DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

10

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Tits of the Day

So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.

Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….

Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

2007

10

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian's Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.

Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….

Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

2007

10

Oct

I am – Giada De Laurentiis Paddle Surfs of the Day

4 Comments »

Here’s some big breasted Food Network host named Giada De Laurentiis paddle surfing with her big breasts and a pair of shaping panties that most middle aged women like to squeeze themselves into to make their legs and asses look less sloppy than aging has made them. I am really against this paddle surfing shit, but I am willing to let it slide this time because Giada is an immigrant and immigrants never really know what’s up, they are just trying to fit in.There’s really nothing wrong with trying to fit in other than the fact that the people you are trying to impress are usually useless and only really care about themselves and won’t give you the time of day when you’re no longer the Big Breasted Food Network girl, but compromising yourself for those fleeting minutes of acceptance is okay, especially when it involves you showing off your vagina burger like it’s some kind of new recipe everyone’s gotta try.

Related Posts:

Brooke Burns Paddle Surfs Like a Fag
Jennifer Aniston Paddle Surfs Like a Fag
Kate Hudson Paddle Surfs Like a Fag
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfs Like a Fag

Posted in:Big Tits|Bikini Bottoms|Giada De Laurentiis|Paddle Surfing|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Rihanna All Dolled Up of the Day

6 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Rihanna at some Unicef shit because she cares about the people and I decided to post them because I care about her. She’s my new Lohan, because let’s face it, Lohan has herpes and way too many issues for me to bother stalking her. So Rihanna may be the future, but I haven’t decided. I am just excited to see her bad skin because pimples remind me of High School and High School reminds me of Musicals and Musicals remind me of this gay dude I used to know who liked to dance and sing show tunes and that always gave me a good laugh. I don’t know where he is now, but he’s probably pregnant in some hospital and by pregnant I mean dying of AIDS…not cuz AIDS is the gay disease but because he was a man-slut….oh wait…maybe it is cuz AIDS is the Gay Disease. CUDDLES!!

Related Posts:

Rihanna’s Vagina Definition Pictures
Rihanna’s Leopard Print One-Piece Bathing Suit
Rihanna’s Animal Print Bikini Top
Rihanna’s Legs Performing Pictures

Posted in:cleavage|Event|Hot|Rihanna|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Cindy Crawford is Still a Super Model of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Cindy Crawford talking on a cellphone at some toy store she brought her kids to, because when you are rich and you have kids, showering them with things they don’t need is what you’ve gotta do. I am guessing they are probably her life because she’s really got nothing else going for her, I haven’t seen her cast on Dancing with the Stars or any Celebrity Big Brother shit, so I can safely assume that her kids are her purpose. The reason I am posting these pictures is because I thought it was funny that she pulled her phone away to strike a pose for the paparazzi like she’s still a fuckin’ supermodel, I guess it’s hard to grasp that your getting older and trying to prove that you’ve still got what it takes makes you feel better about things. I once knew am old dude, I’m talking in his 70s who used to be into boxing when he was a kid and was some kind of champion, every time dude got drunk he’d lapse into that boxing tough guy mentality and pick fights with young college kids to prove he still had it and every single time he’d end up getting his fucking ass kicked….but just kept on doing it. I guess you gotta respect that kind of spirit, it’s a lot more inspiring than you being too scared to get a job because your mom’s going to ask you to move out of her house because you like that she always cooks you dinner, there’s always food in the fridge, your laundry always gets done and bed always gets made. If only chicks found that as appealing as your man-pussy ass. Yeah I know the whole living with your mom virgin thing is getting repetitive, but I am telling you it never gets old for me….

Related Posts:

Cindy Crawford’s Got Hot Mom Tits
Cindy Crawford on the Beach
Cindy Crawford’s Bondage Hat
Cindy Crawford Pickin’ her Nose

Posted in:Cindy Crawford|Ex-Model|Milf|Posing|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Helena Christensen’s Got Legs of the Day

1 Comment »

Sure Helena Christensen’s a washed up hag now, but bitch still has fucking amazing legs and amazing legs always get my attention and as long as I stare at them, I can pretend that she doesn’t have the face of last month’s leftovers that are still in my fridge because my wife doesn’t like vegetables.

