I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

06

Aug

I am – Challenged of the Day

I used to be friends with this group of girls a bit older then me that were all in college together for social work. I’m not sure why I hung out with them, since all they did was argue with each other like the bitches that they were, and sit around in their underwear, which was useless in the end, because when I even so much as suggested making out or getting naked, they would get all uptight. I figured since they were in college, they would be into that type of thing, but I guess I was wrong, or they were just boring. Probably the latter.

Anyways, they used to get pretty pissed when I referred to “Challenged People” as retards. They would whine that it wasn’t politically correct and blah blah blah and generally just try to make me feel bad about it. One of them, who was the ring leader kind of, tried to steal my boyfriend this one time, but she got cancer, which for some reason accelerated the growth of her already huge ass. The Cancer went away, but the ass didn’t.

I still think the word retard is funny, and really don’t give a shit. Retards are pretty funny too, so is Cancer.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

06

Aug

I am – Slutty School Girls on Set and Random Blind Item of the Day

blake_lively_header.jpg

I’ve been sitting on this whore post for a few days, because it involves maybe outing a celebrity, and I’m pretty sure Jesus’ legal team consists of himself and a homeless guy he dresses up in suit he stole from the Thrift Shop. So when we get to the juice, I’m gonna treat this as a Blind Item.

Last week me and Dutch friend went from bar to bar rubbing up against losers for drinks as they drooled over our tits, then we would split. We finally landed at a rooftop bar where these Spanish cunts were all to happy to foot the bill. I got the short one with a shaved head (free drinks, bottom line) who claimed he was an architect. Shaved Head kept pointing to this ridiculous building he worshipped, a glass eyesore i call ‘the place where cubicles go to die.’ Dutch friend got the hotter metrosexual.

The conversation rolled around to me talking about Cruise’s gay rumors, because fucking and celebrities are my life. If only I could combine the two… Suddenly Shaved Head gets coy, saying his fag-model friend blows some huge actor. He won’t tell. I move in closer, put my hand on his chest, make a guess. I press my body up against his, guess. I nibble his ear, guess. I teasingly kiss the side of his mouth, guess. I snake my hand down to his crotch, stroke it, guess. Shit I am FRUSTRATED. So I just lay one long, wild kiss on this bitch and graze his tonsels with my tongue. He spills it. Let’s just say this allegedly “likes being sucked off by gay Spanish models” actor got his start alongside very vocal fastfood and likes canines.

NOW, I think Shaved Head is a liar for the following reasons: 1) I checked every board and there’s never been a gay rumor about this actor, 2) I named every hot piece in Hollywood so Shaved Head had to think of someone after i raped his face, 3) guys will invent anything to plow your pussy, and 4) this actor is a womanizer and has dated many non-beard, hot actresses.

My take: who gives a shit anyway, a blow is a blow, it’s all just mouth and penis. And I worship this legend either way…. The night ends with the Spanish cunts dragging us to some bar they promise has sangria. We stop at traffic lights for heavy petting and sucking face. We get there and the bar is closed, but suspiciously near his apartment. Me and Dutch friend decline because they weren’t hot or fun enough to slam, and we weren’t getting anymore free drinks out of these bastards.

Now you know I love gossip, and i know you have naughty school girl fantasies. So here is Blake Lively (“…Traveling Pants”) and Taylor Momsen (?) looking oh-so Catholic school on the set of the new flick “Gossip Girls.” Based on these pics, I imagine their characters are pretty slutty. So you Canadians can beat off to both Taylor and Blake, since they are both of age in your country. Americans, you’re only allowed to pleasure yourself with Blake because she is the only one legal in this country. But that never stoped you with Hayden Panetierre.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE



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I am – Sophie Anderton at Some Fashion Show of the Day
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Posted in:Blake Lively|Legs|Sluts|Taylor Momsen|Unsorted

2007

06

Aug

I am – Britney Spears Pillsbury Dough Ass of the Day

Britney Spears

I ended up going to this house party of a guy I know who lives in this loft that is pretty much nicer then any place I have ever hung out in and definitely nicer then any place I will ever live in. Hes a pretty good friend of mine, so doesn’t mind it when we go over to hang out, or when he finds me in the kitchen pretending like I live there, if only for a minute or two, because I will never get to live in a place like that ever.

There was this weird couple there who were getting ready to leave the city for some reason that has sipped my mind, that had the biggest bag of cocaine I have ever seen in life. You know those ugly couples that show up at parties, and at the end of the night, you all talk about it and realize none of you know them and it becomes this big mystery where they came from? This was them.

Anyways, I couldnt really tell you how much coke it was, because when your a cute young girl, you don’t buy drugs, they are just given to you. Therefore you end up a) having no idea the quantities of things like that and b) not knowing how much it costs. Everybody I know complians that coke is a shit drug cause its expensive, but since I don’t pay for it, I can’t really identify with that. I like uppers, not downers, and if you’re giving them to me for free I will take them.

