DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

11

Sep

I am – Lisa Rinna Grabbing Her Tits of the Day

I was never really into this bitch because she’s pretty unknown and I was too busy getting drunk and getting in trouble during the Melrose Place years. I did know a group of crackheads who were hooked on the shit but I did what I could to stay away because getting caught up in a TV show is almost as depressing as never having a career after a TV show. Either way, bitch knows what she’s good for and distracts us from her busted chpped up plastic surgery ridden face by playing with her tits like they are nintendo.

I just spent the last 20 minutes watching some hot chick in tight pants trying to change a light bulb in a women’s clothing store. She was standing on a ladder that didn’t reach so her attempt involved a lot of stretching, bending, squeezing and climbing up and down a step-ladder. She didn’t notice me watching for the first 10 minutes but as a crowd formed around me and we all watched her like she was a shitty adult soap opera she realized and wasn’t too happy. Some asshole tried to be the hero and went in to help her probably in hopes of getting her number while ruining it for the rest of us, but it was probably one of the hottest things I’ve seen all day and inspired me to get back to the gym to watch girls taking yoga classes because it is better than porn.

Here are Lisa Rinna Grabbing her fake tits pics while making sex faces, not sex faces I’ve ever seen, when I used to fuck girls would either be sleeping, or clenching their eyes waiting for the traumatic experience to end…not because I raped them, but because they couldn’t really stomach me.

Related Posts:

Lisa Rinna in a Swimsuit Pictures
Lisa Rinna is a Hard Nippled Clown Pictures
Lisa Rinna Tit Pimple Pictures

2007

11

Sep

I am – Mary Kate Olsen on Weeds of the Day

1 Comment »

Here’s a clip o Mary Kate Olsen on the show Weeds telling some dude that she can see his boner and it reminds me of a time when I used to get boners. I have really only been unable to get it up for a couple of years now and I do get the random semi every once in a while but maybe I am just desensitized or something and looking at my fat wife naked is enough for anyone’s brain to go into defense mode so that I don’t ever make the mistake of fucking her.

There was a time when I was a teenager when drinking a couple of beers would get me hard. If I smoked a joint I’d get hard. If I took the bus to school I’d get hard. If I watched girls in bikinis I’d get hard. If I saw a girl in short I’d get hard. If I held hand with a girl I’d get hard. If I saw porn I’d get hard. When I went to the strip club I’d get hard just being there. If my friend’s mom was doing the dishes I’d get hard. If my English Teacher was writing on the board I’d get hard. Watching the girls in my calls play volleyball would get me hard. If I was alone with a chick for more than a minute I’d get hard. It was a constant erection that was tucked behind my belt. Luckily, my dick has always been so small that I never got busted or outed by anyone for having wood. I could do a class presentation in a pair of sweat pants rocking full bone and no one would fucking notice…that wasn’t such a good thing later in life when all I could offer girls was bad sex they didn’t feel, but it was a blessing when I was 15.

Related Posts:

Olsen Twin in a See-Through Top Pictures
Olsen Twin See Through Skirt Pictures
Mary Kate Olsen Kissing Her Boyfriend Pictures
Olsen Twin Nipple Pictures

Posted in:Boner|Olsen Twins|TV|Unsorted|Weeds

2007

11

Sep

I am – Mena Suvari’s Lesbian Tattoo of the Day

1 Comment »

I was trying to deny that Mena Suvari was a dyke, not because I think she’s hot and want to give her my cock, but because I don’t think lesbian haircuts mean lesbianism, but that was before I saw her tattoo of a lion, because once a bitch gets a king of the jungle cat tattooed on her you know she’s pretty much coming out of the closet, because everyone knows that cats represent cunt and lion’s represent “Super” cunt . True story.

Ok, so I am not good at telling jokes, maybe you should just go back to watching porn and I should go back to eating because I realize that writing this shit bites into valuable eating time and I also realized that when you watch porn, you’re actually getting off to the dick. Homo.

These pictures are of Mena Suvari at the Toronto Film Fest premiere of some movie called “Stuck”.

Related Posts:

Mena Suvari Ass in Workout Gear and Tits in a Sportsbra Pictures
Mena Suvari in a Bikini Pictures
Mena Suvari Topless Beach Pictures
Mena Suvari Bikini On the Beach Before She Went Dyke

Posted in:Lesbian|Mena Suvari|Tattoo|TIFF|Unsorted

2007

11

Sep

I am – Mena Suvari's Lesbian Tattoo of the Day

No Comments »

I was trying to deny that Mena Suvari was a dyke, not because I think she’s hot and want to give her my cock, but because I don’t think lesbian haircuts mean lesbianism, but that was before I saw her tattoo of a lion, because once a bitch gets a king of the jungle cat tattooed on her you know she’s pretty much coming out of the closet, because everyone knows that cats represent cunt and lion’s represent “Super” cunt . True story.