The beautiful thing about watching a girl age is that you know she is still a whore. Sure when she was a little girl she was sweet and cute and fun to be around because she always did such crafty things and when she turned 12 she was cool to be around because she was innocent and played with her dolls and had crushes on boys she saw on TV, but then she hit puberty and realized she had a vagina and could use her vagina to get anything she wanted because dude’s are fucking easy to manipulate, all you gotta do is show your tits. After realizing that she had this vagina that guys wanted a piece of she discovered that she liked money, and from that day on she was whore. Using her pussy to satisfy her self-interest. Now girls don’t like being told that they are all whores, but I’ve never met a girl who left a dude with money for someone with less statue because it’s all about upgrading for personal gain. That’s why ugly rich dudes always have hot pieces of ass by their side. Their lives are their business and when trying to get the fuck ahead the easiest way to do it is to fuck their way there.

So here is Helena Christensen, a champion whore who made her own money using her vagina, but bitch still has legs I’d like to crawl up just to see where they end and I am hoping her Vagina didn’t age as badly as her grill, because nothing ruins a great set of legs like a vagina that dangles like the shit stuck to my wife’s ass hair, because let’s face it, it’s a hard to reach area.

Related Posts:

Cameron Diaz’s Hot Legs Pictures
Paris Hilton’s Prison Legs
Kimberly Stewart’s Got Some Hot Legs
Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Solid Legs

Posted in:Ex-Model|Helena Christensen|Legs|old|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Helena Christensen's Got Legs of the Day

No Comments »

Sure Helena Christensen’s a washed up hag now, but bitch still has fucking amazing legs and amazing legs always get my attention and as long as I stare at them, I can pretend that she doesn’t have the face of last month’s leftovers that are still in my fridge because my wife doesn’t like vegetables.

The beautiful thing about watching a girl age is that you know she is still a whore. Sure when she was a little girl she was sweet and cute and fun to be around because she always did such crafty things and when she turned 12 she was cool to be around because she was innocent and played with her dolls and had crushes on boys she saw on TV, but then she hit puberty and realized she had a vagina and could use her vagina to get anything she wanted because dude’s are fucking easy to manipulate, all you gotta do is show your tits. After realizing that she had this vagina that guys wanted a piece of she discovered that she liked money, and from that day on she was whore. Using her pussy to satisfy her self-interest. Now girls don’t like being told that they are all whores, but I’ve never met a girl who left a dude with money for someone with less statue because it’s all about upgrading for personal gain. That’s why ugly rich dudes always have hot pieces of ass by their side. Their lives are their business and when trying to get the fuck ahead the easiest way to do it is to fuck their way there.

So here is Helena Christensen, a champion whore who made her own money using her vagina, but bitch still has legs I’d like to crawl up just to see where they end and I am hoping her Vagina didn’t age as badly as her grill, because nothing ruins a great set of legs like a vagina that dangles like the shit stuck to my wife’s ass hair, because let’s face it, it’s a hard to reach area.

Related Posts:

Cameron Diaz’s Hot Legs Pictures
Paris Hilton’s Prison Legs
Kimberly Stewart’s Got Some Hot Legs
Jessica Simpson’s Got Some Solid Legs

Posted in:Ex-Model|Helena Christensen|Legs|old|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Jane Seymour Dancing With the Stars Rehearsal Pics of the Day

2 Comments »

I have a confession to make. I went to a friends house and his daughter’s were watching dancing with the stars yesterday and I was in the other room, because he doesn’t like me getting to close to them, because they are 18 and I am a bad influence, but I couldn’t help but overhear the shit that was going down. Basically, Jane Seymour’s mother had a stroke earlier in the year and her favorite show was Dancing With the Stars, the UK version. When Jane Seymour decided she was going to do it, she told her dying mother who hadn’t spoke in months and her mother spoke for the first time since her stroke saying “YES”. So that inspired Jane Seymour to do the show and since the stroke her mother ended up passing away and she decided to kick serious ass on her show, because she knows her mother is watching her and last night’s tango was so meaningful to Jane Seymore because it was the one dance she was going to dedicate to her mom.