Anyways, this dude was a drug dealer, which didn’t take long for anyone to figure out, since he kept just like talking about his shit all god damned night, regardless if the direction of the conversation brought us around to his current profession or not. It reminded me that I really fucking hate most drug dealers. Some of these assholes will run around talking and gloating about what they do, pulling out wads of hundreds of dollars and flashing their fucking money around, then complain when they get caught. I still did their free coke until around 8am, and met some guy I think I will likely have sex with in the near future, so overall, it was a good night.

Here’s Britney Spears, her ass reminds me of the ass of the girlfriend of the drug dealer.


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Posted in:Britney Spears|Unsorted

2007

03

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

21.bmp

Well its been a hell of a week that’s for sure. Today was a huge pain the ass for Nell and I. I still haven’t sorted out the photo thing quite yet, so sit tight, I know the fucking adds and all the bullshit is annoying. Jesus is out trying to get erections from chinese hookers and not answering his emails. Not much i can until then. Thanks for your patience, and things should be fixed by monday, and Fatass makes his grand old return on Tuesday I believe.

Some readers emailed asking me to write on the weekends, but this weekend is DEF not going to be one of them, unless Lohan kills somebody drunk driving or something to that effect, but I have a feeling I will be way to bombed to even know or care who lohan is.

Here’s the links for Friday. Thanks for reading, ya filthy animals.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


Who’d you rather?
GO

3 drunks chicks
GO

Friday night = Get Laid
GO

Lindsay says the darndest things
GO

Paula Abdul is nuts!
GO

The TRUE story of christmas
GO

Biggest mouth ever. Too bad he’s not a chick, cause like, you know…
GO

DONT DO ICE!
GO

Katy Lawler upskirt
GO

Sunny Leone like whoa!!!
GO

A J-Porn miracle
GO

when sex goes bad
GO

Women in the kitchen
GO

Guess who did a striptease for Carson Daly?
Except she didnt really strip, so it was just more of a tease
GO

Rock, Paper, Scissors, RAT TRAP!
GO

Madonna being embarressed of dirty pictures is like a hooker being ashamed that she caught an STD
GO

Heidi Klum hates the Beckhams, therefore, I love Heidi Klum
GO

Courtney Love cleans up well
GO

Britney Spears = Staying classy as always
GO

The best of Stacy
GO

Girl on Girl action, cause I know you will never see it in real life, virgin
GO

OJ Prank calls
GO

Eddie’s Exes team up
GO

Ving Rhames dog may have killed somebody
GO

Megan Fox is no lidsay Lohan. Thank God
GO

Friday Foolishness
GO

Skater falls 50 feet
GO

Angelina and Maddox, cause that kid is too fucking cool
GO

LeeAnn Tweeden like whoa
GO

Guy sucked into Jet Engine prank
GO

Bam Margera kicks footballs at cars
GO

TEXT HERE
GO

More skater drama
GO

Mississippi bridge collapse on video
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart
GO

Scarlett Johansson Louis Vuitton ads
GO

So he DID snort Daddy!!
GO

Rod Stwearts son is being sued
GO

alec Baldwin hates daughter; Loves seacows
GO

Tara Reid is still smart
GO

Get Laid Tonight, I know Im going to
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

03

Aug

I am – Beggin for a Misdemenor of the Day

I always liked skateboarding, not because of the tricks, but mostly because I think people falling over and over again is really, really funny. The only thing that would have make this video better was watching them get arrested and beaten by the cops.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

03

Aug

I am – Billie Piper Side Boob and Near Nip-Slip of the Day

Billie Piper

I got home in the wee hours from my make-out and martini bender (i already told you about it). I decided I should probably put a lil something in the belly because I don’t want ulcers (my Korean ex-roomate got ulcers from being a party-slut legend on both sides of the ocean). Since I was fucking wrecked and could barely walk straight, I thought the boy shorts I use as underwear were a fine choice for running out into the street and stumbling into the bodega a block away (seriously, these shorts shrunk so much in the wash they can’t even pass as daisy dukes). I also thought the T-shirt I sleep in didn’t need a bra, even though it’s so old it’s see-through.

Me and my camel-toe bought some wheat thins. I could tell the Chinese dude behind the counter was a little shocked, not by the fact that i was half naked and nippley, but by the fact that i wasn’t buying a 40 of Corona, which is what i usually do when i visit his fine cash-only shit-shack. I lost a $2 flip-flop on the way home, but didn’t care since a shoe that can’t stay on my foot when I am hammered isn’t worth having. I don’t mind going partially barefoot because i don’t mind riding bareback, which i plan on doing this weekend, and you just might get to hear about it.

This morning i arrived an hour late to work and threw up in the bathroom. This party slut diet is working wonders, but i hate puking. I am still feeling a little drunk and hungover, but at least I remembered to button my shirt before i showed up to work, unlike this Brit actress Billie Piper on the set of her new movie (whatever that is). Billie was Rose Tyler on “Doctor Who.” Now go fantasize about playing doctor with Billie. Imagine giving her a breast exam.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Posted in:Billie Piper|Nip Slip|Tit|Unsorted

2007

03

Aug

I am – Throwback Topless Samantha Fox of the Day

Samantha Fox

Yesterday I got in a street fight with one of those college cunts that stand around trying to get you to sign some worthless petition for animal rights, greenpeace, whatever. They usually come in pairs, work 5 hours for $2/hr, which means they have to be trust-fund fuckers from Connecticut who just didn't feel like the office internship daddy setup. Instead, they decided to work on their tan while boosting their resume with "humanitarian" bullshit, and use that hard earned 10 dollars for a cab back to their parents' city penthouse getaway.

