DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2006

26

Jan

More LastNightsParty at Sundance

I was talking to someone local who has had his picture taken by Merlin Bronques when he was first starting out in Montreal. Now he’s rockin’ sundance, magazine spreads and ad campaigns, but he’ll always be a bald black “Lady” in the night to me.

I have only been in this city for less than 5 years and I was never much of a club kid, considering I was 30 and a washed up addict when I got here, oh and was was all smitten with my fresh marriage to a 300 pound women, that was clearly something I had always wanted for myself as a little wrestler in the orphanage, I’d tell my priest/coach “Pablo, one day I will go to Canada and marry the fattest bitch I can find”. So, whenever I could get away from the wife, I would spend my nights in the strip clubs and in the later years of Montreal, I’ve been busy working at the canning factory. Now that I am two months unemployed, there’s no way for me to afford going out and more importantly I rarely shower or do laundry and clubs just won’t let me in.

The plan is to just stick to the bottle and the gutter outside my house, if you can even call it a fucking house, but this isn’t about me, this is about Perez Hilton from PageSixSixSix and PerezHilton blog fame, motherfucker is chillin’ at that Tiger shoe house with A-listers Jack Osborne, Lizzie Grubman and Corey Feldman. You’ve fucking made it, you fruit boot wearing celebrity fucking homo, I’d rim your ass all night to get a link on your real successful piece of shit celebrity blog. Maybe one day I’ll invite you and trent and justjared and cityrag and socialitelife and defamer and gawker and idontlikeyouthatway and wwtdd and I don’t know who the fuck else has a celebrity blog, but those cunts are invited too, invited to what you ask?? To suck my limp dick, I’m impotent fuck.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Check out the Onitsuka Tiger House Party at Sundance Gallery Here

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

Jan

Draw your Vagina and Describe It in 10 Words or Less

64 Comments »

I am still working on the site, so I haven’t updated, but was lucky enough to get a new vagina drawing. Well at least I thought I was lucky, before seeing her submission, which is fucking disgusting. The bleeding girl is the lovely Courtney, a 16 year old Canadian. I don’t know if it is considered illegal to post a drawing of an underage girl’s junk, but I am willing to take the risk.

Courtney has recently made her third shitty music video. Be sure to check it out by clicking on this here them there link. Don’t get your hopes up, the video fuckin’ sucks. Cuddles.

Posted in:stepBOX|Unsorted

2006

25

Jan

Draw your Vagina and Describe It in 10 Words or Less

14 Comments »

This is my new feature and I think it’s a winner. It’s called Draw Your Vagina and Describe it in 10 Words or Less. It’s like the DrunkenStepfather Vagina Monologues. I’d like to make this more interesting by posting a picture of the girl who the drawing belongs to, but I don’t think I’ll get anyone to participate if it isn’t anonymous. So send your entries to info@drunkenstepfather.com if you want to play my sick game, and by sick I mean sexy, really really sexy.

Posted in:stepBOX|Unsorted

2006

25

Jan

Under Construction

No Comments »

So I decided to make the move to an actual site on an actual server. I don’t have a big budget for a tech team and we are doing this ghetto and drunken style. I know nothing about tech, and I can’t upload pics and the site looks like shit, and my AFF banner isn’t up and I am probably going to lose all my traffic, but that’s ok. It’s a new beginning bitches, so have some patience while we work this out over the next few days. I couldn’t keep the old blogger site up, cuz we transferred everything over here. Regardless, it’s a big ol’ mess that may end up ruining me.

With love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:blogger|under construction|Unsorted

2006

24

Jan

Paris and A Bonbon

2 Comments »

The thing I hate about Paris is that she is all about annoying fucking poses. I don’t even know the bitch and I find it fucking annoying, it’s like she’s fucking zoolander and all I can think about is taking a bitch like this for dinner and everytime you look at her, she’s rockin’ cliche poses. The chances of me meeting Paris are about as slim as me taking a bitch out for dinner, I was just writing in “hypothetical situations” to prove a point. Anyway, everything Paris does, everything she says, every pose she makes is a drawn out, planned and fake, and i only like fake bitches when they are real dolls, because real dolls don’t judge me for my inability to get erections. They are happy just cuddling.

Posted in:bonbon|Paris Hilton|Slut|Unsorted

2006

24

Jan

LastNightsParty in Sundance

2 Comments »

Bronques is some hipster photographer who moved to NYC to launch a career. He ended up documenting the dirty drug filled nighlife of the city, with dirty looking girls acting like trash while thinkin’ they are fabulous cuz that’s what hipsters do. He built up a reputation and now probably makes more money than you, drinks more free drinks than you, scores more free yay than you, travels to more exclusive places than you, attends more exclusive parties than you and sees more exclusive tits than you. Bronques is profiting on the American Apparel/Vice Magazine/Electro Music movement, if you can call that shit a movement, and is very “hot” right now, if a bi-sexual black guy is ever hot. Anyway, got some pics for a couple of Sundance Parties on his site, I am sure they are celebrity filled – I am just too useless to spot a celebrity. So do the work for me, assholes.

Sundance: Premiere
Sundance: Blender
Sundance: Hottub

Visit His Myspace

2006

24

Jan

Alexis Dziena See Through

13 Comments »

She is 21, and we can see her nipples. She’s on a show called Invasion. I have never seen invasion. I don’t own a TV. Her name is retarded, but I can see her nipples, so that is good enough for me. My new love is small tits with large nipples. I am still sick from ski country and I am not hear to entertain you. The small tits with large nipples are here for that.

2006

24

Jan

Fergie in a Bikini

10 Comments »

I don’t really understand Fergie at all. She came out of nowhere, destroyed a decent hip hop group, not that I will ever admit to liking hip hop, but I will admit to seeing a group of crackhead “artists” turn into dirty popstars cuz they added a bitch with implants to sing over their songs, wear slutty gear and do a little dance. I have nothing against adding some pussy to any project to make it more successful, cuz I like pussy, but I will never respect people who profit off it cuz they lack the talent to lure in people with their own product. If I ever had a website, I would NEVER post pictures of nipple slips, bikinis and pussy to lure in readers. This has been a post on Fergie in a Bikini and she still has a disgusting face.

2006

24

Jan

Topanga’s Nipple

1 Comment »

I know her real name isn’t Topanga, but I am too lazy to look into it. She’s one of those useless cunt of an actor who only had one recognizable job, and in her case it was playing Topanga on boy meets world. I guess these pics aren’t as interesting as the bitch from Family Matters who did porn and then Oprah, but this is TGIF at it’s best. I know my see through pics, and bikini pics, and nipple slips are getting boring, but if you had a dick that didn’t work – you’d understand why I look deeper and deeper hoping one day to find a pic that works our for me, if you know what I mean. These topanga pics aren’t the ones cuz she’s fat and her nipples aim to the ground and I never wanted to fuck her when she was on TV. So I guess, I will just keep lookin’.

2006

24

Jan

Topanga's Nipple

1 Comment »

I know her real name isn’t Topanga, but I am too lazy to look into it. She’s one of those useless cunt of an actor who only had one recognizable job, and in her case it was playing Topanga on boy meets world. I guess these pics aren’t as interesting as the bitch from Family Matters who did porn and then Oprah, but this is TGIF at it’s best. I know my see through pics, and bikini pics, and nipple slips are getting boring, but if you had a dick that didn’t work – you’d understand why I look deeper and deeper hoping one day to find a pic that works our for me, if you know what I mean. These topanga pics aren’t the ones cuz she’s fat and her nipples aim to the ground and I never wanted to fuck her when she was on TV. So I guess, I will just keep lookin’.