Now I am all for sob stories, I think it makes for good entertainment, but the only question I had was did the Dancing with the Stars producers pay for this bullshit story for the tear-jerking drama it caused or did Jane Seymore off her mom, she is Dr Quinn Medicine Woman after all, so that she could win points with the judges. The whole thing was pretty fucking suspect and all the judges were nice to her after her dance, because none of them wanted to look like heartless bastards.

I remember when I used to use my mom’s death to get me passing marks in English class because I was a Mexican immigrant I couldn’t really write much more than “MY MOM DIED BE NICE”.

Point of all this is to say this Jane Seymour bitch looks like a fucking clown in this outfit, she is 56 years old and looks like she’s made of plastic, but not the good kind of plastic, more like the pastic wrap I used to take off of cheese slices to tape to my dick as a makeshift condom…I’m crafty like that.

Related Posts:

Mel B’s Ass Leaving Dancing With the Stars Rehearsals
Mel B’s Tits for Dancing With the Stars
Stacy Keibler Thinks She’s Avril Lavigne
Stacy Keibler Plays Volleyball in Shorts Pictures

Posted in:cleavage|Dancing With the Stars|Jane Seymour|Plastic Surgery|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

So some dude emailed me telling me that I am a Charles Bukowski rip off and that I am doing a bad fucking job of ripping him off because I fucking suck. I didn’t know who Charles Bukowski was before I started this site. About a year and a half in, someone told me I was a cheap rip off of him, then another person told me the same thing, then I asked this dude who reads the site who is some kind of English Major or some shit in university and he told me that I am nothing like him because I don’t know how to write and that my readers should get their dicks out of their hands and onto some books. I ended up picking up one of Bukowski’s books to see why people thought I was a rip off, I don’t really know how to read, I think it’s a learning disorder or some shit and only got through the first couple of pages and threw the book aside to seduce unsuspecting girls from Orange County over email.

Point is to say, I am not a Bukowski rip off because I have never read his shit. I don’t watch TV, I don’t watch movies, I don’t read and I sure as hell hope he was a better writer than me because dude was published and let’s face it, I never will be. So take that asshole accusing me of ripping off someone when I’m all me baby…all 350 pounds of me….now sit on my face and click on my links cuz they are the best links on the Internet that I stole from this asshole named Bukowski and reclaimed it as my own…cocksucker.

Download the New Radiohead – In Rainbows – Leak
GO

Pregnant Nicole Richie in a Bikini With Her Piece of Shit Baby Daddy
GO

Pornstar or Popstar?
GO

A little Teen Wolf Featuring Liz Taylor Video Because Bitch is Crazy
GO

Britney Gets Topless in the Uncensored Gimme More Video
GO

UPS Saves Lives Video
GO

Katherine Heigl’s Sister Doesn’t Look Like Her
GO

Jeri Lee and DJ Ladytribe Half Naked a Whoring
GO

Ashley Tisdale’s Good To be Me Video
GO

Some Chick Named Caroline Murphey’s Sex Tape
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Holly Madison Got a Promotion…
GO

Some Fat Dude Singing Video
GO

Scarlett Johansson In Panties for November Elle Spread
GO

Lohan is Going Be Playing a Playboy Bunny in a New Movie
GO

Hayden Panettiere Getting Raped on Set of Heroes in a Cheerleading Uniform
GO

A Little Katie Holmes Is Ugly Action
GO

Chloe Sevigny See-Through Dress Action
GO

Victoria Beckham’s Hard Tits
GO

Halle Berry’s Pregnancy Tits
GO

Lohan’s Post Rehab Interview
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Jordan Wants New Fake-American Style Tits For Christmas
GO

The Paris Hilton Diary Excerpt She Read on Larry King Was Sent in By A Fan…Hysterical…
GO

