Bikini Archives - Page 92 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2006

21

Feb

Catherine Zeta Bikini

As women grow older, they turn from tight bodied little sluts that we all wanna get with, but
are too hot for the average guy into moms, that have thick bodies, drive mini-vans and jiggle in places they aren’t supposed to. As men grow older we get flabby, we get grey, we get wrinkled, we become dad’s, but there is always some fucked up young slut who’s father ran out on her when she was growing up and is drawn to an old guy to support her and knock her up. There’s a whole theory of men agining gracefully…I think girls are just drawn to old men because they are perverts, and you know what, that works for me, cuz the thought of fucking a 35 year old mom totally turns me off….maybe that’s how I became impotent, it’s self induced or someshit….anyway like my granny always said, maybe when I am 60….until then it’s all fresh tail for me. Oh and by the way, that baby has sucked on her tits and you never will. Just reminding you that you are a loser. G’night.

Posted in:Bikini|Catherine Zeta-Jones|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

04

Feb

Jennifer Love Hewitt Bikini

1 Comment »

There was a desperate seeking of her nipple, that was really just a shadow. It’s been established that everyone is obsessed with her boobs, because they look so big on her small frame. Now we have some bikini candids for you to check out. I am pretty indifferent about this one, because it is saturday, I am hung over and the only channel I have is playing “That 70’s Show”. It’s the episode where Kelso thinks he’s Travolta, and I want to kill myself. I also never really saw the Love Hewitt appeal, she has a big head and the one channel I have also plays ghostwhisperer, which was on last night, and made me want to kill myself. So if you’re feeling all done on your luck, like me, look at Love Hewitt, if she’s a bitch you wanna get with, and hopefully it will bring some joy to your life. My life is about making your life better.

Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Love Hewitt|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

04

Feb

Neve Campbell Bikini Slash Gross Underwear

No Comments »

John Cusack looks like a fuckin’ cowboy, who just rolled into town, spend the night pooning whores, playing poker, and drinkin’ whiskey, hasn’t showered in weeks. The reason I say that is not cuz of his haggard dirty, whore fucking look, it’s the fact that he’s swimming in what looks like 19th century long johns. I am sure they had some 19th century name for long underwear, but I am too lazy to look it up right now, it is 5 am on friday fucker. Anyway, Neve doesn’t look like any whore I’d be paying to get inside if I was from the same western town as Cusack, but I guess there’s a market for everyone. Hell, I am sure some of you cunts would sleep with this bitch. You know what? I am not gonna judge you right now. I guess when your career washes ashore like the waves beneath your feet, buying yourself a nice bathing suit is a non-issue, you fuckin’ slob. I felt that was very poetic.

2006

02

Feb

Mariah Carey Barbados Bikini

1 Comment »

These bitch needs more than just a vacation. She should be spending her money on a personal trainer, some lipo and a little breast lift. I hate being the person who attacks bitche’s body cuz I know that’s all everyone who posts these pics is going to say. I’d like to make it very clear to all my readers, that I have no problem with fat girls, I am married to a fat girl. I don’t want to give you the impression that I am shallow, cuz I am not, I like anything with a vagina. When I used to be a dog breeder, I’d drown all the little boy dogs, cuz they didn’t have little dog vaginas, like Mariah.

Posted in:barbados|Bikini|Body|Mariah Carey|Unsorted

2006

02

Feb

Penelope Cruz Yellow Bikini

3 Comments »

I like when the Paparazzi take pictures of celebrities on the beach, during their vacations. They deserve it, considering an Actor’s life is a fuckin’ vacation. Try working in a factory you motherfuckers, an entire life to just pay the fuckin’ rent, while you sip your cocktails, play on your cell phones and order around some local slave you hired. Point of the story is I like that Penelope’s boyfriend dresses like he’s homeless and is still recognized as one of people’s most beautiful people. If you’re wondering why I know that, my fat wife like to read magazines and recite the whole motherfucker to me when I am cornered, and forced to talk to her. Either way, here are some of the bikini pics all the loser celebrity bloggers will be posting, remember you got it here first. I am watching phone sex infomercials. My life is fucking complete. Fuck you.

