Bikini Archives - Page 90 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

21

May

I am – Britney Parties in a Bikini of the Day

Britney performed in Florida and I read somewhere that her CD she was lip syncing to skipped and she turned her back to the crowd and re-cooped. It’s not all that much of a surprise, her entire career has been built on lip syncing and people aren’t watching her perform to listen to her amazing songs, they are listening because she was a young tight thing who moved better than most strippers because she had a choreographer and budget. It was like a big scale stage show without the nipples/vagina shots/lap dances/ signed posters/ etc.

Here are some pics of Britney wearing a bikini at a club, partying after her show in Florida.

I could probably write more and actually try to change your life, but I am uninspired….

2007

21

May

I am – Michelle Marsh in a Bikini for Miss Britain of the Day

4 Comments »

I have no idea who all these UK chick are, but I do know that they are sluttier than American girls and I am not too sure why. My whole life I was told that girls in the UK are fucking busted like an old pick up truck that I couldn’t afford if I tired because I am a hurtbag, but it seems like I am wrong.

I am wasted right now and I fucking hate when people say shit like “I am so fucked up” or “I am so drunk” or whatever people say when they party too hard. I know that no one really gives a fuck about how much I drank or what I did but the alcohol is fucking up my ability to say anything worth reading. My shirt is wet because some Cha Chi spilled his corona on me….and that is going to smell soon because I don’t wash my clothes…

I guess what it comes down to, is that even when I am sober, my stories really aren’t all that interesting, but at least I am capable of channeling that shit onto the website for the 3 of you who actually read what I write.

As I do some serious soul searching, I will just throw these up for you to think about how badly you fucked up in life, because we both know you aren’t going to bed everynight with girls that look like this. That’s all I have to say about that. I feel like I am Forrest fucking Gump. Just a little fatter because I have no interest in running around the country but I will say that my cigar is fucking sexy and my best friend right now. LOVE…

Posted in:Bikini|Michelle Marsh|Miss Britain|Unsorted

2007

21

May

I am – Pam Anderson In a Bikini of the Day

45 Comments »

I don’t know when these are from, but someone emailed them to me and since I am too lazy to look shit up I am pretty much forced to post them. She looks better than usual and that’s not really saying much, because bitch is so haggard, these could be pictures of her taking a shit and they’d look better than most of the recent shit I’ve sen of her.

For the record, I don’t think girls taking a shit is that big of a deal. I remember when I was a punk teenager and would pretend that girls didn’t shit and I always had a good time hanging out with girls who would have debates with me trying to prove that they have never taken a shit and I used to fall for it and believe them. Next thing you know my face is all jammed in their asses in hopes of giving it to them. Unfortunately, I met a lot of girls who thought being one of the guys was cool and they’d talk about shit and they’d fart and they ruined the fantasy. Since then, I have come to terms with it and realize that women are people too…

That said, I tried to pull the same mind games on Pam Anderson. You know trying to convince myself that she isn’t getting older, that she didn’t have 10 kids, that she wasn’t made of plastic and that she came out of her mother’s box lookin’ like the slut we’ve all jerked off to, but realize that old, diseased and plastic is a lot better than anything I’ve seen recently and that is why I am posting these pics. Cuddles…

More Pics Can be Found Here
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Pamela Anderson|Unsorted

2007

15

May

I am – Lohan is at the Top of the Charts for Maxim's Top 100 Girls of the Day

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I have been stalking Lohan for about 3 years now. I know that it’s been pretty lazy stalking because I just left her a couple of voicemail messages over the course of those 3 years and emailed random people that she had been in contact with, whether it be producers or hairstylists or girls from her hometown and even though I never got anywhere with her, I am convinced we are connected at the soul.

Unfortunately she is connected at the vagina to ever penis in the fucking industry and connected at the nose to as much cocaine as she can snort and connected at the mouth to booze, but I guess that’s not really unfortunate, because I have never been into sober girls, mainly because they were never into me, and because they want families and kids and all that shit girls who like getting fucked up don’t want and that works for me. But she doesn’t spend enough time on the internet to know who I am and that makes me cry on the inside.

Either way, I have been getting so many emails telling me how much Lohan sucks and how she’s washed up and disgusting because she has herpes and looks like someone smeared shit on her. They tell me how no one’s into her anymore, and how her time in the spotlight is over and that she is just a childstar trying to hang onto the fame as hard as she can. They started throwing Hayden Pannettiere pics my way saying she’s the next big thing and I just stuck it out with Lohan because I am hooked.

So I am happy to say she’s the number 1 girl according to Maxim and Maxim knows girls more than I do because they never pose in photoshoots for me, they usually just give me dirty looks, and being number 1 in Maxim is like winning an Academy Award for a girl, so let’s hope she does it in style, by sucking as much dick as she can, doing as much blow as she can and being as drunk as she can because that’s the kind of Lohan I want to K-Fed.

