DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

29

Jun

I am – Jodie Sweetin Goes to the Pink Taco Opening Party of the Day

So this is that meth-head Jodie Sweetin who was Stephanie Tanner on Full House when she was a kid. She always took the backseat to the Olsens and from the way I see it, she was just an accessory to making them billionaires, while leaving her in the corner hating herself so much, unable to get work and turning to smoking meth. Think about it, you’re on the same show as these cunts and they don’t even have a fucking talking role because they are still in diapers, but for some reason they still build a fucking empire out of it, while you just fizzle off into nowhere, living in your parents shitty house they bought with your money, your big tits and all, you’d be hurting too…

Reality is that her tits are so fucking stacked that there is no way she was ever really addicted to meth. The way she can barely fit into her jeans makes me think it was some E! True Hollywood lie to get her back into the public eye, land her some interviews on TV and in Magazines and give her the opportunity to show the world she’s still around and by still around I mean her massive tits. This Bitch is all big and bubbly and trying to make a comeback. all the meth addicts I’ve known have had ratty fucking skin, emaciated meth bodies, no tits, yellow meth eyes and have been shaky, speedy, itchy anxiety ridden. I don’t think there is anyway that this bitch was on meth, I think it’s a way to launch a K-Mart product line and series of children’s books.

Either way, she is at the opening of Retard Harry Morton’s restaurant/club called Pink Taco. He’s Lohan’s ex boyfriend, son of the owner of Hard Rock Cafe, Grandson of Morton’s Steakhouse and I am assuming that dude wasn’t inspired by Lohan when he came up with this fucking stupid name, because if he had the place would be called “The Big Spotted and Scabby Red Cunt That Smells Like Shit From Rotten Cum From Other Dudes She had Raw Dog Sex With and Let Drop Load in Her and a Tampon She Forgot in there a Month Ago when She Was Drunk”, I don’t think that would have been so good for business, but he’s a rich kid, he doesn’t need the business to make money, it’s just his dad’s way of giving him something to keep his son busy with…

That Lohan Vagina joke was probably pretty obvious, but I am hungover again and just trying to get through the day….

Other People in Attendance of His Big Opening:

Jessica Alba With Her Extreme Face Close-Up

Some Chick Named Nikki Griffin I want to See Naked

Kristen Cavallari With Her Weird Tattoo

Summer Altice and her Muscles

Kimberly Stewart And her Stupid Outfit

Mary Carey and her Busted Face

Amy Smart

2007

28

Jun

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

52 Comments »

I ran into some people I know who spend some time in LA and they told me that DJ AM, the guy I call gayer than bicycle shorts on an almost weekly basis has told them that he hates me. When I heard that news, I was pretty happy because it means that my message is getting out there, even if it’s reaching lame fucking DJs who bang f-list celebrities who play bar mitzvah music and make way too much fucking money, enough to drive Lamborghinis.

I guess my next target should be Lohan, the day I find out she knows I exist will be better than today’s news.

Either way, here are my links:

Another Booble Porn Minute With Some Hot Tits
GO

Paris Hilton Goes to Hawaii in Disguise
GO

Britney Murphey has a Pretty Hot Ass in this Photoshoot
GO

Maria Sharapova in Action Pictures
GO

Bride Peeing in a Cup on Her Wedding Day Because She Doesn’t Want to Take off Her Dress…Video
GO

