some of it sticks in the right places, because she may not have all that much of a career but she’s richer than me and despite the homeless fecal artist down the street being richer than me at least Olivia Munn has a house and hotter body and I am superficial like that. Plus moving into the homeless fecal artist’s home under the overpass wouldn’t be so good in the winter and her always smells like shit…

So Olivia Munn, If you’re out there….We are connected at the soul. Let’s do lunch and rekindle our love. So Much has happened since I saw you 4 lives ago….but give me a couple week’s notice because i need to start milking myself like the lactating woman, otherwise my plan to K-Fed you will never work….since I’m kinda impotent

Check Out The Olivia Munn Interview and Pictures at Complex
GO

Posted in:Attack of the Show|Olivia Munn. Complex|Unsorted

2008

Feb

Fergie Flashing Her Ass at a Black Eyed Peas Event of the Day

3 Comments »

I don’t know why seeing the Black Eyed Peas performing together reminds me of some tired reunion tour I accidently stumbled in on at some dive bar after a night of drinking rubbing alcohol and juice just to see if it made me go blind…but it does. I feel like they all aged 20 years in the last year of doing their solo careers and that these almost 40 year old motherfuckers are up on stage trying to be down, for their audience of 40 year olds reliving the glory days.

I guess none of that matters, because Fergie has been stickin to the gym and is showing her ass on stage and that never gets old, even if she does. I am talking about expecting to see a 65 year old Fergie in about 5 years on stage pissing herself like she was in her heyday only I’m hoping she’ll be showing more pussy lips….because by then she’ll probably have gone through with the full surgery and it won’t just be the empty scrotum that it is today. That was a Fergie is a Man joke that probably didn’t work. Just in case you were wondering.

Bonus: Some Fergie Upskirt Pictures from The Superbowl showing us that she Probably Doesn’t Have a Penis…

Related Posts:

The Fergie Sex Tape that Isn’t a Fergie Sex Tape
Fergie’s Panty Leak
Fergie Doing a Period Pants Crotch Grab

Posted in:Black Eyed Peas|Unsorted

2008

Feb

The Paris Hilton Generation Booty Shake Video of the Day

1 Comment »

This video was sent to me and it’s a couple of girls who look like they are between 15 and 19, but for the sake of this post, it was their 18th birthday last week, not that I should worry about posting illegal kiddy porn shit since it is hosted on YouTube making YouTube the kiddy porn peddlers and not me.

Either way, they are doing a booty shake to the song Put it in Your Mouth like they are in one of those hip hop music video that they were raised watching and they are showing off their panty asses like it aint a thing and that’s the kind of liberal thoughts I like seeing the girls of tomorrow have, because let’s face it, there’s no big deal in showing some ass but the girls of my generation seemed to think there was, but that probably just had something to do with me repulsing them.

Teenage pregnancy may be an epidemic today because of Jamie Lynn Spears and the movie Juno, but it was around back in my time, I just wasn’t the one knocking the bitches up. So I guess we shouldn’t blame Paris Hilton and her sex tape for sluts of tomorrow and we shouldn’t be blaming hip hop for objectifying women, we should just blame digital video cameras and the internet for making the sluts more accessible to us, and by blame I mean write a letter thanking the companies for making is possible.

BONUS (That isn’t really a bonus) – Here are some pictures of Paris Hilton slutting out in a club in Boston like the cokewhore that she is….you know letting her little push up bra wearing tits bust out of her dress while holding a mic like we care what she has to say….or sing…or do whatever the fuck this waste of space is doing…..

Posted in:Booty Shake|Generation|Unsorted

2008

Feb

Jesse Metcalfe from Desperate Housewives Gets Punched in the Face Video of the Day

3 Comments »

I am the kind of guy who says inappropriate shit at bars all the time and I am usually too drunk to fight back so I just end up looking like this Jesse Metcalfe bitch after he gets punched in the face only I’ve never really gone down no matter how drunk I’ve been or how hard I’ve been hit. I have had fractured sinuses and noses and I have a numb spot in the top of my forehead from a time a bouncer 4 times my size took out his 10 dollar an hour rage on my face because I tried sneaking a pitcher of beer out of the bar when they were kicking me out for something I did but don’t remember doing because I wasted…..I guess the funniest thing about this is that Jesse Metcalfe girl fight is that these dudes spend so much time in the gym to get their muscles and six-packs but are still fucking pussies when it comes down to it. So the designer gloved pretty boy who is pretending to be a gangster by defending Taryn Manning’s honor when he should really be helping her by giving her acting lessons, hits Jesse Metcalfe in the face. I bet things get awkward when they run into each other at the beauty salon to get their manicures, fake tans and nails done…..

