DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

30

Jul

I am – Amy Alexandra Topless of the Day

Amy Alexandra

My keeper (he’s been bankrolling my box) sent me alone on a weekend break from my paid vacation to LA. I spent it in San Diego because I like their beaches better than LA’s. Also, since I live in NY, I can’t afford to go to the Hamptons because sand and surf is for rich trust-fund fuckers and the cunts that spit them out, so San Diego was like a 48 hour beach-gasm.

I blacked out after getting drunk in the Gaslight District. I woke up in some blonde tattooed guy’s bed (not into blondes or tattoos). This happens alot. I patted myself on the back though because what i could see of his body was slender but toned and his face was cute. As I quietly gathered my clothes, I noticed a cape, helmet, and what can only be described as super-hero accessories in the corner.

Yeah… I fucked one of the virgin-basement dwellers in town for the Comic Convention. Good news for you: I might have fucked one of you readers. Bad news for you: by the time you get home, your mom will have turned your basement pad into a sewing room and moved your cum-stained mattress into the garage. You won’t care because you have a bunch of new shiny whatever-Man comics to read in between jacking off to these topless pictures of Amy Alexandra from UK Big Brother 8. Just don’t get your man-milk all over your new merchandise because it will decrease its value. No ebay buyer will want to pay $300 for your soiled comic book in 15 years.

Which ever one of you I fucked, kudos for breaking the mold: you were neither fat nor busted, rather svelt I might say. I don’t know how good you were, because I don’t remember.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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Posted in:Amy Alexandra|Big Brother|Tits|Topless|Unsorted

2007

30

Jul

I am – Nell McAndrew Bikini Pics of the Day

9 Comments »

Nell McAndrew

I get pretty sick of posting stars in bikiniâ€™s by the pool all day sometimes, because it pretty much makes me hate every last one of them.

I havenâ€™t been in a pool in a few years now that I think about it. Thereâ€™s public pools around but the thought of all the 4 year olds pissing and then swimming around in their own piss while they put water in their mouths to spit it at their friends pretty much makes me want to puke.

Since Iâ€™m not ten anymore, I donâ€™t have a kid I can pretend to be friends with in order to swim in his pool (man those were the days!!!), and since most people generally annoy the hell out of me anyways, I donâ€™t think I would do a very good job at pretending. Maybe Iâ€™ll just put on my bikini and sit in the bathtub.

I don’t know who Nell McAndrew is, but she is in the sun, by the pool, in a bikini, which means if I know anything, it’s that I hate her already.

Hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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2007

30

Jul

I am – Jaime Pressly the Birthday Whore of the Day

1 Comment »

Jaime Pressly

One thing Julien, our Token Gay Blogger, and I have always bonded on is that we both came from shitty homes with no money and even less morals and values. That being said, we love who we are, don’t deny it for a minute. Seriously, we wouldn’t change a thing. Okay maybe the money part.

This is what Jaime Pressly chose to wear on her birthday, which goes to show that no matter what happens, people never change. I donâ€™t care how many fucking Emmy nominations she gets, she is and will always remain a white trash slut.

Now, Iâ€™m just as whorish as she is. You know that old STD slogan that goes something like â€œyouâ€™re not just having sex with that person but with everyone that theyâ€™ve ever been withâ€?. If thatâ€™s true, if you have sex with me your pretty much just fucked 3/4 of the gays in the metropolitan area. Having sex with me is pretty much the equivalent of picking up a half-eaten burger on the street and finishing it. I’m that used. And hey, Iâ€™m also fairly trashy. I come from the kind of household were Cool Ranch Doritios are fancy hors dâ€™oeuvres and Miracle Whip is used as salad dressing.

But ultimately I am superior to her because the difference between me and Jaime is that while I am self-proclaimed white trash slut, I donâ€™t fucking flaunt it. Iâ€™m not going to wear a fishnet bodysuit with a big whole in the butt cheek and makeup that makes me look like a Cuban hooker. Everyone knows that Iâ€™m trashy; I donâ€™t have to rub it in their faces. Sometimes subtlety goes a long way.

I know saying this to somebody who was in the movie Joe Dirt is pointless, but Jaime, for the love of god, have a little class.

Smooch!