Ok, so I am not good at telling jokes, maybe you should just go back to watching porn and I should go back to eating because I realize that writing this shit bites into valuable eating time and I also realized that when you watch porn, you’re actually getting off to the dick. Homo.

These pictures are of Mena Suvari at the Toronto Film Fest premiere of some movie called “Stuck”.

Related Posts:

Mena Suvari Ass in Workout Gear and Tits in a Sportsbra Pictures
Mena Suvari in a Bikini Pictures
Mena Suvari Topless Beach Pictures
Mena Suvari Bikini On the Beach Before She Went Dyke

Posted in:Lesbian|Mena Suvari|Tattoo|TIFF|Unsorted

2007

11

Sep

I am – Madonna Rocks a Strap-On of the Day

1 Comment »

Just because these pictures surfaced of Madonna buying a strap-on dildo doesn’t mean that Madonna is going to be using the strap-on dildo on her husband and I find it pretty annoying that people are making that obvious joke just because Guy Ritchie looks a like a scared kid who is about to be punished for breaking mommy’s favorite lamp or locking his little brother in the closet for a day or maybe even for getting caught ~~fingerbanging~~ playing doctor with the neighbor or some shit….

There are a ton of possibilities for the strap on, other than it being a gift for a friend or for one of Madonna’s lesbian adventures, it’s only 6 inches big so I can assume it’s not for Madonna, I am sure her junk is built like a Fridge Box and six inches won’t touch the walls of neither ass nor pussy.

I had a friend who used to like anal play with his chick. He would go on about how amazing her finger in his ass was when getting sucked off, he’d go on about how she’d end up sticking random things in his ass and how it was amazing and at first I thought it was fucking gay and that he was implying that he wanted me in his ass so I stopped talking to him, but as time went on I learnt that assholes give pleasure and more and more people started coming out of the woodwork admitting they had ass play with their chicks, whether its a rim job or a finger or whatever.

I still thought it was weird but was curious so I tried to convince whores to lick my ass to see if it was as hype as all these people said it was. It was like when I found out that all the guys in my class were jerking off and I hadn’t picked up on it yet and dropped my inhibitions and pulled a wack. Either way, I was rejected by hookers, like dirty fucking hooker who I was willing to pay due to my hygiene issues and inability to wipe my ass properly, everytime they’d try they’d stop by saying “dude your asshole is crusted over with shit”. I finally found one whore, who was fucking down on her luck and who didn’t care and while she was eating the shit out of my ass, I got bored and I decided to fart in her face…making the experience really funny but that’s where ass play ended for me.

The point of my story is that if you have taken a finger in your ass like so many dudes have, you’re already into this kind of thing. I you marry a sexually liberated woman like Madonna, you’ve gotta be pretty sexually liberated too, and who knows maybe he’s bored of getting the finger in the ass and has worked his way through household objects and is now making the big step to taking it like a bitch, because I am sure being married to Madonna automatically makes you the bitch. I am sure he’s got no fucking choice int he matter and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, there are so many fags and closet cases and shit out there, that if you’re doing what you like and keeping it out in the open like there’s nothing to be ashamed of, then why bother dissing it, because who knows maybe they’ll end up making an instructional video on how it’s done and the only thing better than thinking Madonna fucks her man up the ass is seeing Madonna fuck her man up the ass.

I guess what it comes down to is that at least he gets pussy which is more than I can say for you and I know you find this whole post uncomfortable, but that’s only because you find yourself jerking off to the guy who works at your favorite coffee shop …. when you know that you should be jerking off to the girl….

Related Posts:

Some Madonna Nipple on the Beach Pictures
Some Madonna Hard Nipple Pictures
Some Madonna Not So Juicy Due To Menopause Pictures

Posted in:Anal|Madonna|Sex Toy|Strap-On|Unsorted

2007

11

Sep

I am – Lohan’s Rehab Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Lohan’s tits with hard nipples as she hangs out with other rich kids on coke who are probably in rehab with her coming off their own rich kid drugs of choice all while wearing skinny jeans and being hipper than any of you, which isn’t saying much because you’re a loser.

I remember when I first got into middle school, I got hooked on this one chick in my class who had tits, when the rest of the girls didn’t. I am talking real woman tits, with big real woman nipples that were always hard, we’d call it “Nip-On” because I was always fucking cool and when all the other girls were just in training bra’s trying to hide their “budding bee stings” which I am sure is a hot concept to you, but that is why you shouldn’t be a gym teacher.

Either way, we used to try to follow her around and tease her and shit because we wanted her to feel insecure about these tits she couldn’t hide so that she would end up letting one of us suck them, but the plan backfired and she just strapped down, covered up and I don’t think we saw cleavage or hard nipples out of her ever again.