Hayden Panettiere Painted in a Bikini
GO

Hot Brazilian Ass Playing Soccer on the Beach
GO

Brooke Burke’s Hot Ass
GO

Megan Fox at the Transformers Premiere
GO

Jail Bait Alert…
GO

Claire Danes Has Hard Nipples on Leno
GO

Guy Gets Caught Banging an UGLY fucking Hooker in the Park on Video
GO

Best and Worst Celebrity Beach Bodies
GO

Remember Kylie Minogue Performing When She was Hot
GO

Kylie Minogue on Vacation
GO

Lucy Pinder in Video With Her Tits
GO

Coco and Ice T plan a Reality Show You Will Jerk Off To
GO

Fergie Bouncing Her Boobs Video
GO

Paris Hilton Stands to Inherit 100 Million Dollars
GO

Some Howard Stern Impersonator Scares Me
GO

Truck Driver Picks up a Hooker
GO

Skipping for God
GO

Electric Shock Porn Is Fucking Weird
GO

Pete Doherty Looks Like He’s Going to Die
GO

Eva Longoria Bikini Pictures from some Shoot
GO

Michael Jackson’s Kid is Going to Be Fucked or Zorro
GO

Mariah Carey Camel Toe
GO

Jennifer Garner Pregnant Belly and Little Tits
GO

Britney Delivers Papers to her Mother in Short Shorts
GO

Guys Test Out Porn Cliche’s in the Real World
GO

Dude Hanging By His Balls
GO

Lohan Had Cocaine in her System
GO

George Michael May Have Aids
GO

Eva Mendes Banned Her Dad From Seeing Her Sex Scene
GO

Krumping at the Driving Range….
GO

Watch This Dildo Action Wait Til the End…NSFW and Weird
GO

Pictures from L.A Erotica Show
GO

This Interview With a Kid Dressed Like a Zombie is Funny
GO

VH1 Has a Show About Ugly Chicks
GO

Some Girls Dancing Around, Shaking Their Asses….They Look 18 to Me…
GO

Girl Wants to Raise 50,000 Dollars Otherwise She Aborts Her Baby
GO

Gemma Atkinson’s Calendar Spread
GO

There are 9.5 Million Millionaires, I didn’t make the list this year again…
GO

Some Dude’s Funny Complaint to an Airline Company….Read it….
GO

This is NSFW, Girl Swallows Cum Then a Goldfish…
GO

Crazy Naked Crackwhore Sister
GO

Some Teen Model Chick Named Brooke Skye Playing Soccer With Her Friend in her Panties.
GO

Girl Topless on the Treadmill
GO

Not that you care but some Paris Hiton Bull Shit:

The Paris Hilton Interview Where She Says She Doesn’t Do Drugs
GO

The paris Hilton Video Where She Does Drugs
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 4
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 3
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 2
GO

Paris Hilton has Never Done Drugs Part 1
GO

Larry King and Paris Hilton After the Interview From Kimmel
GO

You Need This Spray To Get Laid….Because You’ve Got Shitty Game and Are Scared of Women
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Leelee Sobiesky’s Big Tits and a Bow Tie of the Day

56 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Leelee Sobiesky’s big old tits at some black tie event wearing a bow tie like she’s a fucking clown at a kids party, or maybe even a Chip and Dale male stripper working horny bachelorettes and their horny single friends. I think that’s one of the things I love about women, they give us slack for going to strip clubs and being relatively tame, drinking our beer, trying to act on our best behavior in hopes of getting the strippers to fall in love with us, because we know we can provide them with a better life where they don’t have to get naked for dirty old me, or because we are the dirty old men but we don’t want them knowing we’re dirty old men because if they did they’d stay as far the fuck away from us as they could…But when girls go to strip clubs, they go fucking nuts. They get on stage, they lick whip cream off the dudes, they grab at them and become the whores we want them be in the bedroom, but we don’t get to benefit from it….

It’s like when you bring a hot chick home and she runs to the bathroom and all you can hear is her farting and shitting and stinking up your apartment. You try to think about how bad you wanted to eat her out because she’s so fucking stacked, but that was before hearing how bad her bowels wanted to get the fuck out of her. You fuck her anyway, because you’re desperate and pretend that you never heard her colon problems from the other room, but that shit keeps haunting you, and all you keep thinking to yourself is how such a hot piece of ass can make you so fucking sick to your stomach.