Julien

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2007

30

Jul

I am – Kendra Wilkinson’s Days Are Numbered of the Day

6 Comments »

Kendra Wilkinson

Recap: Old client WR flew me to LA for his 50th to nail me for cash. WR puts me up in a hotel, which is weird since I slept over in my hooker days. He hurriedly shows me his Brentwood estate, avoiding the bedroom. I ask for a glass of water. Maybe we can do a quick slam over the breakfast table? My gift to him: I’m generous like that. I hop up on the kitchen counter, flashing some panty. WR keeps his distance. I notice a pad by the phone with a number and a restaurant scribbled in frilly female writing (?).

I’m not invited to the birthday bash, but he’ll pick me up later… It’s 3:30 am and he’s finally fucking me bent over the rail of his boat in Marina del Rey. I’m staring into the dark water while he pinches my nipples. Realization: I am a kept woman. I am not in control. I cut him off, grab his balls and confront… Cunt is dating a gold-digger bent on killing my plan of him dying childless/ alone from his cholesterol issue. I don’t want to marry the douche, I just want to be the hot piece he remembers while writing his will in between strokes.

I squeeze his balls harder, angry: the contact we kept over the years was a waste. He’s not the lonely twat I knew. He’s about to nest. I’m the lonely one now, making out in bars with guys who buy me drinks. I hate him… So I push him to the deck and savagely bone him in ways his new princess never will… I come hard and he pinches a nerve in his back… In the car, he tells me I can have the weekend off, but to be on call Monday night. So I went to San Diego and did the only thing a kept woman at the end of the line can do: spend the weekend slut’n it up in a bar.

Here is Kendra Wilkinson slut’n it up in a bar in Chicago Friday night because she is a kept woman playing second fiddle to Hef’s obvious favorite girlfriend, Holly Madison. Like mine, her days are numbered. I feel her pain. Not really. She is busted in the face and dumber than dirt.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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2007

30

Jul

I am – Kendra Wilkinson's Days Are Numbered of the Day

No Comments »

Kendra Wilkinson

Recap: Old client WR flew me to LA for his 50th to nail me for cash. WR puts me up in a hotel, which is weird since I slept over in my hooker days. He hurriedly shows me his Brentwood estate, avoiding the bedroom. I ask for a glass of water. Maybe we can do a quick slam over the breakfast table? My gift to him: I’m generous like that. I hop up on the kitchen counter, flashing some panty. WR keeps his distance. I notice a pad by the phone with a number and a restaurant scribbled in frilly female writing (?).

I’m not invited to the birthday bash, but he’ll pick me up later… It’s 3:30 am and he’s finally fucking me bent over the rail of his boat in Marina del Rey. I’m staring into the dark water while he pinches my nipples. Realization: I am a kept woman. I am not in control. I cut him off, grab his balls and confront… Cunt is dating a gold-digger bent on killing my plan of him dying childless/ alone from his cholesterol issue. I don’t want to marry the douche, I just want to be the hot piece he remembers while writing his will in between strokes.

I squeeze his balls harder, angry: the contact we kept over the years was a waste. He’s not the lonely twat I knew. He’s about to nest. I’m the lonely one now, making out in bars with guys who buy me drinks. I hate him… So I push him to the deck and savagely bone him in ways his new princess never will… I come hard and he pinches a nerve in his back… In the car, he tells me I can have the weekend off, but to be on call Monday night. So I went to San Diego and did the only thing a kept woman at the end of the line can do: spend the weekend slut’n it up in a bar.

Here is Kendra Wilkinson slut’n it up in a bar in Chicago Friday night because she is a kept woman playing second fiddle to Hef’s obvious favorite girlfriend, Holly Madison. Like mine, her days are numbered. I feel her pain. Not really. She is busted in the face and dumber than dirt.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

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2007

30

Jul

I am – Bianca Gasciogne Lingerie Pics of the Day

3 Comments »

Bianca Gasciogne

I ended up watching some movie on the weekend where some kid ends up with brain cancer at the end and dies and blah, blah, blah and everyone I was watching it with was really sad and all that bullshit while I just sat there not really feeling anything about it, because unlike my idiot friends, I donâ€™t get all upset when watching stories about fucking make believe. Itâ€™s called ACTING you fucking tards.

To make matters worse, it got all â€œthese are the things we need to do if we ever only have a short time to liveâ€? etc, which is fucking bullshit, because you shouldnâ€™t wait till you are fucking sick to do those things, you should fucking do them NOW.

Anyways, I was so annoyed with this god damned situation that I told them all if I get Cancer, Iâ€™m gonna sit in my bedroom and hate this world and everything in it. I wouldnâ€™t want any visitors or well wishers and no fucking Chemo either.. I wouldnâ€™t fight at all and would want that shit to kill me as fast as possible and would also smoke more cigarettes in hopes of accelerating the cancer, thereby killing me faster. They launched into the whole cancer isnâ€™t funny thing, and thatâ€™s when I made a break for it.