Lucky for us, Lohan’s life will lead us to seeing her completely naked one day and the fact that I care enough to write about her hard nipples like a loser whose never seen hard nipples and who is so fascinated with hard nipples because girls don’t talk to him, when in reality I am the coolest motherfucker I know and I am just bad at marketing myself.

Related Posts:

stepINTERVIEW with Chauntal, the girl who plays Lohan in some Viral Video
Lohan’s Sex Scene in I Know Who Killed Me Video
Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures
Lohan’s Tit With Sienna Miller Pictures

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Rehab|Tits|Unsorted

2007

11

Sep

I am – Lohan's Rehab Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Lohan’s tits with hard nipples as she hangs out with other rich kids on coke who are probably in rehab with her coming off their own rich kid drugs of choice all while wearing skinny jeans and being hipper than any of you, which isn’t saying much because you’re a loser.

I remember when I first got into middle school, I got hooked on this one chick in my class who had tits, when the rest of the girls didn’t. I am talking real woman tits, with big real woman nipples that were always hard, we’d call it “Nip-On” because I was always fucking cool and when all the other girls were just in training bra’s trying to hide their “budding bee stings” which I am sure is a hot concept to you, but that is why you shouldn’t be a gym teacher.

Either way, we used to try to follow her around and tease her and shit because we wanted her to feel insecure about these tits she couldn’t hide so that she would end up letting one of us suck them, but the plan backfired and she just strapped down, covered up and I don’t think we saw cleavage or hard nipples out of her ever again.

Lucky for us, Lohan’s life will lead us to seeing her completely naked one day and the fact that I care enough to write about her hard nipples like a loser whose never seen hard nipples and who is so fascinated with hard nipples because girls don’t talk to him, when in reality I am the coolest motherfucker I know and I am just bad at marketing myself.

Related Posts:

stepINTERVIEW with Chauntal, the girl who plays Lohan in some Viral Video
Lohan’s Sex Scene in I Know Who Killed Me Video
Lindsay Lohan Bikini Pictures
Lohan’s Tit With Sienna Miller Pictures

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Nipples|Rehab|Tits|Unsorted

2007

11

Sep

I am – Rachel Hunter Upskirt of the Day

1 Comment »

Here is a barely there upskirt shot of Rachel Hunter that was taken sometime in her lifetime because I have a feeling they aren’t new and I can never really tell how old she is in pictures because of all the Australian sun skin damage bitch has going on. I never found this bitch hot in anyway, her body is too big and her face is too obscure looking and the sexiest thing in this picture is that ratty old Kleenex on her lap…it makes me think of all the sexy things she could have done with it before placing it there, like maybe she blew her nose, maybe she had to wipe off some kind of food that was stuck to some part of her body off, maybe she coughed something up, maybe she missed a spot when wiping her ass and now her asshole is burning and she needs to tend to it….maybe she thinks she’s getting her last period and never knows when it’s going to hit because she’s at that age where a woman’s body starts changing…

Either way, she takes a potential hot moment and ruins it, like the other day when I was taking out my garbage, I walked by the old laundry room they have set up for tennants in the building. My wife never uses them but sometimes I do because the smell of my own ass when I am working makes me want to throw up.

So I walk by the machine and there’s pair of panties on top of the dryer, so I snatch them up like it’s fucking Christmas because let’s face it finding random girl’s underwear is fucking hot. I bring them upstairs to further inspect….Now you’d think the panties you find in the laundry room would cater to some kind of fantasy and be a hot fucking moment, but I looked these fuckers over and realized just how fucking crackhead my building is. They were falling apart and covered in holes like the bitch who was wearing them was 4 sizes too big but trying to live the dream that she wasn’t and these panties were tearing apart from every angle as they tried to hold onto and cover her her fat ass. There was also some brown streak with cigarette burns on the part that would have covered her vagina and that was the moment I wished I could get boners to jerk off all over them and put them back where I found them as some kind of sick/creepy joke, but instead I just used them to wipe my ass when I was out of toilet paper.

That’s how I feel about this picture of Rachel Hunter, if I could afford a printer I would print it and wipe my ass with it because they are so bad, but I am posting it anyway, because it’s hard to be the best site on the internet that nobody reads by posting stuff people actually want to read. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Rachel Hunter Bikini Pictures
Rachel Hunter Putting Shoes On
Elle Macpherson Surfing Bikini Pictures

Posted in:Panties|Rachel Hunter|Underwear|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

11

Sep

I am – Helping Make Some Fake Britney Fan’s Fake Britney Cry For Help Famous of the Day

4 Comments »

Some homosexual kid in the corner of someone’s classroom that no one talks to because they don’t know whether he has a penis or a vagina and because he creeps them the fuck out everytime he applies his makeup when they are trying to learn, is on a quest to make him/herself famous by making a video defending Britney Spears. The reality of all this is that within an hour this dude is going to be more famous than me and potentially the next William Hung from American Idol, making appearances all over mainstream media because of one whiney homosexual video he/she made defending Britney that probably took him 5 minutes to conceptualize, film and upload because mainstream media don’t know what the fuck they are doing.