I guess that’s really not at all the same thing as Leelee Sobiesky taking her tits out to play in costume, but I’ll leave that story in anyway, because Leelee Sobiesky shits too.

Posted in:Leelee Sobiesky|Tits|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Leelee Sobiesky's Big Tits and a Bow Tie of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Leelee Sobiesky’s big old tits at some black tie event wearing a bow tie like she’s a fucking clown at a kids party, or maybe even a Chip and Dale male stripper working horny bachelorettes and their horny single friends. I think that’s one of the things I love about women, they give us slack for going to strip clubs and being relatively tame, drinking our beer, trying to act on our best behavior in hopes of getting the strippers to fall in love with us, because we know we can provide them with a better life where they don’t have to get naked for dirty old me, or because we are the dirty old men but we don’t want them knowing we’re dirty old men because if they did they’d stay as far the fuck away from us as they could…But when girls go to strip clubs, they go fucking nuts. They get on stage, they lick whip cream off the dudes, they grab at them and become the whores we want them be in the bedroom, but we don’t get to benefit from it….

It’s like when you bring a hot chick home and she runs to the bathroom and all you can hear is her farting and shitting and stinking up your apartment. You try to think about how bad you wanted to eat her out because she’s so fucking stacked, but that was before hearing how bad her bowels wanted to get the fuck out of her. You fuck her anyway, because you’re desperate and pretend that you never heard her colon problems from the other room, but that shit keeps haunting you, and all you keep thinking to yourself is how such a hot piece of ass can make you so fucking sick to your stomach.

I guess that’s really not at all the same thing as Leelee Sobiesky taking her tits out to play in costume, but I’ll leave that story in anyway, because Leelee Sobiesky shits too.

Posted in:Leelee Sobiesky|Tits|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Kimberly Stewart’s Got Hot Legs and a Busted Face of the Day

2 Comments »

I was just given free credits on a webcam site so I logged in to talk dirty to girls doing dirty things to themselves. The first room I went into was a tall blond girl in her lingerie who looked pretty fucking amazing. Just as I was typing “Stick a dildo in your ass like the whore you are”, she started to blow her nose into a Kleenex. I would have been okay with it if bitch hadn’t been so graphic in trying to clear out whatever was clogging up her nose. She was shoving her finger in the thing diggin’ for clams in front of a pocket mirror. I made me want to throw up so I didn’t end up wasting my free credits on her and that means I never saw her real clam.

She didn’t care that dudes are trying to jerk off to her. She didn’t care that dude’s have no interest in seeing that shit. It was probably her passive aggressive way of saying she doesn’t give a fuck about us or our needs, she just wants our money and until she gets our money she’s just going to sit there waiting like we’re not there and even if that means scratching her ass, blowing her nose, popping her pimples or doing her fucking laundry and any other disgusting habits she’s got, she’s going to do them.

Kimmy Stewart is a lot like this webcam whore, she walks around with her face out in the public making us all sick to our stomachs distracting us from her hot legs. If she was to walk around with a mask on, or a hood over her face, or a Muslim costume while showing off her legs, you’d think she was a hot piece of ass you’d want to fuck, instead we don’t have the chance to enjoy a good thing or wait for bitch takes off the mask, hood or Muslim costume to have all the dreams of cumming inside her wash away. She just puts it all out there…

So if you’re an ugly girl with hot legs, ass or tits don’t feel afraid to cover up your problem spots, even if it’s your face. If you’re a webcam whore, try not to do disgusting things when guys are watching you. I am just trying to help you get ahead.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Kimberly Stewart's Got Hot Legs and a Busted Face of the Day

No Comments »

I was just given free credits on a webcam site so I logged in to talk dirty to girls doing dirty things to themselves. The first room I went into was a tall blond girl in her lingerie who looked pretty fucking amazing. Just as I was typing “Stick a dildo in your ass like the whore you are”, she started to blow her nose into a Kleenex. I would have been okay with it if bitch hadn’t been so graphic in trying to clear out whatever was clogging up her nose. She was shoving her finger in the thing diggin’ for clams in front of a pocket mirror. I made me want to throw up so I didn’t end up wasting my free credits on her and that means I never saw her real clam.

