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Archive for the Angelina Jolie Category

2010

23

Feb

Angelina Jolie is a Lost Slut of the Day

10 Comments »

Remember when Angelina Jolie was a hot, dark, almost gothic whore who used to show off her hot body, milk her her raw sexuality for all it was worth, leaving us with empty testicles and a dream that her next movie she’ll show nipple. You know the bitch who played a dyke with AIDS in GIA, who made out with her brother with tongue, who carried a vile of blood and talked about how much she loved fucking, who was really just a fucking gimmick who left all that good shit behind to save the world and start a fucking orphanage and pretend she’s a fucking nun sent from God to care for every third world child , totally taking away from the leather clad, thick lipped slut she made us think she was and based her whole career on…

So for every kid she adopts or provides clean water for, I see a motherfucker who robbed me of pussy I wanted to fuck, and who turned her into some “good” person you don’t want to fuck up the ass before cumming in her pussy cuz she’s so wild she doesn’t care about UTIs, because you don’t want to taint the purity that drips off her refined, luxurious clothes….The whole thing is pretty fucking depressing to me and here she is back on set, but instead of wearing PVC and showing off tit, she’s dressed like a fuckin’ lady…very fucking annoying….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|On Set|Refined|The Tourist

2009

31

Dec

Angelina Jolie for Old Times of the Day

4 Comments »

I think the most talked about celebrity this decade was Angelina Jolie. I don’t really keep track of that shit but I do know that as a nation, we were force fed every fucking thing about her, and I figured that on the last day of the year, I had no choice but to post the bitch, clearly 10 years older and not the hot pussy she once was, but still a hotter pussy than the pussy we’re fucking. I guess this is just a reminder that we all get older and that nothing is forever but as long as we’re not dead, it’s not so bad….so here she is on set the other day….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|old

2008

09

Oct

Angelina Jolie Breast Feeding on the Cover of W Magazine of the Day

2 Comments »

W Magazine was rumored to have pictures of Angelina Jolie Breast Feeding that were taken by Brad Pitt for the cover of their latest issue. I don’t have all the pictures and I have just seen the cover by that shit is not breast feeding. Breast feeding is what I suggest I do to 18 year old girls on a regular basis for them to practice motherhood, so that when they get knocked up later in life, they will know what to expect. Breast feeding is what all these mom’s in the rich neighborhood near me do when they go to the Coffee Shop for their maternity leave luncheons that I don’t get invited to, but still take part in as I listen to them compare baby stories competitively and pull out their tits to get me turned on. Breast feeding is something that I see relatively often and get busted for staring inappropriately at, but it’s definitely not going on in these pictures. I consider myself an expert on the subject, so that my friend, is fact and you can quote me on it…..the other thing you can quote is that Brad Pitt’s idea of personal intimate pictures fucking sucks and unless there’s something penetrating that stretched out twin bearing pussy, I feel ripped off, but I am not sure how to quote that….

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Breast Feeding

2008

10

Sep

Angelina Jolie Modeling Shoot When She Was 16 of the Day

7 Comments »

So there was a time when a very different lookin’ Angelina Jolie was just some typical rich kid slut who loved attention and who hated herself who got half naked in front of the camera while high in what looks to be some kind of Snuff film, but that doesn’t end like a snuff film should, but instead becomes the gateway to some long lasting career as some dark girl we all wanna fuck, but I see through the act and know she’s more hungry for attention than she ever was for cock, but realized cock was the vehicle for attention.

This is old, you’ve probably seen it already, I am posting it anyway, because it reminds me of videos I try making for girls with no daddies who I meet at the bus shelter, only they never go onto become famous. Enjoy.

Keep in mind that I didn’t double check whether this video works or not, it’s old, so I guess who really cares. Right?