To see Lohan’s Winning Moment:
GO

To see the rest of the list:
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Maxim|Tits|Unsorted

2007

15

May

I am – Lohan is at the Top of the Charts for Maxim’s Top 100 Girls of the Day

59 Comments »

I have been stalking Lohan for about 3 years now. I know that it’s been pretty lazy stalking because I just left her a couple of voicemail messages over the course of those 3 years and emailed random people that she had been in contact with, whether it be producers or hairstylists or girls from her hometown and even though I never got anywhere with her, I am convinced we are connected at the soul.

Unfortunately she is connected at the vagina to ever penis in the fucking industry and connected at the nose to as much cocaine as she can snort and connected at the mouth to booze, but I guess that’s not really unfortunate, because I have never been into sober girls, mainly because they were never into me, and because they want families and kids and all that shit girls who like getting fucked up don’t want and that works for me. But she doesn’t spend enough time on the internet to know who I am and that makes me cry on the inside.

Either way, I have been getting so many emails telling me how much Lohan sucks and how she’s washed up and disgusting because she has herpes and looks like someone smeared shit on her. They tell me how no one’s into her anymore, and how her time in the spotlight is over and that she is just a childstar trying to hang onto the fame as hard as she can. They started throwing Hayden Pannettiere pics my way saying she’s the next big thing and I just stuck it out with Lohan because I am hooked.

So I am happy to say she’s the number 1 girl according to Maxim and Maxim knows girls more than I do because they never pose in photoshoots for me, they usually just give me dirty looks, and being number 1 in Maxim is like winning an Academy Award for a girl, so let’s hope she does it in style, by sucking as much dick as she can, doing as much blow as she can and being as drunk as she can because that’s the kind of Lohan I want to K-Fed.

To see Lohan’s Winning Moment:
GO

To see the rest of the list:
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Maxim|Tits|Unsorted

2007

15

May

I am – Nick and Vanessa Minnillo at the Pool of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband who left her and ruined her by driving her into weight gain and alcohol abuse, proving that tits aren’t enough to make a girl worth living with but the potential of making millions of a reality TV show used to market the shit out of you is…either way he’s with his new girl Vanessa Minnillo and bitch is in a bikini and riding him all sexy like and shit and dude looks all uncomfortable, probably because he wishes she was his brother so that they could “wrestle”.

The whole concept of having a sexual history is fucked. You may be married, you may be in a relationship, you may have been laid once, but that doens’t change the fact that everytime you’ve thought about a girl who isn’t the one you are with, the girl you were with was thinking the same fucking thing, you know remember all the guys who fucked her better and had a bigger cock than you, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about the fantasy, trust me, your bitch is totally just setting for you…

If you may have no sexual history, you do have many masturbation experiences you can look back on to get all hot and bothered, like the time you did it in your parent’s bed, or outside in public, or in front of an open window so the neighbors could watch, or at that party in the bathroom while people were knocking, or on the roof of an abandoned building, or in the park in the rain…you know where I am going with this….

I am sure Nick still jerks off thinking about slamming Jessica, you know when he’s bored of that Vanessa box, he digs into his metal archive of every position he got his ex wife into, but he’s probably just doing the whole girl thing to get girl fans who dream about being his next love interest and the reality of the situation is that he really thinks boys is where it’s at…that’s why he shaves his chest as a notice to all the fags out there that he’ll be waiting behind the local gay bar for you….That’s why she’s so excited and he looks annoyed by the whole girl in bikini thing…cuz chicks dig fags.

I know you all think I am a racist, so notice that I didn’t say she looks Aboriginal.

Posted in:Bikini|Sex|Unsorted|Vanessa Minnillo

2007

14

May

I am – Jessica Alba's Ass in a Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

No Comments »

I came across pictures of Alba going to some photoshoot last week, or this weekend, or sometime recently, but I seemed to overlook the pictures of her getting water poured on her and showing of her amazing ass in a bikini bottom.

I had an Alba moment this weekend when I went to meet a friend near the boats because I like looking at boats. It turned out that he know someone who lived around the corner who was out of town and that person had a fully stocked bar and TV. So we broke into the house, cracked open some beer, layed on his couch and watched TV for about 4 hours before the cops were called and we had to jump out the fire escape. Either way, that Alba bikini movie with the cocaine and the divers was on, and I chose her over Terminator….True story.

Since I had a Jessica Alba moment this weekend, I’d figure I’d do a post on these, I am creepy like that, but I don’t have her posters on my walls, because I generally hate celebrities and I am not a virgin who finds hope, happiness and love on my TV, in movies and in magazines…I am more into drinking, whores and bitches who can actually give me rim jobs than obsessing over over-paid whores….That’s just my opinion.