She didn’t care that dudes are trying to jerk off to her. She didn’t care that dude’s have no interest in seeing that shit. It was probably her passive aggressive way of saying she doesn’t give a fuck about us or our needs, she just wants our money and until she gets our money she’s just going to sit there waiting like we’re not there and even if that means scratching her ass, blowing her nose, popping her pimples or doing her fucking laundry and any other disgusting habits she’s got, she’s going to do them.

Kimmy Stewart is a lot like this webcam whore, she walks around with her face out in the public making us all sick to our stomachs distracting us from her hot legs. If she was to walk around with a mask on, or a hood over her face, or a Muslim costume while showing off her legs, you’d think she was a hot piece of ass you’d want to fuck, instead we don’t have the chance to enjoy a good thing or wait for bitch takes off the mask, hood or Muslim costume to have all the dreams of cumming inside her wash away. She just puts it all out there…

So if you’re an ugly girl with hot legs, ass or tits don’t feel afraid to cover up your problem spots, even if it’s your face. If you’re a webcam whore, try not to do disgusting things when guys are watching you. I am just trying to help you get ahead.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Tennis Bitches of the Day

1 Comment »

So I don’t really watch sports ever because I am not a real man. I was asked if I was gay yesterday because i had my hand on a dude’s shoulder. I was drunk and trying to keep myself from falling but still didn’t take offense to the question. I know that real men don’t run sites like this because they are too busy doing construction but reality is that dudes don’t get me hard and never have. Unfortunately, either do women but that is because I have a medical problem, and I keep on trying.

In my life I never thought for a second that I was fag, I always was fascinated by pussy way too much, so much that I would rather watch a porn than watch a bunch of dudes in tights tackling each other. To me sports were pretty fuckin’ homo and even people who played sports were semi-homo too because to shower with a group of men while slapping their asses and thinking about gangbanging the cheerleaders never seemed 100 percent straight. So that said, I am okay with holding a dude’s shoulder, I am ok not watching sports and sticking to watching porn, I am okay with jocks thinking I am a pussy or a fag because I won’t shower with them but when sports become porn, I always make an effort to tune in…

These are some pictures from Wimbeldon of Girls Playing Tennis, and to me this shit is better than porno, bitches bend over, cry screams of pleasure like they are taking it up the ass, flash their tennis panties non-stop, tits flop everywhere, camel toes always happen, and that is why I like
spending my summers next to the local tennis courts…Enjoy.

I guess the shit I love about Pro Tennis though, is that all these Russian bitches dominate and I know they have cousins out there with a lot less broad shoulders and a lot less muscle mass that are totally mail order…and mail order brides are the new high school sweetheart. True Story.

Daniela Hantuchova

Maria Sharapova

Maria Kirilenko

Tatiana Golovin

2007

28

Jun

I am – Marisa Tomei Topless in a New Movie of the Day

3 Comments »

I came across this clip of Marisa Tomei Topless in a new movie. I don’t know when the fuck this is from, so it could be a new movie from 5 years ago, but I haven’t seen this clip before so I figured I’d post it because it’s new to me.

