Beyonce Archives - Page 10 of 11 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Beyonce Category

2008

Nov

Beyonce in Full Body Spanx on the Today Show of the Day

In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to post these pictures of a turkey, or someone who will probably eat an entire turkey tomorrow, because Beyonce is the kind of girl who just doesn’t like sharing and has the ability to clear a table stocked with enough fried chicken for a couple dozen people, but in her defense, she’s never been this physical in her performances, and that probably works up a mean appetite, you know making those who used to be shocked with how much she managed to eat before, she was doin’ nothing, totally blown the fuck away when they see what she manages to stuff in her face now, and it’s got something to do with her not wanting to share the spotlight with the younger, hotter Rihanna who I know she just can’t fucking stand, even though Rihanna’s career is making Beyonce’s divorce settlement a lot more lucrative, when she finally leaves Jay Z for two timing her.

Every time I watch her do this song and dance, I laugh because of the pain I see in her eyes. It’s like watching some morbidly obese person trying to get a new lease on life and taking their fat ass to the streets to burn off some calories, or like watching my wife trying to get off the couch. There is struggle and panting as heart is begging her to stop, but Beyonce won’t listen, because if she does, it means Rihanna won.

At least she’s managed to find a full-body pair of spanx to strap her in and keep her fat from spilling out all over the fuckin’ reinforced stage, making the homeless people they kicked off their corner to throw this street performance even more pissed off, you know in a first they take their homes and now they’re rubbing how much food they’ve managed to stuff in their faces in their face, while they sitting there starving, cold in mismatched shoes waiting for it all to end..

Here are the pics.

And the videos….

Her Performing Single Ladies…

Her Obnoxious Grand Entrance and a Little Crazy in Love

Bonus Some Dude in the Crowd’s Vidoe

Posted in:Beyonce|Fat|Spandex

2008

Nov

Beyonce Was Fat at the AMA’s of the Day

14 Comments »

Being the most relevant site on the internet that nobody reads, I had the pleasure of not being invited to the AMAs. I did watch them at my neighbor’s house on HD and it was as bad as I expected it to be. I mean for as long as I can remember, it’s always been this piece of shit award show, pretty much the lowest quality award show, not that any award show is really quality, but this Dick Clark production always offended me for being an industry jerk off fest, but it never offended me as much as it did last night, because they allowed Beyonce on stage in her leotard in HD.

Sure, they had a strobe light to diffuse the affect of her disgustingness, and sure she was in a bunch of pairs of Spanx, and sure she had some support pantyhose on to act like cheese cloth holding in the cottage cheese, but I still saw a lot more shakin’ than I wanted to and if she had to make an acceptance speech for having the privilege to make ABC the least wholesome and family oriented than it has ever been by doing a dance number she stole from an above 40 year old mom’s aerobic class back in ’89, she probably would have thanked a few too many fried chicken meals, Rihanna for giving her a new hunger and a desperate need to compete even if it is a battle she will not win, she’s still holdin’ on like an old athlete refusing to retire and a delusion that she’s had by constant re-affirmation that she’s hot and obviously the lord and savior Jesus Christ for watching over her, but that’s just a black thang.

Good morning, welcome to my site on the beginning of this glorious American Thanksgiving week.

BONUS – Beyonce Performing in Pictures…Because the Video Wasn’t Fat Enough…

Bonus – Rihanna’s Performance, because she won, no matter how hard Beyonce tried….

Posted in:AMAs|Beyonce|Fat|Rihanna

2008

Nov

Justin Timberlake’s Up On Jay-z’s Girls of the Day

4 Comments »

So I saw this new Rihanna video called Rehab and she’s getting down pretty slutty to some Justin Timberlake motherfucker. I guess they are all jacked up on this Obama shit that they want to make one of their own, but then I saw this video of Justin Timberlake with the vintage Rihanna on SNL wearing a leotard for the boys since he’s into boys like Jessica Biel, and I don’t really get how he was in two places at the same time….I was going to go on some kind of rant, but it’s around 9 in the fucking morning and ranting is the last thing I want to do…..

Posted in:Beyonce|Jay-Z Girls|Justin Timberlake|Rihanna

2008

Nov

Beyonce Is Trying to Be Rihanna of the Day

5 Comments »

Like a mother jealous of her daughter’s youth, or a girlfriend jealous of her boyfriend’s hot young co-worker he hangs out with, Beyonce is going that extra mile to try to look as hot and slutty as possible, knowing that she’s been replaced by Rihanna, but not accepting the fact that she’s been replaced by Rihanna, because once you accept that your time has come and gone, there’s little to look forward to, so it’s important to tap into the competitiveness that makes your relatives pro athletes and marathon runners, and the fire you felt back when your little sister challenged you to a watermelon eating contest and really take ownership on your experience, to try to win the public over, unfortunately, Beyonce’s doing it by wearing a pair of Rihanna’s pants and the whole thing is fucking pathetic. Nice tits though.

