I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

11

Jul

I am – Bai Ling’s Nipple Slip of the Day

bai_ling_nippletop2.jpg
bai_ling_nippletop.jpg

Bai Ling is one of those people I don’t really understand…she’s been around longer than this site has and I still have no fucking idea what she does. She gets invited to events, has nipple slips and she was in Playboy and here she is having another nipple slip at the ESPY awards, which are for sports and I hate sports but I like nipples so I will post them.

I was talking to a cab driver I met while smoking a cigar at the taxi stand the other day and it was hot out. Every girl who walked by us was half naked and this Iranian dude was freaking the fuck out. He said that every year girls where less and less clothes. He said that it’s dangerous. Automatically assuming that he meant that he wanted to rape girls, I felt a little uncomfortable but he made it clear that he thought it was dangerous because it will cause accidents on the road and not in the back alley. I asked him how often he looks in his rearview mirror to look up girl’s skirts and he blew off the question because I guess he is a professional but I could tell by the glimmer in his eye and the way he smiled hat he did and that he has seen more pantyless pussies in the last year than he has in his career.

Either way, here’s Bai Ling’s Nipple. She’s like the Asian Paris Hilton and her nipples are bigger than your dick…and I know if you had you’re way you’d love for her to fuck you in the ass with it and although that may not make you gay, you’re still a fucking Homo to me, now touch your toes sweetheart.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Nipple|Nipple Slip|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Bai Ling's Nipple Slip of the Day

bai_ling_nippletop2.jpg
bai_ling_nippletop.jpg

Bai Ling is one of those people I don’t really understand…she’s been around longer than this site has and I still have no fucking idea what she does. She gets invited to events, has nipple slips and she was in Playboy and here she is having another nipple slip at the ESPY awards, which are for sports and I hate sports but I like nipples so I will post them.

I was talking to a cab driver I met while smoking a cigar at the taxi stand the other day and it was hot out. Every girl who walked by us was half naked and this Iranian dude was freaking the fuck out. He said that every year girls where less and less clothes. He said that it’s dangerous. Automatically assuming that he meant that he wanted to rape girls, I felt a little uncomfortable but he made it clear that he thought it was dangerous because it will cause accidents on the road and not in the back alley. I asked him how often he looks in his rearview mirror to look up girl’s skirts and he blew off the question because I guess he is a professional but I could tell by the glimmer in his eye and the way he smiled hat he did and that he has seen more pantyless pussies in the last year than he has in his career.

Either way, here’s Bai Ling’s Nipple. She’s like the Asian Paris Hilton and her nipples are bigger than your dick…and I know if you had you’re way you’d love for her to fuck you in the ass with it and although that may not make you gay, you’re still a fucking Homo to me, now touch your toes sweetheart.

Posted in:Bai Ling|Nipple|Nipple Slip|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Sophia Bush Working Out in Spandex of the Day

sophia_bush_spandex.jpg

I never watched any of those teenage girls shows like One Tree Hill, Buffy, the one with Kerri Russel, Gilmore girls or any of that shit, probably because I have a penis and like sex, but I do know they exist because I write a stupid site. I don’t know much about Sophia Bush, because she is about as famous as the guy who works at the deli down the street, everyone seems to know his name, but she is still good enough for the paparazzi to take pictures of. When I first opened these up, I thought she was the president’s daughter and I was going to write something political since this is a political site and I know so much about global issues. Unfortunately, she’s not so I’ll just talk about spandex….

I once knew some steroid motherfucker who was a personal trainer because he liked middle aged women, he would work at the most exclusive gyms in the city in hopes of landing a hot wife since he loved himself and his muscles so much. He was the kind of guy you’d go out with and would stand at the bar flexing and rubbing his biceps for the barmaid as he ordered his drink. The dude was a fucking idiot and had little to offer, but for some reason he was what these younger wives of rich dudes wanted to fuck. They weren’t lookin for love, they were looking for a good fuck while the husband was at work and he ended up getting asked to train them at their home gyms. His business basically became going to see one lady, training her by stuffin her like a turkey, then she would be so impressed with his services that she’d refer her to her friends. So dude was fucking 40 or 50 women a week or something insane like that. He ended up having a breakdown, he realized he was a man whore and he couldn’t keep it going. His dick kinda broke on him because he was sad. That just goes to show you that even the people you think have a dream job, still hate what they do. I think the 60 year old fat lady was what put him over the edge and made him realize he was being used. I still think he was a fucking pussy. I think he is fat now.

