Bikini Archives - Page 82 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

20

Aug

I am – Kimberly Stewart Bikini Pictures of the Day

The weekend is always pretty dull for me. I end up going out on Friday and getting carried away with the drinking so that on Saturday I can’t fucking function and end up passing out by midnight on the kitchen floor, and Sunday is always the day I have set to do shit like the dishes or the laundry or whatever around the house but it never fucking happens, I always get distracted or end up at my wife’s shitty tea party with disgusting bitches who can’t get dick, but trust me they are fucking trying and by the time I figure out a way to get the fuck out of that shit, I try to hit up the strippers to get a couple of lap dances to inspire me for the week of work, because new titties always make for new ideas but my wife had no money for me to steal and I was forced to stay in and smell her from the other room. I was considering posting all the new pictures that are came out over the weekend, but since it was the day of rest, I decided to sleep for 14 hours instead.

Here are some Kimmy Stewart pics in some booty short type bottoms riding up her ass….I always write about how this bitch looks like she’s been hit by a fuckin bus because her face is so fucking busted but she’s got a good enough body for me and I’d still watch her shower because I’d pretty much watch anyone shower, but that’s the kind of guy I am, I call it non-discriminating, and I should be an example to all you fucking bigots. Reality is bitch has cellulite an should be rocking a pair of those body contouring shorts that hide that shit, but if you’ve seen my wife, you would realize that a little out of shape skinny girl in boyshorts is a lot better than a morbidly obese fat girl in pretty much anything. So be a little more positive about things, asshole.

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Kimberly Stewart Bikini
Kimberly Stewart’s Sister
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Kimberly Stewart Dresses Like a Fag at Coachella
Kimberly Stewart’s SKirt Fights the Wind

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Kimberly Stewart|Unsorted

2007

17

Aug

I am – Mena Suvari Bikini Pics of the Day

3 Comments »

The first time I was into girls with a shaved head was when I was about 14 and I met this girl with Alopecia. The thought of her never having any body hair just really got me going on and trying on all her wigs made for a good time.

The second time I was into girls with no hair was when I was about 16 and a girl I was friends with got cancer and thought she was going to die. As part of the process of not wanting to die a virgin, he weak frail, chemotherapy-ridden body came to me for help. Not because I was someone people wanted to fuck but because I was someone who would fuck someone with cancer. I am sure the whole experience was humiliating and we ended up getting caught by the staff at the hospital and it lead to me being admitted to some psych ward for a while, but I’ve blocked it out of my memory. She lived and I like to think it was my gift of life that helped her through it, or that my dick cured cancer but it was probably her need to get past the cancer, grow some motherfucking hair back and find a real guy who could please her, but I guess my poor performance played a part in curing cancer and that is good enough for me!!!

The third time I was into girls with no hair was a long time after the cancer sex, was many years later, well after I blocked out the whole chemo experience and it was while working at the porn company and seeing some slut with a shaved head get a load dumped all over her bald head, and I knew it was something I needed to do, so I spent months looking for someone to fill the part, I even offered whores some money to shave their heads for my needs, but they weren’t to into the 50 dollars I managed to save up from collecting cans and would only do it for 1000 which was out of my budget for cumming on a sluts head.

I was tempted to go back to the cancer ward, I was tempted to shave girls heads in their sleep like my weird friend whose mother used to make him brush her hair every night, but eventually I just got over the whole thing…..

Here are some pictures of Mena Suvari, in a bikini, with her shaved head that I would cum all over if I wasn’t impotent, not because she’s hot, but just based on principle. I guess the real interesting thing in all this is that when Britney shaves her head she’s having some kind of meltdown and when this bitch does it no one cares….I guess that probably doesn’t help Mena Suvari’s cry for help so much does it. She was probably sitting at home, realizing that her career was garbage and was looking for a way to sort it out, saw Britney on the news and was like “I know I’ll shave my head”, only no one even noticed…..Shed a tear for this girl, then rub one out….it’s what she wants you to do.

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Mena Suvari Bikini Pictures
Mena Suvari Showing Her Ass Off
Mena Suvari Topless Beach
Mena Suvari Got Gas and an Ass

2007

15

Aug

I am – Ashley Scott Bikini Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

I don’t know who Ashley Scott is, which is surprising since I’ve been doing this site for so long. I can only assume that hard drinking for so many years has made me lose anything that resembles a memory and that I am just a high-functioning retard at this point. I don’t need to be in a home but I do catch myself sitting in the park hitting 2 rocks together for hours on end while rockin’ back and forth. I like to think it’s part of my charm.