Posted in:Fight|Jesse Metcalfe|Unsorted

2008

Feb

stepLINKS of the Day

No Comments »

I decided to do a load of laundry today because I could smell my own ass and have been sick the last month and figured it was time to hose down the beast that is me in hopes of getting rid of the germs I’ve been suckin’ up like a crackwhore on a earning spree or at least pretend to by putting on a clean pair socks.

I went down to the laundry room after forgetting to get my shit because I am not very efficient and caught a woman from the building emptying my load out of the dryer. Not that kind of load, sicko. She acted all embarrassed that she touched my shit like I had just walked in on her masturbating to a pair of my women’s panties and tried justifying herself. I told her not to worry and that she’s more than welcome to come up to my apartment to clean the rest of my shit like the wife I never had even though I have a wife but she’s just useless and the girl just gave me a dirty look and ran away. Some people have no respect, if you’re going to do part of the job you should at least finish. I want my socks sorted bitch and I want to stand there laughing while she’s trying to match them because between you and me I don’t have any proper pairs, I’m all mismatched like that….

This was a stupid story and Here’s Snoops New Single

Listen Now

Now here are my stupid links….

Charlize Theron is Grabbing Some Tranny Tit
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Olivia Munn’s Hot Photoshoot for Complex
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Club Sluts Doing Drunk Club Slut Things
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Some Webcam Girl Rocks A Lollipop Proper
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Some Hot Models Fighting in a Bikini
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Naomi Campbell Does the Worst Superbowl Commercial I’ve Ever Seen
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The New Guess Girl is Really Worth Guessing The Way She Maintains Her Bush
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Tyra Banks Shit Herself During New York Fashion Week
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Karolina Kurkova Does G.I. Joe
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Eva Mendes is Out of Rehab and This is Her Upskirt Moment
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The Eva Mendes Out of Rehab Pics
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Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johannson Do a Threesome
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Lohan is Dying to To Play Alice in Wonderland…Just Not Dying Hard Enough
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Eva Longoria Does Some NYC Fashion Week in Gold
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Angelina Jolie Visits Iraq
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Another Hot Slut Quits Drinking Even Though It’s the Only Thing That Ever Got Her Laid
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Crazy Britney is Still British
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Some Hot Slut Named Louise Porter Does Zoo Magazine
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Some Fat Dude Goes Crazy With His Fat Gun Because He Hates Life
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This is a Day in the Life in Britney’s Life
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Amy Winehouse Gets Denied….
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Paris Hilton has a Nip Slip in a Boston Club
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There’s a Pretty Funny Story Behind This Picture
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I have Never Seen the Ron Jeremy Sucking His Own Dick Video…But Now I Have
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Phoebe Price has Some Hot Tits
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Some Huge Halle Berry Pregnancy Cleavage Pics Because Fertility is Hot
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Some Hot Chick Fights a Fat Chick
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Some Dumb Chick High on E Getting Down and Crazy
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Some Hot Girl Making Out With Her Friend Video
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Some Sexy 18 Year Old Asian Spreading Her Legs
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These Bitches Think They are Super Heros
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Some Loser Recreates the Superbowl Stadium in His Backyard Video
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Some Road Rage Leaves a Dude Knocked the Fuck Out
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Exclusive – John Mayer Murdered Someone and I am Not Talking About Jessica Simpson’s Pussy
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Some Mexican TV Presenter’s Sex Tape Worth Watching Because Sex Tapes are Good
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The Best and Worst Bikini Bodies
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Miss Nevada’s Personal Slutty Pictures
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Some Hot Pictures from the Rio Carnival
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Penthouse Playmates Playing Guitar Hero Badly
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The Pink Vagina Couch Cuz It’s the Only Pussy You’ll Get
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The Original Daisy Dukes Titty Action
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Sluts Erica Campbell and Jelena Jensen doing a Little Photoshoot
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart Singing Some Madonna…Good Times…
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Some Chick Showing Off her Hairy Cooch
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Two Sluts Making Out in Video
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Some Amateur Chick Rockin’ A Dildo Video
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The Hottest Pregnant Women Ever
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Bai Ling Talks to D-List Fetus
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Some Asshole Gets a Tennis Ball To the Balls For Science
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Some Alanis Morrisette Pissing in a Cup Clip from the Past
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On GG Allen’s Birthday They Pay a Whore To Piss in His Mouth and This is The Legendary Video
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The Baby Getting Thrown out of a Building Pictures
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Seymore Butts Talking About Queefing Video
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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The Cops Get Caught Stripping a Girl Down Video
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Some Girl Pissing Like a Man
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Gloria Valez is a Hip Hop Model from Myspace and These are Her Pics…
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Salma Hayek Made an Appearace and Looks Good
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FROM PHOTOBUCKET