I was on my way to the bank to cash my hooker-relapse check, when this blonde petition bitch says something about "Do you want to help Gay Rights?" I ignore her because i got places to go. Behind my back petition bitch mutters "Fine, Ignore me." I went into fuck you mode.

I told her "That's your job, to be ignored. I support gay rights by not voting for Republicans. I don't have time to sign your useless petition because i got rent to pay. And that comment behind my back was pretty fucking tactless." I stormed away and petition bitch was stunned. Pussies like her never expect people to fight back.

I was still angry and called my guy friend who works down the street and vented about that little twat. An hour later, he calls me back and said he dragged petition bitch behind a dumpster and raped her. I don't like rape jokes, but I liked that one.

Here is Samantha Fox being blonde like that petition bitch. This Brit is an old playmate from 1993, who got her 'modeling' career started at 16 in 1983 when her mom sent pictures she took of Samantha posing in lingerie on her bed to some newspaper. Classy (at least my mom didn't introduce me to my pimp). She had some sort of music career with a hit called "Touch Me, I want your Body." Now go touch yourself because you want her body the way it was back then so you can ram each and every opening with your virgin prick.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

Posted in:Samantha Fox|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

03

Aug

I am – Some Topless Model and Hating Life of the Day

Aida

So I spent the all of yesterday and pretty much all of the evening trying to get my computer fixed as at one point during the day, it just shut off. After taking it to a tech guy I was informed that not only did the hard drive die, but I lost everything on my computer. I spent the rest of the day trying sort out all the log in stuff for the site as well as borrowing a computer from a friend.
Some friends stopped by around midnight, and thankfully dragged me out for a booze and drug filled night until 6AM, which some say is irresponsible, but at this point I really don’t give a fuck. My life was on that computer and now it is gone. All this situation did was confirm to me what I have known all along. I hate this world and everything in it.

So here’s some topless pictures of some chick named Aida something-or-other. In the end her last name doesn’t matter because it bares no effect on your wanking fantasies and habits, and I am way to hungover and frustrated with this site to care.

Our photos can’t be hosted on our server right now, so bear with the bullshit ads on the side for today.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:Topless|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

03

Aug

I am – Leelee Sobieski and Tricia Helfer in PVC of the Day

LeeLee

After I lived with 1.5 legged Melanie in Community College, I roomed with the Queen Mother of fat sluts: picture Brooke Hogan plus 70 lbs and size A tits, crossed with Winnie the Pooh. Fucking Winnie the Pooh: she not only wore his face but covered her THREE QUARTERS of our room with Tigger and that shit. I think if I ever had a justifiable case for arsen, this would have been it, and no jury would convict me after meeting this bitch we’ll call “Cassie.”

Ahhh the cunt in Cassie. She would have three pretty hot guys over in one night for sloppy sex, sometimes they would be going as another was coming, and not seem to get it, or mind the other dude’s fresh wet spooge on her Pooh sheets. She wasn’t even getting paid, stupid bitch. She sex-xiled me constantly, which is fine because I had no desire to watch this slag come and fill the room with the smell of her fat steamy twat.

This borderline obese bitch reminded me that no matter how big and busted a chick is, she can nail a hot guy just by getting up in his face because guys are lazy. They don’t give a shit about the fatrolls hanging out of her backless shirt because the hot girl across the room = effort. Most will shove their cock in aggressive roadkill with tits as long as they don’t have to make the first move. What’s funny is that while they’re slamming fat Cassie’s size 18 ass in the bathroom stall, the hot girl from across the room is just as slutty and they could be pounding her if they had just got up and said “Hi, let’s fuck.” Joke’s on them. And the hot girl for being a pussy. And fat Cassie for simply being fat Cassie

Here is Leelee Sobieski in some PVC and fishnets not looking like fat Cassie, with the exception of the hair. The other chick is Tricia Helfer (Battlestar Galactica) who’s usually smoke’n, but she looks like she has about 20 years and 20 rounds of Botox on Sobieski here. Now have fun trying to bust one over the only photo I could find of this tame hooker/S&M shoot with the girl from “Eyes Wide Shut” and her aging aunt.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

Posted in:Leelee Sobiesky|Lingerie|Unsorted

2007

03

Aug

I am – stepUPDATE of the Day

Alright Ladies and Gents, were going to up and running very shortly. Do to matter beyond our control our photos cannot be hosted on our own server today, but will be hosted nonetheless.

Thanks for your patience, you’ll have some new stuff to read and photos to whack off to in no time!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Posted in:Sucking|Unsorted