The reality is that I am too ugly for a girl like Ashley Scott to ever considering getting naked for, so I rely on these pictures of her to make me believe that my life isn’t destined to some fat middle-aged whore who made my stop working, taking every bit of masculinity I ever had away from me leaving me nothing more than a fat dude with tits. I was trying to talk dirty to this slut on IM in hopes of bringing some level of my spunk back and she was into cybersex. She wanted me to virtually rape her but I couldn’t pull through. I knew that even in fantasy a rape scene headed by me would end up with my limp dick trying it’s hardest to make it’s way into the promised land, leaving her bored of the role-playing, and leaving me on the corner of the bed limp dick in hand, head bowed in shame and embarrassment possibly with tears of frustration dripping down my face.

I guess that doesn’t really matter to you, I was just saying you should take this pictures to a private part of your mother’s house, like the bathroom, lock the door and rape yourself, because let’s face it, she’s a hell of a lot better than anything you’ll ever land.

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Ashley Scott’s Panties of the Day
Uma Thurman Bikini Pictures
Celine Dion Bikini Pictures
Serena Williams Bikini Pictures
Britney Spears Bikini Ass

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anna Faris in her Underwear of the Day

1 Comment »

Well It’s nice to see that in my weeks absence not much has changed around here. My stepfather Jesus is still a fat asshole and you are still a sexless virgin beating off to pictures on the internet and hoping Mommy doesn’t come in and bust you. Did you miss me? I missed you… The last week or so has been pretty exciting for me, and by exciting I mean drunk and blurry. I don’t remember much to be honest, and the part that I do I wish I could forget.

I went to the bar at The W last weekend, which is a change for me because the bars I usually frequent are pretty seedy with dirty bathrooms that junkies from the street use to shoot up in. I’m not really used to being surrounded by business men in $200 shirts and italian shoes and having to pay for $9 drinks, but when I realized that by simply talking to then men in the $200 shirts and and italian shoes, that would then pay for my drinks things got a little more interesting. I’m no whore, but I am a pretty fucking poor and I’m not the type of poor person that is to proud to take hand outs, in fact I’m quite the opposite.

I ended up meeting this one guy who was actually pretty hot and claimed he was some sort of music executive from Atlanta, which I don’t really believe because I told him I was 25 and worked for an advertising agency, so I’ll just assume he was lying too. The vodka was flowing like water out of the tap and soon enough I was drunk, and his hands were far enough up my dress that it was time we went up to his $500 a night room

I’d like to tell you he had a massive a cock, fucked the shit out of me and gave me multiple orgasms but he didn’t and I didn’t, so I won’t. Instead he had a soft pencil dick that barely got hard, he busted a nut in 30 seconds and when he pulled out, the condom stayed inside like it was scared to come out (I would have been too) I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was fast asleep like a 15 year old which just came for the first time.

I stole 50 from his wallet and all the travel size soap and shampoo as well, put everything from the minibar in my purse and broke the fuck out.

Here’s Anna Faris wearing a pink bra and undies set similar to the ones I was wearing the other night, except her’s don’t have the smell and residue of a bad nights sex on them.

Well actually, they probably do.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

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Katherine McPhee’s Panties of the Day
Carmen Electra in Her Panties of the Day
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Posted in:Anna Faris|Ass|Bikini|Underwear|Unsorted

2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn’t Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

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Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
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2007

15

Aug

I am – Anne Hathaway is Trying to Prove that she Isn't Boring of the Day

1 Comment »

Yesterday I came across the pictures of Anne Hathaway and her lame boyfriend on some lame romantic getaway on some yacht that I would love to have a topless yacht party on and bitch was wearing a fucking bed sheet. Being a pervert, I couldn’t grasp what slut was doing wearing a bed sheet when spending all this money on having a good fucking time with her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to stay covered up and frigid, she could just have stayed home alone with her cats, a good book and maybe even a couple pints of ice cream and some romantic comedies. But it turns out that I was wrong, which is usually the case or at least based on pretty much every experience of my life, it’s been the case and bitch is here showing us all how sexy and wild she can get.