Either way, here’s Sophia Bush, not as fit as my friend was, but still a whore to me….

Posted in:Sophia Bush|Spandex|Unsorted|Working Out

2007

11

Jul

I am – Valeria Mazza Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Valeria Mazza in a bikini from the other day. I don’t know who she is but she is in a bikini, so as far as I am concerned she important for me. I wonder how many times I can write that over and over and over and over again in 3 years before going insane.

I think I am getting nervous about the site, or maybe all this not writing is filling my brain with shit I usually throw up on the site, but I had a dream that Wikipedia used me as an example as to how not to do some pretentious kind of comedy that only top actors could achieve and said that I was a hack. Then I tried to stage a flash mob at the offices of Wikipedia but got distracted on the way while shooting a stepTV clip of a man beating up his pit bull and his older wife coming up to me thanking me leading to me eating her out while he watched all mad in the corner.

I started letting my stepdaughter post, I think she’s doing a good job, I liked her links, I like her stories, I don’t know why an 18 year old would go to a speed dating thing, I figured they’d be too busy playing with Barbie, learning how to hip hop dance, and having her first drink. I guess she’s been hanging out with 40 year olds again, I’ll have to put an end to that.

I don’t love that she posted pictures from months ago, because I am so cutting edge here, but she’s just starting out and I basically trained her by telling her to upload pictures, write a post, push publish…I expect all you fuckers to email her leads, links, fan mail, pictures of your girlfriend’s naked so they can compare their tits and do other girl stuff with each other…you know what I am saying…she’s not me, she’s probably better than me, give her a chance, keep coming back. I will chime in as often as I can but I’d rather be on the boat taking in all I fucking can….I will write a travel journal. I leave tonight. Fuckers.

For the record this is a close to 40 year old Swimsuit Model from the 90s with a ton of kids, I figured since I dreamt about wikipedia, the least I could do is use them.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Shakira’s Ass of the Day

Shakira’s Ass

Shakira’s body defys all odds of physics as we know it, and I mean that in the best possible way. She gives hope to us young girls that we don’t have to starve ourselves in order be attractive. I also read somewhere she’s got an incredibly high IQ, but for all I know her publicist thought it would look good and just threw that in there to try and dim the fact that she looks like a stripper 98% of the time, which may or may not be a bad thing depending who you talk to.

I go to school with this girl who wants to be a stripper, no shit. She wrote about it in an essay for our Creative Writing class in a sort of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” type thing. It wasn’t some shit like “Oh, I wanna do it to put myself through med school” (which is always a lie btw) or even “I just wanna do it to make some cash.” this is actually what she wants to do for a living.

The look on the teachers face was priceless when she walked up to read her essay, and the content was filled with choosing a name which projects the type of image you wish to be known by, how she plans to deal with other strippers who want to fight her, and the art of using the pole to the best of her ability. Most of the girls just shifted uncomfortably in their desks, while the guys all seemed to have a new interest in her after class. I just laughed my ass off at the fact that my stepfather would probably be throwing dollar bills at her within the next 6 months.

Posted in:Ass|Shakira|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Shakira's Ass of the Day

Shakira’s Ass

Shakira’s body defys all odds of physics as we know it, and I mean that in the best possible way. She gives hope to us young girls that we don’t have to starve ourselves in order be attractive. I also read somewhere she’s got an incredibly high IQ, but for all I know her publicist thought it would look good and just threw that in there to try and dim the fact that she looks like a stripper 98% of the time, which may or may not be a bad thing depending who you talk to.

I go to school with this girl who wants to be a stripper, no shit. She wrote about it in an essay for our Creative Writing class in a sort of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” type thing. It wasn’t some shit like “Oh, I wanna do it to put myself through med school” (which is always a lie btw) or even “I just wanna do it to make some cash.” this is actually what she wants to do for a living.

The look on the teachers face was priceless when she walked up to read her essay, and the content was filled with choosing a name which projects the type of image you wish to be known by, how she plans to deal with other strippers who want to fight her, and the art of using the pole to the best of her ability. Most of the girls just shifted uncomfortably in their desks, while the guys all seemed to have a new interest in her after class. I just laughed my ass off at the fact that my stepfather would probably be throwing dollar bills at her within the next 6 months.