I have been trying to get my friends at the park to write for the site, some of these guys just sit around drinking all day with nowhere to go and nothing to do. I don’t want to out them on here individually, because I know you just care about tits, but one of the dudes is some paranoid schizophrenic who is heavily medicated to the point where you’d think dude was retarded. He just sits next to the bench on a motorized wheel chair scooter thing and yells at the squirrels, there’s another dude who is about 30 and always talks about when he fought in the Vietnam war, even though he wasn’t born when the war was going on and dude’s fucking Canadian, but he is convinced that he was there so I just listen to his war stories that I know he makes up. There another dude who is completely anti government, he talks all this political shit that I don’t really care about but when he goes off on how the government is watching him and has him probed and he starts having a fit jumping in the bushes and smashing his hand on the ground to get the chip they implanted out makes for a good fucking time. The last guy who is around the park and who is always fucked up on something is convinced that he is an amputee, even though he has both his legs and he tells me about the accident he had that took his leg away from him while walking around normally. I’ve tried to tell motherfucker that he’s walking around normally and they he has both his legs, but he won’t listen. There’s another dude who wears a snow suit all the time, even when it is 100 degrees, motherfucker stinks like shit and doesn’t talk much but I am sure he has a lot to say. He is the guy who always tries to break the law to get arrested because he can’t afford food and thinks of jail as a vacation….

Either way, none of that really matters, here’s that Tomei Tit clip from a movie that is new but probably from 5 years ago and is out on DVD. You’ve probably already rubbed one out to it, on pause, on slow motion and even in fastforward to see if you could cum that fast. When you are as lonely as you, masturbation takes on many different forms to keep shit interesting.. I get it.

This is the Streaming Clip
GO

This is the link to Download the Clip
GO

Posted in:Marisa Tomei|Panties|Topless|Unsorted

2007

28

Jun

I am – Spice Girls Back Together of the Day

49 Comments »

I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want, I want to see the Spice Girls the way they were and not the way they are. They are getting back together and these are pictures of them at their photoshoot or whatever the fuck a photocall is, letting us all know that no talent can take you to the top and keep you in the public eye for a long fucking time. It can also lead to a new record deal even after they’ve all grown up, got ugly and haggard and had a bunch of kids between them, some illegitimate.

I am sure they aren’t doing this for their die hard fans, because they can’t have die hard fans. The girls raised on the Spice Girls have gone through puberty and are probably in college now, busy doing shit like keg parties and fratboy gang bangs, embarrassed that they used to want to be these cunts and do dance routines to their songs at family functions, and the only time Spice Girls hit their iPods is when they are trying to be funny and think that listening to shit they used to listen to makes for a good fucking laugh.

Either way, I am happy that Posh Spice makes these pictures worth posting. She is the only one who has aged proper with the solid use of plastic surgery and a fear of her husband leaving her for some slut in spain with big tits. Her dominatrix outfit and big fake titties lead me to believe that you’ll be jerking off to their new video like you jerked off to their old videos, only this time you’ll be doing it to Posh, because the other bitches are going to be hidden in the back wearing masks because there’s no way they’ll make the cut, at least if it was my video they wouldn’t.

Posted in:Implants|Spice Girls|Tits|Unsorted|Victoria Beckham

2007

28

Jun

I am – Cheryl Tweedy Still on the Beach of the Day

1 Comment »

I am struggling today, I didn’t even drink that much but for some reason I was out until 4 am wandering the streets trying to find my way home wasted. I think it has something to do with getting 3 hours of sleep a night, not eating very well and having the liver of a 2 year old, in size not performance. The highlight of the night was when I was screaming at the big breasted, big bodied bar maid to serve me a fucking drink while she was too busy dancing it up for some dude she knew at the other side of the bar. My stepdaughter showed up unexpectedly so I did what ever stepfather should do and that is try to whore her out to random dudes for free drinks, it worked a few times and she still hasn’t come home so I can only assume she’s out getting teenage pregnant somewhere. There was a drunken slut in the place that kept making out with dudes and grinding her cunt up against the bar stool and shit, I figured that she’d make a good friend but got distracted from the stripper who walked in with some chachi motherfucker wearing short shorts and trashy shoes that tied up like some gladiator shit to around her thigh.

I am going to start the day with Cheryl Tweedy in her bikini, because she may not be as youthful as my stepdaughter, as big as my barmaid, as horny as the horny drunk girl or as trashy as the trashy stripper bitch with fake tits, but her prison tattoos make her good enough for me.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Cheryl Tweedy|Unsorted