Speaking of being wrong, I remember hanging out with the guys at the park a while ago and one of them was telling us all a story about how his friend used to jerk off with his other friend when they were in college. He said that they made a nightly event of it like playing a fucking Magic card tournament or whatever the fuck dudes who jerk off together in college do. They would throw on a porn and go at it to see who came the fastest, hardest and the most. I was pretty surprised by the story and thought it was as closet case faggot as you can get, but one of the other dudes who was with me said it wasn’t a big deal and that when he was in high school his dentist used to jerk him off and that he wasn’t gay. I don’t really know where I am going with this, but it turned out the dudes I thought were gay turned out that they weren’t and that was an example of being wrong.

I guess Anne Hathaway reminded me of this story because I think you’re probably jerking off with your buddy right now and here are the pictures of her licking dudes nipple, the picture of her lookin like she’s giving him a blowjob and pictures of her drinking, jet skiing and slutting it out. She may be doing it for the camera but who really gives a fuck because she’s in a bikini and I am pretty easy going when it comes to bitches in bikinis and I try not to look that far past trying to make out her vagina definition that the bikini’s making. I was under the impression that bitch had way bigger tits, but maybe it’s just the fact that she’s wearing her grandmother’s bikini from the 50s that’s keeping her junk in lockdown.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway Boring Romantic Getaway
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

2007

13

Aug

I am – Carmen Electra Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know how she does it, but she’s been tight bodied and worth fucking for pretty much all my life it seems. I think she hit in the mid-90s and has consistently brought her tits out with her since then and she’s still worth fucking and that’s some kind of miracle. Most of the hot chicks I knew in the 90s got married, let themselves go and are fat and boring with kids now. It’s like Carmen Electra has defied all the odds she had up against her and should be acknowledged for that shit because based on these pictures, she’s still got it going on and hardly looks 40 or however old she is. I guess all you ex-hot chicks who read this site and let themselves go after their first kid are trying to justify it by saying her tits are her job or the only way she makes her money or whatever and if she was at home taking care of her household she wouldn’t be as good as she is, but I think that’s just your jealousy speaking because I am convinced she is hotter than most 20 year old college coeds who let the football team gangbang them and that’s saying a lot.

I was bored last night because being back home means listening to my wife talk, so I locked myself in the bathroom with my computer and filled out the personality test on one of those online dating sites. I was going through the questions as honestly as possible and I was doing it partially out of curiosity and partially out of planning for my future after the wife has her massive heart attack for being too fat to put on her own shoes….Either way after answering all the questions, I looked for personality matches on their network of millions and I got no matches. Not one bitch on this site is even a partial match to me. I guess the site was either telling me to give up trying and that I will die alone or that I have a flawed personality, I guess the good news is that these pictures of Carmen Electra can’t say no to my flawed personality. Cuddles.

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2007

13

Aug

I am – Elisha Cuthbert's Bikini Hides Behind the Camera Where She Belongs of the Day

No Comments »

I knew a guy who used to bang Elisha Cuthbert before she was really famous. I am not trying to imply that she is good at what she does or that having what was pretty much a cameo appearance on 24 and 2 shitty movies no one saw under her belt makes her famous, but she is more famous than me.

Anyway, this dude knew her in her transition from a shitty Canadian kids show and her move to LA and I think they may have been still together when she was working her first job before she really made it. It was when she was insecure and had low self esteem. He told me that she used to suck his dick whenever he wanted, she would drag her teeth a little but always took his load on her face. She was constantly calling him and trying to see him, she was totally obsessed with him and he wore the pants and was the boss. When he didn’t want to see her, he wouldn’t answer, when he did want to see her, she’d drop everything she was doing to spend time with him, he pretty much owned her.

The second bitch moved to LA the tables turned. She got flooded with confidence. She was in her head better than all the kids she went to high school with. She was going to make it and leave her past behind. When she’d come visit, she’s be sure to drive by their houses in her luxury cars, wearing her designer clothes and obnoxiously wave but never give them the time of day, because she was over them….

Anyway, he’d call her and she wouldn’t answer. He went down to stay with her in the first month and she would come in late while he was there on her couch waiting, he became the bitch and when he went back to Canada, she never spoke to him again.

Who knows if the dude is telling the truth or not, I do know that I think Elisha Cuthbert is a waste of space, here she is at Paris Hilton’s party in Malibu wearing some stupid pants to cover her fat thighs and cellulite because it’s hard to get a job being the token hot chick when the world knows you’ve been eating too many donuts. Cunt.