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Model|Slut|Teenager|Uncategorized

2008

09

Jul

Angelina Jolie is an Unwilling Spokesperson of the Day

5 Comments »

Someone took this picture of some ghetto Chinese imported weight loss product that you probably get Cancer when you take, explaining your suddenly attractive new figure as you rot away from the inside out, only to take a bloody shit filled with your organs to really know it’s working. It’s one of those feel the burn situations that is all in the name of beauty. The reason I am posting it is because Angelina Jolie is photoshopped onto their packaging, like she was actually paid the retarded money she commands for this kind of spokesperson shit, but by lookin’ at the funny packaging that is written better than anything on this site, you know that she wasn’t.

My local stripclub that uses a picture of Adriana Lima on all it’s ads and lap dance menus, which makes sense because I hear getting naked is the only way out of Brazil and after enough drinks, the haggard low budget strippers who work there will start lookin’ like her. I guess it’s all the power of marketing, but I know that shit’s also unauthorized and ripping off celebrities gives is more satisfying than dropping 50 dollars to grab a pair of saggy tits.

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Unwilling Spokesperson

2008

30

May

Angelina Jolie Had Her Twins!!!! of the Day

17 Comments »

I don’t understand why people actually give a fuck that Angelina and Brad Pitt had their stupid twins because I know that I don’t. The second bitch got knocked up the first time, all I saw was some annoying activist with a gaping vagina and that’s only hot when I am drunk and lonely.

I actually have a new hatred for mothers because they think they are so fucking important because they’ve decided to breed and devote their lives to their little spawns. I was at my coffee shop and found out about some local promotion where mothers get 10 percent off their purchases just for being mothers. When I asked why lonely, drunk, possible deadbeat dads and obvious creeps don’t get a discount, the dude just blew me off. That’s some serious discrimination because if spreading your legs and locking some poor asshole in for life so that you don’t have to work full time anymore in exchange for giving up anything that was remotely attractive about your body warrants a discount, so should poverty, irresponsibilty, obesity and alcoholism. Fuck you MommyDiscount and the way you dangle cheaper coffee in my face that I can’t get because I have a cock…a small cock…but still a cock.

Posted in:Angelina Jolie

2008

19

May

Angelina Jolie is Topless in France of the Day

5 Comments »

The paparazzi got a picture of Angelina Jolie putting on her shirt on the balcony in some French Riviera villa. The pictures are shitty quality and another example of how the paparazzi are criminals but you all want to fuck Angelina, especially now that she’s pregnant because you are into pregnant chicks and I am not sure why because the whole concept of pregnancy scares the fuck out of me and I always fight with people who try to claim that it’s a beautiful natural thing, because to me there is nothing natural about life being created inside a woman’s pussy. It reminds me of a horrible sci-fi movie and everytime I get together with a girl who has kids I try to pretend that she didn’t have a life inside her, despite how hard her vagina makes it for me since it’s all battered and abused like the arm and leg of a war victim who stepped on a land mind but survived.

Knocking up Angelina would be like winning the lottery, not because she’s hot but because she’s rich, but the chances of winning the lottery are probably a lot higher.

Either way, I don’t think seeing a chick topless is all that exciting, I am more of a pussy man and come from the school where all girls should be topless all the time, so these pictures of her and her dark pregnant nipples bore the fuck out of me, but probably just changed your life, so enjoy.

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Topless

2008

03

Apr

Angelina Jolie’s Sexy Photoshoot When She was 16 of the Day

3 Comments »

It’s no lie that I think teenage girls are hotter than middle aged 20 something girls. They have tighter bodies, perkier tits and they don’t annoy you about going to dinner parties, having babies or moving in together, they are just excited enough to hang out with you when it’s not a school night.

This is a video of Angelina Jolie doing some kind of photoshoot when she was 16 for some kind of pervert that was unfortunately not me because I don’t mess with taking pictures of girls who need parental consent, it just causes too many problems when the police steal my hard drive, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t want to have been there watching from the closet, because that’s kinda my thing.

Posted in:Angelina Jolie|Photoshoot|Sixteen