DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2021

15

Sep

Kaia Gerber Nip Slip of the Day

You can clone your dog for 50k in Texas, I’ve looked into it, since eternal genetic life is a wonderful thing, even if the clone isn’t the exact same as the original tissue sample…

SO…it is only logical that someone of Cindy Crawford’s stature, not just physical stature, she’s a model and thus tall…but her socio-economic stature, would easily be able to pay the dog cloners to test it out on a human…assuming there aren’t clinics around Hollywood that do this anyway…you know like how the cloned Ellen into Bieber, Dick Clarke into Ryan Seacrest, Melissa Joan Hart into…who the fuck is Melissa Joan Hart?

I guess my sci/fi evil rich tyrant dreams are a little too theatrical, and it is VERY possible that they did the traditional cloning, you know CHILDBIRTH….and possibly not even through a surrogate…creating this skinny, luxurious, trained and genetically coded top model…

So this nipple, may not be Young Cindy Nip…but rather just Kaia nip…and both nips are still nips to imagine playing a game of tennis with, since they are fancy white people, and fancy white people fucking love tennis.

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Posted in:Kaia Gerber

2021

15

Sep

Jennifer Garner Gets Wet of the Day

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I know how it feels to be the second rate, left behind, back of the bush, subpar citizen…and not just because I’ve been to gay bars on Gayeighties nights where the drinks are cheap…only to not get even the horniest of gay dudes to buy me drinks…

I guess I am just that intolerable, disgusting, disgraceful….the even the freakiest of gay dudes doesn’t try to throw down….even though the whole reason I was at the gay bar was for the free drinks…and not to experiment with gay shit…but when a man needs a drink and he knows where there’s a fucking stream…he follows the north star to get it…only to not get it…because like Garner…I’m a zero on the charts while the J.Los get to be all fancy at the MET GALA and I’m stuck to dance int eh rain like I’m in a shitty music video.

The point of the story is not about me not getting picked up or even chatted with at gay bars to remind me how vile I am…it’s to say that I think Garner, who for the most part had the sex appeal of a pile of diapers…is looking hotter than ever soaked through and dancing…

I am not a fan of Garner in any fucking way…but she’s better than J.Lo from where I am sitting…which is not saying much…since I am sitting on a pile of diapers.

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Posted in:Jennifer Garner

2021

15

Sep

Weed Wednesday of the Day

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Here are some girls involved in some contraband…posting pictures of the evidence like they are giving the middle finger to the establishment that has made their contraband contraband…and you have to support them in their activism.

It’s far less annoying that other forms of activism….you have social media…you can google it…it’s pretty much everywhere….

You have to wonder what ever happened to people having fun…pandemic or not…FUN still exists..and whether that’s getting high on contraband or black out drunk….alone, with friends, or livestreaming on twitch….live that fucking dream…..

I don’t know when everyone got so uptight, because I saw some story that college girls in their first week of school were claiming date rape on TikTok, in at least one small city in Canada, and I thought to myself…what a weird way to report date rape…but then I also thought to myself…that’s a pretty dark thing to happen but it is the porn generation and these young people are out of control….and not in a good way….

In all my years of drinking, I have NEVER, not once, seen a girl get drugged, if I did, I’d be sure to let her know because that’s fucking crazy and I am not a piece of shit…getting blackout is supposed to be a good time not some sinister shit you report about like you’re in some horrible movie….

There was a time when drinking meant pulling your tits out, having a good time and doing it all over again the next day….but this new generation seems fucking weird….but that was also before people were ruined, on anti-depressants, and fucking weird…

But I guess only the WEED GIRLS still bring the good times….

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Posted in:Weed

2021

15

Sep

Zoey Deutch Got Them Tits on of the Day

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I don’t know what Zoey Deutch is up to in this VERSACE sippy cup, sheer dress, all made up to look like she’s the best kind of stripper, you know the one that is so hot she doesn’t need to show her pussy during her slow song and has a line-up of dudes ready to pay to grab the tits…

In this selfie photoshoot….I think they call these kinds of pics “Fit Checks”…but I also don’t know what I am talking about so I could be wrong…you will see Zoey Deutch, Marty McFly’s sister if you’re one of those people who think you live in some nerd metaverse and not our actual metaverse…is metaverse even a word..

Point being her actual mom is the actress who played Marty’s mom on Back to the Future, which I am sure didn’t help her get this hot, famous, and important in anyway…

I mean check out that RATIO and a sheer dress…FASHION lives and it reminds me of those days of lapdanc glory…

If this doesn’t sell you on Zoey Deutch as a future force, or current force in ENTERTAINMENT!

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Posted in:Zoey Deutch

2021

15

Sep

Rihanna Ass of the Day

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I don’t know if this is Rihanna’s outfit to the MET GALA, that was a few days ago, I should get with the program, but the real miracle in all this is that I even know what a Met Gala is…I mean…I did jerk off to fashion mags in the 80s and 90s….they published nipples and models in all their tall amazonian glory are pretty photogenic…but even with that Met Gala’s that are 30,000 dollars a plate are not really in my wheelhouse….which isn’t saying much…since I don’t have really any skills that are in my wheelhouse…I mean I am a terrible drinker, driver, drinker and driver….I am not crafty or resourceful…I can’t do carpentry…I don’t know how the internet works despite having a site, I mean this is a sight right….one where I clearly talk too much about myself…

Anyway, the panty peddler and not because she peloton’s in her panties like all the work from home ladies who moonlight like Bruce Willis on OnlyFans…no Bruce Willis doesn’t have an OnlyFans he was on a show called Moonlighting dumb fucks…I AM OLD….

