Bikini Archives - Page 81 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

22

Aug

I am – Tara Reid Bikini Pictures of the Day

The pictures on this site get repetitive because the same sluts go out in their bikinis over and over again and since I have no interest in posting shit like sluts at press conferences or sluts on the red carpet unless there’s a nip slip or vagina slips in them, then I am forced to hit back the standard played out Tara Reid in a Bikini action, but at least the site I ripped them off of says their new….and we all know that seeing a bitch in a new bikini is like a whole new fucking experience because we know they can afford to buy more than one….

I remember spending my summer on some beach town working some shitty kitchen of some nasty fucking seafood restaurant and I ended up falling in love, or at least in as much love as I could really be with a pretty unattractive girl that was letting me bang her 3 times a day, but for the sake of argument she was my girlfriend and she was ugly but I told her I loved her because it was the only way to get her to do anal in the morning..or when she was on her rag.

I rode out the relationship, because it was easy, but I couldn’t get over the fact that she always wore the same fucking suit, day after day, and when I got a little fucking grossed out by her never washing her same bathing suit, that she wore 7 days a week for about a month, she claimed that swimming in the Ocean was better sterilization than a fucking washing machine…

Now we weren’t actually at the ocean, but I knew she was kinda slow, she claimed it was a learning disability, but I think it was because her parents were first cousins, because we were at some shitty polluted lake and her fucking suit smelled like dead fish, sewage and gasoline. By week 6 of this, I was starting to lose my fucking mind, it was all I could smell even when she wasn’t around, so I woke up while she was still sleeping, grabbed the bathing suit of death, looked at it before throwing it into the sink with some detergent because at this point the whole place fucking stank of this shit, and noticed that there was a massive battery stain and hole in her crotch and that the dirty bathing suit wasn’t what was causing the smell, the lake wasn’t what was causing the smell, the girl I had been banging was only I had been too drunk to realize it for the first month and a half because I never went down on her….I suddenly realized why people were constantly giving me dirty looks whenever I was with her, and Tara Reid reminds me of that dirty whore and not because she hangs with fat dudes but because she looks like if she wasn’t so rich, she’d probably have a stinky box…so here are her bikini pics…

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Tara Reid Bikini Gypsy
Tara Reid Old Man Ass in a Bikini
Tara Reid Bikini Pictures of the Day

2007

21

Aug

I am – Daveigh Chase Bikini Pics of the Day

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This girl is some child star who was in nothing you’d ever care to see and has credits like the movie AI: Artificial Intelligence, but her scenes were deleted. She’s also the voice of Lilo from Lilo and Stitch, which may be something you’re more familiar with since you use it as a back-up pick-up line when the little girls in the park refuse to go to your van to pet your puppy…Either way, she’s in a bikini with some asshole with stupid hair.

I went to the park today for the first time since getting back, I hadn’t really missed it all that much, because being around freakshow losers is only fun when I am in the mood to laugh at people and not on sensitive days like today where I kinda feel sorry for people. Anyway, nothing changed over the last month except for this one dude Billy who is pretty much a waste of space, addicted to drugs and on welfare. Anyway, everytime I see Billy he looks like he’s aged 5 years and at this rate dude is going to look 90 by the end of next year….and he has inspired me to go out and get a job…

Before I do that, I borrowed my friend’s Stick It DVD and it isn’t what dreams are made of like I thought it would be….but I will watch it over and over again until I get my act together and get a job, which may be sometime next year….

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Caroline D’Amore Bikini Pics
Michelle Rodriguez Bikini
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Posted in:Bikini|Daveigh Chase|Tits|Unsorted

2007

21

Aug

I am – Caroline D'Amore Bikini Cameltoe of the Day

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This is another one of Paris Hilton’s guests at her weekend beach party. Her name is Caroline D’Amore, her parents own a pizza restaurant and she is 23 years old. I did my research on her because she looks like she’s fucking 12 and even if that shit turns you on, I don’t want to go to jail for being a child pornographer because I hear they cut you in prison for that shit, and I don’t find that shit too sexy, I am more on the parents against pedophiles side of the argument you boylover.