Either way, I think bitch should start getting used to being behind the camera because at the rate things are going, it may end up being the only place she’ll be allowed on set….

Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert Leaves Tanning Salon Lookin’ Pale as Bird Shit
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Posted in:Bikini|Elisha Cuthbert|See Through Pants|Tits|Unsorted

2007

13

Aug

I am – Elisha Cuthbert’s Bikini Hides Behind the Camera Where She Belongs of the Day

10 Comments »

I knew a guy who used to bang Elisha Cuthbert before she was really famous. I am not trying to imply that she is good at what she does or that having what was pretty much a cameo appearance on 24 and 2 shitty movies no one saw under her belt makes her famous, but she is more famous than me.

Anyway, this dude knew her in her transition from a shitty Canadian kids show and her move to LA and I think they may have been still together when she was working her first job before she really made it. It was when she was insecure and had low self esteem. He told me that she used to suck his dick whenever he wanted, she would drag her teeth a little but always took his load on her face. She was constantly calling him and trying to see him, she was totally obsessed with him and he wore the pants and was the boss. When he didn’t want to see her, he wouldn’t answer, when he did want to see her, she’d drop everything she was doing to spend time with him, he pretty much owned her.

The second bitch moved to LA the tables turned. She got flooded with confidence. She was in her head better than all the kids she went to high school with. She was going to make it and leave her past behind. When she’d come visit, she’s be sure to drive by their houses in her luxury cars, wearing her designer clothes and obnoxiously wave but never give them the time of day, because she was over them….

Anyway, he’d call her and she wouldn’t answer. He went down to stay with her in the first month and she would come in late while he was there on her couch waiting, he became the bitch and when he went back to Canada, she never spoke to him again.

Who knows if the dude is telling the truth or not, I do know that I think Elisha Cuthbert is a waste of space, here she is at Paris Hilton’s party in Malibu wearing some stupid pants to cover her fat thighs and cellulite because it’s hard to get a job being the token hot chick when the world knows you’ve been eating too many donuts. Cunt.

Either way, I think bitch should start getting used to being behind the camera because at the rate things are going, it may end up being the only place she’ll be allowed on set….

Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert Leaves Tanning Salon Lookin’ Pale as Bird Shit
Elisha Cuthbert’s Cigarette is Luckier Than You
Elisha Cuthbert is Fat

Posted in:Bikini|Elisha Cuthbert|See Through Pants|Tits|Unsorted

2007

10

Aug

I am – Tara Reid as a Bikini Gypsy of the Day

5 Comments »

My community college friend “Shanna” flaked out on me and our friend “StripTease,” who i call StripTease because she will flash you her rack within five minutes of meeting her. Basically Shana’s phone went directly to voice mail which means she was too drunk to charge her cell, dropped it down a toilet, and was choking on her own vomit somewhere. She is in deep shit either way.

StripTease and I gave up and got stoned in her Brooklyn apartment that is directly above a funeral parlor. I swore off weed 3 years ago, but i wanted to be somewhere else without having to drink my way there, and I’ll take what’s given to me. StripTease bought a Chanel purse for 20 bucks off a cokehead who was selling her shit for more coke. StripTease was excited about her new boyfriend’s big dick, but pretty pissed about having to bail her little sister out of jail for shoplifting lip-gloss from a pharmacy. I told her that if her sister wants to rebel properly, she should just start giving $10 blow-jobs off the West Side highway, and the rest will work itself out.

So this is a pretty boring post because i got fucked up instead of fucked last night. But on the train back into the city, a button-nosed little banker passed out and his head landed in my lap. I let the little fucker nuzzle up in my groin because that was about as much play as I had coming. I considered taking his laptop with me at my stop, but I prefer stealing from fat tourists.

Here is Tara Reid being a tourist in Italy, and rolling with a crew of gypsies. I would like to have been a gypsy back in their hey-day like 300 years ago. Riding around in a caravan from place to place, stealing shit, camping out, and drinking. In a way that’s what I did as a hooker, except I road on cocks instead of in Caravans. Have fun busting one to Tara Reid looking more like a Gypsy whore than a botched lypo experiment.

obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hookler, friend of Jesus)

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Posted in:Bikini|Swimming|Tara Reid|Trash|Unsorted

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