So yeah, Rihanna who has become a billionaire with her billion dollar brand wears those panties out when she can, you know marketing….and you’re probably wondering the same thing that I am….WHERE IS THE WET SPOT! IT IS WEDNESDAY AFTER ALL!

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Posted in:Rihanna

2021

15

Sep

Alexis Ren Titty Top of the Day

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Alexis Ren’s showing off her fashion sense in what I’ll assume is NYC for Fashion week, is Fashion week even happening, are these posts even current, I have so many questions and no answers thanks to being pretty terrible at this blogging like a teen girl about 20 years after blogging was replaced by social media!

Just a dinosaur looking at some young girl famous from the internet’s bolt on tits, not that breast implants are a bad thing, just not my kind of thing, they are a little too terrifying of a concept, I wouldn’t want to get surgery for an injury or heart filled with soot and mayonnaise, so you’d really have to hate your fucking tits HARD…to take vanity to that level…

Speaking of levels, I’d like to know just how level these bad boys are nipple to nipple….I mean if you’re going to get altered titties, they best good enough to hang a painting off of, or support a shelf that you could keep your hipster plants on….a PLANT shelf if you will..that would be When white girl instagram merges with white girl influencers…

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Posted in:Alexis Ren

2021

15

Sep

Wetspot Wednesday of the Day

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As a support argument to my last “RATIO POST” you’ll see if you scroll down….someone was giving me shit for posting what he felt were “ratchet” girls and despite “ratchet” girls sounding like the kind of girl you’d want working at your tire shop….it actually means trashy girls…that for whatever reason has rebranded as “ratchet”….I don’t make the words up, I don’t even use them…but I’ll assume it’s kind of the vibe Miley was inspired by when she took the getting naked on social media thing seriously….

So I figure, if that guy feels Ratios, and stepLINK headers are Ratchet, or trashy, instead of amazing, which they are…he’ll really LIKE WET SPOTs where natural vaginal discharge on panties is celebrated.

Long gone are the days of throwing up after masturbating to your mom’s dirty crusty panties you found in the corner of the laundry room, now that dirty panties are all over the motherfucking internet and we document some of the best gut churning ones each week in this post I hate.

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Posted in:WetSpot

2021

15

Sep

The Ratio Tuesday on a Wednesday of the Day

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Someone told me that I’ve gone too RATCHET with the site….which I thought was funny because the site is called DrunkenStepfather and I have basically trying to drag all good things through whatever closest gutter I can find…it’s been my life work that for many reasons that I won’t list…never actually went viral or got me any street cred…where is the book DEAL SIMON and SCHUSTER…don’t you want 150 pages of me rambling on incoherently about shit I know nothing about that doesn’t actually matter….

I guess that person was referencing my stepLINKS header pics and these round-up pics I post of girls from the internet….to which I would say that “did you think this was a premium fashion magazine”….or “you realize I just document what’s going on out there, I’m not responsible for producing what is going on out there”….

The Ratio, if anything, is scientific research…there are studies stating that waist to hips are hotter with a more dramatic ratio…and this is THE only way we can find out if that’s true.

What do you think, dear Russian Spam Bot?

RATIO GOOD….

BOXY BITCHES BAD….

Hypothesis confirmed.

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Posted in:The Ratio

2021

15

Sep

Pug Puppy Sitting in the Food Bowl and Other Videos of the Day

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Sausage Party!

When Lockdown Makes You Officially Insane

Iguana Wants a Snack

Queen of the Dog GETS Busted

Rope Swing with a Bull Dog

More Too Much Time On Your Hand Insanity

Posted in:stepNEWS|Videos

2021

15

Sep

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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RIP Norm Macdonald. I felt genuine sadness when I heard that Norm Macdonald died of cancer, I was told by my friend Steve that he had cancer for 10 years or something but was just private about it, which I am sure I would be too if I was in his position, but as a whinning blogger, it would be my duty to bore you with my cancer stories all day until it was over and not because I was expecting a movie like that girl who blogged about Julia Childs’ recipes, but because I am a whiner.

I will say that in the 90s, we didn’t have cable and we’d watch SNL, and Norm’s Weekend Update was always my favorite, I guess the other options weren’t that great, but he was solid….not that SNL is solid…

I typically find comedians to be weird nerds who tell the same joke, but just a few weeks ago I was watching some best of Norm clips and he was pretty pretty much the anti-comedian comedian….far better than most comedians because he was smarter than most….we’ll call him a Canadian hero who we can only hope has gone to a better place…

Now, in light of death, let’s focus on some escapism and save the news and politics for other people..

We are a site about the tits…so let’s stick to the tits.

The ultimate anti-depressant is turning off the news, not paying attention to what’s going on, because it’s above our pay grade….so let’s just reduce ourselves to looking at tits.

Here are some Morning Links!

One of Norm Macdonald’s Best Jokes
SMASH THIS LINK BUTTON!

Madison Pettis Feeling Blue
SMASH THIS LINK BUTTON!

Ellie Goulding CROC LEG
SMASH THIS LINK BUTTON!

Stripping FC Fighter
SMASH THIS LINK BUTTON!

Fat Suspect on a Bike
SMASH THIS LINK BUTTON!

The Sad Story of a the Pizza Delivery Boy
SMASH THIS LINK BUTTON!

Caitlyn Jenner’s 1% of Votes
SMASH THIS LINK BUTTON!

Posted in:stepLINKS