Reality is that I always loved those teen models who were in their 20s but pretended they were teens to get people like you off. It reminded me of Peter Pan and this girl I used to bang who was 10 years older than me but looked 10 years younger than me. I guess she was the runt of the litter or someshit, and when she was in highschool and looked 7 no one wanted a piece, but when she was 27 and looked 17 the tables fucking turned proper. That’s the problem with over-developed teen girls, they all end up getting fat when the skinny awkward ones fill out the way they’re supposed to.

Either way, I used to look at their sites because I had nothing better to do and the alternative was looking at haggard sluts with their uterus’ hanging out of their cunts so innocent and fresh was more of a fantasy than old and washed up because you always want what you don’t have.

I guess what I am getting at is that when they are 23, they are fair game and when they have their boyfriend’s name tattooed next to their cunt, they are stupid enough to end up with a guy like you, so keep the faith motherfucker…

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Mena Suvari Bikini Pictures

2007

21

Aug

I am – Caroline D’Amore Bikini Cameltoe of the Day

3 Comments »

This is another one of Paris Hilton’s guests at her weekend beach party. Her name is Caroline D’Amore, her parents own a pizza restaurant and she is 23 years old. I did my research on her because she looks like she’s fucking 12 and even if that shit turns you on, I don’t want to go to jail for being a child pornographer because I hear they cut you in prison for that shit, and I don’t find that shit too sexy, I am more on the parents against pedophiles side of the argument you boylover.

Reality is that I always loved those teen models who were in their 20s but pretended they were teens to get people like you off. It reminded me of Peter Pan and this girl I used to bang who was 10 years older than me but looked 10 years younger than me. I guess she was the runt of the litter or someshit, and when she was in highschool and looked 7 no one wanted a piece, but when she was 27 and looked 17 the tables fucking turned proper. That’s the problem with over-developed teen girls, they all end up getting fat when the skinny awkward ones fill out the way they’re supposed to.

Either way, I used to look at their sites because I had nothing better to do and the alternative was looking at haggard sluts with their uterus’ hanging out of their cunts so innocent and fresh was more of a fantasy than old and washed up because you always want what you don’t have.

I guess what I am getting at is that when they are 23, they are fair game and when they have their boyfriend’s name tattooed next to their cunt, they are stupid enough to end up with a guy like you, so keep the faith motherfucker…

Related Posts:

Mena Suvari Bikini Pictures

2007

21

Aug

I am – Mena Suvari Joggin' in a Sports Bra of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Mena Suvari and her lesbian haircut jogging in some kind of sportsbra showing off her little tits and a pair of tight pants showing off her ass, but you don’t need me to tell you that, you have eyes and can see the pictures yourself so fuck off.

The most interesting thing about these pictures are her gangster stance, with her one legged rolled up but I don’t even know if people dress like that anymore becuase I haven’t been to the suburbs in a long time. The suburbs give me anxiety, the only thing to find there are some twilight-zone style houses that all look the fucking same, happy on the outside families that have their dirty little secrets of the wife fucking the tennis coach or the husband fucking the neighbors wife or the babysitter in attempts to add some kind of excitement to their boring lives, and a bunch of punk kids dressed like 50 cent, mugging old ladies to be gangster and tagging up the schoolyard like they lived in some big city and were hip hop…these are the motherfuckers who get girls teenage pregnant, they do acid to kill the boredom and as interesting as that sounds, I don’t step foot in the place….so saying Mena Suvari is a lesbian gangsta may not be accurate but to say she’s got a lesbian haircut and is built like a fucking tank isn’t….

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Mena Suvari Showing Her Ass Off
Mena Suvari in a Bikini
Mena Suvari in a Bikini Again
Mena Suvari in a Bikini Top

2007

21

Aug

I am – Mena Suvari Joggin’ in a Sports Bra of the Day

9 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Mena Suvari and her lesbian haircut jogging in some kind of sportsbra showing off her little tits and a pair of tight pants showing off her ass, but you don’t need me to tell you that, you have eyes and can see the pictures yourself so fuck off.