Posted in:Beyonce|Leggings|Rihanna

2008

Oct

Beyonce’s Fat Bikini Pictures of the Day

7 Comments »

Beyonce was out in a bikini last week and I know I am slow on posting these pictures, but the last thing I think of when I see Beyonce in a bikini, is that I need to get these fuckers on the site as quickly as fucking possible, because my initial response is to pretend like I’ve never seen them, hoping they go away, until an email comes in suggesting I throw them on the site and I do because that reminder, reminds me, that some where out there, some motherfucker finds her hot. So while Beyonce’s husband/boyfriend/fiance Jay Z is out about town with his gang of sluts like Rihanna, Beyonce is on vacation with men in Tuxedos and the good news is that even she knows her fried chicken eating lined her arteries, ass and thighs, but never ventured to her tits, leading her to cover that shit up with a surong and for that, we thank her, because otherwise, these pictures would be a hell of a lot more devastating than they are.

Posted in:Beyonce|Bikini|Fat

2007

Nov

I am – The American Music Awards Arrivals of the Day

3 Comments »

I didn’t watch the American Music Awards because they are a waste of fucking time, even though every acceptance speech is about how shit changes lives, but unfortunately my life wasn’t one of those lives changed today, because I don’t own a TV, but if I did, I’d be living the fuckin’ dream and I am pretty sure I’d be watching scrambled porn, not because I like porn, but because distorted blue and green sex scenes excite me more than Dick Clark’s bullshit award show.

I tried getting someone in LA to crash red carpet for this event for stepTV, but I have no real pull, I couldn’t get press access and security’s a bitch, not to mention the dude I know in LA doesn’t have a camera and can barely speak english, but it still would have been better coverage than the actually award show, but that’s just like comparing a hot girl to some fat one night stand you once brought home when drunk because she was willing and you are an opportunist who doesn’t turn down a girl when she offers you creampie, unfortunately when you got back to her place, you realized that by creampie bitch actually meant a cream pie and you sat there eating whip cream and watching reruns of Seinfeld, because that’s all that was on at 4 am, until you sobered up and had to peace the fuck out because you realized that her elastic waistband on her sweat pants wasn’t something that could really get you off and for the record stepTV is that fat chick because it’s lower quality but makes for a better fuckin’ story.

I am recovering from binge drinking like a sorority girl during Homecoming week, and I don’t remember all that much of the last two nights, but I do know I laughed a lot so if you’re lucky I’ll bring some of that to you here, it happens sometimes, just not in this post.

Here are the arrival pictures from the AMAs.

Beyonce’s Got Some Insane Cleavage Going On….I Guess Someone’s Been Eating Her Fried Chicken

Alicia Keys Did Some Choreographed Dance Routine I Didn’t Understand

Amanda Bynes Got Some Fucking Legs

Ashley Tisdale is Hot Right Now, Like a Busted Old Pick-Up Truck In Your Front Lawn on a Hot Summer’s Day…

Avril Lavigne Dressed Like an Academy Award, If Academy Awards Had Stupid Hair

Some Carrie Underwood Wearing Curtains

Jennie Garth Dancing With Her Old Face…Which She Thinks is a Star…But Really Isn’t

Rihanna in Some Halloween Costume Shit Still Lookin’ Hot…

Vanessa Hudgens Because We’ve All Seen Her Naked and I Like to Show Love To Bitches Who Get Naked….

Fergie because Her Body is Too Good to be a Man

Nicole Scherzinger Because Her Dress Reminds Me of This Retarded Kids Art Project But Less Attractive….

Kellie Pickler Because We Like to Support Her Fake Tits

Miley Cyrus Because She’s Jailbait and has the Coolest Fuckin’ Father to Ever Grace the Radio With His Fucking Annoying Song….

Related Posts:

Last Year’s America Music Awards Post
Live Bloggin the 2006 VMAs
Live Bloggin’ the Academy Awards
Some Emmy Award Coverage

2007

Oct

I am – Beyonce in a Leotard of the Day

1 Comment »

I have said it before and I will say it again because I think that this message needs to get across to the public more than it already has and that is that I love leotards. They are one of the few pieces of clothing that touch the tits, ass and pussy at the same time and that’s more skills than you have. I know that isn’t saying much but it’s saying something.