Some Chick With Big Tits in a Mesh Top
GO

Rosario Dawson’s Legs in Bust Magazine
GO

Eliza Dushku Gallery
GO

Hayden Panettiere And Her Strange Friend
GO

Teacher Gets Fired For Shaking Her Ass In Class
GO

Avril Lavigne’s Hot Video
GO

Kid Rock’s Advice to Rick Salomon about Marrying Pam Anderson
GO

Britney Passes Her Drug Test
GO

People Fucking On Top of a Bridge
GO

Some Danica Patrick Slutty Poses With a Hot Rod
GO

Jennifer Garner is Boring as Shit…Actually Some of My Shits are More Exciting Than Jennifer Garner…
GO

Britney Spears Used to Beat K-Fed But She Paid Him Enough Money To Pretty Much Do Anything she Wanted to Him…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart Video
GO

Some Interview with Elodie Otto from The Hills, Since You’re Already Jerking Off to Her, You Might As Well Hear What She Has to Say
GO

The XXXChurch is Fighting Jerking Off Because They Think It’s the Biggest Sin by Introducing National Porn Sunday….
GO

Some Fresh Off the Press Nude Lucy Pinder 2008 Calendar Pictures
GO

New Gemma Atkinson Bikini Pictures
GO

Some Chick Named Roxeanne Pallett in a Bikini
GO

Some Dude Named Bill Ricchini’s mp3 that Will be on Grey’s Anatomy, Because You’re a Closet Case….
GO

Some “The Media is Fucking With Our Kids To be Hot” Video…I Say Keep It Up Because I’m Tired of All The Fat People….
GO

Some Photobucket Chicks Posing In Their Bras and Shit….
GO

Talkin’ Dirty in the Bedroom – What Women Want…
GO

Some Chick Named Magda Gomex Topless Pics
GO

Watch the Sean O’Donnell Show Because He Always Cries To Me on IM to Link His Shit….and If He Becomes Famous I want Him To Remember I Got Him There…
GO

Caballero Classics is a Whole Lot of 70s and 80s Porn
GO

Sex is Good – Use This Spray to Get Laid
GO

Hot Topless Beach Pics
GO

More Hot Topless Beach Pics
GO

Asphyxiation Fetish Gone Wrong…Fucked Up…
GO

Japanese Ass Squirting Distance Olympics
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Rihanna’s Dog’s Got the Coolest Job of the Day

No Comments »

Rihanna is one of those girls who I watch sing and think about how badly I wish she was using my mic for a dick. I mean my dick for a mic. The reason she gets me going is because she is a hot black girl who isn’t all eyes and teeth, she’s like some Caribbean mix from when the white man rape the locals and it looks good. She is the first black girl I ever really wanted to since Aunt Jamima broke my heart. I was really only into her because she was a provider and had big tits and makes good pancakes and owns some kind of empire and I woulda totally be fucking her wallet and living the good life, but then I realized that bitch didn’t exist and was a figment of my imagination fueled by her hot pic on a box in my cupboard, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated and couldn’t look at another black girl the same until this bitch Rihanna came along.

The funny thing about Rihanna is that she’s carrying this dog around with her everywhere she goes. I am jealous of the fucker because not only does he get to follow her around, see her naked, accidentally sniff her cunt, watch her shit and suck dick and shower and everything you’d want to see her do, but he also gets to lick her dirty panties and eat her used tampons, and there’s nothing more that I want this second than to be Rihanna’s tampon. Sure I am not all absorbent and shit, but I am not good at anything and that doesn’t stop me from trying….see how inspirational I am. If I was you I would totally turn to me for advice because ending up in the gutter isn’t that bad of a place to be as long as you’ve got cheap cigars and some kind of song and dance routine you can take to the street to make money to eat, cuz no one likes a talentless bum….

Related Posts:

Rihanna’s Got Some Fuckin’ Legs Yo….
Rihanna Hides Her Forehead But Not Her Tits…
Rihanna Performing in Latex
Rihanna Rocks a Onesy Pictures