Hereâ€™s Bianca Gasciogne. Sheâ€™s the girl you would like to fuck if you had Cancer and only had a short time to live, cause you are a virgin and will use any excuse to get laid.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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2007

27

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

5 Comments »

stepLINK July 27/07

I’d love to write something funny here and see you all off for the weekend, but I’ll be honest. My friend just showed up here with a case of beer and we are going to get shit faced.

Have a nice weekend, assholes.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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Soccer Holligans fuck some shit up
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Lion eats some poor bastard
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Angelina jealous over Gwenyth Paltrow…sure
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Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Jul

I am – High, and This Dolls Hand is Freaking Me the Fuck Out of the Day

12 Comments »

I used to smoke a lot of weed and eat mushrooms all the time. I loved the feeling of my reality being completely altered and not being able to tell what was real and what wasnâ€™t. Then about a year ago I had to stop, cause shit started to get really fucking scary. All the positive hippy vibes that made me love shit like that in the first place were replaced with dark hallucinations coupled with extreme panic, paranoia, and delusions that can’t even be explained. Now I just stick to booze, coke and cigarettes, and I don’t really get The Fear anymore. This video brings back some bad memories though.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Ever Martinez

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

27

Jul

I am – Heather Graham and Meth Addicts of the Day

No Comments »

Heather Graham
Thereâ€™s something to be said about knowing and admitting who you are to those around you. Jesus will be the first to admit that heâ€™s a fat, impotant piece of shit, for instance. Julien, our token gay blogger, will never argue the fact that he is a flaming queen that is scared of bugs and mice. Julienâ€™s friend, however, needs to take a fucking cueâ€¦.

So I have a friend that has a little problem with crystal meth and itâ€™s getting out of hand. I know, I know, itâ€™s such a clichÃ©; gay guy is addicted to meth and fucks lots of but sometimes clichÃ©s exist for a reason. So my other friends want to tell his parents and have some fucking intervention type thing so he can go to rehab. Now, I donâ€™t have too much sympathy for this little faggot, I mean Iâ€™ve done meth before and Iâ€™m stupid enough to become a fucking addict and even if I was an addict I would do what any self respecting WASP would do and keep it inside and personal. My Mom hass been addicted to painkillers for years and nobody really knows because she doesnâ€™t fucking broadcast it. I also think that rehab is fucking bullshit, if it
doesnâ€™t work for Lohan how is it going to work for my friend?

Anyway, the big problem is that his parents donâ€™t know that heâ€™s gay and if we have this intervention it would definitely come out and we need his parents because they are rich or something and they can pay for the rehab. Again, I donâ€™t see what the problem is because we are talking about one of the biggest faggots I know, heâ€™s gayer than Christmas. He dyes his hair, he wears way too much jewelry, he has a fucking lisp and, most importantly, heâ€™s a fucking meth addict.

Only fags and soccer momâ€™s are meth addicts and this guy doesnâ€™t drive no Windstar. So if he was worried about his parents finding out heâ€™s gay, heâ€™s really not doing a good job. This guy is doing a really shitty job acting straight. But heâ€™s still a better actor than Heather Graham.

Smooch!

Julien

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2007

27

Jul

I am – Gemma Atkinson Almost Naked of the Day

2 Comments »

Gemma Atkinson

I went on a date last night with this guy who seemed pretty nice when I met him but not really my type so to speak. He ended up taking me to this fucking frat boy bar where 90% of the kids have just moved out of their houses and are spending their parents money to get wasted and not get up for the college classes their parents also paid for.

So needless to say Iâ€™m stuck sitting between him and this other dude, listening them talk about college fucking football (of course) and, hating my life and wondering why I always end up with these fucking losers, and of course trying to think of a way to get out of this situation, because I hate jock fucks. The climax came when they asked me if I would be interested in letting them tag team me and got all bro-type-high-five-shit and like Iâ€™m not really into that because more often then not the dudes are closet gays more interested in seeing each other naked then me.

I ended up asking where the bathroom was and when I found it I noticed there was a door to the back alley of this place and before you could say beer bong, I was out of the place like a fucking bolt of lightning. I ended up going to some shitty bar down the street from my place and going home with some hott random dude to fuck all night , so all is well that ends well. I didn’t get his phone number or give him mine, and it’s probably better that way

Hereâ€™s Gemma Atkinson.

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

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