The most interesting thing about these pictures are her gangster stance, with her one legged rolled up but I don’t even know if people dress like that anymore becuase I haven’t been to the suburbs in a long time. The suburbs give me anxiety, the only thing to find there are some twilight-zone style houses that all look the fucking same, happy on the outside families that have their dirty little secrets of the wife fucking the tennis coach or the husband fucking the neighbors wife or the babysitter in attempts to add some kind of excitement to their boring lives, and a bunch of punk kids dressed like 50 cent, mugging old ladies to be gangster and tagging up the schoolyard like they lived in some big city and were hip hop…these are the motherfuckers who get girls teenage pregnant, they do acid to kill the boredom and as interesting as that sounds, I don’t step foot in the place….so saying Mena Suvari is a lesbian gangsta may not be accurate but to say she’s got a lesbian haircut and is built like a fucking tank isn’t….

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Mena Suvari Showing Her Ass Off
Mena Suvari in a Bikini
Mena Suvari in a Bikini Again
Mena Suvari in a Bikini Top

2007

21

Aug

I am – Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

I was told yesterday that I write too much. I don’t think I do. I just tell stories when they come to me and I don’t tell stories when they don’t come to me. If you don’t want to read the post then you don’t have, no one really does but emailing me telling me to write a shitty paragraph on the person I am posting about, when I don’t give a fuck about the person I am posting about in the first place is not really my thing, but I decided to try out a couple of one paragraph potential posts for these Jennifer Aniston in a bikini top paddle surfing like the useless cunt that she is….as an exercise in making your experience on this site that much better, if that is even possible…and this is me accommodating….

One Paragraph Post #1

Jennifer Who?Niston….I haven’t heard this name since her famous heartthrob husband left her for a hollywood bad girl. Well here she is trying to reclaim some of her fame and to remind some of her fans from the Friends-era that she’s still got tits by getting into her bikini. And we’re not complaining. I can only assume that her fit older-lady body stops at her ass and isn’t 100 percent where it should be because otherwise she wouldn’t have ruined this experience with those stupid shorts….

One Paragraph Post #2

Jennifer Aniston was out in Hawaii with her only friends, Courtney Cox and David Arquette and she decided to try out the gayest fucking sport since DJ AM called paddle surfing. Shit’s like wheelchair basketball or blind person dodgeball or some other modified sports for people with disabilities, only the disability that people who paddlesurf have is thinking that they are Huckleberry Finn. I guess all that doesn’t matter because Aniston is rocking a bikini top and we know we love bikini tops, and a girl could pretty much do anything in a bikini top and we’ll still look because we are fucking virgins who have never seen a girl in a bikini in real life….well except for maybe that one time in summer camp, but you were 12.

Anyway you dice it, I still wrote more than I would have in writing one of my stories, only now I feel more like a virgin than when I was 13 and this 20 year old retarded girl tried to get me to fuck her and I didn’t know what to do so I just shoved it in between her fat thighs until I dry came and ran away scared that she was going to eat me or something because she totally looked like a monster…..Jennifer Aniston reminds me of that girl with her big ol’ head…..and this post was a fucking failure…

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Posted in:Bikini|Jennifer Aniston|Paddlesurf|Tits|Unsorted

2007

20

Aug

I am – Mena Suvari Bikini Top of the Day

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Here are some more pictures of Mena Suvari in a bikini top because she likes to spend time on the beach and I like to post pictures of girls on the beach, because that is what my life has come to….

I am not going to say bitch is a dyke now that she’s shaved off all her head and bleached it blond, because I don’t think a shaved head makes a girl a lesbian, it just makes her look like one and that’s not enough proof for me to make fun of that.

I will say that I do have a thing for lesbians, not the lipstick kind who are basically hot girls that become even hotter because they don’t let dudes up in them and because they hate men so much they won’t even acknowledge our presence. I am into the full fledge hormonally masculine lesbians that sit around in their cargo pants and combat boots waiting to go shop for organic vegetables or to beat the fuck out of any man they see objectify a woman by ripping off their dicks and feeding it to them. The reason I like those kind of lesbians is because they hate guys like me and I guess you always like what you can’t have, like a lesbian friend to teach you how to bench press properly or how to tie that flannel shirt around your overalls so that you look mean….