I remember when I first got with a girl in the 90s who was wearing a bodysuit and since I never really spent all that much time with ballerinas and gymnasts, I didn’t know what the fuck to do when trying to get into her panties. I was like reaching down her pants and couldn’t find an entry point. Eventually I figured out that shit had snaps in the crotch and I worked my way in, too bad she was asleep, I am sure she would have loved it as much as I did.

That doesn’t change the fact that Beyonce is thick as fuck and should be running on the treadmill a little more than emotionally eating every time her boyfriend goes on tour with the younger/hotter model, but I still think she’s worth wallet fucking because this bitch is rich, even if her time to shine has left us and her future takes more of the shape of a fat Gospel singer. At least she’ll always have God on her side.

Related Posts:

Beyonce’s Tits Leaving a Party
Beyonce Tit Flash on Stage
Beyonce Ass in a Bathing Suit
Beyonce’s See Through Shirt

Posted in:Beyonce|Leotard|Performing|Unsorted

2007

Aug

I am – Beyonce Tit Flash on Stage of the Day

5 Comments »

Here’s a video of Beyonce performing. Her dress somehow flies up and you can see her tit for a split fucking second and the only reason I know this is because someone emailed it to me. I watched the video 5 times and didn’t see the tit but then again my brain works a little slower than a computer programming loser who spent the last 4 hours playing it over and over to get the perfect frame so that he can bust nut to it. I assume that computer programmer was you and that this is old news so that I can move on in about a minute to try to find things to post with a little more substance than this, or at least shit that you can actually make out the nipple in, because if you’re going to post tit slips, you might as well post tit slips people can actually see, not some kind of video that you need to speak binary code to decipher…

Posted in:Beyonce|Concert|flash|Tit|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Beyonce Falling Down Stairs of the Day

1 Comment »

I shouldn’t really laugh at anyone falling down the stairs to music, especially since I’m not black and can’t really dance so well anyways. No matter how hard I try I just end up looking like a stripper, you know? Anyways, this was taken as Beyonce’s concert last night or something and apparently shortly after it happened, she asked during a pause between songs that people not put it on youtube and the net etc.

Really that just goes to show what a bubble this chick is living in, because A) If we wanted we could probabaly find video of her taking a crap before the concert on the net and B) It’s funny as shit, and nobody would be loyal enough to her not to want to share it with the rest of the world.

Not even your biggest fan is going to pass up that kind of oppurtunity honey. Sorry….

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez

Related Posts

I am â€“ Beyonce See Through Shirt of the Day
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I am â€“ Beyonce at the Beach of the Day
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I am â€“ Beyonceâ€™s Bikini of the Day
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Posted in:Beyonce|Unsorted

2007

Jun

I am – Beyonce Bathing Suit Ass of the Day

6 Comments »

I am about as into Beyonce as I am into beastiality. Not because I am a racist but because bitch reminds me of a dog. A very big dog with an angelic bark that wants me to say its name and feels like its a survivor who spends her days being lazy as fuck doing nothing while people like you have to work.

I guess you could argue that she paved her own way, she made her own money, she did her own thing and worked really hard for a few years to get where she is, but I can’t help buy be bitter about things, not because I feel like I deserve her life, but I do feel like some people don’t deserve fame and fortune for such menial things like singing.

My biggest issue with celebrity, and I don’t want to get preachy, because preachy is fucking boring and I don’t really give a fuck about it, but I will say that there are a lot of people out there who help people, who do good things, who make the world work, and who spend their lives slaving away to support their families and to better themselves and have nothing to show for it. They end up dying from the stress, or living broke as shit in a shitty apartment, unable to do much but wait until their time is up. Sure they may have good families, they may be satisfied but when bitches like this rub it in our faces living their life of excess, I just think it’s greed.

There’s so much shit going on out there, there is so much the kind of money this bitch makes in a year could do to help, and even if she goes on some Oprah kick and opens a school or gives a million dollars to charity it would be the equivalent of someone who makes 30,000 dollars a year giving 100 dollars to some poor kid foundation. I guess 100 dollars is a lot when you only make 30,000 a year, but it base cost of living takes priority. When you make 20,000,000 dollars a year, you have enough to pay you base living costs and even if bitch was to clear 1,000,000 dollars a year after all is said and done, she’s still living better than the rest of us.

When I see these pictures, I think greed.

Posted in:Ass|Bathing Suit|Beyonce|Unsorted