Posted in:Ass|Shakira|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Petra Nemcova Body Painting of the Day

Petra Nemcova Bodypainting

Marie-Eve here, again. Apparently Jesus’ computer is on the fritz, so I’m gonna be doing the posts a tad early while hes getting ready for his Cruise. I’ve been getting some lovely emails from some of you and also some that are pretty creepy, but keep them coming, I love it!! stepdaughter@drunkenstepfather.com

Here’s some pics of Petra Nemcova and some other lucky, lucky person messing around with some body paint, which I guess is what super models do when they aren’t at fashion shoots on tropical islands, going to swanky parties, and having sex with millionaires.

They have this sort of outdoor festival where I live every Sunday, and its always filled with a bunch of old and young hippies, plus a few normal people that go up there just for the hell of it. You’ll always see a good amount of idiots playing the drums, blowing bubbles and dancing in circles and urging you to join in on the love fest. The last time I was up there, there was a bunch of them body painting each other, and of course one thing led to another and a few of the girls took their tops off to let some of the guys (who looked like the forest had just thrown them up) paint their tits.

As always, it wasn’t the hott looking pixie hippies that chose to undress, but the fat, unshaven, pasty white ones instead. Why does it always go down like like? Can some one explain it to me, please? Why is it that the most disgusting people are always the ones that are the most comfortable with themselves? Anyone?

Here’s some shots of Petra to ease the pain of people who don’t know how to cover up.

Posted in:Models|Paint|Petra Nemcova|Tits|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

11

Jul

I am – Balljogger of the Day

I never understood people who exercise, probably because I am 18, and dont have to worry about saddle bags and love handles yet. Actually I don’t even know what a love handle is. I did get a gym membership this one time. My boyfriend had cheated on me and left me heartbroken and tender and frail. I had convinced myself, like most idiot girls, that if I was thinner he would somehow regret leaving me. I guess the joke was on me, cause when I saw him with the girl he cheated on me with, she had an ass way fatter then mine. I guess he just loved the chunk. I stopped going to the gym that day.

Posted in:stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

10

Jul

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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Marie-Eve here. I Had some problems with the links, but I think they should be good now. I went to this speed dating thing last night with my best friend Anna. I wasn’t really into the idea, but a friend of Anna’s had gone the week before and enjoyed it and she insisted I come with her because girls can’t do anything alone, ever, and I figured it will be good leverage next time I have a pregnancy scare and want her to come to the doctor with me.

Anyways, I guess I happened to come on the Speed Dating Special Olympics Day or something because the pickings were slim, and by slim, I mean I wouldn’t fuck any of these guys with your sister’s tattered vagina. Some of my potential prospects included:

– A 32 year old accountant, who actually told me he was married and that he is looking for stimulation outside of the marriage. He also had a comb over. Hot!

– A guy who was my age, but talked so much about his ex girlfriend that I didn’t get a word in, and by the end of the allotted five minutes we had to get to know each other, I knew why she had left his ass and told him so.

– A 25 year old who’s, first question was, I shit you not, “Do you play World of Warcraftâ€?, to which I replied, “Are you a virgin?â€?

Suffice to say, that will be my last experience with speed dating. Personally, I’ll stick to the old fashioned way of going home with some random stranger, waiting till they fall asleep after sex then stealing their last cigarette before I climb out their window and down the fire escape, and then go home to cry in the shower.

My Stepfather tells me that some of you email him from time to time, and I’m hoping you will do the same for me. Send love/hate letters, funny stories and full frontal nudes (fully shaven please) to stepdaughter@drunkenstepfather.com. If you are lucky, I’ll post it, and all 4 of the other people that check out this site will have the pleasure of reading it too. Here’s the links. *Hugs and Kisses*

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

10

Jul

I am – Maria Menounos and Emma Watson Shopping of the Day

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I never really watched any Harry Potter movies because they remind me of virgin dudes who sit at home and dress up like wizards while playing Dungeons and Dragons on the newest videogame system that they bought with birthday money from their grandmother, but I have heard of this 17 year old named Emma Watson and her friend Maria Menounous from Entertainment Tonight or wherever the fuck she’s from and here they are shopping together.

Either way, it’s nice to see friends come together for the sake of landing an interview in attempts to promote a movie that is about to come out while dressing the British girl in Sex Pistol and Union Jack shirts because that’s what the people want to see. I am all about fake friends and pretending to love people I hate for the sake of keeping up appearances because that’s what fake friends are for…

Posted in:Emma Watson|Maria Menounos|Shopping|Unsorted