The only real lesbian contact I ever had was in the 90s when every girl I dated got fed up with me after about a month and since I poorly represented men, then all turned dyke. For a while I was convinced that it was a curse I had. That I was such a bad fuck that they were turned off of men for life, so I just ran with that and used it as a pick-up line. I’d tell girls in bars that I had the power of turning them dyke and they found it so funny that they ended up taking me up on it to see if I really was as bad as I said I was….I never disappoint so I added more women to the lesbian population than all the dads who molested their daughters growing up and for that I’d like some kind of recognition on International Lesbian day….

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2007

20

Aug

I am – Michelle Rodriguez Bikini of the Day

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I have a thing for White Bikinis because they usually go sheer when a girl gets wet and girls generally don’t realize when their white bikinis go sheer so that makes for a great opportunity to scope out her goods without her even noticing….

I don’t have a thing for women in men’s underwear. I once know a guy who used to love that shit before it became a popular, everyday thing. He would go to K-Mart and buy up as many pairs of action figure little kid underwear he could find for whoever he was banging at the time. I don’t know what it was that got him off, was it because he liked little boys or was it just because he liked girls dressed like little boys, and the reality of the situation was that no matter how you looked at it, it was pretty fucking creepy but then all of a sudden companies started releasing boy shorts made the exact same way as the briefs he used to love, so maybe I am the weird one…..

The other funny story about that guy was that when that girl dumped him he was so devastated that he went to a gay bar and let gay dudes buy him drinks because he was so caught up in her that when she broke his heart he wanted to go gay, but never did because it didn’t turn him on….even though I saw him years later at a club high on E getting rubbed down by an Asian dude…I guess that was the drugs talking and not his underlying homosexuality..but I have never let a man rub me down when high, I have however caught myself holding hands with guys when i am drunk for a longer amount of time than normally accepted socially, but I didn’t do that cuz I was into the dude, I did it because I was so drunk I appreciated the support so that I didn’t end up flat on my face….

Either way, no matter how you dice it, whether girl’s got a pussy or not, being into these Michelle Rodriguez pics is almost as gay as letting a man rub you down at a club while you’re high on E, even if it looks like she may have tits and her dick is nicely tucked away….

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Posted in:Bikini|Michelle Rodriguez|Nipples|Underwear|Unsorted

2007

20

Aug

I am – Caleigh Peters in a Bikini of the Day

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So this bitch I’ve never heard of named Caleigh Peters was at Paris’ Malibu Beach party in a bikini. It turns out that her dad is some kind of K-Fed type who was the hairdresser to Barbara Streisand, started banging her ugly fucking face because no one else would and he saw the opportunity and that lead to him becoming executive producer of movies like Flashdance, Caddyshack, Rain Man, Batman, Ali, Superman returns and the list goes on and on….making him pretty fucking rich for some glorified man whore….

His daughter, the cunt you see in a bikini, is 19 and sings soundtrack songs in Disney movies and in her spare time, she lets assholes like Kimberly Stewart’s brother throw her around in the ocean outside of Paris Hilton’s Malibu Beach House where she seems to be having parties on a regular basis and invites people who are even less significant in the world than she is, which is saying a lot in how unimportant these people actually are.

I was walking down the street today and saw a set of twins shopping. They were probably identical twins, but one of them was significantly better looking than the other. Her tits were more perky, her face was less haggard, her body was more tones, her hair was healthier, it was like despite having the same genes, one was always having a good day and the other was always having a bad day look wise, where as normal people have good and bad days, this one twin pawned her bad days onto her sister. I got to thinking that being the ugly twin would be worse than being the ugly girl in the class, because in school there are always other ugly girls, but at home there is just you, and constantly being compared to a sister is probably hard enough as is, but constantly being compared to a sister who is pretty much you but hotter, is way more fucked up.

I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am convinced that my twin observation is probably just as dull as these pictures of some slut you’ve never heard of…..who looks like her mother may have been a monkey…and who hangs with 2 older assholes that are just trying to figure out a way to get her back to their family funded home to gangbang these whores…and show them what being F-List is all about…