The internet annoys me because it gives people like this the chance to be famous in about 5 minutes, when they really should be “Boys Don’t Cried” in their small middle american town for being different…instead dude’s going to have an acting contract, agent and scripts sent to him within a week.

I need a viral stunt that will get me views and on the news but I think if I tried to do this, even with my highschool drama class skills I was forced to learn, I’d still never make it because I am not as weird as this asshole and because my ideas would never be this simple adding more reason to why I suck at life. It always surprises me that the people who you think suck at life harder than you because they are hemphrodites who like performing, always end up making it.

It’s just one of those things and it is worth a laugh because it is ridiculously bad, so here I am helping this cocksucker make it to where he wants to be, but luckily I only have 5 useless readers who won’t have any impact on the internet fame he’s about to receive…..

Here’s the freakshow making his parents who probably left him in a dumpster at their prom but he managed to survive proud while singing Britney’s Gimme More…

Here’s the Party Monster Talking About Pubic Hair

The Bell Video That Proves Dude’s Not Trying Way Too Fucking Hard…

Here he’s dancing to Fergie

I hate people like this because there’s nothing wrong with being a low key fag, you don’t have to be a theatrical annoying piece of shit everyone hates except your one fag hag who thinks you’re fabulous because she’s too fat to get real cock….

That’s more than enough on this cartoon character than I can handle….I had no choice but to post it but hope it ends very fucking soon.

BONUS – Youtube needs to ban this guy now….this shit is offensive…

This motherfucker was sent to me via richandbrainless but all his videos have tons of views so you’ve probably known about him for a while, remember you’re not gay if no one sees you jerking off to gay porn….or gay guys who are over the top and theatrical to justify why they love cock in their mouths…..CUDDLES….

Posted in:Britney Spears|stepFAME|Unsorted|viral

2007

11

Sep

I am – Helping Make Some Fake Britney Fan's Fake Britney Cry For Help Famous of the Day

4 Comments »

Some homosexual kid in the corner of someone’s classroom that no one talks to because they don’t know whether he has a penis or a vagina and because he creeps them the fuck out everytime he applies his makeup when they are trying to learn, is on a quest to make him/herself famous by making a video defending Britney Spears. The reality of all this is that within an hour this dude is going to be more famous than me and potentially the next William Hung from American Idol, making appearances all over mainstream media because of one whiney homosexual video he/she made defending Britney that probably took him 5 minutes to conceptualize, film and upload because mainstream media don’t know what the fuck they are doing.

The internet annoys me because it gives people like this the chance to be famous in about 5 minutes, when they really should be “Boys Don’t Cried” in their small middle american town for being different…instead dude’s going to have an acting contract, agent and scripts sent to him within a week.

I need a viral stunt that will get me views and on the news but I think if I tried to do this, even with my highschool drama class skills I was forced to learn, I’d still never make it because I am not as weird as this asshole and because my ideas would never be this simple adding more reason to why I suck at life. It always surprises me that the people who you think suck at life harder than you because they are hemphrodites who like performing, always end up making it.

It’s just one of those things and it is worth a laugh because it is ridiculously bad, so here I am helping this cocksucker make it to where he wants to be, but luckily I only have 5 useless readers who won’t have any impact on the internet fame he’s about to receive…..

Here’s the freakshow making his parents who probably left him in a dumpster at their prom but he managed to survive proud while singing Britney’s Gimme More…

Here’s the Party Monster Talking About Pubic Hair

The Bell Video That Proves Dude’s Not Trying Way Too Fucking Hard…

Here he’s dancing to Fergie

I hate people like this because there’s nothing wrong with being a low key fag, you don’t have to be a theatrical annoying piece of shit everyone hates except your one fag hag who thinks you’re fabulous because she’s too fat to get real cock….

That’s more than enough on this cartoon character than I can handle….I had no choice but to post it but hope it ends very fucking soon.

BONUS – Youtube needs to ban this guy now….this shit is offensive…

This motherfucker was sent to me via richandbrainless but all his videos have tons of views so you’ve probably known about him for a while, remember you’re not gay if no one sees you jerking off to gay porn….or gay guys who are over the top and theatrical to justify why they love cock in their mouths…..CUDDLES….

Posted in:Britney Spears|stepFAME|Unsorted|viral