To see the rest of the pics of Alba on the Photoshoot with a Wet T-Shirt On that are Big Enough For You Creeps to Zoom Into Her Birthmarks…
GO

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jessica Alba|Photoshoot|Unsorted

2007

14

May

I am – Jessica Alba’s Ass in a Bikini Photoshoot of the Day

1 Comment »

I came across pictures of Alba going to some photoshoot last week, or this weekend, or sometime recently, but I seemed to overlook the pictures of her getting water poured on her and showing of her amazing ass in a bikini bottom.

I had an Alba moment this weekend when I went to meet a friend near the boats because I like looking at boats. It turned out that he know someone who lived around the corner who was out of town and that person had a fully stocked bar and TV. So we broke into the house, cracked open some beer, layed on his couch and watched TV for about 4 hours before the cops were called and we had to jump out the fire escape. Either way, that Alba bikini movie with the cocaine and the divers was on, and I chose her over Terminator….True story.

Since I had a Jessica Alba moment this weekend, I’d figure I’d do a post on these, I am creepy like that, but I don’t have her posters on my walls, because I generally hate celebrities and I am not a virgin who finds hope, happiness and love on my TV, in movies and in magazines…I am more into drinking, whores and bitches who can actually give me rim jobs than obsessing over over-paid whores….That’s just my opinion.

To see the rest of the pics of Alba on the Photoshoot with a Wet T-Shirt On that are Big Enough For You Creeps to Zoom Into Her Birthmarks…
GO

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jessica Alba|Photoshoot|Unsorted

2007

14

May

I am – Michelle Rodriguez Bikini of the Day

9 Comments »

These pictures are supposed to be from this weekend, but for some reason they look fucking familiar. I went through my archives to try to find them, but couldn’t so I just assume that this Michelle Rodriguez, monkey looking mexican, just isn’t into wearing bikini bottoms. She’s probably got a fat ass, or some weird deformity like testicles that she’s trying to hide, because even though I can’t find the pictures, I know she’s done this before. What’s even weirder is that I have no idea who this bitch is or what movies she’s been in, but I do know what bikinis she wears.

I kinda feel like I did when I was a kid and was into the girl in the apartment complex next door, I knew pretty much everything about her cuz I wanted a piece, not because I followed her around, but because we crossed paths a lot like I’d run into her at her job or at her school or in the neighborhood. At one point, I had run into her often that I couldn’t just go up to her and ask “do you come here often” or “I think I’ve seen you around”, because it would have been awkward and it probably would have made her think I was a creep or a stalker or some shit. I guess what I am trying to get at with this story of lost opportunities and broken dreams is that if you don’t know a bitch’s name, but know what kind of bikini she wears on the regular, you should introduce yourself. So Michelle Rodriguez, my name is Jesus Martinez and I just wrote about you. Cuddles…

Posted in:Bikini|Michelle Rodriguez|Unsorted

2007

14

May

I am – Lohan Bikini Nipple Slip Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

I drank too much beer last night and ended up passing out on the floor again, it happens, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole mother’s day thing because my wife kept crying because her daughters went to some nightclub where their thug boyfriends sell drugs on sunday. It’s the place where all the strippers in the city go to party because sunday is the end of the weekend and their purses are filled with money from assholes like us, giving them the opportunity to get wrecked and only have to get naked at the end of the night when they go home with the rich guy who was buying them Grey Goose all night, because strippers are more into wallet fucking because their tits are a business asset to them and not free.

Lohan is a lot like a stripper because she’s shown her cunt, she’s shown her tits, and she’s always in a bikini and makes money from it. I know every fucking site has these up already and every asshole at work is emailing the links to his lame coworkers, but I can’t let those cocksuckers rain on my blogging parade so here they are.

I haven’t decided if Lohan’s really got a slammin body, her ass may be fat but there’s something missing from it, maybe it’s your dick…get it. I have decided that she’s a little fucking whiner with her whole substance abuse bullshit, her life can’t be that bad, bitch is in a new city every fucking week and gets to take time off on the beach to decompress from her hectic life of going to events and fucking models from the UK named Calum Best. If she wants to feel pain she should come sit on my fucking computer for a week writing shit for unappreciative cunts like you, barely making enough money to get a fucking lap dance…yeah that shit leads you into the gutter….so today I hate Lohan for showing off how chill her life is….while I upload pics of the cunt like I fucking care if she’s in a fucking bikini…fuck.

Here’s a link to the Lohan Pictures in the Forum all the celebrity bloggers get their pictures from
GO

Here’s a Link to 119 Pictures HQ and 5 Nip Slip Pictures Download for you Creepy Fucks…
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Nipple Slip|Tits|Unsorted

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