Some Chick Suckin’ Dick
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Some Chick’s Vagina Got Some Fingers In It
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Some Slut Posing
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Young Brown and This is Her Body
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Some Girls and Some Nakedness
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Some Girls Showing Her Ass and Pussy
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Get Some Porn…Because You Don’t Masturbate Enough…
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Use This To Increase Your Chance in Getting Sex…Because You Masturbate Too Much
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Go Here To Find Girls to Fuck Because You Masturbate Alone Too Often….
GO

Posted in:Unsorted

2008

Feb

Keeley Hazell is Posing in a Bikini With Statues of the Day

4 Comments »

Keeley Hazell is some naturally big breasted 21 year old who has made a living doing lame photoshoots because people want to fuck her. She is also the star of her very own sex tape that was leaked in January of last year where you could watch people actually fuck her.

These pictures of Keeley are from a photoshoot she did promoting Lynx bodyspray, which is an affordable way to shower when you don’t have a home with a bathroom because it is a lot less expensive than getting a place with a bathroom. I guess it’s also a good way for people to whore shower themselves on days they just don’t feel like washing, which is every day for me, but that’s just because I am a lazy slob and feel comfortable in my own stink…and if I was so inclined to whore shower myself, I’d just walk to the drug store and spray myself with actual designer cologne pretending I was trying to decide between the Burberry and the Jean Paul Gauthier before leaving empty handed but smelling glorious and luxurious like I was a designer human…..or some shit….

Speaking of shit, Keely’s bikini is brown, I wonder what kind of stains her drippy ass is covering up. Yeah, I probably should have left that last line out, it was pretty fucking weak, but so am I…hold me.

Related Posts:

Some Keeley Hazell Sex Tape
Eva Longoria does a Bebe Ad Campaign

Posted in:Keeley Hazell|Unsorted

2008

Feb

Coleen McLoughlin in a Bikini Day Two of the Day

2 Comments »

I bet at least one of you has been sitting in your sweat covered folding chair in front of your computer in your messy basement amongst cut outs of random pictures of girls in bikinis and cum covered kleenex and t-shirts sprawled around your room waiting for day two of Coleen McLoughlin pictures to hit because you are creepy and have nothing better to do and she’s your fucking favorite.

I know that I definitely wasn’t that guy, but that’s just because I’ve never heard of this bitch and I can’t afford folding chairs or Kleenex, I’m more into using junk mail flyers for all my personal hygiene needs if I am not too lazy.

Either way, here are day two bikini pictures of this bitch and it turns out that I answer dreams, even if it’s just for one dude who no one talks to because he smells. That makes me feel like a modern day Princess Diana amongst Aids babies or some shit….only I’m not dead….

Related Posts:

Coleen McLoughlin in a Red Bikini
More Coleen McLoughlin Bikini Action

Posted in:Unsorted|WAG

2008

Feb

Kirsten Dunst in Rehab of the Day

4 Comments »

Drunken table scraps Kirsten Dunst never stopped drinking, people just stopped caring. I remember a time when every time she went out and got drunk everyone wanted to know, but then real celebrities started crawling into the gutter and all of a sudden the bitch who was always in the gutter became totally irrelevant to us because we like to watch people’s demise, we just don’t like watching people who started at the bottom staying at the bottom because it gets boring and maybe that’s the reason she drinks….

Either way, this is what Star reported:

“She desperately needed help,” a source in Utah tells Star. “She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears.

“She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she’s getting the help she needs.”

Via Star Magazine

I guess she signed into rehab in efforts to show people how crazy she is, and that she is in a bad place like Britney and Lohan too and she’s not some washed up drunk, but that’s just because she didn’t shower. What she didnâ€™t realize is that we all realized how crazy she was the night she drank a 40 of whiskey and pissed all over herself at the company Christmas party before trying to finger bang the bosses daughter. No wait, that was me….

Either way, we arenâ€™t laughinâ€™ at how you finally cracked, we are laughing at how you slur your words, you drunken bitch.

Rehab is useless and designed for losers are people trying to clean up their image, since Kirsten has no image to clean up I can only assume she’s a fuckin’ loser.

These pictures are old.

Related Posts:

Kirsten Dunst Old Drunken Cleavage
Kirsten Dunst’s Ass in Bikini Bottoms
Kirsten Dunst and Her Bikini and some Bonus Lookin’ Like a Retard Pics

Posted in:Unsorted