2006

01

Feb

Giorgia Palmas in Bikini

7 Comments »

I don’t like Italians only because of their gay little vespa scooters. That shit is so fucking homo that I can taste the cock while walking by the Vespa store near my my house. If you are wondering why I know what cock tastes like, it’s cuz I spent some time in prison. Either way, this bitch is some kinda famous in Italy – I don’t know what she does or how she does it, but I got no problem lookin at her ass while she’s doing it.

Posted in:Bikini|Giorgia Palmas|Italian|Naked|Unsorted

2006

24

Jan

Fergie in a Bikini

10 Comments »

I don’t really understand Fergie at all. She came out of nowhere, destroyed a decent hip hop group, not that I will ever admit to liking hip hop, but I will admit to seeing a group of crackhead “artists” turn into dirty popstars cuz they added a bitch with implants to sing over their songs, wear slutty gear and do a little dance. I have nothing against adding some pussy to any project to make it more successful, cuz I like pussy, but I will never respect people who profit off it cuz they lack the talent to lure in people with their own product. If I ever had a website, I would NEVER post pictures of nipple slips, bikinis and pussy to lure in readers. This has been a post on Fergie in a Bikini and she still has a disgusting face.

2006

19

Jan

Cat Deeley Bikini Pics of the Day

No Comments »

Again, another British celeb in a bikini. This time some girl named Cat Deeley. She was the host of many MTV shows, I didn’t really check out what she’s up to now. She could still be an MTV host. The reason I am posting these pics is primarily because she is a “celebrity” I have never heard of in a bikini, which is something I commited to posting about in my Martine McCutcheon post just 3 minutes ago. I have nothing to say about this one, other than I like the way she serves her man a beer. I am not saying that because I think a women should wait on her man hand and feet, I do say it because I have a wife who can’t even open a can of fucking beans for me because her wrists are too fat to give her can-opening mobility. I’d tell her to take a hint from Cat Deeley, our useless bikini clad celebrity of the day, but my bitch doesn’t know who to read english. That is the end of this story.

Posted in:Bikini|Body|Cat Deeley|Unsorted

2006

19

Jan

Martine McCutcheon Bikini Pics of the Day

4 Comments »

I have a thing for obscure celebrities in bikinis. It seems like a constant issue with this site. I find pics of “celebrities” I have never heard of in their bikinis, and I throw up the pics. I don’t really know why I do it, I assume that no one really reads this site anyway, but I do it. So this lovely lady’s name is Martine McCutcheon. She was in a Hugh Grant movie called Love Actually, and she is supposed to be huge in England. Well according the these pics, she’s also huge in the USA. I hate making fat jokes, cuz I know they are the lowest common denominator, I also know that most of you are fat and/or have fat girlfriends. I know that you will all defend Martine because she has breasts, and you find anything with breasts hot. I am not hear to shit on your parade, so I won’t talk about how fat she is because we all know, if I wasn’t impotent, and was drunk, I’d probably stuff her like a turkey too, and it’s not even thanksgiving yet.

Posted in:Bikini|Body|Martine McCutcheon|Unsorted

2006

12

Jan

Katie Couric's Tankini

No Comments »

She may be the future Peter Jennings, or Dan Rather, or whoever the news anchor who died/retired is. I don’t keep up with the news I like to pretend I make the news, which I don’t cuz I am a hermit and never leave the house. But sometimes I’ll break stuff and tell my bitch of a wife to clean it, if it’s cleaned up within 24 hours and that’s fucking news to me. Usually it just sits there and rots away until I give in. So when she does clean, I call down the girls and tell them that their mom isn’t a worthless obese cunt afterall. Either way, this isn’t about my marriage, it is Katie Couric and how she knows how to have a good time – just look at her in her tankini. asshole.

Thanks Dude Who Emailed these in!!

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